The Blessing
by highlanderprincess
Summary: After his brother dies in a car accident, Edward returns to his hometown to raise the little boy that was left behind. But raising a baby alone isn't easy, especially for a man who has spent the last few years partying and avoiding responsibilities. Can his beautiful bookworm neighbor be his saving grace? Daddyward. Tattooward. Lemons.
1. Chapter 1:Prologue

**Now that Glimmer of Hope is coming to an end, I had to do another Daddyward story!**

 **Summary: After his brother dies in a car accident, Edward returns to his hometown to raise the little boy that was left behind. But raising a baby alone isn't easy, especially for a man who has spent the last few years partying and avoiding responsibilities. But will the attractive bookworm he moves in next to be his saving grace? Can Bella fall for a man with so much baggage?**

 **Thanks Belynda for helping me clean this up** **.**

" _I was the black sheep of the family_

 _You tried to teach me right from wrong_

 _Too much wine and too much song_

 _Wonder how I got along"_

 _-Terry Jacks-_

 **Prologue**

 **EPOV:**

Sometimes you never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory. Even the moments when Seth beat the shit out of me, have become something I cherish. I never thought I would see a day without him, and now that he is gone I feel… _lost_. It shouldn't have been him. _He_ was the model child, a straight-A student, a college graduate, a fire fighter. I was nothing for a parent to be proud of.

At eighteen I moved across the country with a group of my buddies and never looked back. I had no intention of furthering my education when I left, feeling I was above college.

Instead of being productive, I spent my days high and drunk. Thankfully, because I was never into anything too heavy, I was able to give up my habits without too much trouble. Now that I am back in Washington State, the life I once led is over. I feel as though the nights of drinking, using, and whoring around happened to another person entirely.

I can see it in my mother's eyes when she looks at me. I can see that she wishes it would have been me, instead of Seth and his wife. Her eyes are cold and disappointed. The disappointment is nothing new, but the lack of warmth makes my stomach turn. She has never looked at me like that, even when I left, she didn't act like she detested me.

Now when I am around her, I feel like a stranger. Any warmth she shows me is false, as if she were putting all of her effort into not screaming at me. To her I am a drunk; a waste. Dad doesn't agree with her, he wants to hold onto me, for I am the only child he has left. But Mom blames me, as if I were the drunk driver that killed Seth and his wife.

When I offered to take Charlie, Mom couldn't stand it, but it was what Seth wanted. She thought me too irresponsible, not mature enough to care for a baby. Perhaps she is right, but I can't let Seth down. Even when I was at my worse, he still believed in me, he never once turned his back on me. Because of that, I can't turn my back on his son. Charlie is too young to know what he has lost, and it breaks my heart when I look at him.

With his chubby little face, his bright blue eyes, and his infectious smile, I loved Charlie from the moment that I saw him. I fought for him, and now that I have won, I will make a home for us. When I stared into his innocent eyes for the first time, I promised him that I would give him the best life I could, and that I would change for him.

I intend to keep my promise, one step at a time.

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to join my facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan).**

 **Song- "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks**


	2. Chapter 2: Baby Charlie

**Hey everyone! I'm so happy to see the reactions for this story! I'm so excited for this one! There is nothing I love more than a tattooed daddy. I really think you will enjoy this one. It will be entirely in Edward's POV, but I probably will throw in a few Bella outtakes. I just really want the main focus to be Edward and how he adapts to fatherhood and falling in love with Bella.**

 **This story will be rated M for language, drug use (in flashbacks), and sexual contact (with Bella). Just a bit of a warning…if any of that bothers you, then maybe this isn't the one for you. But if not…I'm so excited you will be along for the ride!**

 **Thanks BeLynda for helping me clean this up!**

" _In restless dreams I walked alone_

 _Narrow streets of cobblestone_

' _Neath the halo of a street lamp_

 _I turned my collar to the cold and damp_

 _When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light_

 _That spilt the night_

 _And touched the sound of silence"_

 _-Simon & Garfunkel-_

 **EPOV:**

 _Reality is gone and my perception of time is lost. Around every corner is the unknown, and everything familiar is heightened. I float through the park with Vicky glued to my side, unaware that her moods are low. She's scratching her arm so hard that her white skin turns an ugly pink. I reach my arm out to stop her, but she shudders away and continues to scratch until she bleeds._

 _Her blood swirls as it interacts with the air, before flying off into the clouds. I chuckle at this, and I see her calls of distress. We fall to the ground together and stare up at the sky; I hold her hand to keep her still. But she continues as I stare off into space, entertained by the sights and sounds surrounding us._

 _A ringing floods through my ears and there is a vibration is felt against my leg, but I ignore it._

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It is odd being back at home; I feel like an intruder in my parents lives. I ignore Mom's iciness and concentrate on Charlie; little Charlie who has no idea what happened. He cries out, his big eyes searching for my brother, before they finally settle on me.

I'm a stranger to him; I never came home after he was born, too busy with my former life. But as I hold him, I regret not meeting him sooner. He is much smaller than I imagined. I've never been around a baby before; I never knew how small they felt. He can't weigh much; he is so little I am afraid to hold him for fear that I will cause some damage. When he is in my arms around mom, she watches me like a hawk, as if I will break her six-month old grandson.

I give him his bottle, fascinated with watching him suck on the rubber nipple. He watches me as I feed him, his large eyes filled with curiosity. I smile at him, with my first smile since I came home. My heart picks up as he grins back, before continuing to drink his formula. As cheesy as it sounds, _I feel odd even thinking this_ , but I feel as if we just shared our first moment together.

"I'm going to take care of you from now on Charlie," I tell him in a quiet voice.

He stares up at me as if he knew exactly what I just said, and smiles again.

"I promise to do a good job buddy," I say with a tired sigh, "But first, we just have to find a place to live. Would you like that?"

Charlie giggles at me, and I smile in return. "Can I take that as a yes buddy?" Charlie giggles again.

When he finishes his formula, I bring him to rest on my shoulder and pat his back as I have seen women do on television. I wait, expecting some sort of response from the baby, and finally he burps.

"Was that good buddy?"

Charlie giggles and reaches out for me, and I hold him close. It's hard to look at him sometimes; he looks so much like my older brother. It's disconcerting, holding his son, knowing that my brother is gone. I've never been religious, but now that Seth has died, I hope there is some sort of afterlife. _I would like to know he is watching over his son._

"What are you going to do now?"

I look up from Charlie and find Mom leaning against the doorframe, watching us. Charlie makes a few different sounds against my chest, as if he is trying to answer her.

"Well, I thought I would find a job and take some of the money I have saved up and buy a place for Charlie and me."

Charlie makes a few noises and stares up at me with a big grin. But Mom doesn't look at me with same contentment; instead, she looks as if she just tasted something sour.

"Edward, you can't be serious," she bites, before coming to stand before me. "Do you really think you can take care of a baby? Edward, you can barely take care of yourself. Do you think Seth would want his son with someone like you?"

 _Someone like me_? I'm his brother. Nobody has experience at first anyway; we all have to learn somehow." I keep my tone neutral, not wanting to alarm Charlie.

"You're not the type to take care of a baby Edward," Mom says as if she were trying to help.

She doesn't even bother to mask her discomfort around me. She lost her son, but I lost my brother. Does she think that I don't feel pain? Am I not human as well? Perhaps to her I am not, to her I am just a fuck up. In her eyes, I am a tatted-up junkie.

"I love him already," I say quietly, unable to look at her. I don't want to see the judgement in her stare.

"If you love him, you would want what is best for him," she coldly reasons.

"Seth knew what would be best for his son," I confidently state, "and he decided to leave his son with me."

I wouldn't give Charlie up for anything. Now that he is with me, I will never let him go. He's so little and he needs me. But honestly, I need him as well. _We can save each other._

 **A/N: So, what are you guys thinking? I know it is really early on, but let me know your thoughts! I really appreciate all that review! It means a lot to me! What do you guys think of an all EPOV story? I haven't done that before, so I am excited!**

 **Side note…when Edward says he "see her calls for distress"…. some people experience synesthesia while being intoxicated on LSD.**

 **Song- "The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel **


	3. Chapter 3: A New Job

**Huge thanks to Paige and Sherry! This story would not be the same without you girls!**

" _Did they get you to trade_

 _Your heroes for ghosts?_

 _Hot ashes for trees?_

 _Hot air for a cool breeze?_

 _Cold comfort for change?_

 _And did you exchange_

 _A walk on part in the war_

 _For a lead role in a cage?"_

 _-Pink Floyd-_

 **EPOV:**

How can change happen, when everyone around you predicts your next steps, based off a notion of the past you find no longer relevant. I can't change it, no matter how much I want to, and all I can do now, is move on. I am older than I once was, and have dealt with enough to encourage a change.

I don't miss my past, and now that I am sober, I realize how drugs had controlled me. Drugs stole my free will and changed me to the point I must have been unrecognizable to anyone from my old life. Thank God, they never saw me, for their opinion of me would be even worse. One thing I especially regret about using was the lack of progress I made during those dark years. It was as if my life was at a standstill and I was just passing through the days without truly living.

Now I am twenty-five years old with a GED and no prospects. And with little Charlie to care for, it will be difficult to find a job that will also allow me the time to be a new father. _Father._ That word is frightening. Especially because I am not truly his father and I have no idea how to care for the boy.

Now, waiting for my first job interview to start, I stare at the photo of Charlie, I had placed in my wallet earlier, to remind me why I was doing this. The picture was taken professionally right after his birth. He looks to be sleeping peacefully and he is so small, tinier than he is now. I wish I knew him back then. I wish I had been in the right state of mind to see my brother one last time.

"Edward Cullen."

Taking a deep breath, I give the secretary a tense smile before making my way inside the manager's office.

I sit in my car completely beat. I am not asking for much, besides a livable income for Charlie and me, but still I haven't received an offer, or many calls back to set up interviews. I stare at the convenience store across the street and contemplate how wonderful a Marlboro 27 would be. I can taste the nicotine right now just thinking about it. I can't anymore. I don't have the money to support the habit and I know I can't smoke around a baby.

Running my hands through my hair, I yank, hoping the pain will defuse my tension. Throwing myself back against the driver's seat, I pull Charlie's photo from my wallet again and let the image of his little face calm me. Perhaps I need to return home and spend time with him. His laughter will definitely distract me from my self-loathing.

When I arrive home, I find Mom holding Charlie, who is asleep in her arms. "How did the interview go?" Her voice is passive and she doesn't even look at me as she asks.

"They are going to get back to me," I lie, before taking a seat on the chair across from her.

As if sensing my presence, Charlie stirs awake and his big eyes scan the room until they find me. When he does, he begins to cry and I immediately want to hold him.

"I can take him mom," I say, reaching out for the baby.

Mom tenses and holds the baby against her chest, "I raised two children Edward, I think I've got this," she scoffs.

As the baby continues to cry, I roll my eyes and hold my hands out again, more insistent this time. "Mom, he wants me to hold him."

"Of course, he does," she says sardonically before finally handing him to me.

Charlie's cries cease right away and he looks up at me with a small smile. He makes a bunch of noises as if he was having a conversation with me and reaches his hand out, and I give him my finger to take. He grips it and gives me a huge grin, laughing in my arms. I laugh too, and feel as if all the stress from the day has dissipated.

"Well, I'm going to get started on dinner," Mom says, her voice tight and her posture tense.

I don't understand her upset. Would she not want Charlie and me to have a good relationship? Or am I just so beyond redemption she doesn't want me anywhere near the baby?

"I have a few more interviews tomorrow," I tell her, hoping the comment will make her more optimistic about my situation.

Although she is standing in the dark hallway leading to the kitchen, I can see the condescending look on her face. She looks so different like this, unrecognizable. Mom had once been beautiful, with a face that was always relaxed and carefree. Now she looks older, insincere, and repressed. Even as she stands a few feet away, there is a distance between us.

"That's good Edward," she finally says, and leaves before she can say much else.

I watch her leave, wondering if she had always treated me like this and I had never noticed. I turn my tension back to Charlie, who giggles so loudly he can't be ignored. He is so happy and has his whole life ahead of him. _What I wouldn't give to go back in time and redo things._

"Your day seems to be better than mine," I chuckle as I bounce the giggling baby on my lap.

Charlie giggles, and replies with a few noises as if to tell me he had fun here. I'm glad he had fun with his grandmother, and I hope mom will be willing to help me once I get a job and an apartment of my own. I know there is no way I could do this alone. Even if she is not willing to do it for me, I hope she is willing to do it for Charlie.

The next day, I wake up early and head to my first interview at a construction company. It isn't much and but it pays more than any other job I can get with my GED and no college education. I dress in a pair of nice jeans and a long-sleeved shirt to hide my full sleeves of tattoos on both arms. For some reason, employers aren't too keen on tattoos and piercings.

I'm shocked at how well the interview went, with Charlie in mind, I was able to overcome my nerves and present myself in a "more becoming manner," as my mom used to put it. As soon as I was offered the job, I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face. Just a few months ago I was high with no dreams for the future, and now I am sober and employed.

Regardless of my family's thoughts, I am proud of myself. And if Charlie could understand, I know he would be proud of me too.

 **A/N: I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story! It is really fun to write something entirely in Edward's POV. I know you hate his mother now, but she will definitely develop as the story goes on! But, Edward got a job this chapter so yay! Now all he has to do is make a little money so he can move in next to a special someone…**

 **Thanks so much for reading! Please review!**

 **Also, join my group on facebook The Higlander Princess's Clan and maybe friend me at Lizzie Lee, while you are over there! Have a great weekend!**

 **Song- "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd**


	4. Chapter 4: A Beautiful Brunette

**Happy Friday Everyone! Big hello to all the new followers who came from the ROBATTACK blog recommendation** **.**

 **Big thanks to Sherry and Paige for helping me with this story! This story would be a complete mess without you. Xoxo.**

" _Disarm you with a smile_

 _And cut you like you want me to_

 _Cut that little child_

 _Inside of me and such a part of you_

 _Ooh, the years burn"_

 _-The Smashing Pumpkins-_

 **EPOV:**

Minutes tick by, or maybe hours; it is hard to tell when you lay awake in the dark. I am not sure if it is starting a new job that is keeping me up, or Charlie sleeping mere feet away. I feel ridiculous, but I have to constantly check on him throughout the night to see if he is still alive and breathing. I'm not sure if I am extremely paranoid, or if this is a common thing among new parents. Regardless, I get up every few hours to stare into his crib. Every time he is relaxed on his back with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face.

Other times, he opens his eyes to find me staring down at him, as if he could sense that I was checking on him. He gives me a small smile before drifting back to sleep. It's moments like these when I realize how much I love my nephew. When he is asleep, I allow myself to really study his face and I find so many similarities with Seth. He looks so much like my brother, it is difficult for me to look at him without being sad.

Charlie begins to cry and I'm quick on my feet and to his crib. He calms down instantly as soon as he is in my arms. "I'm here, buddy, it's okay," I say with a yawn, my eyes dropping with sleep.

He makes a few noises and giggles. I smile back, as I reach down and wipe the tears from his soft cheeks. "It's my first day of work today," I tell him, enjoying the way you can talk to babies in a way you can't talk to anyone else. "It's just an entry-level job, but I'll have enough money to get a place and buy you a few new toys…"

Charlie listens intently, his eyes wide as he gazes up at my face. I think my voice soothes him, because I can always feel his little body relax in my arms when I talk to him. "I'm going to buy you tons of new stuff Charlie, I promise. I'm going to make you proud of me."

He smiles at this and says something, and while I can't understand his baby talk, it does sound comforting. I rock Charlie in my arms, until he finally falls back to sleep. I hold him a bit longer, discovering that I find comfort from moments like these just as much as the baby does, before putting him back in his crib. Lying back down, I focus on finding sleep, knowing that I cannot mess tomorrow up.

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The first day on the job is difficult, but I hadn't really expected much else. Although it is an entry-level laborer job, they don't spend a moment messing around. They can't, at least not at first, not while I'm unfamiliar with the equipment and the environment. The project manager, Emmett, has shown me the ropes and when we are finally finished at around one-thirty in the afternoon, his entire demeanor changes and he suddenly looks years younger.

"So, you new to town?" he asks, as we pack up for the day.

I hesitate, before finally saying, "I just moved back actually. I was traveling around for a while." I certainly didn't want to air my dirty laundry to a man I had just met, who just happens to be my project manager as well.

"Well, that's cool! I've always wanted to travel, but I haven't managed to leave Washington."

"It's not too different," I comment mildly, "Everything looks the same after a while."

"I doubt that," he laughs, "I'm sure not everything is gloomy like Washington state."

As I think of something to say, I come up short. I remember the hot sun beating down on me and the grass itching my skin, but I don't remember much else about any of the locations I have traveled to. I spent so much time inside of grimy motel rooms and friends' apartments that I never really took in the scenery. _It wasn't as if we were there to sightseeing._ But I do fondly remember national parks and the days spent intoxicated under the sun.

"Well, there are some beautiful spots…especially in California."

"I've always wanted to go there," Emmett comments with a grin. "Try my hand at surfing, I bet I would be pretty good."

We make small talk on our way to our cars, and I feel as if I have found my first friend in town.

"You want to grab lunch? I know this great bar."

I promised mom, I would be home to watch Charlie after work, but even if I wasn't busy, a bar isn't a good idea for me. I need to have a clear mind as I try to get my life on track. While a single beer doesn't seem like much to some, I know that for me, it could never be just one. That life is behind me now, and I have my future with Charlie to think about.

"I can't man," I say apologetically, "I have stuff to take care of at home."

"Well, maybe next time then," he says without missing a beat.

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I can't even go to the grocery store without being taunted. It's hard to kick a habit, but with temptation right in front of you…It feels borderline impossible. Living a clean life is important to me now, but that doesn't mean the desire isn't still there. Every time I see a package of cigarettes or a bottle of alcohol, I want to give in. But when the temptation gets too bad, I just look at my small photograph of Charlie, and know that I couldn't do that to him.

I pass by the mountains of wine, to the frozen food, knowing that with my cooking ability…frozen dinners are the best I can do. I grab a few boxes of macaroni and cheese and throw them into my cart, before I am completely distracted by a girl walking past me.

Although I just get a quick glance…she is gorgeous. With long brown hair that flows down her back and past her waist, a small curvaceous figure, and a pretty face… _at least from what I could see of it,_ she is exactly my type. I want to follow her down the frozen food aisle and talk to her. But, how ridiculous would that be? From the looks of her, she has her life completely together. Dressed in nice clothes, with a shopping list in hand, she doesn't look like the type of girl who would want to spend her time around a guy like me.

What could I possibly offer her? What could I really offer any woman besides a world of problems? Feeling two feet tall, I make my way to the checkout. I am in no position to date as it is. I have Charlie to care for and a future to plan. A woman would only make things complicated for me.

To brighten my spirits, my card has been declined. I pay with cash, trying to ignore the stab of embarrassment I feel. I suppose diapers and formula is more expensive than I thought. _Thank God, I kicked my smoking habit._ I gather my groceries and as I move to leave, I make eye contact with the girl from before…the beautiful one.

She gives me a shy smile before looking away. The most incredible blush tints her cheeks and I feel that I have a bit of a crush on this pretty stranger. I smile back, and head out the door, knowing that it would be a waste to speak to her. What could I say, _"Hey, I'm Edward Cullen. I live with my parents and am recently sober. Oh, by the way, did I mention that I have a baby to care for?"_ I'll save myself the embarrassment of being turned down.

Charlie is ecstatic to see me as soon as I return. I find him on the floor, on his little belly, trying to move across the carpet to greet me as soon as I am in his sight. Suddenly, all the inferiority I felt less than an hour before, has completely dissipated. I pull Charlie into my arms and rock him, feeling now ten feet tall in his presence.

With Charlie safely tucked in my arms, I tell him all about my day. His eyes are wide as if he was taking every word in and completely understanding it. I love that about him, I can open up to him unlike anyone else.

As soon as Charlie is fast asleep, I set my alarm clock for work in the morning and lay down hoping that sleep will come easier tonight. As I close my eyes, images of the brunette from the supermarket dance behind my lids. I don't even know her, and she haunts my thoughts already.

Although I have nothing to offer her, I do hope I run into her again soon.

 **A/N: So, I had to give you guys a bit of a tease ;). But Poor Edward, right? Too afraid to talk to talk to her because he doesn't think he is good enough. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm really feeling this story right now, so you will be getting a good number of updates** **.**

 **If you liked this, please review! Or even if you don't like this, you can always review too ;).**

 **Song- "Disarm" by The Smashing Pumpkins (one of my favorite bands).**


	5. Chapter 5: Catching up with Carlisle

**Big thanks to Sherry and Paige for beta-ing and helping me plot out my story so far! I couldn't do this without you!**

 **Join my Facebook group The Highlander Princess's Clan and friend me at Lizzie Lee** **.**

" _Did you stand there all alone?_

 _Oh I cannot explain what's going down_

 _I can see you standing next to me_

 _In and out somewhere else right now_

 _You sigh, look away_

 _I can see it clear as day_

 _Close your eyes, so afraid_

 _Hide behind that baby face"_

 _-Cage the Elephant-_

 **EPOV:**

The sun is blistering and sweat is pouring down my body. I can't remember the last time I worked outside…I believe it was high school, mowing our lawn. _How embarrassing is that?_ Thankfully, I had the good sense to workout while I was fucking around.

As soon as work is finished, I'm starving and not in the mood for chit-chat. I don't think I'm anti-social per se…but there are just some days that I don't desire company. Now that I have Charlie to get home to, it's hard to really stick around and make small talk.

I jump into my truck, which has practically fallen apart after years of use, and head to the nearest spot to eat. There isn't much around my job site, but there is a local coffee shop that must have some sort of food.

I clean up my appearance the best I can before going in, but regardless of what I do, I'm covered in sweat and dirt. Shrugging my shoulders in defeat, I jump out of my truck and run inside in an effort to be as quick with this trip as possible. I order an Americano and whatever sandwich looks like it hasn't been sitting around all morning, and stand by the counter to wait for my order.

I feel the energy in the café change as soon as I hear the door chime. My breath catches in my throat as I see the beautiful brunette from the supermarket. She doesn't see me at first, fumbling with her purse, but as soon as she finds her wallet, her eyes shoot up to meet mine. They widen as they take in my appearance, and I can't help but grimace. I must look pretty rough, especially to someone like her….so polished…so beautiful. I meet her eyes again and find that she is still looking at me. I can't determine whether she likes what she sees or not.

I give her an awkward smile before I quickly look away, mentally kicking myself for not being more put together. My name is called, and I quickly retrieve my food, keeping my head down this time. Beautiful stands by the only door in the café, and as I walk past her, I can't help but look up. _She's smiling at me!_ It's a small, shy, smile, but a smile nonetheless. My heart is pounding as I make my way past her and as soon as I walk out the door, I kick myself for not saying anything.

I have nothing to offer, so what is there to really say? A thought like this would usually get me down, but with my beautiful brunette occupying my thoughts, it's impossible to feel depressed. I feel lighter on my drive home.

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Changing diapers is more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I've been changing these for weeks and still haven't gotten the hang of it. _How do people make this look so easy?_ Charlie is kicking his feet and giggling as I do my best to change him.

"Come on Charlie, behave for your uncle," I say as I pull the dirty diaper out from underneath his bottom, ball it up, and throw it in the trash.

He giggles and cocks his head to the side, gazing up at me for a moment, before he squeals and waves his hands around. I chuckle at him, unable to concentrate as he wiggles about. I open my mouth to say something else, and close it immediately as I see urine shoot up toward my face. I cringe as it gets all over my face, and throw my hands up as a shield to his attack. When he is finished, I grab a baby wipe and furiously wipe my face. I'm no germaphobe, but getting pissed on is still pretty disgusting.

"Buddy," I complain, after I have sufficiently wiped off my face.

He giggles and claps his hands at me, and the corners of my mouth twitch. I can't help but smile at him, so innocent and untroubled. I manage to get another diaper on him, although he is still fussing for me to hold him. I slip him into his onesie and pick him up as soon as I can, and hold him tightly in my arms. He squeals again and wiggles around until he gets comfortable.

"Why don't we watch a movie together buddy?"

Charlie's eyes light up, but it's not as if he knows what I'm suggesting. With him in my arms, I make my way to the kitchen to grab a drink from the fridge. I open the fridge to find water, juice, soda, and dad's beer. My eyes stay trained on the chilled Lager…Hawk One, one of my local favorites. My hand reaches for it, and it's as if I am right back to where I was. Charlie begins to babble in my arms, and my hand moves toward the Pepsi instead.

Back in my room, I lounge on the couch with Charlie and flip through Netflix. "What do you want to watch buddy?"

Charlie giggles and babbles, before grabbing a hold of my thumb. Feeling nostalgic, I settle on _Land Before Time,_ wanting to share it with Charlie. I angle him toward the television so he can see, but he is too busy staring up at me to notice the movie playing.

"Hey buddy," I smile at him, watching his face light up, "Hey Charlie."

He giggles, watching me curiously.

"Look at the dinosaurs baby."

Charlie looks toward where I'm pointing, and grins at the television. Kicking his little legs, he squeals, and holds onto my thumb tighter. I hear the floor creak, and my eyes shoot up to find my dad leaning against the doorframe.

"Just wanted to check on you," he smiles.

Dad is back from his business trip, and I hope that his return will be soothing for mom. Perhaps he will cause her to ease up on me. I have so much to worry about, Charlie, a new job, and saving money for a move…I don't need the added stress my mom provides.

"We've missed you," I comment as I tickle Charlie's stomach.

"How have things been? I know it's been quite the transition."

A small smile crosses my face. Dad might have not realized the problems in our family, but he is a kind and genuine man. He always treated Seth and I equally…no matter what I did. In high school when Seth was a sports star and I was in and out of in-school suspension, dad never showed a preference. And if mom had, I never truly noticed, way too wrapped up in my own life.

"It's been fine, the new job has been good…I mean, it's a steady income." I shrug my shoulders, knowing that it doesn't sound like much.

"That's wonderful Edward," he says, voice strong with sincerity. "You still want to get your own place?"

While it is an extra expense, I know the separation will be beneficial for me. "Yeah, I'm saving up. I thought I would get an apartment between work and home."

"Whatever you think is best," Dad says, before making his way out of my room. He hesitates for a moment, and turns around to face me. "I'm very proud of you, Edward."

I don't know what to say.

 **A/N: I'm glad Edward has someone in his corner. He needed someone rooting for him and he has a great dad in Carlisle. I'm so glad you guys love my tattooed daddyward! It's incredibly fun writing a story all in Edward's POV!**

 **Also, isn't it funny that Edward was embarrassed that he was sweaty and dirty…because he would look incredibly hot like that lol.**

 **Song- "Cigarette Daydreams" by Cage the Elephant (Saw them last year!)**


	6. Chapter 6: Apartment Hunting

**Big thanks to Sherry and Paige! It's so nice to be able to bounce ideas off of you guys and my grammar would be horrid without you!**

 **Also, today is my six-month anniversary of being on fanfiction! So, this is my special anniversary chapter! Yay!**

" _It's not time to make a change_

 _Just relax, take it easy_

 _You're still young, that's your fault_

 _There's so much you have to know_

 _Find a girl, settle down_

 _If you want you can marry_

 _Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy"_

 _-Cat Stevens-_

 **EPOV:**

Dad has been a huge help since he has returned. When he isn't working, he is helping me get my finances in order. At first, I was quite down on myself, having to go to my father for help at my age. Perhaps my pride has kept me from seeking help sooner. I wonder where I could have been now if I came home and admitted that I had a problem. It's hard to find yourself in a dark time when you can barely see the light. Charlie is my light now, and the darkness that has surrounded me for so long has dissipated.

Now that my dad is on my side, I feel hopeful for my future. Hearing him say he was proud…there are no words to describe how those words made me feel. It's been a long time since I have made anyone proud. That thought is depressing. I had existed for so long and contributed so little.

I've had my job for a little over a month now and I finally have a good amount saved up in my brand new bank account. I feel lighter now that my life has more direction, and every time I put a paycheck in my bank account, I can't wipe the smile off of my face. Luckily, I don't have any debt to think about, and all the money I earn, that I'm not spending on Charlie, I can save.

After receiving my first paycheck, I immediately went to the store to buy a toy for Charlie. It felt wonderful, being able to give something to someone else. I knew nothing about which toys were age appropriate, but luckily, there was an older saleswoman that was more than happy to help me. I ended up buying a stuffed Pooh bear and a baby gym…I just couldn't help myself. Charlie had a baby gym already, but this one had a space theme. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…I was a total nerd. _Hard to believe, I know._

Charlie loved it, or from what I could tell from his babbling and giggles. I love watching him play, it makes me happy seeing him happy. I feel so accomplished, knowing I bought him the toys he was enjoying so much. Seeing him content definitely helps my confidence as his new guardian.

With a good chunk saved, I have been looking for apartments in town. I never realized how expensive an apartment could be when you aren't sharing the cost with multiple roommates. The cheapest I could find was five hundred for a one bedroom, but the part of town it was in wasn't the best. I can't take any chances with Charlie. After looking on my own, dad went with me since he knew the area much better than I did.

I was thankful for him. Mom was home to watch Charlie, as dad and I went apartment hunting. It was nice to have some alone time with him. I can't remember the last time we had time together, just him and me, if we ever did. Today has been the third day of our hunt, and finally, I'm seeing a few good options. One stands out to me, a two-bedroom apartment on the second floor of a complex in the city. The neighborhood is good and the city is relatively safe. It's the last available apartment in the complex, and with my father's encouragement, I jump on the deal.

"Congratulations son," dad smiles, as I leave the complex, now an owner of my own apartment.

"Thanks dad." I can't wipe the grin off of my face. "I can't believe the deal we got."

Seven hundred a month plus utilities, for an apartment that usually would go for around a grand, I can't believe we were so lucky. It was written in the stars, that is for sure. We go to lunch to celebrate and I ignore the bar that sits in the corner of the restaurant.

"How has it been for you, dad?" I've never really had the chance to talk to him about his feelings toward Seth's death.

Dad stares at his drink, looking years older all of the sudden. His posture has changed and his face has dropped, making all of his wrinkles prominent. When he finally meets my eyes, I'm devastated by the pain I see in them. He has always been the strong one, an expert at hiding his emotions and holding down the fort.

"It's been difficult, I won't lie to you Edward. I've had to deal with Seth's death and take care of Charlie and your mother…you know how your mother is Edward. She can't handle a mess, she needs everything neat and easy."

I stare at him, astounded by how honest he was being. "You have always been the strong one in the family," I say with a weak smile. "You always made us feel as if everything was going to be alright…I admired you for that."

"Well, don't admire people too much Edward, they can disappoint you sometimes."

I stare at him as he looks over the menu, looking for a means of distracting himself. I admired him as a kid, even when he was really having it out with me I admired his strength. He has been the anchor in our family since I could remember. Even after Seth's death, he hasn't faltered.

"Have I disappointed you dad?" I ask, not knowing if I want to hear a sincere answer.

I feel so young all the sudden. Like a child wanting their parents' approval.

"Edward, you could never disappoint me, you're my son."

I smile, feeling embarrassed all of the sudden. He smiles as well. We order lunch and eat in a comfortable silence, every now and then, we discuss work. I feel closer to him than I have felt toward anyone in years. The bill comes, and although I offer to pay, dad takes the check.

"I'm proud of you Edward, getting your life on track like this. I always knew you could do it."

I know he was being honest, he always thought I was capable of great things. I must have hurt him, when I left. Throwing my life away and leaving him to watch. I don't know how he had the strength to patiently wait for me to return to him. I don't know how he had the strength to accept me with open arms when I did. I wonder if he can feel my desperation to be better.

"I love you, dad."

His eyes mist with tears, and he pulls me into a strong embrace. We stand in the parking lot for a long time. Just holding each other as if I had been lost for a long time and was finally found…which in some ways I suppose I have.

 **A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed that father/son chapter! Now that Edward has his apartment, he will be meeting a certain beautiful brunette. I can't wait to introduce Bella to this story. I know you guys have been dying for her arrival, and I've just been teasing you.**

 **Please review! It would be very cool of you to do so, because I love hearing what you guys have to say!**

 **Song- "Father & Son" by Cat Stevens. (The Johnny Cash cover is great as well). **


	7. Chapter 7: Bella Swan

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige! I don't know where this story would be without you!**

" _Is there anybody going to listen to my story_

 _All about the girl who came to stay?_

 _She's the kind of girl_

 _You want so much it makes you sorry_

 _Still you don't regret a single day_

 _Ah, girl, girl, girl."_

 _-The Beatles-_

 **EPOV:**

Moving is difficult, but moving with a baby is far worse. It feels incredible though, having my own place. I feel as if my life is finally in order. The simplicity of life that I once hated is now something I find comfort in. I was so jaded in my younger years. The idea of going to work, paying bills, and being a productive member of society seemed so monotonous. Much less exciting than the life I had been leading. But now, the idea of sleeping on random couches, working dead-end jobs, and spending all my money on different methods of self-medication, seems horrible.

Looking around my still empty apartment, I smile, and take a breath of fresh city air. The only room I have completely set up, with my dad's help, is Charlies. I have a crib and I decorated the room to the best of my abilities. It's filled with toys and all the supplies I need for him. Charlie loves it, or at least his excessive laughter suggests that he does. I can't help but get teary-eyed, seeing Charlie so happy. I hope that I can make him this happy every day.

I'm proud of how I set up his room. I purchased books for him, after reading online that it was good to read to babies… _yes, I had to consult google for information on how to raise a baby_ …and set up a bookcase in the corner of his room. I placed all of his toys, new and old, in colorful containers, and I put decals of Disney characters on his walls. I felt almost silly decorating the room, just because it's so out of character for me, but I did it with a smile on my face nonetheless.

Dad gave me a television, he had set up in the basement, and some furniture that had been in Seth's house to fill my small apartment. It feels odd sitting on my brother's old couch, using my brother's old kitchenware…it's just is a morbid reminder of his not being here. I don't have the finances to afford much else, and I don't want to ask dad for money to buy something new.

Charlie and I have only been in the apartment for a few days now, and I have to say, the separation from my mom is nice. She hadn't been to the apartment, too busy with her friends to check out her grandson's new home. It's been a difficult transition at times, especially when I don't have my parents to rely on. It's just Charlie and me now…and it's terrifying. I can't help but be extremely paranoid that a problem will arise and I will have no idea how to solve it. Babies are just so _small_ and rely on you for everything. Every second I think I'm going to do something wrong and hurt Charlie somehow. But so far, so good, and Charlie is happy, healthy, and safe.

The first few nights in the new apartment, I have gotten out of bed and trudged to Charlie's room to check on him. His sleeping has been weird lately, and I don't know if it's because of the move or what. After two days of checking on him hourly, I finally moved his crib into my room so I could have peace of mind. Even though I have to work early, around five in the morning five days a week, I still stay up at night and keep an eye on my baby.

Waking up for work today, I find Charlie is a bit more fussy than usual. _I wonder if he is getting sick?_ That thought makes me nervous and I can't find it within myself to leave him. He won't stop crying, but as I assess him, I can't find the root of the problem. With Charlie safely in my arms, I grab my cell phone to call Emmett. I hope he understands about situations like this, and hearing Charlie crying in the background of my phone call, he will know that I'm not just trying to get out of a day of work.

"Emmett," I say as soon as I hear him pick up, "I think Charlie is sick."

"Charlie?" he questions.

Suddenly, I realize that in all of our short encounters of small talk, I never brought up having a baby. I just didn't want to share too much about my personal life I suppose. Also, I find that if you mention a baby, everyone wants to give you advice. Or perhaps I have merely been around my mother and her friends too long…

"He's my nephew," I explain, "I'm all he has and I think he is sick or something." I know I must sound lost and confused, and luckily, Emmett takes pity on me.

"Okay dude," he sighs, "that's fine. Just take care of him and call me about working tomorrow."

I thank him, and hang up, quickly making my way to the kitchen to find some formula for Charlie. I could have given him to my mother for the day, but I feel so paranoid about leaving his side. What if something happened to him and I wasn't there? I wonder if all parents feel this way.

"What's wrong buddy?" My voice shakes with worry as I rock my crying boy in my arms. "Please tell me what's wrong; I don't know what to do."

I don't know why I plead with him, I know he can't talk, it's almost like I'm praying for some sort of divine intervention. If it could work for Jules and Vincent in _Pulp Fiction_ , why couldn't it work for me now? I give Charlie his bottle, but he doesn't want to eat and continues to cry instead.

"Please buddy, food in your belly might help," I plead with him, but he continues to cry.

I kiss his face and rock him, trying my best to be as soothing as possible. His face is wet and his skin is soft beneath my lips. He feels so fragile and I want to wrap him protectively in my arms always.

Minutes tick by and he doesn't stop. With my free hand, I pull out my phone and search Google for advice. _Trusty Google, always there when I need it._ As soon as different sicknesses pop up and plenty of words that I don't understand, I put my phone away and try to calm him, praying that I won't have to take him to the doctors. _I don't even know a doctor._ I can't remember the last time I've had a check-up. The moment my parents stopped setting the appointments up for me, I stopped going.

An hour has passed and his cries haven't ceased. I'm about to call my mom when I hear a knock at the door. I'm sure it is a neighbor I have pissed off. It's barely six in the morning and I'm sure many people would be annoyed with waking an hour or two before their alarm clock sounds. With Charlie in my arms, I march toward the door, fully intent on defending myself to whatever neighbor felt the need to come reprimand me for my thoughtlessness. But when I open the door, I am not met by the sight of an irate neighbor, but instead, I find the beautiful brunette from the supermarket.

She's in a bathrobe, her hair is soft, curly, and reaches below her waist, and her face is make-up free. She looks as if she just woke up, and she is so incredibly beautiful. Natural and without an ounce of effort, I'm sure this is something many women would kill for. Finally, I come back down to reality and realize I've been staring at her for an awkward amount of time. I close my mouth and give her the best smile I can manage. She gives me a shy smile and looks down to Charlie, who is still crying in my arms.

"I'm sorry if we woke you, I'm pretty sure he is getting sick or something," I comment, unable to take my eyes off of her.

"Poor baby," she says with a cute pout.

Her voice is just as sweet as I imagined it.

"I think he might be getting sick or something," I explain, suddenly nervous in her presence. "He has been really cranky and has been crying all morning."

My brunette smiles at me for a moment, before looking at the fussy boy in my hands, "You have tried everything and nothing is calming him," she contemplates for a moment, and then asks, "Has his sleeping patterns been different at all? Has he not been eating like he is supposed to?"

I smile, happy that she has named some of his symptoms. Maybe she knows a lot about this sort of thing. "Yes, he didn't want to eat this morning and has been weird about it for the past few days. We just moved, so I thought it could be that…"

My brunette nods, reaches out to feel Charlie's head, and finally asks, "Do you think he could be teething?"

The blank look on my face causes her to giggle.

"I have some Baby Orajel If you want to give that a try," she says, gesturing toward her apartment.

Not knowing what Baby Orajel is, but trusting the beautiful girl's opinion, I say, "That would be great!"

She leaves for a moment, returning with a small tube and a few cotton swabs. I welcome her inside, a bit embarrassed as she takes in the sight of boxes on the floors, and direct her toward a couch. She sits at my side, and squeezes a bit of the Baby Orajel on a cotton swab and asks me if Charlie could open his mouth for her.

"He must be really uncomfortable," she says as she expertly applies the ointment.

"How do you know so much about kids, if you don't mind me asking?" I feel as if I can barely form a coherent sentence around her. I've never felt so embarrassed. _This girl must think I'm an idiot._

"My sister has a baby," she says with an attractive smile, "Well, toddler now. I used to babysit her when she was little."

I feel relieved by this news. It will be nice to have someone close by who knows a thing or two about babies. _Being hot is another added bonus of course…_

"So, you're my neighbor, then?" I ask dumbly, as if I hadn't seen her enter her apartment directly across the hallway from mine moments before.

"Yep, I saw you move in a few days ago," she blushes, "I'm Bella Swan."

 _Bella Swan._ A beautiful and very fitting name.

"I'm Edward Cullen and this little guy is Charlie."

She smiles at the little guy, who is now more agreeable in my arms. "He looks so much like you."

"He looks a lot like my brother actually," I say awkwardly, "Charlie is my nephew."

She looks up at me, and sees the pain in my eyes. Bella looks as if she wants to say something, but holds back and gives me a kind smile instead. "So, is it just the two of you?" she asks, shyly.

 _Is this her way of asking me if I have a girlfriend?_ That's probably just wishful thinking on my part. I'm sure a girl like her, could do a lot better than someone like me. I have so much baggage, and it's scary to introduce someone to something like that. Even without the baggage, I have so much on my plate; I can't add a girl to the mix. I don't know why I'm contemplating this at all. It's something that will never happen.

But that doesn't mean I can't be a friend to my beautiful and intelligent brunette. The beautiful and intelligent brunette that is so far out of my league it is laughable.

 **A/N: Aw, Edward is so hard on himself. But for the last few years, he self-medicated and now feels as if he is behind everyone else. All he needs is a bit of confidence, and maybe a special brunette can help him out in this department. If you liked this, please leave me a review! Your reviews are better than all the chocolate in the world** **.** **And I have a sweet tooth so that's saying something haha.**

 **Song- "Girl" by The Beatles.**


	8. Chapter 8: Progress

**Hey guys! I'm so excited that you guys are so excited about this story! I didn't know that a tattooed daddyward was something that was really needed ;). This one is definitely addicting to write, which is good for you, because you will have plenty of updates coming!**

 **Huge thanks to Paige and Sherry who have helped me out a ton with this story! You girls are incredible!**

" _When I left my home and my family_

 _I was no more than a boy_

 _In the company of strangers_

 _In the quiet of the railway station_

 _Running scared_

 _Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters_

 _Where the ragged people go_

 _Looking for the places only they would know"_

 _-Simon & Garfunkel-_

 **EPOV:**

I feel different when I talk to Bella. She doesn't make me feel inferior. Of course, she doesn't know anything about my past and sees me as I am now. I couldn't stomach the thought of her seeing me last year. This sweet and innocent girl doesn't need to see me for what I am…or what I once was.

We talk about neutral things, and although she knows that I have recently moved here, and Charlie is not mine, she doesn't ask me about my past. I'm thankful for that. It is as if she knows somehow. I'm thankful for her, and happy that I have someone else to talk to in this town. Especially one as beautiful as Bella, I can imagine talking to her for hours, pretending what we have together is more.

After an hour of talking, Bella finally realizes she is still in her robe and laughs, commenting on how easy it is to get lost in conversation. I want to say that it is not always so easy, especially for me, but instead, I merely smile at her and tell her she is always welcomed over.

She hesitates before leaving, turning back to meet me with a small smile, "Would you and Charlie like to come over for dinner?"

I grin at the thought of a home cooked meal. _How long has it been since I've had something other than a microwavable dinner?_ "I would really like that Bella," I say, enjoying the way her name sounds coming from my mouth.

"Is five o'clock too early?" she asks me with a pretty blush.

I shake my head and find myself flushing as well. I've never felt this way around a woman before. Of course, I've never met a woman who was anything like this one. As I shut the door behind her after she heads across the hall to her apartment, I look back with distaste on the women I have associated with over the years.

Most of my "relationships" were born out of loneliness, as terrible as that was. There were times where I felt lost and vulnerable, and I found comfort in women, who now, I can't even remember. Looking back on it, I can't help but feel incredibly ashamed. With the past I have, I'm lucky to even be friends with someone like Bella. That's why I can't do anything to mess that friendship up.

Charlie is growing restless in his crib, and I'm happy that he was able to sleep for a short hour since he barely got any sleep last night. "Hey Charlie," I smile at him, picking him up from his crib, "You sleep well buddy?"

Charlie begins to cry, and I run to grab the tube of Baby Orajel and use it just like Bella had taught me earlier. "I'm sorry buddy," I say, finding it hard to see him in pain.

I would do anything to take the pain from him and bear it on my own. But, I know all I can do is give him comfort. I rock him in my arms and try to soothe him. Tears stream down his face and he kicks his legs, becoming fussy in my arms. I give him my finger to grasp onto, and sit down on the rocking chair that sits in his room, with a sigh. The rocking helps calm him, and I meditate on what sort of things usually soothes a crying baby.

I remember mom singing to me. Well, I don't actually remember it from when I was a baby of course, but I do remember seeing an old video of it. If I hadn't seen the video, I wouldn't be able to believe it actually happened. Especially now, with her cold treatment of me it is hard to believe she used to hold me.

I begin to sing an old song I used to love, and it immediately grabs Charlie's attention. My voice is low and soothing to his ears and his tears stop falling as my song continues. I finish my song, and he smiles at me, urging me to begin a new one. I think of another old favorite and immediately begin singing.

" _April come she will. When streams are ripe and swelled with rain; May, she will stay, resting in my arms again._

 _June, she'll change her tune, in restless walks she'll prowl the night; July, she will fly and give no warning to her flight._

 _August, die she must, the autumn winds blow chilly and cold; September I'll remember. A love once new has now grown old."_

Charlie is crying again, but it is not because he is in pain. He is giving me a large, toothless, grin. "Did you like that song buddy?" I ask him, and he smiles even wider.

Now that Charlie is more agreeable, I give him a bath in the sink. I'm always careful, more than I probably need to be, because I am always paranoid that something might happen to him. I sing to him throughout his bath, which causes him to remain calm throughout. Charlie loves the water though, always giggling and splashing about when I bathe him.

"We have to get you nice and clean to see Bella later."

When I'm finished with his bath, I put him in his nicest onesie, wanting him to look good for dinner tonight. I put him in his baby gym, and take the quickest shower I can possibly manage. With a baby now, I think the longest shower I have had has been two minutes. As I get myself ready, I constantly check up on him, unable to leave him alone for long.

As I look through my clothes for something to wear, I'm embarrassed, realizing that I don't really have anything nice. The nicest thing I can find is a black button up long sleeve shirt with a hole in the armpit. I settle on a clean black t-shirt and a pair of jeans, making a mental note that I should eventually buy one or two nice things for myself. But every time I get a paycheck, I spend whatever little money I have left over on Charlie.

It doesn't feel right buying stuff for me, when I could be buying stuff for Charlie. What's a new pair of shoes for me, when a new toy could put such an amazing smile on Charlie's face? Walking back into my small living room, I find Charlie bouncing away in his baby gym. It's nice to see him happy; it calms my nerves about tonight.

I know that dinner tonight is not a date, but my nerves are still running wild. I don't want to mess anything up with this girl. Whether she is going to be mine or not, I still want to make a good first impression.

 **A/N: It's good that Bella seems willing to pursue Edward, since he doesn't have a ton of confidence right now** **.** **Also, the song he sings is one of my favorites! It's "April Come She Will" by Simon & Garfunkel, I had to add it because it's beautiful and one of my favorites. If you haven't heard it, look it up!**

 **Song-"The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel **


	9. Chapter 9:Dinner with the Girl Next-Door

**I love Edward in this story; he is so humble and a bit insecure. Which is such a departure from some other stories that I have read, as well as some stories I have written. I definitely have a soft spot for this story, so it will be one of my main priorities.**

 **Huge thank you to Sherry and Paige, who make this story readable. Without them you guys would have to read a story riddled with my grammatical mistakes.**

" _Girl you really got me going_

 _You got me so I don't know what I'm doing_

 _Yeah you really got me now_

 _You got me so I can't sleep at night"_

 _-The Kinks-_

 **EPOV:**

 _Have I ever been so on edge before?_ I can easily state that I have not. Never have I cared enough about something, to be truly nervous. As sad as it sounds, I had left everything up to, what at the time I called, 'fate' which really was a way for me to not take responsibility for anything. Do I believe in fate? Certainly. But, in my past, fate had been just a cop out for me. As I stare at my less than impressive appearance in the mirror, I sadly realize that I have spent over two decades without a single goal.

But, of course, now I have quite a few to keep me occupied…becoming a good guardian for Charlie, excelling at my new job, possibly going to college…Bella. I have to chuckle at the last one. I've never chased after a woman before, _not as if I am chasing after her now_ , but in my past, I never really cared about women, period. As terrible as it sounds…I was too far gone most of the time to really have a deep connection with any of the women I knew. The thought makes me sick.

It's almost five o'clock and Charlie and I are ready for dinner. I considered going out and buying some sort of dessert, thinking that it would only be fair since she is cooking tonight. But the thought of bringing Charlie out all by myself seemed scary, and I quickly dismissed it. I barely know my way around a supermarket, and add a teething baby to the mix…It would be a shit show. Hopefully, Bella would be understanding, because she does seem like the kind and understanding type.

By five till I can barely contain myself. My stomach is grumbling and I just want to see her again. "You ready to go buddy?" I pick Charlie up from his baby gym. He looks sad for a moment and then smiles as I wrap him safely in my arms.

Charlie grabs ahold of my finger with his little death grip, and I laugh, wondering if he will be as strong as me one day. I grab his highchair, gather some baby food, and head across the hall to Bella's apartment. I can already smell the food before she even opens the door, and for a moment, my hunger is all I can think about. That is, of course, until she answers the door, leaving me at a complete loss for words.

She is stunning in a white cotton dress and a pink little apron which is covered in stains. Her long hair is pulled away from her face in a high ponytail and she has a minimal amount of makeup on. She looks ironically like a girl next-door, and like every fantasy I've ever had.

"Sorry, I'm finishing up right now," she assures me as she moves out of the way, allowing Charlie and me inside.

"Don't apologize," I chuckle at her. Before I can help myself, I put the highchair down and reach my hand out to wipe off the tiniest bit of flour from her face. As soon as her cheeks turn red, I drop my hand and say, "Thanks for cooking dinner tonight."

"It was no trouble. I love to cook, and now that I've moved out of my dad's house I don't have anyone to cook for."

She gestures for Charlie and me to make ourselves at home while she finishes up dinner. Her apartment is tidy and impressive. She is very orderly and I find that I like that. I need to surround myself with people whom I can aspire to be like, and not people who will drag me down. I set my stuff down by her couch, and take a closer look around her apartment. She has a few photographs that line her bookshelves. One in particular stands out. It is her with what looks to be her sister, a girl who is a few inches shorter, with short and spikey hair, that looks a lot like Bella. I smile at this, happy to see Bella looking so happy. I continue to look at the photos, mostly of friends and family, until I find another that stands out.

It's of a girl with long, light brown hair, and pale skin with the lightest dusting of freckles. The girl is young, very young, and it takes me a moment to realize it's Bella. Her arms are wrapped around a woman's neck, a woman who looks just like her. The older, attractive woman, I assume is her mom.

"Are you ready for dinner?" Bella asks awkwardly, as she stares at me looking at her photographs.

Suddenly, I feel as if I have made a mistake, as if I am intruding on something personal. I give her a sheepish smile and she gives me a tight smile back. There is a pain in her eyes, I don't want to recognize. Do those photographs make her upset, or is it something I have done?

"Did I…" I begin to ask, but Bella interrupts me.

"I made pasta with homemade garlic bread," she smiles, the pain in her eyes gone completely.

I'm too hungry to press any further, but hopefully one day she will feel as if she can open up to me. _It's not like I've really opened up to her about my past._ But one day I would like to. Charlie doesn't want to sit in his highchair tonight, too excited with all the attention he's got today, so I allow him to rest in my arms as I feed him his dinner. As if no weirdness had transpired, Bella and I talk about work, our interests, our hobbies…. usual first date stuff. _Although, this is of course not an actual date._

As dinner finishes, I feel significantly closer to her, our bond has only grown tighter. I really feel as if I can talk to her in a way I can't talk to anyone else. It's so refreshing to have that. It's nice to be around someone who doesn't know who you once were; you don't have to spend every second around them trying to prove them wrong.

I'm sure one day Bella will wonder about all the things I wish to avoid. And when she asks, I will tell her. Hell, I'll tell her even if she never asks me. Deep down I know I should tell her before we get into any sort of relationship. But not tonight, I want her to know me first. Know me for the man I am now.

"I made dessert as well," she says with a pretty little blush.

She comes back with, as she calls it, a "modest" cake. I laugh, because it is by far better than anything I could ever do. If this is her modest attempt at cooking looks like, I couldn't imagine what it would be for her to go full out. Her cooking is amazing, and I can't help but eat my fair share as I rock Charlie in my arms, who is nodding off to sleep.

"I better get going," I say regretfully, "It's past Charlie's bedtime."

"I understand. It was nice hanging out with you, Edward," Bella says with a small, pretty smile.

"I loved it," I can honestly say. Why wouldn't I love dinner with a beautiful girl? "I'm right across the hall, so come over anytime you like."

I wink at her before I can stop myself.

She giggles, the prettiest sound I have ever heard, and says, "Don't be a stranger Edward."

 **A/N: Awww…Edward has a giant crush** **.** **I am so glad that you guys are enjoying this story so much! I am really feeling this one at the moment, so there will be plenty of updates coming your way.**

 **Song- "You Really Got Me" by The Kinks**


	10. Chapter 10: Parents and Pizza

**Hey I'm going to be away from my computer for a few days, so I wanted to give you guys a chapter of The Blessing before I went to work!**

 **Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige! I couldn't create this story without you.**

" _When I was a child I had a fever_

 _My hands felt just like two balloons_

 _Now I've got that feeling once again_

 _I can't explain you would not understand_

 _This is not how I am_

 _I have become comfortably numb"_

 _-Pink Floyd-_

 **EPOV:**

Lining the road, I take to return home, are expensive homes that have miles of their own land. As I past each one, I stare out of my car window, past the gates, to get a look at each estate. I couldn't dream of owning such a large piece of property, even if I could afford it, I'm not sure I would be content. I don't gaze at them out of jealousy or envy, no, instead I look at them because I am fascinated. I've always been interested in architecture. When I was a kid, I would sketch houses to the best of my abilities, and when I say, "to the best of my abilities," I mean my sketches were horrible, consisting of lots of squares and random scribbles.

Nonetheless, I had enjoyed drawing in my younger and more innocent days. But, as soon as drugs entered my hemisphere, I was a lost cause when it came to doing anything productive. Now that my life is on the right track, I would like to try to further my education. I don't know how I could possibly find the time, with my new job and my new role as Charlie's guardian…but there are always online classes. _It is an idea at least._

Pulling into my parent's driveway, I'm excited to see Charlie. Who knew a baby could ease my mind? I find mom holding a sleeping Charlie in her arms, watching a reality TV show and ignoring my entrance.

"How was your day?" I ask her, extending an olive branch.

She waits until her program goes to a commercial, before turning to me to say, "Charlie was great," she says with a smile that makes her look years younger. "He is just as handsome as his dad."

She means, 'he was just as handsome as his dad _was,'_ but I know that she won't say it. Like dad said, she likes things 'tidy' and the death of her favorite child is not a tidy matter. When she finally looks at me, her eyes are distant and I want to comfort her, just wrap my arms around her so she knows that I will be here for the family, be here for her. But, I don't know how she would react.

I stuff my hands in my pockets and think of what I could say, but before I get the chance to respond, dad comes in and eases the tension in the room.

"Edward," he says, patting me on the shoulder, before walking past me to join mom on the couch. "How was work?"

I glance down at my mud stained shirt, jeans, and well-worn boots, "It was fine Dad. Thanks for asking. I'm starving, so I was hoping to just take Charlie home and eat some dinner."

"Well, why don't you join us for dinner?" Dad suggests.

I watch mom stiffen at his side and I instantly feel uncomfortable. "That's alright dad…I have food at home."

"Nonsense," he jovially states, "Your mother and I were just about to grab dinner. You and Charlie can come with us."

I'm hesitant for a moment, looking at the tight expression on my mother's face. She never liked when anyone ruined her plans. She would get a thought in her head, and it just had to happen that exact way for her to be happy.

"Carlisle, he already said he is going to eat at home. He is probably exhausted and just doesn't want to hurt your feelings," she says, feigning thoughtfulness.

"It's fine dad," I say, effectively suppressing my annoyance. "I'm too beat to go anywhere. Besides, I look pretty rough."

I don't know why I do this stuff for her. She could try to think outside of herself for once, but perhaps that is a dream of mine. People get stuck in their habits and it becomes hard to change. _I should know._ My mother's habit was being selfish, and my father's habit was being blind to it.

"Well, we will get together soon then."

Charlie stirs awake in my mom's arms and searches for me. When his eyes finally meet mine, he begins to cry and I immediately make my way toward him. Mom doesn't want to hand him over at first, and looks almost upset that her grandson prefers me, but she relents and hands him over as soon as Charlie begins to wail. As soon as I wrap my arms around him, his cries cease and he smiles at me and grabs my thumb.

"He loves you, Edward," Dad comments as he watches us.

"I love him too."

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I pick up a large cheese pizza on the way home, hoping that it will hold me over for the next few days. I thought I would splurge a little and get a taste of something that was not Ramen noodles or microwavable macaroni and cheese. As I wait for my order, I notice several women check me out. It's laughable how blatant they are about it. Even with their husbands right next to them, they eye me as if I'm something to eat.

I ignore them and play with Charlie. His eyes are wide and searching the restaurant, taking in all the brand-new sights and sounds. His face is so expressive and I can see my smile reflecting in his eyes. A few women comment on how adorable my son is, and I smile and refrain from correcting them. I love him as if he was my son, and I'm sure he will grow to look at me as his father.

On the way to my apartment, I contemplate the idea of sharing my pizza with Bella. _She did cook for me the night before, and I do want to see her again._ Just thinking about her puts a permanent smile on my face. In the short time I have known her, I find her to be the most warm, beautiful, intelligent, and optimistic woman I have ever met. She has this glow about her… I decide that I will invite her over; I will be a man and ask her.

When I do arrive at her door, with a pizza in one hand and Charlie in the other, I have to take a deep, calming breath before I knock on her door with my foot. The moments it takes for her to open her door feel like an eternity and the entire time I am spent second guessing myself. _You can do this Cullen, don't pussy out!_ It's not as if I am asking her on a date, _what a lousy date this would be,_ it is just a friendly…get-together.

She takes my breath away as she answers the door, with her hair in a messy bun and a pair of overalls on. She looks cute. I don't think I've ever called a woman 'cute' before, but Bella is so adorable, I want nothing more than to curl up with her on a couch and hold her in my arms for hours.

"I was wondering if you wanted to eat dinner with me?" I ask with a crooked grin.

She gives me a coy little smile before nodding her head. I can't ignore the way her grin tugs at my heart. As it turns out, pizza is her favorite food, and unlike other women, she wasn't afraid to admit it. As soon as we got comfortable and I opened up the pizza box and set out some sodas, Bella dug right in, giving me one cute, apologetic smile, as she finished her first slice.

I place Charlie comfortably in my lap and grab a slice for myself. She tells me about her day editing reference books. Bella seems to love her job, stating that it is perfect for an introvert like herself.

I chuckle at this, "You, an introvert? Bella, you marched over here to talk to me yesterday. That seems pretty outgoing to me," I tease.

"Well," she smiles, taking another bite of her pizza, "I'm outgoing when it counts."

I'm glad I was a good reason for her to leave her apartment. We talk until Charlie falls asleep in my arms, and then we talk some more. Time flies when we are together, and if I didn't have to get up in a mere few hours, I wouldn't have mentioned the time. She is shy all of the sudden when she realizes that it's past midnight, but seems reluctant to leave.

"Thanks for tonight, Bella."

"I had a great time," she says with a pretty blush. "I'm right across the hall…you know, if you need anything."

We stare at each other, the tension in the room is palpable, and I want nothing more than to reach out and hold her hand. Just that touch alone would be enough for me. But, we just smile at each other and I walk her to the door.

 **A/N: So, Edward is pretty swoon worthy. If only his mother wasn't so horrible! I know many of you guys want to strangle her right now. Please tell me what you think and review! I love reading your reviews so much!**

 **I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who has been supporting this story so far! You guys all keep me writing. I definitely love this one, and I'm so happy to see that you love this one as well. It was so cool to go on fanfiction this morning before work and see that this story had already reached 1000 followers after only being published three weeks ago!**

 **Song- "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd**


	11. Chapter 11: Charlie's Progress

**I saw that this story was featured on The Lemonade Stand this week, so Hi **waves** to everyone who has come due to that recommendation! Thanks to everyone who has followed, favorited, and commented on this story! It means the world to me :).**

 **Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for beta-ing and pre-reading for me! I would be lost without you guys :).**

" _Our faces reflected in separate windshields_

 _And all our body hair pricked up an elephant eyelash._

 _Should we be tempted by thief or saint_

 _It seems I leave and you stay_

 _To crawl the cage and curse._

 _But don't regret the done dirt, there is no life plan set,_

 _You just swallow the cold and follow your breath until death._

 _Now even if the will to sleep persists_

 _I can't 'cause a harsh cloth, it grazes my blisters"_

 _-Why?-_

 **EPOV:**

I always feel as if I am being born again when the air grows crisp in the fall. It is nice to feel settled, something I would have never imagined myself enjoying. It has been two months since I have purchased my first apartment and it still feels as if it was just yesterday that I held Charlie for the first time. He has grown a bit and has become even more animated. Part of me wishes he would stay this way forever, but another part of me cannot wait until he can verbalize his thoughts.

Another thing to grow, has been my relationship with Bella. She has become my best friend and we spend every night alternating between our apartments, watching movies, playing games, and sometimes, just staying up into the late hours of the night just talking. Charlie loves her as well, always wanting to play with our beautiful neighbor. Every night, I want to ask her on a proper date, but fear always stops me. I don't want to mess up what we have right now. Could she see me the same after she turned me down? Some girls get so embarrassed about those types of things.

"What do you think I should do, Charlie?" I ask the giggling baby in my arms.

We have been watching Saturday morning cartoons and Scooby Doo in particular, cracks Charlie up. Charlie seems to be thinking for a moment, and then says a few "oohs," "daas," and "gaas," before he begins giggling again. I chuckle at him, it's impossible to be the least bit stressed with a happy baby in your arms.

"Maybe tonight will be the night, then," I muse, contemplating the best way to ask her.

As I think of ideas, I feel pretty stupid. I know I'm not good enough for someone like her. She deserves a man who has a bright future ahead of him, someone smarter than me. I would just bring baggage into her life. I just feel like a pre-existing condition...like I was born no good. I can't remember a time when anyone was proud of me, when anyone believed in me, I can't remember a time when I hadn't been a disappointment to someone. Should I really plague Bella with that? I'm lucky she is even friends with me.

Charlie grows fussy in my arms, and begins to cry. Suddenly, I realize I hadn't been paying attention to him, and he definitely has noticed. I rest his head on my shoulder and hold him close, and it is not long before his tears have ceased. He feels so little when I hold him like this, and I feel like I could hold him close forever. I rock him in my arms and go back to planning my possible date with Bella. If I gain the courage to ask her, I could always take her to a nice park or if I wait another month, the pumpkin patches will open and that could be a good idea... I could always push it off another month. The better she knows me, the better my chances will be.

"Do you think Bella will say yes?" I ask Charlie, as if he was a Magic 8 Ball.

Charlie laughs at me, and nuzzles his head against my neck. I suppose it is funny, isn't it? I'm a grown man, and yet, a girl makes me incredibly nervous. But it isn't just any girl, it's my best friend.

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"Charlie stood up today," I tell Bella over our dinner of Chinese takeout. "He pulled himself up off the floor and stood up for a few seconds."

I can't wipe the smile off of my face, I haven't been able to wipe it off my face since Charlie stood up this afternoon. My cheeks have started to hurt, but my happiness hasn't dissipated. When Charlie pulled himself off the floor while we were playing, I had to run and grab my phone to take multiple pictures. I only managed to snap one before he fell back down on his butt, but the one I managed to take is absolutely perfect. So much so, I've made it the background on my phone. It's a milestone in his life, and I feel so lucky that I was there to witness it. _Seth would have been so proud._ Maybe Kate and him are looking down on their son with proud smiles on their faces.

"That's amazing," Bella gushes with a delighted smile on her beautiful face. "Maybe he will do it for me again later!"

"If he hasn't passed out by the time dinner is over, then I am sure he will," I grin at her.

Charlie's eyes are drooping and he his holding tightly onto my thumb as he does every night before he falls asleep. He is so cute like this, and I can't help but watch him for a moment before I turn my attention back to Bella. She is staring at her cell phone with an annoyed frown on her face.

"What is it?" I ask, not enjoying the way her frown makes me feel.

"It's nothing," she says with a shake of her head. "It's just my sister thinks she is a matchmaker."

My brows shoot up and I feel nervous all of the sudden. Is her sister trying to set her up with someone? I could miss my chance with her if I don't ask her out now.

"What do you mean, a 'matchmaker'?" I ask, hating the nervousness I can hear in my voice.

"Well, Alice is trying to set me up on a blind date with one of her friends. I tried telling her that I don't feel comfortable with blind dates...but Alice is, persistent to say the least," she says with an agitated giggle.

"What are you going to tell her?"

Bella shrugs and takes a bite of her egg roll, "Well, I haven't been on a date in a year. I guess I'm not in the position to be shooing guys away." Bella laughs at her own comment and takes another bite of her meal.

I want to tell her that I'm interested, but before I can speak up, she continues. "Well, I've never really needed anyone, you know? I like being alone I guess. Alice has always been quite codependent and I've always been okay on my own. She doesn't get that, of course, she has always had a boyfriend." Bella pauses for a moment and then giggles at herself, "Sorry, I'm rambling again."

"It's okay," I grin, "I like your rambles."

"That's why you are my best friend," she says with a snort.

Her best friend. I know it to be true, but I wonder if her feelings do not go beyond that. I can't mess this up by asking her about her feelings. I have messed everything in my life up in the past, and I have only begun to turn things around recently. I just can't chance this.

If I lost Bella, I wouldn't know what I would do.

 **A/N: Don't worry guys, Bella hasn't put Edward in the friend zone haha. Writing a story in Edward's POV is so different, because Bella is the one who is the mystery. It's pretty fun! But, I was thinking about having an outtake or two in Bella's POV.**

 **Also, there were a couple comments about where Charlie's mom is...she died with Seth in the car accident. There was a sentence that mentioned her death in the first chapter...but because of a few confused comments, I referenced it again in this chapter. Charlie's mom's name is Kate and she died with Seth in the drunk driving accident.**

 **Song- "Gemini (Birthday Song)" by Why? They are one of my favorite bands…so check them out !**


	12. Chapter 12: Hope

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for being amazing betas and pre-readers! This story would be such a mess without them! You both are beautiful and amazing!**

" _Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick_

 _The one that makes me scream she said_

 _The one that makes me laugh she said_

 _Threw her arms around my neck_

 _Show me how you do it and I'll promise you_

 _I'll promise that I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you"_

 _-The Cure-_

 **EPOV:**

Bella had been flustered all day. It felt odd, providing her with moral support for a date I didn't want her to go on. But what could I do to stop her, besides ask her out myself? If I didn't man-up, I would have to watch her date someone else before my very eyes. Which brings me to this moment, sitting on her bed, watching her try on dress after dress with Charlie in my arms.

Part of me believes she must be teasing me with this dress up shit. As if putting on dresses was her way of saying, " _You don't like it? Do something about it!"_

"What do you think about this one?" she asks as she twirls in front of me.

Charlie is smiling in approval, before he returns to trying to place his foot in his mouth. I laugh at his attempt and bring him to rest on my shoulder.

"You look beautiful. So, where is this guy taking you?" My expression is nonchalant, but my voice is anything but.

"Some Italian restaurant in the city," she explains with a shrug of her shoulders.

 _If it's not important to her, why must she torment me with this?_

"So why do you need my opinion anyway? Do I look like a man who knows anything about fashion?" I ask, gesturing to my worn black t-shirt and ripped jeans. "Can't your sister give you advice?"

"Well, I wanted a man's opinion," she says with a blush.

The tension in my chest dissipates as I see a shy smile appear on my girl's face. "Bella, you know you're beautiful. Anything you wear would be perfect."

She looks at me, as if she was really seeing me for the first time and thanks me, before returning to her walk-in closet to try on another dress.

I can't contain myself any longer. I can't sit idly by while another man pursues what is mine. I place Charlie on the center of her bed, and follow her into the closet. She is shocked at first, and I'm stunned momentarily by her exposed flesh, which she is making a half-assed attempt to cover. Looking away from her tempting body, I meet her eyes and focus on what I need to say.

Taking a deep breath, I speak before I can overthink things and stop myself, "Bella, I don't want you to go on this date tonight."

She cocks her brows at me, and drops her hands, placing them on her hips. "Why? I haven't been on a date in a long time Edward."

"Is that the only reason why you're going out with this guy?" I can't help the contempt that is in the tone of my voice, but I've never felt anything toward a woman before. I've never even had a female friend...Bella is my first.

"Because he seems nice. He comes highly recommended by Alice," she smiles, before slipping into another dress.

"Don't play with me," I say, darker than I intended to.

"Are you looking out for me as your best friend?" she challenges me.

She looks so cute all of the sudden. Spirited, beautiful, and just what I need.

"No, Bella I'm not," I say taking a step forward, trapping her in the corner of the closet. "If you want to go on a date, I'll take you out."

"A real date?" she smiles up at me.

"Well," I smirk, "It doesn't have to be a real date, we could just fake it and see how it goes."

She snorts and hits my chest. "No, Edward. I think you should try again."

"Cancel your date tonight, and I'll take you out."

Bella gives me a knowing grin, and I wonder if this was her plan all along. "Okay, Edward. I'll go on a date with you."

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It's not a fancy Italian spot, but it is pizza, which is close in my book and well within my price range. Bella doesn't seem to mind it, because she hasn't stopped smiling since our arrival. Charlie is just as happy, bouncing on my lap while we wait for the waitress to bring a high chair.

"So, is this what you envisioned for the night?" I tease her, as she plays with the napkin on her lap.

"Yes," she says with a coy smile.

 _She did plan this!_

Before I can ask her how long she had been planning this, in that pretty little head of hers, our waitress returns with a high chair in one hand and a notepad in the other. I stare at the drink menu on the last page of the menu for a moment, thinking about how nice a cold IPA would feel. Shaking my head, I order a Pepsi and take the formula I brought for Charlie out of the bag I brought with me.

"So, did the guy take it pretty hard when you canceled?" I want her to confirm this guy is real and she hasn't just been messing with me.

"Well, he was hopeful that we could reschedule for another time. He is Alice's friend, and I guess my sister really talked me up to him."

"I'm sure that is easy to do."

Bella flushes, pleased by my words. Our waitress returns for our order, before asking whether we would like one check, or two tonight.

Before Bella can speak up, I quickly tell the waitress, "Just one, thank you."

I don't understand the shock on Bella's face, did she honestly think I would allow her to pay tonight? This is the first date I've ever been on, and growing up, it was ingrained in my brain that the man should be paying for dates. Suddenly, I am nervous. This is my very first date, _how pathetic is that,_ and I don't want to screw anything up.

"Thanks, Edward. But you didn't have to do that."

"Well, it is a date, isn't it?"

I never envisioned that my very first date would involve a baby...but this is a date nonetheless. As if he can read my thoughts, Charlie laughs in my arms and spits up a bit of his formula.

"Yes, it is," Bella responds with a pretty blush. "I never thought you would ask me out."

I laugh, astounded by this. Although we have been friends for a while now, I always thought I had been rather flirtatious with her. But maybe my feelings weren't as easily conveyed, as I had imagined. I thought I had been showing her how deeply my feelings ran when we had reminisced over our very different upbringings, or when we discussed our favorite music as we found we had the same tastes, or when we discovered that, although we were opposites, we had still became best friends.

"Well, I suppose I just needed you to tease me until I caved," I tease her.

Bella throws her head back with a giggle, and all my suspicions are confirmed, that little minx most definitely planned this. I love how she can flirt with me one minute, and then the next we can have these deep conversations. I never feel like I have to hide with Bella. While she doesn't know every aspect of my past, she sees me and accepts me for what I am. There are definitely certain aspects of our upbringings that we have left unsaid, but I know that nothing could change the way I feel about her. I hope that she believes the same when it comes to my situation.

Our pizza arrives and we fall into a deep discussion about literature and music, two things I loved before I found the many different forms of self-medication. I can't remember the last time I talked about Kesey, Bukowski, or Palahniuk, but it's always freeing to discuss something you love. I used to read all the time before I sold all of my books. Bella approves of my tastes, and has read every book that I name, but explains that she prefers the classics, such as Austen and Brontë. I wonder if it would impress her if she found me with a copy of _Pride and Prejudice._ If I could stomach reading that sort of thing, I've never been one for romance.

Charlie grows restless, and I know he is tired of lying in my arms and wants to get up and move. Now that he can finally stand with the assistance of the furniture or me, he doesn't like to be still for long. He begins kicking his legs and I wonder if I should take him outside to get some fresh air.

"Awe, poor guy," Bella coos, leaning across the table to get a better look at Charlie. "Is it past his bedtime?"

"Yeah, sorry about this," I find myself apologizing as I rock Charlie against my shoulder. I flag the waitress down to indicate that I want the check, and with a flirtatious smile, she is more than happy to oblige.

"It's fine," Bella says with a shrug of her shoulders, "I love having Charlie around."

I'm glad because Charlie is part of the package. I can't do anything without him being the most important thing. "Do you mind holding him for a moment?" I ask, as the bill comes our way.

Bella is eager, as always, to take him and I fish for my wallet, so I can hand over my card with as little conversation, with this eye-fucking waitress, as I can manage. I slip her my card as soon as she comes by, as my gaze never wavers from Bella and Charlie. The waitress comes back with my card and her phone number, and I have to roll my eyes and hide it from Bella's view.

"Thanks for tonight Edward," Bella says conversationally as we make our way out to the parking lot. "That was a lot more fun than a stuffy dinner with a stranger," she giggles at the thought.

"Well, I appreciate that Bella," I tease her.

"I didn't mean it like that," she says with a cute roll of her eyes. "I had a lot of fun with you Edward. Just like I always do."

Tonight, was progress. All my fears about having a possible relationship have dissipated due to Bella, and I feel hopeful moving forward.

 **A/N: So, they finally went on a date! Yay progress! I thought Edward needed something positive to happen haha. Please review! I would love to see this story hit 1,000 reviews!**

 **Song- "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure**


	13. Chapter 13: Flashback

**Big thanks to Sherry and Paige! You girls are absolutely incredible!**

" _The phone is ringing and the clock says four A.M._

 _If it's your friends, well I don't want to hear from them_

 _Please leave your number and a message at the tone_

 _Or you can just go on and leave me alone."_

 _-Husker Du-_

 **EPOV:**

There are moments that take us back in time; images that conjure up memories that have been long forgotten. Seeing Paul again took me back to my time in high school, where Seth was the star athlete and I was a stoned brawler, who couldn't go a week without receiving some sort of discipline. Paul had been on the football team with my brother, and the three of us had once been close, despite my differences.

" _You have to quit dicking around. You know mom is going to freak when she hears about this."_

 _With a busted lip and a fucked-up nose, there is no way mom is going to keep her mouth shut this time. Not that she notices me much anyway, I can usually just slide by her and she won't even bother to look up. I love how inattentive she is when it comes to me. I can spend my days away from home and come back in the morning the next day and no one has noticed. Of course, dad would freak if he was home to see this._

" _She won't hear about anything Seth," I say as I dab my upper lip with a rag, "Just distract her like you always do. Just tell her about football or some shit like that. She loves your stories."_

 _Seth rolls his eyes, but he knows it's true. "I'll cover for you this time, but you have to stop wailing on everyone you see."_

 _This time, I roll my eyes. "That's an exaggeration, you know Dean had it coming for a while."_

" _You fucked his girlfriend Ed, of course he was upset."_

 _Natalie was a prime piece, but, one of the main reasons I hooked up with her was to mess with her dick of a boyfriend. Truly, hooking up has become a sport for me. It's amazing, that regardless of the amount of shit I get for my actions, I am never in need of a girl. Seth, my poster boy brother, is the opposite. While he still gets laid just as much as I do, Seth has a girlfriend who doesn't exactly like me. Kate thinks my behavior is disgusting, but if a girl wants to drop her panties for some random asshole she has just met, then who am I to stop her?_

 _Paul jogs toward us with a shit-eating grin on his face. His parents just left town and Paul has been itching for another party. He isn't exactly close to his parents and they travel constantly, leaving him to spend his nights at our house after school. Mom loves him like a son._

" _You two coming by tonight?" Paul asks._

" _Of course, dude, I told you Ed and I were coming," Seth says with his bright, all-American, smile._

 _They get to talking as we head to the car and I lag behind like I usually do. Paul jumps into the passenger seat and Seth pulls me aside before I jump into the back._

" _Don't bring your shit tonight Ed," Seth says seriously. "We almost had an accident last time because of you."_

 _I nod, feeling sick all of the sudden. I wasn't in my right mind at the time, and it's haunted me to this day. I've never seen anyone look like that. I had lost track of my pills after one too many drinks. It was a wake-up call, and since then I have been more careful._

"Ed?" Paul's voice pulls me from one of many unpleasant memories. "Ed, is that you?"

He walks to the back of the sandwich shop where I'm sitting with Charlie and I don't know how I feel seeing him. I'm happy to see my old friend, but at the same time, seeing Paul reminds me of Seth and it just hurts too much. _Paul reminds me of what I have lost._

"Hey, man! It's been forever! I haven't seen you since you left," Paul says, gesturing to the unoccupied side of the booth to ask if he could sit.

I nod my head and he slides in with a huge grin on his face. "You've got little Charlie with you too," he says with a bittersweet smile before his face transforms into a tired grimace. "How are you doing Ed?" he finally asks.

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting him to see how affected I am by his presence. "I'm fine. Got back into town recently, started work, and have been taking care of Charlie."

"That's great Ed," Paul says, looking more relaxed now. "Maybe we can hang some time, you know, to talk about things?"

I don't know if I could handle that right now. I don't like to think about the past, let alone speak about it. I have reminisced to Bella, but that was different. She wasn't my brother's friend, and we didn't share memories together.

"I don't know if I can talk about him," I honestly say, "Especially with you. I see him when I look at you...and it's too painful."

Paul frowns, but it is obvious he can understand. "Ed, I don't want to make things more difficult. But, we used to be close and I hope we can be friends again. I think Seth would want that."

I don't know if it is caused by the stress of seeing an old face, or if this has been building up inside of me since my brother has died, but I finally burst.

"My brother is dead! Who the fuck knows what he wanted?"

Charlie begins to cry in my arms and I feel myself grow pale. I don't know what made me lash out at Paul like that. It isn't Paul, but what he represents, which is a past I can no longer hold onto, memories that so are distant at times I worry that I will forget them someday. Someone once told me, pain was good, it proves that we are still living. If we can't feel pain, then we can't feel anything else. But I'm not sure I want to feel, I would rather be numb and blind like my mother.

Paul's eyes are wide with surprise, but they are also filled with understanding. Something that only agitates me more. _I don't want his pity._ "I'm sorry Paul, I have to go." I stand, rocking Charlie in my arms and back away from the booth.

"That's fine Ed," Paul says, "I understand. Just know that I'm here if you need me."

I throw some cash on the table and give him a tense smile before walking out of the diner. I feel like a coward. Paul misses Seth just as much as I do, but I'm just not ready. I can't bring myself to face him and I don't know if I will ever be able to. I avoided him at Seth and Kate's funeral and I have always been thankful that I haven't seen him around town. Maybe one day I'll find the strength to speak about what my brother was without losing it.

But today, I am in pieces.

 **A/N: So, what do you think of this glimpse of Edward's past? He sure is different than he is today! Please review!**

 **Song-"Don't Want to Know if You Are Lonely" by Husker Du.**


	14. Chapter 14: Revelations

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for being wonderful betas and amazing prereaders! I don't know what I would do without you!**

" _Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

 _Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

 _All your life_

 _You were only waiting for this moment to arise._

 _Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

 _Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_

 _All your life_

 _You were only waiting for this moment to be free."_

 _-The Beatles-_

 **EPOV:**

I return home to sit for a very long time. I hold Charlie close, but feel too numb to notice him. The memories won't stop coming, and I grow fearful of closing my eyes, because the past is all I can see. Seth surrounds me as if he were still alive, and as I sit here, holding his son, I wonder why he was the one to die. I would have gladly taken his place. He had a family who loved him, a future ahead of him, and never did anything to compromise that. I, on the other hand, didn't have anyone to miss me, I didn't have a future that was ahead of me. For Charlie, I am a sad excuse for a father, for my mom, I am an embarrassment for a son.

 _Mom throws her head back and laughs. She looks beautiful when she is like this, like the young, carefree girl she once was. Seth and Paul are giving her a play-by-play of their last game, something which always puts mom in a wonderful mood. She loves sitting on our back porch with them, sipping her ice tea, and listening to the stories of her heroic athlete son. I like to listen in sometimes as well, although sometimes I can tell my presence annoys her...reminds her that her family isn't exactly perfect._

I'm thankful for the knock on the door which pulls me away from my memories of high school. I answer the door to find Bella. Her incredulous smile turns into a confused frown as soon as she sees me. Maybe I look just as terrible as I feel.

"I've been trying to contact you all day," she says quietly, her voice unsure.

"I know, I'm sorry about that," I grimace, stepping aside to invite her in.

Bella gives me a small, knowing smile before walking past me and taking a seat on the couch. I join her and we sit in comfortable silence for a moment, the only sound in the room is Charlie's breathing as he sleeps in my arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she proposes, her tone not pushy or demanding.

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to share my thoughts with her. I don't want her to see my emotions or my past. I don't want her to see me differently and find me weak. If I tell her the truth about my past, maybe she will see me as unlovable. I know I should have more faith in Bella than I have had in my mother. Mom saw that I was a screw up, and could never love me right. Dad on the other hand, always felt responsible for how I turned out and that's why he always showed me affection. But Bella…. well, maybe Bella would be different if I can gain the courage to give her a chance.

"I saw my brother's best friend today while I was having lunch," I finally say, unable to look at her.

Bella remains quiet, allowing me to continue when I am ready.

"It was weird seeing him. It was as if I had been confronted with my past and when I looked at Paul, I could only see my brother. I feel bad for feeling that way, because I know Paul is hurting just as much, but I can't bring myself to talk to him. Paul, my brother, and I always spent every day together...he was always over at our house because his parents were never home, always out of town. Mom loved him like he was her son. He and Seth were so alike…. but that just makes him this morbid reminder for me, and I just can't handle it right now."

Finally, I meet Bella's gaze and I'm relieved to find it is not filled with pity, but understanding instead. She is more than I have given her credit for, and suddenly I feel ashamed of myself for doubting her. Bella turns toward me, and opens her arms to offer me comfort. I've never really been held before, always thinking I could handle my emotions alone, but now, in this moment, I want nothing more than to be wrapped in Bella's arms and forget about things for a while. I hold Charlie, and she holds me to her chest, resting her head on top of mine.

"I understand, I truly do," she says quietly, "It gets better Edward."

I close my eyes and listen to the sound of her heart. It's comforting.

"I couldn't deal with him Bella. I know it's selfish for me to leave him to deal with this alone, but it just...it hurts too much."

Bella rubs my back, and Charlie stirs awake in my arms and begins to cry. "I think he's hungry," I say, not recognizing my own voice.

I walk to the kitchen to grab his formula, and Bella begins speaking. First, it sounds as if she is merely speaking to herself, just announcing her thoughts to an empty room. But once I register her words, I know she is talking to me.

"My mother died when I was twelve. She had been suffering for so long and she just couldn't take it anymore. I was sad for a long time, but then I became angry. 'How could she do this to us?' I would wonder. I was mad at everyone. But instead of lashing out, I would focus all of my efforts in school and extracurricular activities.

I wanted to be perfect, because I felt that she wasn't. I would get lost in my work and at times I would forget about her...it was a _relief_ to forget. But, now that I'm older, I don't want to lose the memories I had with her, because I love her. I will always love her, even if she isn't here to feel it. I forgave her, and most importantly, I forgave myself. I know your wounds are fresh Edward, but I just wanted you to know, that it won't always feel this way."

I stand in shock. Charlie's cries are what reminds me to get out of my own head for a second. I begin to feed him, but my mind is reeling with this new information. Bella has lost someone as well. I wonder if she had always known that I have been grieving? I join her on the couch and feel my heart break as I see tears swimming in her eyes.

"How did you deal with it? How did you get better?"

She gives me a small smile and dabs her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "I went to see a therapist. I felt awkward going at first and I didn't like the idea of talking to someone. But it helped me tremendously. Maybe you should think about it Edward. Sometimes, it's nice to have someone to talk to."

"I have you," I smile weakly.

"And I'm always going to be here for you, Edward. I promise. Just think about it."

"I will."

 **A/N: Hey everyone! So, a lot of you voted for a BPOV outtake for this story. If you haven't voted for which chapters you would like to see...join my FB group "The Highlander Princess's Clan" and while you there...friend me on Facebook at Lizzie Lee so you can Facebook stalk me ;).**

 **My Bella POV outtake has been posted on my brand new blog**

 **highlander princess fiction. blogspot .com (remove the space)**

 **Song- "Blackbird" by The Beatles**


	15. Chapter 15: Firsts

**Happy Mother's Day Everyone! I hope everyone has had a great day today. I don't have any kids, but my mom is my best friend and a huge role model to me, so I can still celebrate.**

 **Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for beta-ing for me! You two girls are amazing and I don't know what I would do without you!**

" _Where are you and I'm so sorry_

 _I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight_

 _I need somebody and always_

 _This sick strange darkness_

 _Comes creeping on so haunting every time_

 _And as I stared I counted_

 _Webs from all the spiders_

 _Catching things and eating their insides_

 _Like indecision to call you_

 _And hear your voice of treason_

 _Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?"_

 _-Blink-182-_

 **EPOV:**

The last few days have been difficult and I can't seem to shake the depression I have succumbed to. Paul has triggered many emotions I have wanted to ignore, and now that I must face them, I feel naked, stripped of all the armor I have been wearing for so long. Charlie has felt the waves of my pain, and I feel so guilty knowing what that does to him. Thank God for Bella. She has been an angel through this and allows me time to grieve as she takes care of the baby.

Bella can reach me when no one else can. She alone can pull me out of the darkness I seem to be drowning in. I've spent the last few days surviving, going to work, eating when appropriate, and going to sleep. Lately, it seems as if all I want to do is sleep.

The memories don't stop. Although, Bella said she was happy to remember her mother, all I wish to do is forget. Even in mourning, I feel inadequate. Seth deserves to be remembered, and I would rather avoid the pain, than give him that.

"Edward?" I heard Bella call from the doorway of my bedroom.

I felt her presence long before she opened her mouth to speak, but I had hoped my silence would deter her. I would tell her to leave me be, if I did not find her to be so soothing. It seems as if, she was the remedy for any ailment I may face.

"Edward, Charlie wants you." She comes forward with the baby in her arms, and continues, "I can't soothe him, I know he wants you."

She says my name as if she was trying to pull me back to shore, saving me from the waves that are crashing into me. Charlie's cries begin to resonate with me, and I reach for him. Holding him close, I feel his labored breaths against my cheek and feel his tiny body shaking in my arms.

"Shh, baby," I murmur as I pat him gently on the back, "I'm here. I got you."

He is trembling and I hang my head in shame, knowing that I should have been there for him, instead of lost in my own head. Hesitantly, my eyes meet Bella's, and I find that she doesn't share the same feelings as I do. She looks, relieved as she observes me...happy even.

"You're back," she says quietly. "I thought we had lost you for a moment."

"Was it that bad?" I asked, already knowing the answer she will give.

She wraps her arms around me, and I'm engulfed with the scent freesia, vanilla, and cream, the smell of my Bella. It's moments like these, when she gives me such compassion, that I wonder if I love her. I've never loved a person before, and the idea seems so foreign to me. I love my father, I love Charlie, but, loving Bella is a different feeling entirely.

"You needed time to grieve," she explains as she rests her head on my shoulder. "You never allowed yourself the chance to mourn."

"I thought," I pause, not wanting to realize it aloud, "I thought that if I allowed myself to feel, I would have to accept the truth. I want to talk to someone, Bella, I really do."

She appraises me for a moment, her eyes soften and her body relaxes against my side. I turn to look at her, and before I know it, her lips are on mine. It feels unlike anything else. Her lips are soft and her kiss is passionate. Her lack of experience is endearing and she ignites a fire in me, I know I will never be able to extinguish. I lose myself in her, until finally she pulls away, with the prettiest blush on her face. She giggles, seeming embarrassed, and I chuckled too, elated that we have finally shared a kiss. I've been wanting it for so long, but didn't want to push her boundaries. We haven't talked about it, but from the way it seems, she doesn't have much experience.

"That was nice," she comments, shyly.

Charlie is staring up at me with wide eyes and a happy smile. His cheeks are still wet with tears, but all of his unhappiness has vanished.

"That was more than nice."

 _It was perfect._ If I had doubted her feelings before, I can no longer overlook them now. As hard as it is to believe, I finally realize she must feel the same way about me as I do about her. The thought is terrifying. What if I screw this up as I have screwed up so much else? How could someone like me possibly keep her?

Pushing any negativity aside, I decide to move forward. I have spent so much of my life at a standstill, never progressing in a single area and content with mediocrity. I don't want to stand still any longer, I want a relationship with her, as scary as it might be. I don't want to frighten her, by stating my feelings aloud, but I can begin to take steps in the right direction.

"Do you want to go to dinner with Charlie and me tonight? I'm itching to get out of this house," I smile, now feeling quite shy myself. "And, maybe some night soon, we can go to dinner, just you and I?"

Bella grins at me, and suddenly I feel foolish for my nervousness. This is Bella, my best friend, I should know by now I have nothing to be nervous about when it comes to her wanting to spend time with me. But every time I ask her to go out, I feel as if I'm regressing to my childhood, when I was very nerdy and extremely soft-spoken. I'm happy to find that there is no hesitation before her answer, and I feel ten feet tall knowing this woman is mine. _Well, will hopefully be mine soon._

 **A/N: Can you guys even imagine a geeky/soft-spoken Edward? I know, it is definitely hard to believe haha. Next chapter will be cute, I promise! Also, I'll be posting another Bella POV soon on my blog, so go follow so you can see all my Bella POV updates!**

 **Song- "I Miss You" by blink-182**


	16. Chapter 16: A Promising Beginning

**I'm back with another update!**

 **Giant thanks to my betas Sherry and Paige! This story would be nothing without you! Have to dedicate this chapter to Sherry :). I hope you feel better real soon!**

" _I'm in love with a girl_

 _Finest girl in the world_

 _I didn't know I could feel this way._

 _Think about her all the time_

 _Always on my mind_

 _I didn't know about love._

 _I'm in love with a girl_

 _Finest girl in the world_

 _I didn't know this could happen to me."_

 _-Big Star-_

 **EPOV:**

Never wanting to miss an opportunity to show off to her wealth of friends, mom agrees to watch Charlie for the evening. I didn't tell her my reasoning for the night off, but instead, I explained that I figured she must miss her grandson. Bella has been watching him more and more often, freeing mom up to do, whatever it is she does, during the day. After a few minutes of reverse psychology, my night was freed up for my date with Bella.

I put aside a good chunk of money to take her out on a proper date. I even purchased a few shirts that weren't covered in holes from cigarette burns for the occasion. I wanted to impress her, I didn't want her to see me as some fuck up she is going on a pity date with. As much as I hate myself, I know I can't think so poorly of Bella. Perhaps my self-contempt is something I can discuss during one of my therapy sessions. I don't know when it began, or what it stemmed from, but there has been this sense of inferiority that is always at the back of my mind. There's this voice in my head that constantly reminds me of all my shortcomings and every set back I have ever had. I am sure it is not healthy, but how can you avoid a voice that sounds so logical?

I shake off the feelings that inspire my self-doubt and focus on enjoying the night with my girl. My problems won't be attractive to her, and although she sees into my soul as if it were the matching puzzle piece to her own, I don't want to be the man who needs to be consoled throughout the night.

I put more effort into my appearance tonight than I ever have. I cover up my sleeves of tattoos with a dress shirt and try to tame my hair, before deciding that it is no use. It's nearing the time for me to "pick up" Bella anyhow, which consists of me walking across the hall and knocking on her door.

Bella looks like every fantasy I have ever had. As soon as she opened her door, my jaw dropped and it feels like I am seeing her for the very first time. She looks so innocent, yet so sexy, in her purple dress and jean jacket. It fits her body like a glove, and I give myself a moment to appreciate her curves, before realizing that it is rude to gawk at her. But how could any man help it when faced with such a sight?

"Is this alright for where we are going?" she asks, unsure of herself as she plays with the bottom of her dress, which lands a good foot above her knees.

"It's perfect Bella," I assure her, as I imagine those legs wrapped around my waist.

The car ride is short, but is a great chance to give Bella some insight on my love for obscure punk bands and classic rock. If she doesn't enjoy the music, she doesn't comment and watches me with a thoughtful expression instead.

"What is this?" she asks, causing me to wonder if I should have played something more mellow for our drive.

"Bobot Adrenaline," I answer, happy when I see a nod of approval from her.

She says she likes them and reaches for the volume to turn it up. I knew she loved classic and independent rock, but to also find she likes skate punk and even ska…. _could this woman be any more perfec_ t _for me_?

By the time we arrive at the restaurant, I am feeling secure and confident, and I hope Bella notices the change in me. I toss the valet my keys, and grab Bella's hand to hold firmly in mine. Her palm is warm and a little slick, I wonder if she is just as nervous as I am. She doesn't look it, but then again, she always looks incredibly beautiful and collected.

I'm proud to say that I reserved a table for us, for once, thinking ahead. We are lead to a table in the corner of the restaurant, and handed an extensive wine list. I spend a moment, looking at the list and pretending like I didn't down wine from a box in high school. But I nod my head at the choices, and do my best to pretend like I know what I'm looking at.

The waiter comes, and spends a few moments too long, looking at my date. I straightened up in my chair and glare at him, although he is too busy gazing at Bella to notice. Not that I blame him, she does look incredible, but that doesn't mean I don't want to beat him until he learns a few manners.

When he finally looks to me, and sees the tense look on my face, he gulps and looks at his pad. I order a moderately priced bottle, being as curt as I can, and the man walks away as quickly as he can manage.

"What was that about?" Bella questions, giving me a pleased smile.

"I don't like the way that man was looking at you," I say with a shrug of my shoulders.

I know that if Bella is going to be mine, I will have to get used to the attention she will receive. I can't go around ripping out every guy's throat. She doesn't know it, as modest as she is, but she is extremely desirable, a beautiful girl with a good head on her shoulders.

"He wasn't looking at me any particular way," she reasons, but I know she is teasing me.

 _This girl is going to be the death of me._ As she looks over the menu, I enjoy the time in which I can look at her without her noticing. With creamy skin, brown doe eyes, and a plump mouth, she is perfection itself. I wonder if she knows this? I doubt it, women are always so down on themselves, only seeing their "flaws." If only she could see what I see.

"You figure out what you want?" she asks, smirking at me to let me know that I've been caught watching her again.

"Of course," I smirk back. _So what if she knows I enjoy looking at her? It's not as if I'm trying to hide my feelings any longer._

The waiter returns, and this time, he keeps his eyes down and doesn't try anything. _I must have really scared the shit out of this guy._ I adjust my posture, so I'm sitting up straight in my seat, and smirk at the man, as if to say, " _Yeah, dude, this girl is with me."_

I frown when I hear Bella order the cheapest dish on the menu, mushroom ravioli, and I wonder if she believes I can't afford this restaurant? Not that I can blame her, I am not exactly well off, but it still hurts just the same. I push my feelings of inadequacy aside and focus on the positive, which is that Bella agreed to spend time alone with me at all.

When we first became friends, I truly believed that Bella pitied me. That she would go home and laugh at her loser neighbor who was trying to take care of a baby. But as our friendship grew, I knew that wasn't the case with her. She is kind and filled with empathy. But still, you can be friends with someone and empathize with their situation, and still not want to have any romantic attachment to them.

As soon as the wine arrives at our table, I realize my mistake. The moment I became Charlie's guardian, I made a promise that I would stop drinking. I never realized I had a problem until that day. Alcohol is always in the back of my mind, taunting me with its healing potential. It's hard to avoid something that can make you forget about the problems you face. I abused it for so long, believing that I was being healed, and now that I'm without it, I can finally be myself again. But, I feel as if I will never truly be free.

"Are you alright Edward?" Bella asks, reaching across the table to take my hand in hers.

I feel ashamed, I don't want her to know my problem, but I can't control the look on my face. My weakness must be clear to her, and the thought makes my stomach turn. Unable to explain myself, I look into Bella's eyes and find nothing but understanding.

"Edward, we can send it back."

I shake my head, not wanting to explain myself to the waiter, "You can enjoy it," I insist.

Instead, we both drink our ice waters.

"This doesn't make you weak Edward. Being able to overcome a problem in your life makes you incredibly strong. You should feel proud of yourself."

This isn't how I planned on this night going. I feel so vulnerable, and I despise that feeling. I don't know how her words make me feel. While I appreciate the fact that Bella is so kind and understanding, I also realize that she can see me. She can see who I am, or at least, who I have been. Never have I been more regretful of my past until right now.

"Thanks, Bella."

She frowns, and I wonder if my discomfort is obvious to her. She smartly changes the subject and I relax. I'm happy to see that she treats me the same, regardless of this new information. Perhaps, there is hope for this relationship after all.

Dinner arrives and Bella digs right in, illustrating that this is her favorite dish after all.

"I used to be a vegetarian for a very long time," she explains between bites.

I smile, happy to talk about her. Any glimpse of her past is welcomed. "what made you choose to do that?"

"When I was nine, I saw this documentary on animal cruelty. I was so heartbroken, I marched right up to my parents and told them I wouldn't eat meat ever again." She giggles at the memory, "Dad told me I was being silly, but my mom supported my decision. She went out the next day and purchased a few vegetarian cookbooks."

Bella smiles as she talks about her mother, and I hope one day it will be that easy for me to discuss my time with Seth.

"Your mom seems like an incredible woman."

"She was," Bella smiles wistfully. "She would have loved you Edward."

I don't know why this thought makes me so sad.

"What's your mom like?" Bella asks me, not knowing how touchy the subject is.

I never talk about my mom. I've always been that way. But, not wanting to be rude, I answer her.

"She's alright. She was very successful in her career and then stayed home with me and my brother while my dad continued to work."

Bella nods her head and doesn't press the topic further. Our conversation turns to books, a favorite topic of hers. She tells me all about one of her favorites she is rereading, all about time-travel, Scotland, and falling in love with a trusted friend. I love listening to her recount the story. Her soft voice is so expressive when she speaks of something she loves. There is so much depth to this girl. It makes me realize how incredibly shallow all the women from my past have been, including my mother.

The waiter comes to check on us, looks confused by the untouched bottle of wine, and asks if we want to see the dessert menu.

"Of course, we do," Bella tells him, before a blush burns her cheeks.

I'm glad she isn't one of those girls who refuses to eat on a date. I've never been on a date to know personally, but Seth used to say a lot of his dates were like that, embarrassed to eat in front of him.

The waiter returns with a menu and we both decide on tiramisu. I'm so happy this date took a turn for the better.

The connection that I feel between us is palpable, and I find that it is very easy to fall for a girl like Bella Swan.

 **A/N: Hey everyone! So, a new chapter in Bella's POV will be posted on my blog by tomorrow night. I had a poll on my Facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan) and chapter 12 had the second largest number of votes, so I'll be posting a BPOV of that! If you aren't already, subscribe to my blog so you can get all these updates :). I just didn't want differing POVs in this story. I'm also planning on doing a Carlisle POV for one of the chapters coming up.**

 **Song- "I'm In Love With A Girl" by Big Star. This song is on the** _ **Adventureland**_ **soundtrack!**


	17. Chapter 17: First Consult

**Big thanks to my betas Sherry and Paige for their help on this chapter! You girls are so amazing!**

" _When you're weary, feeling small_

 _When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all_

 _I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough_

 _And friends just can't be found_

 _Like a bridge over troubled water_

 _I will lay me down."_

 _-Simon & Garfunkel-_

 **EPOV:**

The waiting room is suffocating. Neutral colors, empty chairs, and paperwork make me want to run for the door. The tension in my body is amplified, due to the fact that I'm the only person in the room other than the older woman behind the reception desk. I can't believe I am doing this, and I can't believe I'm so nervous. As the older woman calls my name, I hand her my paperwork, and she directs me toward an elevator.

With my heart in my throat, I ascend to the third floor. The elevator opens to a stark white hallway lined with different offices. There is something so impersonal about it and I feel even more uncomfortable. Dr. Howell's office is at the very end, by a lone window. I stare at his nameplate on the door, planning my introduction in my head. " _I'm fine, really. Never been better."_

Finally, I press the doorbell by his nameplate, and try to pull myself together. It doesn't take long for him to answer, and I stop my fidgeting. He is a short man, stout, with strong and severe features. He appears sturdy, reliable. When he introduces himself, his voice is strong and unassuming. I move into his office, seeing that it looks nothing like I imagined a psychologist's office to look like. There isn't a couch I'm meant to lay on, but a few chairs surrounding a table, and a desk with his degrees plastered above it. There are a few windows and plants, but nothing that eases my nerves.

"Sit down," he says, gesturing toward the seat across from him.

I wasn't aware that I was still standing. He asks me general questions about why I came to see him, and I realize that I'm not willing to open up much. I don't like talking about myself. I never really have to do it. Anyone I've disappointed, has already accepted me for the fuck-up I am, and they haven't bothered to ask me about why I am that way. Truly, I wouldn't even know the answer.

"Do you feel on stage since you have returned?"

I shrug my shoulders, not understanding his question.

"Does anyone act nervous around you? Like you're a particularly dangerous character? You stated in your paperwork that you have had some trouble with drug and alcohol abuse."

"Yes, I suppose so. My mom is always watching me...waiting for me to fuck up. But, I've changed since then. I had to."

Dr. Howell nods his head in understanding, "She believes you will turn to drugs and alcohol again?"

I give him a curt nod and sit up a bit straighter in my seat. "She suspects I will, but I've been clean since I've returned home."

"Have you considered seeking help in a group? You have stated that you weren't an alcoholic, but you explained that you abused it for years. I think an AA meeting would be beneficial."

I don't know how I would stand a group of people talking about their issues. I want to pretend that I'm not like them. I was able to stop, and I haven't relapsed. "Maybe," I finally say, unable to commit to the idea.

"Your brother died recently?"

I nod, happy to shift the conversation to something else. "He died a little over three months ago, along with his wife, Kate. They wanted me to take care of their son, so I have been ever since his funeral."

"Do you like caring for the boy?"

"Yes, I love Charlie," just saying his name calms me down. "It's been difficult though. I've turned my whole life around for this baby, and I always feel as though I am lacking. I work full-time to have money for us to survive on, but it has always felt like an uphill battle. It doesn't help that I have a mother who is waiting for me to fail." I stop, finding myself rambling.

"Have you received any sort of compensation? Charlie is entitled to benefits, and I assume his parents would have left something behind."

I stare at Howell, feeling foolish all of the sudden. Why didn't I think of this on my own? What he has proposed never occurred to me, and I feel ashamed. We are suffering due to my stupidity.

"I haven't looked into it," I mutter quietly.

Howell nods his head, and there isn't a trace of judgement on his face. "So, what can I do for you Edward. What do you want to get out of our sessions?"

I think for a moment, unable to put into words what I want, because I barely know myself. "I want to feel that I am in control. I've never felt in control of anything."

"That's difficult," Howell says without apology, "Control can be a difficult thing for us to work on Edward. I won't lie to you. How about we start with appointments twice a week?"

 _Twice a week? I can't possibly need that._ "I have a full-time job and Charlie to care for…"

"Well, you can bring Charlie with you, if need be," he states with a wave of his hand.

"I don't know, I think once a week could be sufficient."

He studies me for a moment, before agreeing. "I don't know if we can work on control, seeing each other only once a week, but if that's what you feel comfortable with, then that's what we'll do."

I leave his office, just as unsure of myself as I was when I went in. I feel strange talking about my problems with a doctor. I have always wanted to deal with everything on my own. I thought I had the strength to do so, thought I was capable of moving past what it was that troubled me. But, when I think about what has plagued me in the past, I realize that I never actually dealt with anything. I always had a means of escaping my problem, and never did I face anything head on.

I drive home in silence. I don't know why I feel worse all of the sudden, but I do. When I return home to find Bella on the couch with Charlie in her arms, I forget about what was troubling me. Sitting down next to my girl, I place a kiss on her forehead and rest my head on her shoulder, completely exhausted.

"How did it go?"

I stare at Charlie, who is just as animated as usual, and allow him to pull my thumb into his mouth to gnaw on.

"It was fine," I answer, my voice neutral and my face blank.

"Consults are usually weird," she explains, "but I'm sure you will find the appointments helpful. I know I did. My dad took me to the consultation, and I remember hating it. I didn't want to talk at all. But by the second appointment, I was finally able to open up. Do you like the doctor?"

I shrug, "I'm not sure yet. He seems fine though, from what I could tell." I'm exhausted mentally and don't want to talk about this. I just want to forget about my problems for a while. "I was thinking we could do something on my day off this week?"

"What were you thinking?"

"We could go on a picnic, maybe go to the pumpkin patch nearby?" I suggest, after a good half hour of looking for ideas on the internet this morning.

"That sounds great," she approves, "I would do anything with you."

 _I would do anything with you._ I can't begin to describe how these words make me feel.

 **A/N: It's good that Edward is finally receiving help. I've had depression since I was around nine years old, and saying that it is difficult would be a big understatement. Seeking help is definitely a scary thing, but it's hard to imagine where you would be without it. Getting really into art, definitely helped me a lot, and now that I'm writing, it helps even more. Depression can be hard, because you never really imagine a future for yourself. I guess, what I am getting at, is never be afraid to reach out to someone suffering with depression. You never know the impact you might have on that person.**

 **Like always, enjoy your day, and have a beautiful week. :)**

 **Song- "Bridge over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel **


	18. Chapter 18: Autumn Day

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige, without them these chapters would not get out to you guys so quickly! Any mistakes are my own :)**

" _Yesterday_

 _All my troubles seemed so far away._

 _Now it looks as though they're here to stay._

 _Oh, I believe in yesterday."_

 _-The Beatles-_

 **EPOV:**

It's strange, seeing the colorful autumn trees and feeling the cold bite of the air, without a single drug in my system. I can't remember the last October I spent sober. I can't remember the last time I experienced the changes the season brings without every sense being amplified and contorted. Although normalcy still feels foreign, I welcome the feeling of control.

Charlie loves the weather, and like always, he takes in the new sights with wide and curious eyes. I'm thrilled with what I have managed to plan for the day. While my muscles are still sore from strenuous work, I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity to have an amazing day with Charlie and Bella. The date doesn't even seem like something I could have come up with, or at least, it didn't seem like something the _old_ me would have done.

Our picnic in the park was great, and the sandwiches, I woke up early to make, were a hit with Bella. They were simple, but they were a step-up from my usual cooking. Bella promised to show me how to cook a few things, and I was more than happy to agree. Any excuse to be close to her will always be a welcome one.

"Is he going to stand?" Bella asks, as Charlie tries to pull himself off of the ground with the sleeve of my shirt.

Charlie is pure concentration as he sticks out his tongue and tries to put all of his effort into standing. He pulls himself up for a moment, and then falls back down on his butt, before trying again. I give him an encouraging smile, and he smiles back at me, momentarily dazed, before he finds the strength to pull himself to his feet.

"Oh my gosh! Charlie!" Bella exclaims, applauding my boy as he stands before her.

Charlie giggles, and his laughter sends him back on his ass. He pouts for a moment, before reaching for me to pick him up. He giggles in my arms and I find that it is the most relaxing and assuring sound in the world. Grabbing my thumb, he puts it in his mouth and gnaws on it.

"Aw, Edward. He loves you so much," Bella says, crawling across the blanket to get closer to me.

I smile at her, knowing this is probably true. It's weird to think about Charlie loving me. It's weird to think about anyone loving me. After loathing myself for so long, experiencing anything else is a shock to my system. Since Charlie, my confidence has grown, and I find that I hate myself a little less. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love myself, but I do know that I am capable of love. Charlie is everything to me, and Bella...I can't even begin to describe the way I feel about her.

After our picnic, we end up at the local pumpkin patch. The hayrides, caramel apples, and rows of pumpkins in various sizes brings me back to a happier time with my brother. Mom and Dad used to bring us every October, to pick out a special pumpkin to carve. I had loved it, and would spend the day picking out pumpkins as my dad carried me on his shoulders. Some years, I would chase Seth around the patch and we would play in the hay until mom would eventually drag us out.

" _Seth, stop it!"_

 _Seth chase me. He scary when he jumps. Hay is in my mouth and Seth laughs. Seth hold his hand out, but I no up. My head hurt._

" _Ed you okay?" Seth sound scared._

 _Daddy run to me. He look mad. He funny mad. I giggle at him and he stop running._

" _Guys, what did I say about roughhousing? You know your mother doesn't like it."_

 _Daddy pick me up and kiss my head. He put me on shoulders and let me pick pumpkin. I like big orange. It funny looking. Daddy get one for me. He let me down to play Seth. This time I chase him. He runs away and I roar. Seth laugh and I tackle him. I laugh too. Seth funny. I love brother._

" _Stop that!" Mommy say._

 _She pull me off ground and spank my bottom. Seth frown. He hold my hand._

" _Seth are you okay baby?" Mommy ask._

 _Seth okay, he says. He hold my hand. He bring me to daddy. Mommy and Seth look at pumpkin. Daddy get me apple. He let me sit on lap. I want to play. But mommy not like it._

"Where did you go?" Bella asks, as she rocks Charlie in her arms.

"I was just thinking about how I used to go to places like this as a kid."

Bella nods her head, and doesn't ask me about it. She understands that all my childhood memories include my brother. One of the hardest parts about him being gone, is that all my memories feel gone as well. No longer can I look back without the pain of what I have lost.

"Want me to take a few photos of you and Charlie? You know, so you can remember his first October?"

Bella gives me an adorable smile and I have to agree. Who could deny this girl anything? As silly as I feel, I pose with Charlie in front of a large pile of pumpkins. Charlie is giggling in my arms as I play with him, and Bella is all smiles as she snaps some photos with her phone.

"These are so cute Edward," she approves as she stares at the photos on her phone.

"Can I see?"

She nods and hands her cell to me and I scan through the pictures, barely recognizing the man covered in tattoos holding a little boy. I look so _happy_ , I can't remember the last time I smiled for a picture. Charlie looks even more content, smiling broadly in the photos and holding onto my finger. We look like the perfect family.

"Can you send this to me?"

"Of course," Bella smiles.

Pulling out my phone, I pull Bella forward to join us by the pile of pumpkins. "I want a few photos with you," I explain.

This causes her whole face to light up with gratitude, and she is eager to sit next to Charlie and I. I snap a few photos, a few of us smiling and a few silly ones. We feel like a little family, and I find that this is a feeling I could easily become used to. As I snap the last photo, Bella leans in to kiss me. Her lips are soft and perfect against mine.

Every kiss feels new and different with Bella. Whenever her lips meet mine, I have to restrain myself, never wanting to lose control with her. Our relationship is still new and I don't want to do anything to fuck this up. She pulls away with a blush, and bites her lip, just like she usually does when she wants more. I would give her more, I would give her everything if she would let me.

 **A/N: So, what do you guys think of Edward's flash back and his date?**

 **Song- "Yesterday" by The Beatles.**


	19. Chapter 19: Birthday Party

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for being the most amazing Betas in the world!**

" _Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move_

 _Awake but cannot open my eyes_

 _And the weight is crushing down on my lungs I know I can't breathe_

 _And I hope someone will save me this time._

 _And your mother's still calling you insane and high_

 _Swearing it's different this time_

 _And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her_

 _And that God never blessed her insides."_

 _-Rilo Kiley-_

 **EPOV:**

Leaves become heavy on the ground and the air has grown colder. I feel its bite at work and wonder what I will do when winter comes. October is coming to a close and my mom's birthday is almost here. Dad called me last night, telling me about her plans for a big party. I've missed her birthday for the past few years, and Dad expressed how badly mom would like me to make it to this one. I don't believe she cares about _my_ presence, but she does want to see her grandson.

All week I consider what I should get her for her birthday. Our relationship has always been strained, but now that I am in therapy and able to look at my own faults, I wonder if the lack of warmth in our relationship is equally my fault. I wasn't the model child, and I treated both of my parents so terribly for so long...so, I can see her problem with me.

I take Charlie shopping to find the perfect gift for her. It feels weird to move from store to store with my mom in mind. I feel like I'm shopping for a stranger in many ways. I don't know what she really likes, what her hobbies are, nor do I know her favorite movie is. My heart feels heavy in my chest, and as I finish my shopping, I release my clenched jaw, and rub the sore muscles of my face. I feel _angry_ , like I have been robbed of a mother. I know she is alive and well, but it feels like there is a wall erected between us, and I just can't seem to climb over it. She is so far removed from my life, at times it feels as if she died along with Seth. Perhaps that is what happened, Seth died and all my mother's love was just buried with him.

I settle on a simple sterling silver necklace, knowing that most women like jewelry. It has two birds, one big and one small, and it is unlike anything I would ever buy. I feel almost embarrassed buying it, mainly because I don't know what her reaction will be. That thought puts me on edge, and I thank God, that Bella has agreed to go to the party with me and Charlie. I know it will put me at ease to have her near, and I will be proud to announce that she is my date. Considering how stunning and intelligent she is, I know she will impress everyone.

Now that the day of the party has finally come, I spend the morning mentally preparing myself for the night ahead. I want things to run smoothly tonight, but I am also going to finally get the chance to ask Dad about getting the paperwork I need to file for Charlie's benefits. He has been out of town since my first consultation with Howell, and mom is of no use whenever I try to bring up important issues to her. She is so dismissive when the conversation is not leading in a direction which is beneficial to her.

"Are you going to be good for me, buddy?" I ask my very excited baby boy as I give him his bath.

Charlie laughs at me and brings his hands rapidly up and down to slap the water. His smile is infectious and it is not long before we are laughing together. It's hard to stay stressed for long with such positivity close by. Charlie splashes me in the face and giggles at my shocked expression.

"You think that is funny, little man?" I ask, before reaching down to tickle his stomach.

Charlie throws his head back in laughter and reaches for me, always eager to be in my arms.

"Wait buddy, daddy has to wash you."

I stop, shocked by my own words. I've never referred to myself as his father, although it feels as if he is my son. Part of me believes this is a disservice to my brother, but another part of me loves hearing the title fall out of my mouth.

I test the title again, "Let daddy wash your hair."

Charlie gives me a grin and points in my direction, "Da," he says, making my heart stop.

 _Is he trying to say dad?_ I laugh at my absurdity, I know he doesn't know what that word means, for if he did, he probably wouldn't refer to me as it. Nonetheless, the title makes me feel ten feet tall, even if that wasn't what he was trying to say.

After his bath, I take time getting him ready, making sure he is perfectly presentable for the party tonight. I want everyone to look at Charlie, and know that I am doing a great job with him. As I dress him, I practice my new title, becoming more and more accustomed to it. I don't know if I could say it in front of anyone else, but when I am alone with Charlie, I can't help but say "daddy" every chance I get.

Although I put great care into Charlie's and my appearance, Bella has outdone us, and she takes my breath away. She looks so beautiful and so sweet, in a white cotton dress that makes her look so incredibly innocent. As I look at her breasts, which look perky and deliciously full in her dress, I want to do very, very, bad things to her.

"You ready to go, beautiful?"

Bella gives me a pretty smile and grabs her purse. Charlie is happy to see her, and makes a garble of noises as if he were trying to talk to her. Bella is a sucker for his baby talk, and immediately takes him from my arms and nuzzles his neck.

"I think he has a crush on you," I tease her.

"I guess you would know a lot about having a crush on me, wouldn't you?" she teases right back.

I stare at her for a moment, before I burst out in laughter. She is so funny, I've never really dated a girl who had a sense of humor. _I never even knew I liked that in a girl._ I pull her into my arms to give her a quick kiss. Her lips feel so soft and incredibly sweet against mine, and I find that she gives me not only pleasure, but she provides comfort to me as well.

The drive across town is short and I arrive at my parent's house to find it littered with cars I don't recognize. _How many people did mom have to invite?_ I have to park on an entirely different street, and wonder if mom decided to invite every little acquaintance she has.

"Fuck, I'm sorry baby," I say as we hike toward my parent's home.

"It's fine," she says with a shrug of her shoulders, "that's why I never wear high heels."

When we walk in the front door, the party is just as I expected, I recognize no one. Charlie is staring in wonder at all the new people, as I carry him toward the kitchen in search of my dad. I hold Bella's hand as I lead her through the crowd, appreciating the warmth of her palm against mine. Everyone stares at us as they part for us to walk through. Their stares are curious and some disbelieving. I know they aren't staring at the baby in my arms or the girl next to me. They stare at me, because I stand out compared to everyone else in attendance. Covered in tattoos, looking 'rough' in their eyes...I know no amount of new clothes will change people's perception of me.

I finally find my dad, who is standing in the kitchen talking to a family friend. With a beer in hand, he looks relaxed and happy, and as soon as our eyes meet he gives me a welcoming grin, proving that he is the only person here who is excited to see me. I'm sure that once everyone realizes that it's Seth's son I am holding, they will finally understand my reason for being here.

Dad's gaze finally falls on Bella and our joined hands and he stares at me in shock. I roll my eyes at him as he smiles at me. _Is it really that odd that I have a date?_ I suppose that when I consider my past, and what my dad has seen of it, I can understand why he is feeling this way.

"Dad, this is my date Bella Swan. Bella, this is my dad, Carlisle Cullen."

She gives my dad a firm handshake, which I know will impress him, and we fall into easy small-talk amongst the guests. I explain that Bella is my neighbor, and tell him how we met. I've been wanting to tell him about Bella for so long, but I always worried that it wouldn't last, that it was too good to be true, and I felt that if I announced our relationship aloud it would be jinxed in some way.

Mom enters the room, with a tense smile on her face. I swear, even when she is happy and at an event which should give her ease, she still finds a way to be tightly wound. Her posture is rigid as she makes her way toward us. She greets us with a forced grin and I can't help but cringe. But, deciding to put my feelings aside, I decide to try with her.

Forgetting our past, I hand Charlie to Bella, and put my arms around my mom to hug her. Our embrace is one-sided but I am patient, waiting for her to relax in my arms and hug me in return. I feel dad staring at us, observing his son and his wife. I wonder what we must look like to him, me hugging my mom's rigid body without reciprocation. I pull back, once the hug becomes uncomfortable, and stare into my mom's face. I find nothing, her expression is blank and her eyes are dead. I look to my father, who is staring at us as like he's seeing us for the first time. He looks at my mom as if she were a stranger, and his expression softens as he looks at me.

Breaking the uncomfortable silence, I introduce my mom to Bella. She looks dazed, as she reaches out to shake Bella's hand. Almost as if she were traumatized by the hug I gave her. Bella tells her "happy birthday" and attempts to converse with her. I am happy that she tries, although I know any attempt is futile.

We break away, and I realize that now is a good time to talk with my father, "Bella, do you mind hanging out here for a bit? I just need to talk to my dad about that paperwork."

She gives me a sympathetic smile, and kisses me on the cheek for luck. I watch as Bella takes Charlie to a seat in the corner, and plays with him on her lap. Their relationship is so natural and easy, and I'm happy Charlie has someone like her in his life. _It's nice to see that I have done something right._

"Dad, can I talk to you for a sec?"

He doesn't have to contemplate, he takes a swig of his beer and says, "Let's go to my study."

It's just as I remembered it, with the same leather furnishings and pictures of family lining the walls and covering his desk. I stop and stare at an old photo of Seth and me. He must have been eight or nine at the time, and I must have been in kindergarten. It was taken at a park we used to go to near our school. Seth has his arm around me, towering over me at nearly a foot taller. He was so tan, and his jet-black hair stuck in all directions. I smile at the photo, reaching out to trace his features with my fingers. He looks so much like my mom, with his dark hair and brown eyes, where I must take after my dad. We were always opposites when it came to looks, but we were so similar, and even when we fought, we were still best friends.

"That's my favorite photo of the two of you," Dad says, ending the silence in the room.

"You used to take us to that park every weekend," I muse. "I don't know how you had the patience to have watched us play for hours."

"I love you guys," he shrugs, "I know you will feel the same way when Charlie is old enough to do that stuff."

"You're probably right," I chuckle, knowing how much I love to watch Charlie discover stuff for the first time. "He's actually the reason I need to talk to you."

Dad nods his head, urging me to continue. "I just need some paperwork to apply for benefits for him. Like his birth certificate, a copy of my guardianship agreement, and Seth and Kate's death certificates," I trail off.

Dad looks at me for a moment, his face drops into a frown and his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Edward, you haven't received any benefits? I thought your mom gave you all that information? I told her to go over that stuff with you, since I have been so busy with work."

Dad's voice grows louder with each word and his face morphs into anger and irritation.

"She never spoke to me about it once, dad. I actually never even thought about Social Security and Charlie's benefits until Dr. Howell brought it to my attention."

Dad finishes off his beer and walks over to his safe. "I'm so sorry son, I knew I shouldn't have been so neglectful with this." Dad is fuming, loosening his tie, before opening his safe. He mutters under his breath as he picks through the pile until he comes across the documents I need.

"Fill these out as soon as you can. I need to talk with your mother. Excuse me," he says before briskly walking out of his study.

I look over the documents, happy to finally have them in my hands. When I see Seth's death certificate, my heart drops and I feel sick to my stomach. My feet begin to move, but I'm too far gone to gain control over my body. I end up in front of the photo of us as kids again. We are young, happy, and carefree. It's strange when you look at a photo of someone who is now deceased. You stare into their content face with the sickening feeling they had no idea what their future had in store for them. That little boy didn't know he would grow up to tragically die. I'm surprised when I feel wetness on my cheeks, I didn't even know I was crying. I leave the office, unable to be surrounded by memories any longer.

When I walk down the vacant upstairs hallway, I am in a daze, my mind still filled with thoughts of Seth. My dad's voice brings me back to reality. He is yelling, I have never heard him yell before. I hear my mom's voice as well, sounding defensive as usual. I follow their voices, as curiosity gets the better of me.

"Elizabeth how could you do that to him? How could you do that to your grandson? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"It must have slipped my mind, I'll make it right. You know how much I love them." Her voice sounds so artificial. "Let's not fight."

Dad is silent for a long time. I can imagine him standing speechless, contemplating what to do next.

"Carlisle? What is it?" I hear mom ask.

"You're beautiful," he says in what sounds like resignation, "and you've always been so determined. You're so cautious, but you're not strong, and I don't think you are really giving. Do you love me? Really love me? I have given up so much for you, for our family…"

"I feel the way I always have," mom answers.

"It would have been alright, if Seth hadn't died. You can't handle the mess of losing your child, and you can't pull it together to hold on to the one we have left. When Seth died, it's as if the best of you died with him...I don't know what to do anymore Elizabeth."

"Carlisle…" she begins, I can hear her sob.

"Let me just think about this Beth, just let me think."

 **A/N: So... what do you guys think? Carlisle was pretty scatterbrained at the end. But, who could blame him? Can't wait to read your guys reviews!**

 **Song- "A Better Son/Daughter" by Rilo Kiley.**


	20. Chapter 20: Grief and Ink

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for being the most wonderful Betas in the entire world :). Any mistakes in this chapter are mine!**

" _When you were here before_

 _Couldn't look you in the eye_

 _You're just like an angel_

 _Your skin makes me cry_

 _You float like a feather_

 _In a beautiful world_

 _And I wish I was special_

 _You're so fucking special."_

 _-Radiohead-_

 **EPOV:**

With a death certificate in hand, I know that denial is no longer an option for me. There is no greater feeling of sorrow, then tracing the letters of a loved one's name on an impersonal piece of paper that forces you to face up to the fact that you will never see, talk to, or laugh with this person ever again. I have been useless since we have returned home. Almost catatonic in the way I move around my apartment. Bella holds my sleeping baby in her arms, and I just exist beside her, my mind as blank as my expression.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks, with a voice that is soft and comforting.

What can I say? The one person in my life who had believed in me died? I'm silent for a long time, and Bella isn't intrusive at she sits by my side, resting her head on my shoulder to show me that she is there.

"Tonight, was rough," I say, enjoying the soft giggle I am rewarded with.

Bella kisses my shoulder before, pulling away to get a better look at me. One hand comes up to cup my cheek as the other reaches out to hold mine. I'm lost in her gaze, and it is as if all of my problems have faded away, even if it is only for a moment. Bella brings her lips to meet mine, and my entire body relaxes as the softness of her lips comforts me. She tastes so salty and perfect, and I want all of her, or at least, all that she is willing to give me. I moan against her mouth, and Bella opens her lips to allow my tongue entrance. I suck on her and close my eyes at the sensation of her tongue against mine. She is so perfect, and I can't believe she is mine.

Bella pulls away to breath, and I rest my hands on my lap to hide my erection. I know she isn't ready for _that_ just yet, and I don't want to ruin anything with her by having sex too soon. I'm so used to just bagging girls that I don't know how to date one properly. It's best that I let Bella guide me with the physical aspect of our relationship, since this whole 'girlfriend' thing is so new to me. Of course, I haven't exactly asked Bella to be my girlfriend, but it certainly feels as if she is. _I wish Seth was here, he was always so good about this stuff._

Bella is still recovering from our kiss, as Charlie stirs awake in her arms, looking up at both of us in an almost suspicious manner, as if he knew what we were doing inches away from him. He begins to cry and reaches out for me to hold him. He has always been so needy when it comes to me holding him, but I guess I kind of like it, it's good to feel wanted.

Charlie is fine now that he is resting on my shoulder, and Bella looks at us like we are the cutest thing she has ever seen. It's weird honestly, no one's ever looked at me as if I were 'cute' before. A grown man covered in tattoos doesn't exactly scream 'cute' to most people. At least, not the people I have encountered.

"He loves you so much," she muses, reaching out to play with Charlie's little feet.

"He said 'Da' today," I can't help but brag, feeling like a proud parent.

"Aw," Bella coos, "he must have been trying to say daddy! That's wonderful Edward."

"I have been saying 'daddy' around him," I have to admit, "Well, just today. I couldn't help myself and it just sounded right."

"Well, you are his daddy, Edward. You provide for him, you are there as his mentor, and you love him. That's what a daddy is, and I think you make a wonderful daddy."

Before I can stop myself, my lips are against hers once more and I pour every ounce of myself into the kiss. I express to her the words that I am too afraid to say aloud. It is Charlie and his fussiness, that pulls us apart. As soon as I break free of Bella, Charlie grabs at my chin and gives me a needy look. I have to laugh, before I finally grant him his wish and kiss his forehead. Charlie giggles and rests his head happily against my shoulder.

"See, Edward. He knows you are his daddy," Bella smiles, as she watches us.

"I thought I would hurt my brother in some way if I called myself that," I admit after a long time.

"Edward, I didn't get to meet your brother, but I'm sure he gave you custody so you could be Charlie's dad. He obviously knew you two would be good for each other," she points out.

As hard as it is to believe, I'm sure Bella is right. Why else would Seth make me his son's guardian if he didn't believe I would be a good dad? It's hard to imagine that Seth thought I would be good for his son. Especially considering how I had been before Seth died. I can't believe I have turned from a druggie, to a responsible dad within a few months.

"Thanks for saying that Bella." _I love you._

Bella rests her head on my other shoulder, and nuzzles up to me just like Charlie. As we sit here in silence, I feel like a very lucky man. I stare at the tattoos on my arm, the two full sleeves I started when I was eighteen years old. I wish I had room on my arms to pay tribute to my brother. I would love to get some new ink as a memorial to him. One day, I could show that tattoo to Charlie and talk to him about his dad, the brother that I loved and lost.

Both arms are black and gray, and completed by the same artist, giving the pieces a nice uniformity and flow. One arm is a hyper realistic lion, surrounded by roses. Not something I would have chosen all by myself, but I let the artist use me as a blank canvas and never regretted the result. The tattoo was a bold and powerful one, and could symbolize so much that had been going on in my life. The other arm, was one intricate geometric tattoo. Multiple pieces come together to form one fantastic sleeve.

I kissed Bella's forehead and contemplate what I could do for Seth. My back is untouched. Mainly due to lack of funds, for I had countless tattoo ideas when I was younger. I'm thankful I had been too broke to ink my back, because now I can dedicate it to my brother. A kneeling angel has weighed on my brain. I've seen the tat before on others, and I could easily imagine it on my back. It would be such a great representation of how I feel about Seth, and how I am willing to serve him for the rest of my life, by being the father to his child.

"Bella, are you free tomorrow night? I have an idea."

With a photo in hand, I sit in the waiting room with Bella and Charlie until my artist is finished. Charlie seems to find the screams coming from a young girl funny, and giggles loudly and claps his hands every time the tattoo machine irritates her. _I'm sure they don't see a lot of babies here, but there weren't exactly rules prohibiting it, so…._

"I've always wanted a tattoo," Bella muses as she bounces Charlie on her lap.

"You should do it, you would look hot with a tattoo," I say without thinking. "Of course, you look hot now."

She blushes and smiles at me. "I always wanted a literary quote or something like that."

"Well, we can always come back," I promise her, knowing that I will want to come back if I ever have extra money like this again.

Dad had felt so bad about the Social Security situation, he wrote me a huge check that he said he would be offended if I didn't take. He insisted that I do something for myself with some of the money, and because I'm not too big on shopping, a tattoo for Seth seemed like the most appropriate thing.

After I fill out the paperwork and we head to the back to find my artist's station, my chest begins to feel tight and the muscles in my face clench as I feel my body become weighed down by my emotion. I never thought I would be getting a tattoo like this, I never thought I would outlive my brother. Because of my old lifestyle, I never thought I would live to be thirty. Every day that passed felt like the beginning of the end. Seth wasn't like me though, he had his whole future ahead of him and it had been violently ripped away in an instance.

"Are you feeling alright, Edward?" Bella asks as I pull my shirt off and lay down on the chair.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say dismissively, not wanting to cry here. "Just hold my hand, okay?"

As we begin, I calm down under the sting of the needle. I love the pain and welcome it, the pain forces me to realize that I am alive. The monotonous feeling of the needle tapping my back and the sound of the machine, relaxes me. This is what Charlie must feel like when I sing him to sleep at night. The familiar feeling of the tattoo machine is like a hug from an old friend, and I'm so happy that I have made the choice to come here today.

Bella holds my hand, rubbing soothing circles on my palm and Charlie is fast asleep on her lap. Apparently, the excitement of the tattoo parlor was not something that could keep him awake. It has been a long day for my little guy, so I can hardly blame him. We arrived at three, started tattooing at three-thirty and it's nearing nine o'clock at night. I can't believe Bella stayed with me for so long and never grew restless. During one of my artist's smoke breaks, I asked if she wanted to go home with Charlie, but she insisted on staying to support me.

My back is numb by the time the tattoo is finished, and my exhaustion dissipates as soon as I get the chance to look at the piece in the mirror. It's incredible, beyond anything I had imagined. Black and gray like the rest of my tattoos, this piece takes up the majority of my back and the application is flawless. It's just as I wanted it, a kneeling angel with huge wings, with my brother's name underneath it. It takes Bella wiping my wet cheeks with a tissue, for me to realize that I'm crying.

"It's perfect," I say quietly, as I stare at my reflection.

It conveys everything I wanted it to and I leave the shop feeling as if a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've moved from denial of his death, to acceptance and I finally feel at peace. I know the road ahead will be difficult, but now that I have finally accepted my reality, I know I can face it head on.

"Thanks for staying with me Bella. You don't know how much that meant to me."

Bella smiles, and says, "It was nothing, I love being there to comfort you. I'm just happy you wanted me to be a part of that."

I want her to be a part of everything in my life. Suddenly, I realize, there is still a question I need to ask. I want her to know just how much she means to me and I'm tired of being afraid. I feel strong and empowered and I know now that there is no time like the present.

"Bella, I know I should have asked you this so much sooner, and I almost feel silly asking you now," I ramble on, feeling very young all of the sudden. "I think of you as my girlfriend and I constantly refer to you as my girlfriend. I guess, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to be my girlfriend?"

 _Real fucking smooth Cullen! What are you, twelve? Jesus, that was bad._

Bella giggles at me for a moment, not that I could blame her after the way I just rambled on and on like a hormonal teen.

"Of course, Edward," she says with a pretty laugh. "I would love to be your girlfriend."

 _Bella is my girlfriend! What the hell did I do to get so lucky?_

Charlie will be receiving his benefits soon and Bella has agreed to become my girlfriend, these past two days have seen so much progress. Tonight, I fall asleep for the first time with a real hope for my future.

 **A/N: I've posted some photos of what I imagined Edward's tattoos would look like on my Facebook! I'm Lizzie Lee (Highlander Princess) on Facebook so send me a request so we can be friends.**

 **Song- "Creep" by Radiohead**


	21. Chapter 21: Moving Forward

**Here is a short update for you guys! Thanks to my lovely betas Paige and Sherry! You girls rock my world. Any mistakes are mine.**

" _And if I only could_

 _I'd make a deal with God_

 _And I'd get him to swap our places_

 _Be running up that road_

 _Be running up that hill_

 _Be running up that building_

 _See, If I only could."_

 _-Placebo-_

 **EPOV:**

Therapy has been a slow progression. Although it feels as if I have had a revelation, coming to terms with Seth's death, it still feels as though I just can't break through the walls I have built. Howell is patient, and thoughtful as he listens to me ramble, but I have to wonder if I'm making good use of our time together.

"You seem more at peace with yourself," he comments, after a long while of watching me ramble.

He always pushes me to express myself, so much so, that it is annoying at times. Today he sits back and watches me with a curious expression. I consider that the changes in me could be visible in more ways than one.

"I feel better," I admit, as I stare at my hands. "I finally have all of the paperwork I need for Charlie."

"That's good," he comments, obviously wanting to drag out more from me.

"I have a copy of my brother and his wife's death certificates," I say, answering his unspoken question.

"I bet that was a difficult thing for you to see," he says conversationally.

I sit in silence for a moment, remembering the feel of that dreadful piece of paper in my hand. "I was so angry at first," I begin before I realizing I was even speaking. The words flow out and I don't have the strength to stop them. "I was so fucking angry. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was, but I just remember wanting to scream, 'Why him?' I was the fuck up, I was the one who disappointed my family, I was the one with no future...Seth had everything I didn't and I don't know why he would be the one to die. I wish it was me. Charlie would have his dad, mom would have her favorite son, Seth would have a future with a family who loved him.

Then, I was depressed, finally having to accept for the first time that my brother was gone. Sure, I was at his funeral, but I was too screwed up to look in his casket. Mom was crying, dad sat silently at her side with Charlie in his arms, and I was outside with a cigarette in my mouth, punching the brick wall of the funeral home. I didn't know how in denial I was, until I held that piece of paper. Seeing his name...seeing the date of his death. It just fucked me up."

"Are you still angry?" Howell asks me.

"No, not anymore," I say, completely resigned. "I have too much to worry about to go around feeling angry all of the time."

"That's right, you have a child to look after," Howell prompts me.

I nod, staring out the small window in his office. "Charlie has changed my life," I say honestly.

That baby has already transformed me into a man I never thought I could be. "So, has Bella," I murmur, mentioning her name for the first time to Howell.

"Bella?" He questions, prompting me like usual to tell him more. "Is that a girlfriend?"

"Yes, our relationship is new. Very new actually. I asked her to be my girlfriend a few days ago."

"That's great, Edward," Howell says, giving me a small, but impressed, smile. "I'm glad you have someone to talk to."

"She's my best friend," I am happy to admit. "She is so understanding, caring, and thoughtful. I don't know what I did to deserve a girl like her."

"You really care for her then?"

"I love her," I say without hesitation. "I'm not ready to tell her just yet, but I know I do."

"That's wonderful, Edward. Do you think you would be able to love her, if you were the man you said you once were?"

I consider this for a long time. Could I love Bella, back then? The real question is, would I be _ready_ to love Bella in the state I was once in. I had been horrible, and I had hated myself. I proved that every day, when I had been completely unconcerned with my own welfare. I couldn't have loved her then, because I would have refused to drag her down with me. I want to say that I would change for her, but change happens internally, and I can't say that I would have wanted to change for myself.

"I would have wanted to. I know I would have been desperate to love someone like her, but, my vision had been so clouded and I had hated myself. I don't think I would have ever been able to change for anyone."

"Nonetheless, you've changed and you're seeing yourself clearly it seems. That's it for today, I want to ask you to do some journaling for me. Just jot down whatever you feel. Also, I hope you are still considering those AA meetings. I know you feel strange about going, but it can be beneficial to talk to people who have also struggled with substance abuse and addiction."

I nod, considering it, before parting ways with Howell and make my way home. I suppose he could be right about the meetings. The only thing that holds me back from going is my pride. I don't want to admit to ever having a problem and I feel weak saying that I had once allowed drugs to control my life. On the other hand, I can see how talking to others that have struggled could help. As I drive home, I decide to look into it. What could it really hurt?

It doesn't take long for me to get home, and before I head inside, I decide to call my dad. After hearing his fight with mom, I've really wanted to spend some time with him. I've never seen him stand up to her, truly stand up to her. Sure, he has reprimanded her at times and they fought every now and then, but never had he gone off on her like that. Maybe he can finally see her as I do. Part of me hopes that isn't true because I know, first-hand, how heartbreaking that can be. Although, another part of me is glad he can see it.

When he answers my call, his voice sounds different on the phone, more somber and resigned. I've never heard him sound that way, although I can tell he is trying to mask it for my sake. We make plans for tomorrow after I get off work, and I hang up the phone with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I know that my dad loves me, and would support me until the end, but I can't help but wonder how far he took things with my mother, and what on earth would make him sound like that.

 **A/N: Are you guys proud of his dad? I'll be doing a Carlisle POV soon! So, keep an eye out for that on my blog. Thanks, and please review!**

 **Song- "Running Up That Hill" by Placebo**


	22. Chapter 22: Dad's News

**Happy Friday! Time for another installment of our favorite tattooed daddy! I'm so glad you guys liked the tattoo photos I put on my Facebook! I think our Edward would look very hot with them!**

 **Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for being the most wonderful betas in the entire world!**

" _Out on the ocean sailing away_

 _I can hardly wait_

 _To see you come of age_

 _But I guess we'll both just have to be patient_

 _Cause it's a long way to go_

 _A hard row to hoe_

 _Yes, it's a long way to go."_

 _-John Lennon-_

 **EPOV:**

Dad is somber today, defeated. He has always been so strong, the anchor in our family growing up, the pillar of strength. It's odd to see him like this, but I decide not to comment. I don't want to cause what little strength he has to waver. We're at our favorite pancake house, the one he took me to so often growing up. Although today it feels just as odd as he does. Our day here has been such a contrast from what our previous trips once were.

He seems resigned as he sits across from me staring at his menu. He looks very old all of a sudden and it is obvious to me that he has gone through a great deal over these past few days. Charlie mumbles and grows fussy in my arms, something which usually happens when I'm not paying sufficient attention to him. I rest him against my shoulder and rub his back until he relaxes.

The waitress comes and we order our usual, Eggs Benedict for dad and a mountain of chocolate chip pancakes for me. I grab the formula from my bag to feed Charlie as dad sips his coffee quietly. I don't want to bring mom up, but she's like the elephant in the room that can't be ignored and I know the question just has to be asked.

"How did things go after I left?" I ask, knowing that mom's birthday party ended in disaster.

Dad is silent for a moment, staring at his cup of coffee as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. I know whatever happened must have been major, because I've never seen dad act this way. Finally, he looks at me and the pain in his eyes gives me my answer. I didn't realize how tired he looked until now. The dark circles around his sunken eyes cause him to look as if he hasn't slept in days.

"Your mom has left," he finally says, before taking another much-needed sip of his black coffee.

I sit in shock. I could never imagine mom leaving my dad. She's always been so dependent on him, and afraid to be alone. I wonder how she will fare in the world without a partner to rely on.

"What would make her leave?" I have to ask, it's just so hard to believe.

"I didn't know if I loved her anymore," he honestly says, unable to meet my gaze.

Did that mean that I ruined their marriage? I don't want to believe that I hurt my dad in that way. "I'm so sorry, dad." What more can I say?

"Don't be," he immediately cuts me off, "It wasn't your fault. Your mom was not who I thought she was. I never realized it until the other night. Once my eyes were opened, I couldn't go back to live the life I once had with her."

I nod, accepting this. Regardless of what he says, I know that I have not made things easy for him. My past has been terrible and even now, I know I am a nuisance.

"Still, I know I never made things easy on you," I reply.

"Your mom is the way she is, and that has nothing to do with you. When you were a teenager, you used to tell me that you thought she hated you. I'm so sorry, I didn't want to listen at the time. Your mom was never particularly warm, and I just thought you were misunderstanding things. However, the other night, I realized I was the one suffering from a misapprehension. I saw her face when you held her. I've never seen her look so cold before...and I was afraid that was how she had always had treated you. Is it true, Edward? Was that the way your mother always was? Was I really that foolishly blind?"

I shake my head, not wanting him to believe he was at fault. "Dad, I was a giant fuck-up," I crassly say. "I understood why mom wasn't as close to me as she was with Seth. He was the model child...and I just wasn't. Even now, I get why she doesn't warm up to me."

Dad shakes his head, not wanting to blame me in any way. "Edward, you were a kid then. Your mom should have understood that. I just can't bring myself to feel the way I once did about her. Not after what she did to you. She lied to me about that paperwork, she told me she had explained it to you."

Dad is quiet for a long time and I feel devastated for him. I couldn't imagine realizing the person you loved, wasn't who they appeared to be. I couldn't bear the thought of Bella betraying me. I couldn't imagine what dad could be experiencing after so many years of marriage.

"Are you two getting a divorce?"

Dad answers with a solemn nod. Our food arrives and I entertain Charlie between bites of my pancakes. He mumbles at me, trying to speak with a face so animated I have to smile in return. He says a bunch of random syllables before grabbing onto my shirt and saying, "Da."

He stares up at me with his large eyes and smiles, before saying "Da," again.

I look up to find dad staring at me, his expression unreadable. I wonder how he feels about Charlie calling me this. I wonder if it's a painful reminder that Charlie's real dad is no longer here.

"He just started saying that yesterday," I explained, embarrassed for some reason. "Sometimes I say 'daddy' around him, and I guess he just picked it up."

Finally, dad smiles at me and says, "You are his dad Edward, why should you apologize for it?"

He is right, why do I feel so weird calling myself 'daddy?' I am Charlie's caregiver, his provider, and I love him more than I love myself. Isn't that what a father is?

"I know you're right. I guess it just feels weird because it reminds me of Seth. I bet he was a wonderful dad and I know I won't live up to that."

"Stop being so hard on yourself," Dad commands. "You're doing amazing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

I smile at him, and he smiles back. I'm so thankful I have my dad in my corner through all of this.

"So, tell me about this girl," Dad says casually.

"Well, Bella is my girlfriend now," I announce proudly. "She's wonderful dad. Smart, funny, beautiful...I'm so lucky to have found her. I honestly don't know what I did right to deserve a girl like her."

"She sounds great, Edward. I'm happy you have her and she's lucky to have you," Dad says, making me smile.

I never thought of it that way. Why would Bella be lucky to have me? She is so far out of my league it's laughable. I couldn't imagine anyone seeing us together and thinking that _she_ was the lucky one. She's a smart girl, and I have to believe she wouldn't want to spend her time with a man who was a giant loser. Maybe, I'm not too bad after all. As hard as that is to believe, perhaps it's true.

 **A/N: I'll be working on a Carlisle POV soon! Let me know what you think about what has happened. Also, what do you guys think about Charlie calling Edward "Da"? We are going to be introduced to some more characters soon! Stay tuned and please review! :)**

 **Song- "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon**


	23. Chapter 23: Meeting the Family

**I'm so excited to be back with another update for you guys! Thanks so much to my beautiful betas, Sherry and Paige, because I couldn't do this without you!**

" _I'm lucky to be under_

 _The same sky that held_

 _The exhale from your first breath_

 _Like a ring on a pillow of clouds_

 _By you my tongue my stutter_

 _But my gift heart screams clear and swells_

 _To burst between the wrapped lengths_

 _Of its bowed ribbon cell."_

 _-Why?-_

 **EPOV:**

I've never felt so nervous in all my life. I've styled my unruly hair, ironed my button up shirt and even my jeans, as well as shaving my five o'clock shadow until my face is as smooth as Charlie's skin, and I still feel inadequate. I've been a wreck since Bella told me we would be meeting her sister, brother-in-law, and her niece. As much as I would love to meet Bella's family, I don't want to begin to imagine what they might think of me. Hopefully they will be able to see past my rough appearance like Bella does, but I know not everyone is that accepting.

Charlie is sitting at my feet babbling and trying to form words, until I notice him. It's funny that he always is fighting for my attentions, if only the little guy knew that he was always on my mind. He giggles as soon as I reach down to pick him up and is fidgety until I kiss his forehead.

"Da," he says with a wide grin, before grabbing hold of my thumb and stuffing it into his mouth.

"Hey man, I need that," I chuckle, as I slip my thumb out of his mouth and tickle him before returning to my attempt at smoothing out my hair.

"Da," he says again, demanding my attention.

I always think that he needs something, but he usually just says the word with a smile. Maybe "Da" is his new favorite word? That thought puts a smile on my face. _I'm someone's dad!_ The concept is still an incredible one and now that Charlie is calling me by the title, it's even more extraordinary.

I hear a knock on the front door and I take one last look in the mirror to assess my appearance. My tattoos are pretty much covered, except for the black and grey lotus flower on my neck that always shows no matter what shirt I wear. I button the collar of my shirt to hide the majority of it, before feeling confident enough with my appearance to leave it alone.

As soon as Bella sees me, she gives me a cute, but sympathetic smile and I know exactly what she is thinking. _This grown ass man is too nervous to meet my family._ I straighten up and take a deep breath, putting on a confident smile before I take hold of her hand and lock up my apartment. Charlie is babbling to her while in my arms, and I'm lucky that Bella is too taken with how cute my son is being to notice how worried I still look. If I want to have a future with Bella, I have to do right by her family. If they don't like me then I'm out. Knowing that my future happiness is dependent on this meeting has me a bit on edge.

"Edward," Bella says with a soft smile, "You don't have to worry. My sister and her husband will love you, I promise."

With a crooked grin in her direction, I hope she believes that I'm not too worried. Although I can be pretty transparent. The entire drive to her sister's house, I practice introductions in my head. _"Hey, I'm Edward Cullen and I'm in love with your sister."_ God, I'm going to fuck this up. I want to punch the steering wheel in frustration, but I know that will only frighten Bella.

Her sister's house is beautiful. With a wraparound porch, white trimmings, and a giant garden, I'm sure it is every girl's dream. _I wonder if this is the sort of thing Bella wants. A white picket fence and a perfect family._ I could give her that. Couldn't I?

Her sister must have been waiting at the door, because she is running toward us as soon as I we get out of the car. She is tiny, with short black hair and a bright outfit. Although she doesn't seem to have much in common with my girlfriend, they do complement each other, and it is obvious they are related. I gather Charlie from his car seat and carry him towards Bella and her very excited sister.

"Alice, this is my boyfriend Edward. Edward, this is my older sister Alice."

Alice stares at me with wide eyes for a moment and I stare back in confusion. I can't tell if she finds me horrifying...or if she finds me attractive. Either way, this girl is definitely _different._

"It's amazing to meet you, I've heard so much about you," she finally says with a giggle. "And this little guy must be Charlie," she coos.

Bella laughs at her sister's enthusiasm. I have to chuckle as well, I've never seen a smaller or more excited person in all my life. She is my girlfriend's opposite and before we go inside I have to promise myself that I will not get annoyed by her. It's nothing against Alice, but as an introvert I'm not too into people who are so loud and outgoing. It always throws me off until I've had the chance to really get to know them.

"He is so cute, Edward. You must be so proud of him," Alice says, approving of Charlie.

I'm surprised that she is so friendly, speaking to me as if she has known me for years. This isn't something I'm really used to. I usually have to try pretty hard before someone can open up to me. Seth used to say it was because I gave people bad vibes, but that was back when I was a hot head who was constantly looking for a fight. Now I only _look_ dangerous and have to try my best to make it clear that I am conformed.

"I am," I confirm with a small smile tugging on my lips, "Charlie is amazing and just so smart. He will grow to be a lot smarter than I ever will," I laugh, knowing that if I'm able to give Charlie the best life possible, he will be better than pretty much everyone.

Alice laughs with me and Bella beams at me, obviously happy that her sister and I are getting along so well. I hear the sound of the front door opening and closing, and look up to see a man holding a toddler in his arms coming toward us with a welcoming smile.

"Hey Bells," he says with a slight southern accent before turning to me, "You must be Edward, I'm Jasper, your girlfriend's brother-in-law," he says, giving Bella a wink.

Bella flushes, and I wonder how much she has said about me to her family. I wonder if they know my entire situation, and Charlie's as well. It's weird, thinking that I am the type of man a girl would brag about having as a boyfriend. With the way, I'm being treated by Alice and Jasper, it appears that Bella _has_ been bragging about me. The thought is overwhelming.

"This is our little girl, Cyndy," Jasper says, introducing his shy daughter. "Say hi, sweetie," he encourages her.

"Hi," she says softly, "I three." She holds up three of her fingers and smiles.

With jet black hair and pale skin, she looks just like her mom, and while she seems shy, I'm sure she acts like her mom too.

"Who dat?" she asks, pointing to Charlie, who is looking back at her with wide and curious eyes.

"This is my son, Charlie," I tell her. I don't see the point of calling Charlie my nephew anymore. While he is not biologically my son, I love him just as much as any biological parent could. Besides, when I say nephew, I feel as if I have to give everyone the story of my fucked-up past...my fucked-up life. Why go into all of that if you don't have to?

"He cute," she giggles, before placing her thumb in her mouth.

I smile, hoping that this little girl could be a friend to Charlie. He needs someone closer to his own age to play with, I'm sure. There aren't any kids in our apartment complex and he won't be going to school for a while. He needs some sort of contact outside of Bella and I.

The time spent with Bella's family goes much better than I had expected. They aren't as judgmental as the people I am used to, and don't make me feel bad about my job, money situation, or lack of college education the way other's always have in the past. Only an hour into our dinner, and I feel as if I have made two new friends. Jasper is a cool dude and I'm happy to find that we have a lot in common. He's very intelligent and is a college professor, teaching computer science at a community college nearby, and like I once was, he is a big geek. While the girls chat, we are discussing the _Star Wars_ prequels and laughing at George Lucas's attempt at a romance. Bella smiles at us throughout dinner, and I know that she is happy I have found a new friend in town, because outside of her and Emmett, I really don't have anyone.

"Can me play wif baby dadda?" Cyndy asks, barely able to stay in her seat.

Jasper gives me an inquisitive look and I quickly affirm that it's alright. Charlie has been sitting on my lap throughout dinner and I know he wants to stretch his legs. I stand up with Charlie in my arms, and move to follow Cyndy into the living room.

"Want a beer, Edward?" Jasper calls out, before I hear his wife shut him up.

I tense for a moment, feeling like shit all of a sudden. It's embarrassing that I couldn't hold my liquor in the past, it's embarrassing that I had a problem.

"I'm good," I say smoothly, "I'll take a bottle of water though."

Jasper gives me an apologetic smile, and I know that Bella must have told them about my past. At least to some extent. The thought makes me angry, because I wanted a chance to start off fresh without my past staining my present. Even in my anger, I know why she did it. Being the person that she is, I know she wanted to protect me from any temptation. Most men can come home after a long day of work and grab a cold six pack, unfortunately, I am not most men.

Pushing those uncomfortable thoughts aside, I join Cyndy on the carpet with a restless Charlie in my arms. Now that my boy can stand, it's all he wants to do. Of course, he can only stand on his own for a few seconds, but because of carpeted floors, he doesn't mind too much. Cyndy runs to her room to gather a few of her favorite toys as I allow Charlie to play on the floor. He stands up, and falls back down, stands up, and falls back down, until he eventually grows bored and reaches for me.

"Da da," he giggles, "da, da, da!"

A giant smile spreads across my face and I gather him into my arms. Alice jogs into the room with a bottle of water, and smiles at us.

"Was his first word 'Dad'?" she asks, handing me the drink.

"Well, 'Da,'" I correct her with a smile.

"That's the cutest thing I've ever heard," Alice gushes, just as my girlfriend walks into the room.

"I doubt he knows what he is saying," I laugh, not wanting to admit how much his first word touched me.

"I'm sure he does Edward," Bella says with a smile. "Edward is an incredible daddy," she tells Alice.

My heart swells at her words and I feel like the most important man in the world all of a sudden. _Bella thinks I'm an incredible daddy!_ Being turned on by the word 'daddy' falling from her lips, momentarily distracts me from how fucking happy I am.

Bella is proud of me, my beautiful girlfriend is proud of me, and that fact means the absolute world to me. In that moment, I know I can be good for her, I know I can be the man that she needs.

 **A/N: Let's just say I had a bit of an ulterior motive for introducing Alice and Jasper…**

 **I've been sharing pics of what I imagined Edward's tattoos to look like on my Facebook group The Highlander Princess's Clan…so go check it out and let me know what you think!**

 **Song- "Fatalist Palmistry" by Why? (One of my favorite bands).**


	24. Chapter 24: A New Friend

**Giant thanks to Paige and Sherry for being amazing betas! Also thanks to each and every one of you that have showed your support by reviewing, following, and favoriting this story! It's still crazy to me that so many people are reading this story! I am so thankful for you guys! You make me want to write every single day!**

" _Come as you are, as you were_

 _As I want you to be_

 _As a friend, as a friend_

 _As a known enemy_

 _Take your time, hurry up_

 _The choice is yours, don't be late_

 _Take a rest as a friend, as an old memory."_

 _-Nirvana-_

 **EPOV:**

Jasper makes me feel like my old self, the boy I was before the boozing, fighting, and whoring around. When I was much younger, before I hit high school, my life was a lot simpler. I stayed in my room and read comic books and pretended I was anywhere but home. My life wasn't perfect, but I hadn't been old enough to fuck it up.

Looking back, things had never been that great for me. I thought since I hadn't been physically abused or severely neglected, that my childhood hadn't been so bad. In many ways it was fine, and I did have some great memories with my brother and father, but it was never anything extraordinary. I had been depressed for a while, I can remember that. I never admitted it at the time, but something inside of me never felt quite right. Everyone would be smiling and laughing around me, and I felt as if I were just _there_ , existing.

Having Jasper as a reminder of what my life had once been, makes me look at my childhood with a more critical eye. _Had my mom ever been really nice to me?_ Had she ever shown me any emotion, other than indifference, when it hadn't benefited her? I can't answer that question. Mostly because I don't want to believe the truth. I can't think of one instance where she was ever really warm toward me. When my dad was around, of course she would show affection, but when he wasn't…. she barely even talked to me. I felt like the odd man out in my own home.

I think Seth picked up on it, because he had always made sure I was alright. And when she had shown him affection in front of me, he always looked uncomfortable and almost apologetic. He saw the coldness in our mother, even though he never had to deal with it firsthand. Perhaps that is why he gave me Charlie, because he knew that past my rough exterior and my questionable life choices, I would be able to love his son, the way a child should be. _I can give Charlie the love and guidance he deserves._

One particular memory has stuck with me from my childhood. It is random, but I had always remembered it. When I was around six years old, I went with my mom to one of my brother's plays in elementary school. I had been so excited about it, seeing my older brother, who had been my idol, acting on stage with all of his friends. I wanted to sit on my mom's lap, but she wouldn't let me because she was holding the camera. I remember feeling sad, but I had been quickly distracted by the play. Halfway through, I had to go to the bathroom, but mom didn't want to take me because she would miss some of the play. " _Go ahead, Edward. You know where the bathroom is."_ I went off by myself and found the bathroom, but it had two exits and I got mixed up and went out the wrong one. I hadn't recognized my surroundings and I had cried because I was so scared I wouldn't see my brother ever again. Eventually, some nice older woman found me, and I remember her yelling at my mom when we finally found her. As scared as I had been, all I remember was how frightened I was that I would never see my brother again.

Looking back, I can't believe my mom let me go off by myself. I couldn't imagine letting Charlie go anywhere alone. Just the thought of him walking around empty halls with tears running down his face, makes me want to throw up.

"You okay man?"

Jasper pulls me from my thoughts and I give him a tight smile. I hate how weak memories of my past make me feel. I feel as though I was still the same helpless, confused little boy I once was. It's times like this, I wish I could drink. The cool taste of a hoppy IPA would really hit the spot right now…

"I'm fine, just thinking."

One of the things I like about Jasper, is that he is great about knowing when to not ask me questions. _It's as if he can sense my emotions or some shit like that._ We've only hung out a few times, but we already get each other and he is so accepting of me in his sister-in-law's life.

"Do you think the girls are having fun?" I ask, steering the topic away from me.

Jasper snorts and takes another drink of his soda. _I feel bad that he can't drink around me, but he insisted._ "Well, they're at the mall...so at least my wife is having fun."

Alice insisted that Cyndy and Bella go with her to the mall for a 'girl's day.' By the look on my girlfriend's face, she didn't want to go, but I think she wanted to give me some time to chill with Jasper and Charlie and decided to go along with her sister's plan.

"Bella doesn't seem to be too big on shopping," I say, as Charlie begins to stir awake in my lap.

He stretches his arms and his mouth forms into a little "o," before he opens his eyes and stares up at me with a toothless smile. He yawns again, and then reaches his little arms toward me, indicating that he wants to be picked up.

"Naw, she isn't, but my wife is. I'm just happy Bella is willing to go with her. God knows I love Alice, but I can't stand to spend more than an hour at the mall," he chuckles.

Charlie is resting on my shoulder, happy now that I'm holding him close to my chest. "Da da," he says, as if testing out the word, "da da, da da, da da."

Jasper smiles and I explain, "It's the only thing he knows how to say."

"Hey, every boy loves his father. I can't wait until Alice and I have another, I've always wanted a son."

I want to correct him, and say that he isn't _technically_ mine, but I keep my mouth shut. Even though I'm not biologically his father, he is mine.

"I'm lucky to have him, I never thought I would be a father," I say instead.

"Well, you're doing great dude! You're a natural."

I smile at his compliment and look down at my son. "Well, he's pretty cool and doesn't give me too much grief," I laugh.

"I was thinking," Jasper says after a while, "Alice and I can babysit sometime if you want. I know you must want some alone time with Bella."

My mind reels with possibilities. I haven't had a night to myself in so long and with the way our relationship is progressing, I know a night alone with my girlfriend is long overdue. I've taken things slow with Bella, not wanting to ruin our relationship by allowing things to get too physical, too fast. I want Bella desperately, but I want our first time together to be special. I don't want to just fuck her like some asshole. That was my past. I couldn't imagine the old me, fucking a girl like Bella. I'm not that guy anymore. Bella deserves the absolute best, that is, if she wants to move forward with the physical side of our relationship. If Bella would agree to have sex with me, I would make sure it was the most incredible and loving experience of her life.

"That would be great, man. I could take Bella out on a real date and we could… see how the night progresses."

Jasper laughs at me and I know I'm being dumb. He obviously knows what's on my mind. "Well, good luck to the two of you."

 _I don't need luck._ God, that thought makes me laugh. If I'm going to plan the perfect date for my girlfriend, I'm definitely going to need all the luck I can get.

 **A/N: Just a bit of a warning...this story will finally be earning its M rating soon. I'm super excited! Please review :).**

 **Song- "Come As You Are" by Nirvana**


	25. Chapter 25: A Familiar Encounter

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for helping me with this story every step of the way!**

" _Keep you in the dark you know they all pretend_

 _Keep you in the dark and so it all began_

 _Send in your skeletons_

 _Sing as their bones go marching in again_

 _They need you buried deep_

 _The secrets that you keep are at the ready_

 _Are you ready_

 _I'm finished making sense."_

 _-Foo Fighters-_

 **EPOV:**

Work is slowing down now that October is reaching its close and the air is getting colder. I love this time of year. I love the way the cold air feels as it hits my lungs, it is so cleansing after smoking for so long. Thankfully, the sun isn't as painfully hot as it once was, which makes working outdoors for hours at a time less of a shit-show.

"Hey, do you want to grab a bite after work?" Emmett jovially asks.

I know that they usually hit up a nearby pub after work. They sit in the restaurant, far removed from the bar, but the atmosphere alone isn't good for me. It's so fucking difficult, finding a place where I feel safe from temptation. With my problem, it could cause me to become an outcast, especially being a man, with a job like mine.

"Naw, man. I actually have plans with my girlfriend after this."

Emmett's face transforms into a bright smile and he gives me a firm pat on the back. "Bella's your girlfriend now? Why didn't you mention that sooner? That's great man!"

I shrug my shoulders, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. I didn't mention my new relationship because I didn't want to speak too soon and mess it all up. I didn't want to jinx things.

"It's still new. Things are going pretty good so far."

"That's so great. With the way, you always talked about her, I knew things would get more serious eventually."

 _I talked about her all of the time? Should this really be a shock?_

"Yeah, dude. You did," Emmett chuckles, letting me know that I asked that shit out loud. "Well, have fun tonight. Maybe you and I can get together later this week?"

I nod my head and begin to pack my stuff up. Emmett always makes a point to take me somewhere that good for me to go. I don't like having to always put him out like that. Maybe Dr. Howell was right, maybe a few AA meetings would be good for me. I've never been addicted to alcohol, but now that I'm sober, I realize my problem was worse than I thought. Quitting never gave me the shakes and I never flipped my lid on someone, but I still crave alcohol constantly. If it wasn't for my beautiful and supporting girlfriend- _who I doubt I deserve_ -and Charlie, I doubt I would be as successful as I am now.

I consider the meetings on the drive home. I think it would be a good thing to talk about with Bella. She always gives the best advice and I know she will be supportive no matter what. The thought of the meetings used to make me feel weak, like if I went to the meetings all my problems would instantly be real. If I went to the meetings I would have to admit to my problems and the thought of that still makes me sick.

When I make it back home, Bella can see I'm exhausted, physically and mentally.

"Sweetheart," she says as she pulls me into a hug, "We don't have to go out tonight, I think that Charlie and I will be just fine eating in."

I give her a small smile, grateful that she knows me so well this early in our relationship. "That sounds good," I say, appreciatively.

"We just need to run to the store first," Bella says as she takes a quick look back at Charlie, who is playing on the carpet. "Do you guys want to stay here? Or we can all go to the store together."

 _As a family._

"We can all go," I say with a smile. "Just let me change really quick."

Bella's gaze follows me as I walk toward my bedroom, and I wonder how she would react if I changed in front of her. I leave the door to my bedroom open, and stand where I know she could see me if she wanted to, and strip. I don't look at her, because I don't want to be too obvious, but I can feel her sneaking glance. Sometimes, you just know.

I take my time changing, just to give my shy girlfriend a little show, but when I hear my son start crying I speed it up. He isn't bad when I'm gone, but if he knows I'm in the room, he'll cry if I don't give him enough attention. I pull a shirt over my head and jog into the living room to pull him off the floor. Bella blushes as soon as I meet her gaze. _Yep, she was watching me change._

"You ready to go?" I ask, as if I hadn't stripped in front of her on purpose.

She gives me a cute smile and a nod. _She is still blushing!_ I can't help the cocky grin that is on my face as we make our way to my car. The drive to Target is short and Charlie spends its duration, loudly babbling in his carseat. I want to read to him more, teach him a few new words. Although, I do love hearing the one word he knows.

"Okay, we'll be quick, I promise." Bella assures me as we walk past lines of cars to the store's entrance.

I give her a knowing smile. Although she hates shopping, I know how girls are when it comes to this place. I went with Bella once, while we were still just friends, and we went to buy taco ingredients and ended up staying for over an hour. If I wasn't so into her, I would have said something. It was just too cute to watch her get so excited about deals on fabric softener.

Bella insists that we take a "lap around the store," and I find that I'm too in love with her to deny her anything. However, thirty minutes in the women's clothing section is where I have to draw the line. Charlie is entertained though, reaching out to touch each and every piece of clothing to feel the fabric.

"Do you mind if I take him to the toy section?" I ask, not wanting to show how bored I am.

She looks up at me from the stack of clothing in her hands. "That's fine, I have to try this stuff on anyway. Just call me if you get lost."

I bend down to give her a quick kiss, but like always, as soon as her lips move against mine, I find it hard to pull away. We kiss longer than what is appropriate for a public setting and I'm lost in my pleasure until I hear my very loud son.

"Da da," he says as he pulls on my shirt to get my attention. "Da da!"

I finally pull away from Bella and look down at my distraught son, who is now yanking on my shirt. "Da da!" He reaches up for me and I give him a small kiss on the forehead, which immediately appeases him.

"We'll be back soon," I say, as I return my attention to my son.

As I leave the clothing section, I notice all the women staring at me. I wonder if it due to the fact I practically mauled my girlfriend in the middle of the store. But the staring doesn't stop as I leave the section, it continues as I make my way down the aisles until I reach the toy section. There are a few women in particular who are staring at me and whispering to each other, with their carts parked in the middle of the aisle. They are attractive in a way, and would look better if their faces hadn't been so surgically enhanced. _That shit always freaks me out. I've always liked more natural looking women._

"That's such a cute baby," says a blonde with the most artificial face out of her entire group. "He looks so much like you," she flirts. "Such a handsome little boy."

"Thanks," I comment, taken off guard.

"Do you need help finding anything? My friends and I can show you around if you like?"

I give her a sheepish smile, looking around in hopes that my girlfriend would choose this moment to show up. "I'm good actually. I'm just taking my son to the toy section while my girlfriend shops."

 _I have a girlfriend, so fuck off,_ is what my tone is saying, but apparently that isn't obvious to this chick.

"Well, your girlfriend shouldn't leave a guy like you alone for too long."

"Yeah," I say curtly. "Well...it was nice talking to you," I lie, before continuing to the toy section.

"We'll be right here, baby!" one of her friends yells in my direction.

 _What the hell was that?_ I shake the unpleasant thoughts those women conjure, from my head and focus on Charlie, who is kicking in my arms as soon as he sees the toys. I take a moment to enjoy the _Star Wars_ action figures and Lego sets. I wonder if it would be considered way to geeky for me to buy a Millennium Falcon Lego set for myself. I know having a bunch of Legos lying around wouldn't be safe for Charlie, and I'd rather be safe than sorry. I move on to the toys I know are safe for his age.

We past a line of different rattles and bathroom toys, until we reach a mountain of stuffed animals. Charlie lets out a squeal as soon as he sees a Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal that is bigger than he is. He reaches for it and strings together a bunch of syllables. It must be his way of saying, _"Give me, daddy! Give me!"_

I pull the toy from the shelf and hold onto it, since it's too big for my son to wrap his arms around. I pull a few bath toys from the shelf and head to the children's book section. There are a few board books I remember from my childhood which I know he will like and also a few titles that are a bit more mature, but I know he will love. I grab _The Giving Tree,_ one of my old favorites, and a few Dr. Seuss titles. _I wish I had grabbed a basket or something._ Charlie stares at the large green book in my hands and points, as if to ask, _"What's that, daddy?"_

"This is your daddy's favorite book," I tell him, and it's true. This was one of Seth's favorites, as well as mine.

Charlie pulls at the corner of the book cover, trying to open it. He is so curious and I know he wants me to read to him. I place the toys in my hand on a shelf, and open the book with my free hand, positioning Charlie so he can see the pages from his spot in my arms. But, as soon as I begin the story, his large eyes are on me.

" _Once there was a tree...and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come. And he would gather her leaves. And make them into crowns and play king of the forest."_

Charlie gives me a toothless smile and wiggles in my arms. I point toward the artwork of the little boy with a crown of leaves and Charlie giggles, kicking his legs about in my arms, as he usually does when he is excited about something.

" _He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide and go seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree very much. And the tree was happy."_

I hear the sound of someone approaching, and stop my story. I look up, expecting to find Bella, but instead I find a woman who I've never seen before. She is beautiful, with copper colored hair and green eyes. Her face has a few wrinkles and I would guess she was in her early forties. She seems familiar, but I don't know why.

"Sorry to interrupt," she quickly apologizes. "I just heard the story and got distracted," she admits with a girlish laugh.

She takes a step closer and I don't move back. The woman looks down at Charlie and her attractive face looks troubled all of a sudden.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, confused.

She shakes her head and doesn't look at me. "No, it's nothing. How old is he?"

"He'll be a year old in December."

She nods her head and continues to stare at my son. Before I can question her about what she is doing, she speaks again.

"He just reminds me of my little boy when he was a baby. He looked just like that," she smiles at the memory. "A full head of hair and large, bright, eyes. That book you were reading...I used to read that to my son all the time when he was a newborn. It was my absolute favorite."

Bella comes down the aisle with a pile of clothing in her cart. She gives the woman next to me a kind smile and introduces herself. The woman looks embarrassed and backs away from Charlie and me. She apologizes to us, before grabbing her cart and walking away.

Bella looks confused as she helps me place the toys and books in her cart. "Who was that woman?"

I'm baffled, although she seems familiar, I can't seem to place her. "I have no idea."

 **A/N: Thoughts? Please review!**

 **Song- "The Pretender" by Foo Fighters.**


	26. Chapter 26: The Date

**Thanks to my beautiful betas Sherry and Paige! This story would not be the same without them.**

 **Also, thanks for all of your reviews for the last chapter! Seeing that only makes me want to write more! I wish I could respond to you guys, but I can't give anything away. So, my lips are completely sealed.**

" _Something in the way she moves_

 _Attracts me like no other lover_

 _Something in the way she woos me_

 _I don't want to leave her now_

 _You know I believe and how"_

 _-The Beatles-_

 **EPOV:**

The uneasy feeling that woman at Target caused has dissipated during the busy week. Today especially, my mind has been somewhere else. Tonight, is the night. Charlie will be spending the evening with Alice, Jasper, and his new friend, Cyndy, while I'll have the night alone with Bella. It still feels surreal, a night alone with my girlfriend...having her all to myself.

I want tonight to be perfect, but I also don't want to force Bella to do anything she is not comfortable with. As much as I want her, _in every way,_ I won't force her into anything she doesn't want to do. I've never had a romantic relationship, so I have no idea how to time shit. How soon is too soon? In all my past 'experiences' with women, we rushed directly into sex. I never cared for any of them and never even bothered to take a single one on a date first. I was a whore, they were whores, so taking them to dinner first really wouldn't have made a difference.

I never felt ashamed of my past...until I met Bella. Then I realized how fucking disgraceful it was. If I knew then, that I would meet someone as incredible as my girlfriend, I would have never acted that way. I would take it all back if I could. My actions make me feel like some asshole, and Bella deserves more than an asshole. She deserves so much more than me. Even now, I can't believe she has agreed to be my girlfriend, but she has and that means I will give her absolutely everything I can.

I've been planning this date all week. No idea ever seems good enough for my girl. I picked up an extra shift at work this week just so I can take her to the nicest of places. There are a few restaurants in the city my dad has told me about. I caved and called my dad last night to ask him for his advice. He's used to fine dining in the city and since he is so thrilled about my girl, he was more than happy to give me some advice.

With dad's help, I decided on II Terrazzo in Seattle. I know it's a bit of a drive from our apartment complex, but it's worth the gas and the money it will cost for us to dine there. I went through hell trying to make a reservation for Friday. I called multiple times and spoke to multiple people, until one host managed to finally find me a spot. Hopefully, my perseverance will pay off and Bella and I will have a great time.

I've been agitated all day, thinking of all the ways I could possibly fuck this up tonight. I don't know why I'm so fucking antsy. Bella is, after all, my girlfriend and it's not like she is going to dump me after one bad date. It's just that I've never put this much effort into anything, and in doing so, I feel so _exposed_. When you don't try very hard and fail, it's easy to play that shit off like you don't care. But, this is so very different. If this doesn't work out tonight, I know it will gut me.

If I'm being dumb, I don't care. I just want to make sure that I don't fuck this up, like I have fucked up so many other things in my life. I dropped Charlie off at Alice's and he seemed distraught to see me go. I came directly home to shower and get ready. Even with my nerves going wild and my fears for tonight plaguing my brain, I still miss my son. He was so upset when I left and seeing him cry felt like a stab to the chest. He loves Jasper, Alice, and Cyndy...but he also hates when I leave. I thought about bringing him along tonight, but Jasper convinced me to take the night off. I know I need a break, but parting from him has always been difficult.

After an hour of trying to tame my unruly hair, shaving my five o'clock shadow, and ironing my outfit for tonight, I finally feel ready. I decided on all black, mainly because I know it suits me and looks good with my black and grey tattoos. I roll up my sleeves and leave the top button of my shirt undone, to show off the artwork I spent so much money on. I hope I look good enough for Bella, but I'm sure whatever she wears will outdo me completely. With her at my side, I know I don't really need to worry about how I look, because everyone will be too busy staring at my girl.

As soon as I cross the hall to 'pick-up' my date, all my suspicions are confirmed. Not a single person is going to notice me, when I have a fuck hot date on my arm. Bella looks so incredibly sexy. I have to close my mouth to avoid looking like an asshole, because my jaw dropped as soon as she opened her apartment door. She makes her basic black dress look incredible. Her tits look amazing and her legs look a mile long. Dirty thoughts play through my mind like a movie as I stare at her long creamy legs, which I can imagine wrapped around my waist as I plow into her.

"Do I look alright?" she asks with a nervous giggle.

 _Is she being serious?_ "You look sexy, very sexy."

She looks shy all of a sudden and I can't fathom why. She's beautiful, inside and out, so I don't understand what she could possibly feel insecure about. I reach for her hand and pull her out into the hallway and against my body. Her curves feel so incredible against mine and I want nothing more than to spend the night in. I bring my lips to hers and kiss her with as much passion as I can muster. As if I'm drinking the taste of her and coming back, thirsting for more. I know if I don't stop now, I won't be able to. So, with the little self-control I still have, I pull away and promise her "later," before ushering her down the hallway.

The restaurant is incredible on the outside and even more so on the inside. As we are greeted and walk through the dining room to our table, I begin to grow nervous. _A place like this is going to cost a fortune._ I knew it would be expensive...but, holy shit. The dining room is gorgeous and filled with, what looks to be, the wealthiest inhabitants of the city. The men stare at my girl in appreciation and when they look at me, their eyes squint in disgust. The women on the other hand look at me with a very different emotion in their eyes. I ignore them, and spend my time giving death glares to anyone who looks at my girl.

We get a nice table in the corner, far removed from everyone else, and I can relax now that my body is blocking Bella's from all the men in the restaurant. _While my fighting days are behind me, I don't want to spend the duration of my date wanting to strangle a bunch of men._ With menus in hand, we wait for our server and I try not to look at the prices, instead, I focus on my beautiful girlfriend sitting across from me.

"So, what do you think?" I ask, making sure she's okay with my choice of restaurants.

She stares at the menu for a moment, looking concerned, and I wonder if she thinks I can't afford this.

"It's great," she says with a small smile. "It's just so _fancy."_

I chuckle at her and shake my head. "Well, I thought my beautiful girlfriend deserved something fancy." She blushes and looks down at the menu with a smile playing at her lips. "Besides, I've been saving up for this. I wanted to make tonight special."

"It is," she says seriously, her eyes boring into mine. "It's special no matter what you planned. I love it already."

The server comes, and his expression is all too obvious to me. It's one that I've gotten on too many occasions. His distaste is obvious. He took one look at me and summed up that he wouldn't be receiving a tip. He puts on a fake, customer service smile, and takes our drink order. We both order waters, but before he can walk off, assuming we wouldn't be ordering anything else to drink, I take a look at the drink menu and stop him. While I know wine is out of the question for me, the list of expensive espresso is not.

"Two espressos as well," I say with a spiteful smile.

The drinks are expensive compared to any of the coffee shops I'm used to, but they are still within my price range. The server walks off with a constipated look on his face.

"What was that about?" Bella giggles, obviously noticing my annoyance.

"Nothing," I shrug, not wanting to let this jerk ruin our date. "I just didn't like the way he was looking at me."

"He's an asshole," Bella giggles, taking me by surprise. "He is probably just jealous."

"Jealous of what?" I chuckle, entertained by how cute my girl is being.

"Of how hot you are," she tells me with a pretty blush.

 _She's never called me hot before!_ Just hearing her say the words, feels absolutely incredible. This date is already amazing, rude servers aside. This dinner feels like the start of something extremely special. As if we were slowing drifting into deeper waters. Our relationship feels more serious all of a sudden, which is great, because I'm completely in love with this girl.

The waiter returns with our drinks and I take a sip of my espresso, pretending as though I've had something other than shit coffee my entire life and I have some knowledge of the drink. Truly, I have no idea what espresso is supposed to taste like, but I imagined it would have tasted... _better._

Before the waiter takes our order, I encourage her to get whatever she wants, telling her once again that I can afford it. She orders Ravioli Di Capriolo, and I don't know if it's because she is trying to be conservative about costs or if it's because she doesn't want meat. Since it's not the cheapest thing on the menu, I don't badger her about it.

"We'll take the Calamari for an appetizer and I'll have an order of Pesce Del Giorno."

"Very good, sir," the waiter says, his mood shifting now that he sees we aren't ordering the cheapest food on the menu.

"Are you sure that's what you wanted?" I question as soon as our server is gone. I want to make sure everything is perfect.

"Actually, it's one of my favorite dishes," she assures me with a smile.

We fall into an effortless conversation as we sip on our espressos. Conversations are always easy with Bella. We go from topic to topic so seamlessly that it's like we we're the same person. She is truly my best friend, unlike any girl I have ever met. Our appetizers come and Bella digs in. I'm always happy to see how comfortable she is around me. I hear some chicks hate eating in front of their date. I always thought that was so stupid, I mean, we know you have to fucking eat at some point. As we eat our Calamari we talk about our current favorite movies. I'm always pleasantly surprised by my girlfriend's tastes. Sure, she likes a good romantic comedy here or there, but she always likes the most obscure and horrific shit. I have always loved Science Fiction and Horror movies, and I'm thrilled to see my girl loves them as well. Most girls can't stomach that stuff, but once again, Bella Swan is _not_ most girls. Bella Swan is the woman I'm in love with.

We barely acknowledge the waiter when he arrives with our food, too deep in our conversation to remember the world around us. When I'm with her, nothing else matters. The past that I'm ashamed of, all my failures, and the struggles I have today, all wash away when she looks at me. It's hard to pay attention to anything else when she is near.

The food is incredible, and I can easily see why it's so damn expensive. It's worth every penny though, for I've never had a meal like this. Bella's pasta dish looks sad next to my entree, so I share with her, despite the fact that I'm still starving. As we eat our meal, night falls unusually early. The sky is black and it's not even six o'clock. When I hear the wind start to pick up, I know a storm is coming. _Of. Fucking. Course._ Bella shivers as she looks outside.

Reaching across the table to grab her hand, I ask, "Are you afraid of storms, baby?"

She blushes and shakes her head. But I know better. As much as I want to have dessert, I flag the waiter down for the bill. Bella stares out the restaurant's windows, her nerves apparent on her beautiful face. I just want to get her into bed and comfort her with my body. We finish up the meal and I pay our bill, leaving the server a generous tip, despite his general rudeness. Bella is antsy to leave, and I don't blame her. It does look horrendous outside.

"Sir," the host calls out, stopping us before we exit. "Some of the roads are beginning to flood, so please keep that in mind. We can't be responsible for any accidents."

I give him a tight smile and thank him. It's obvious that he thinks I have been drinking, despite the fact that I'm walking in a straight line and not slurring my words. Apparently, having so many tattoos just screams "deviant" to some people.

It is pouring by the time we get outside and I stop Bella before we step onto the sidewalk. I don't want her to get all wet, _because I heard girls hate that shit_. I do my best to keep her nice and dry under the restaurant's roof.

"Just wait here while I pull the car around!" I yell over the sound of the rain.

She rolls her eyes at me. Although she is obviously frightened by the storm, I know my girl hates looking weak.

"I'll be fine, Edward. Let's just run together."

I give her a dubious look, and shrug my shoulders. _I guess if she wants to get nice and wet for me, I won't stop her._ I grab her hand tightly in mine, and yell, "On the count of three!" We count together, "One! Two! Three!" And take off toward my car.

The rain is unforgiving and I curse myself for not checking the weather forecast. Living in Washington, I should know better by now. Apparently, I was too distracted by the thought of my beautiful date to do anything like that. With my free hand, I pull my car keys out of my pocket and unlock the car door. I can barely see in front of me, with the rain crashing down and the sky so dark. I know we won't be able to safely drive for a while.

We jump into the car, out of breath and completely drenched. Bella giggles as soon as she sees her outfit, and sits up straighter to see her smeared makeup in my rearview mirror. Now that she is wet, her dress clings to her body like a second skin. Allowing me to see every delicious curve she has. Now that I'm seeing her like this, in close quarters, with the possibility of something physical on the horizon, I wonder how I stayed away for so long. I watch her chest heave, as she tries to regulate her breathing, and I'm transfixed with the way her breasts jiggle with every breath. I want nothing more than to pull her dress down, and wrap my mouth around one of her perfect pink nipples. They are straining through the fabric of her dress, chilled by the rain, and I know my mouth will be able to warm them up.

I can feel that she wants this too. Her need is palpable and her gaze is trained on my body, worshiping me with her eyes, as I had just worshiped her. Her lust filled look alone, is enough to cause me to stiffen in my jeans. My cock is throbbing against my zipper and she hasn't even touched me yet. With our lust filling the air like electricity, we stare at each other for a long moment, as if to ask ourselves if we're really doing this, before our lips meet and our bodies crash against each other. She tastes fucking amazing and looks better than any fantasy I've ever had. As much as I want to have her and make love to her until she is screaming my name…I know I can't do it here. I can't let our first time together be in the backseat of my car. So, we kiss until the rain slows down and my cock throbs at the thought of what the night has in store for us.

 **A/N: So, as you can imagine this story is about to earn its M-rating. FINALLY! I never know when lemons are "too soon" in my story…but they have to happen sometime** **.** **Please review! Your reviews are better than all the candy in the world!**

 **P.S. I'll be posting some photos of the restaurant and Bella's dress on my Facebook page-Lizzie Lee (Highlander Princess) as well as my Facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan) So go check it out** **.**

 **Song- "Something" by The Beatles.**


	27. Chapter 27: All the Way

**Thank you soooooooo much Sherry and Paige! I don't know where I would be without you amazing girls!**

 **Drum roll please…. The Blessing finally has an M-Rated chapter! Enjoy!**

" _If everything could feel this real forever_

 _If anything could ever be this good again_

 _The only thing I'll ever ask of you_

 _You've got to promise not to shop when I say when."_

 _-Foo Fighters-_

 **EPOV:**

With a dark sky and the shield of heavy rain, I feel as if I'm alone with my girl. The rain is unforgiving, it crashes down on my car and blocks the rest of the world out. Time feels as though it were standing still, and there is nothing else in the world besides Bella and me. The front seat of my car is not where I want to have my girl for the first time, but in a moment like this, it's hard to resist her.

Her breasts are heaving against the fabric of her wet black dress and her skin is still slick from the rain. I want to strip the damn dress off her, just so I can see her perfect ivory skin under the dim streetlights. I imagine her naked body and my cock twitches in my pants. _God, I can't believe this girl is all mine._ I pull her back into my arms to taste her again. I lick her full bottom lip until she allows me inside. With the console between us, it's difficult to touch her like I want to. Without warning, I pull her across the console and onto my lap. It's a tight fit and we laugh as her ass hits the horn. I slide my seat back and she relaxes in my lap. _Don't fuck her in the car like some cheap prom date, Cullen!_ Bella rubs her pussy against my erection and I almost ejaculate in my pants. _What the fuck Cullen! Are you twelve years old? Don't embarrass yourself!_

I pull away before I come in my pants and Bella pouts at me, making me want to pull my cock out and pound into her even more. I don't want to be rough with her, not tonight. I want our first time to be perfect. I want to show her physically just how much I fucking love her. I can't treat her like a whore and fuck her like someone I don't care about. I love this girl and I want her to know just how different she is.

"We can't do it here," I tell her as she continues to pout. "Don't give me that look. It's public indecency or something like that."

Bella laughs and wiggles her way off of my lap and back into the passenger seat. She smiles at the moan that escaped my mouth as she wiggled her ass against my cock before leaving my lap. Bella is so confident tonight and it's incredibly sexy. She knows what she wants and she is willing to reach out and take it. With a shaky hand, I put the key into the ignition and turn the windshield wipers on as fast as they will go. We need to get home, I don't think my cock can stand another second of this teasing. Bella seems as eager as me, as she looks at me with heavy, lustful eyes.

The roads aren't terrible at first, but as we drive further away from the city, the conditions worsen and we are stuck in a line of traffic. I stare in disbelief at the road ahead. _They closed the fucking road off! Tonight, of all nights, this has to happen to me!_

"Do you know another way?" Bella asks as she stares at the cops ahead.

I barely know my way around this city on a good day. On a night like tonight, dark and thunder storming, nothing really looks familiar. A few cars ahead of me turn around and I inch forward, wanting to ask a cop for a detour. As much as I hate asking for directions, I want to be at home and in bed with my girlfriend, so I swallow my pride and roll down my window. The cop is cool and doesn't seem put out as I ask about road closures. Bella laughs, in what sounds to be disbelief, as the cop tells us the roads have all flooded and closed. I sit in silence for a moment, too shocked by our misfortune to say anything. The weather has cockblocked me and not only that, but now I won't be able to pick up Charlie tonight. He hasn't slept without me since I brought him home. I would take my chances on the roads if that meant getting home to him. I thank the cop and turn around, heading back to the city.

As if reading my thoughts, Bella reaches over to squeeze my thigh and says, "As much as Charlie wants you there, he needs his daddy safe. You're all he has left and we can't take our chances because of that."

I know she's right. If he lost me in a car accident too...it would be devastating. As much as I want to see his face, and hold him in my arms to know he is safe, I know that taking the risk wouldn't be wise.

The rain picks up, causing the road to be barely visible. I lean forward in my seat, trying to see past the rain to the car in front of me. I see brake lights and hear the sound of car horns, but I can't make out a single sign on the highway. It's a nightmare and driving in these conditions makes me uneasy. I pull off at the next exit, not bothering to look at where it leads. Bella is texting her sister, informing her of our situation, as I keep my eyes peeled for a hotel. There's a shitty motel that looks as if it hasn't been renovated in years. I can't take Bella to a place like that, not on our first night together. I drive on, hoping to God there is something better ahead. Thankfully, there is. The hotel we come across, is huge and brand new, and from the appearance, way out of my price range. But once I consider our other option and the fact that sex could be on my horizon, I pull into the more expensive choice and promise myself that I will pick up another shift at work.

I park close, but I know it won't make a bit of difference. Bella giggles and swings open her passenger door, happy to run in the rain. She's beautiful, as she throws her head back and basks in the downpour. I watch as she hops around the larger puddles, her breasts bouncing and her dress clinging to her, leaving nothing to the imagination. She looks like a nymph from one of those old stories as she runs, her long wet hair flowing around her back. It takes me a moment to realize I'm just staring at her, as if her body had the power to fucking immobilize me. She turns back and giggles before running inside the hotel. I lock my car and chase after her, realizing how cold I am now that she is not around.

The hotel lobby is overwhelming with high ceilings, marble floors, and couches that look as if they cost more than my apartment. My wallet feels lighter as I take it all in, but I push that unpleasant thought aside and follow my girl to the front desk. The woman at the front desk gives us a comical look, and stares at me a bit longer than appropriate before greeting us.

"One room, please," I say as I pull out my wallet.

The blond stares between Bella and me, as if she were trying to compute something. Finally, she asks, "Will you two be needing separate beds?"

I give her a dubious look, before shaking my head and saying, "No. My _girlfriend_ and I would like one room with one bed."

Bella giggles at my tone. Apparently, she is not disturbed by this chick's behavior. Bella's confidence is one of the many things I love about her.

"Sorry, sir," the blond stutters out, before typing on her computer.

I roll my eyes at her and reach to hold my girl's hand. With her makeup smeared, her hair and body drenched, and a carefree smile on her face, she has never looked more beautiful. Before I can stop myself, I lean forward to press my lips against hers. I only want a small kiss to hold me over, but Bella gives me so much more. I slip my tongue into her mouth and moan, pulling her body against mine. I lose myself in her completely, enjoying the feel of her body and the taste of her full lips. The sound of coughing eventually causes our kiss to come to an end, and I pull away to find the blond staring at me with an annoyed look on her orange face.

"We have two suites available," she informs me with a pissy expression.

I smirk, and with Bella still glued to my side, I say, "As long as it has a king-sized bed, we'll take it."

The blonde looks as if she is trying very hard not to roll her eyes at me, and I give her a smile as I hand her my credit card to soften the blow. Her face flushes and the flirtatious look in her eyes reappears. _What does she think is going to happen? I'm going to invite her back to our room for a three-way?_ As much as I wouldn't mind seeing Bella fool around with another woman, I don't know if I would ever be able to share her.

"Enjoy your stay, sir. Let me know if you need anything."

I understand her meaning, and give her a tight smile as I take our room key and pull my girl away. I can feel the chick watching us as we leave, and I try not to seem too weirded out. We walk past a gift shop and Bella tugs on my hand, pulling me inside.

"Why don't we get some dry clothes and snacks?" she suggests as she begins to look around.

I'm instantly confused, I thought we were going to have sex. Is she just nervous or something and came in here to stall? I glance at the old man behind the counter and when I see that he isn't paying attention, I quietly walk up to Bella who is looking through a pile of sweatshirts with 'Seattle' written across the chest in bold letters.

"We can just take all of our clothes off," I suggest, quietly in her ear.

Her whole body stills, and I wonder if I'm scaring her. Maybe I'm pushing my luck here and she isn't ready.

"We don't have to go all the way," I assure her, "I can just taste you if you want."

She turns around so quickly, she almost runs into me. Before I can register her movements, she crashes her lips against mine and I know she wants this. Regardless of how horny I am, I won't take things any further than she is willing to go. I don't want to treat her like she is just a random fuck. She is so important to me and I'll wait for her as long as I have to. The way Bella is kissing me tells me I won't have to wait long.

She pulls away and looks me straight in the eye, "Let's go to our room then."

I kiss her again before practically carrying her out of the store. Now, the old man is paying attention, his eyes wide with shock behind the frames of his glasses. I give him a smile and a courteous wave before picking Bella up and throwing her over my shoulder. I jog toward the elevator and only let Bella down when we're inside. The doors close, and my lips find hers again, my body pressing hers against the wall of the elevator. I'm delirious as I kiss her, and in my lust-fueled haze, my hand skims up her body until it finds one of her full breasts. It feels heavy in my hand and I can't resist playing with her nipples through her wet dress. She moans at my touch and bites down on my lip, drawing blood and causing me to tweak her nipple harder.

"Fuck, baby," I moan, as I lick my bloody lip and enjoy the taste of iron.

She smiles at me, proud of her work, and grabs my face to crash my lips against hers. My cock is throbbing in my pants, begging to be released. I don't know how much more teasing I can take. The elevator door opens and we almost fall into the hallway, drunk with desire as we find our room. Bella is grabbing at my shirt, trying to unbutton it as I slide our key to open the door. As soon as we enter, Bella seems shy again, her nervousness has returned.

"Bella, we don't have to do anything you don't want. That's not what this night is about. I would love to just lay in bed and hold you all night, if that's what you want."

She smiles at me, and with a slight blush she shakes her head and takes a step forward. "I want you, all of you."

I smile back and step forward so we are only an inch apart. I reach out, just wanting to hold her hand in mine. Her hand is so small, so warm, and squeezes mine as if to tell me it's alright. The look in her eyes is warm and I know she is being sincere, she does really want this. Now I'm nervous. I've never had any feelings for girls I fucked before this. Everything feels so much more intimate this time, and every touch means so much more. How much I care for her scares me. Especially considering my long history of fucking things up. I don't want to lose her, I don't know what I would do without her in my life. Bella is my best friend. As if sensing my nerves, she gives me a warm kiss, before pulling away to slowly undress.

I feel like I'm in high school again, as I watch her undress for the very first time. Regardless of my extensive sexual history, Bella makes me feel like…. a virgin. Everything is new. My cock is hard against the zipper of my pants and I reach down to undo my button and unzip my fly, to relieve some of the tension. I'm naked underneath my pants and my cock springs out before I can hide it. Bella eyes widen when she takes in the sight of me and she gulps before her jaw drops. She stops unzipping her dress and looks very nervous all of a sudden. I take hold of my throbbing erection and wipe the pre-cum off the tip with my thumb. I know I'm larger than most men, _mainly because of my girth_ , but I didn't expect this sort of reaction from my girl.

"You still want to do this?" I ask again, wanting to make sure she is keen.

She gulps again and gives me a shaky smile, looking dazed as she answers, "Of course." Before allowing her dress to fall to the floor.

Now my jaw drops. Her body is unlike anything I could have imagined. She is so small and so curvy. With full tits that are pushed up in her black lace bra, an hourglass figure with an incredible ass, and long creamy legs I want to put on my shoulders while I pound into her pussy. I stroke myself as I look at her. As quick as I can, I take off my shoes, socks, and pants, before taking my excited cock back into my hand. I can't help myself, I rub my erection against her stomach and moan.

"Let's get you out of this shirt," she says with a coy grin.

She's quick to unbutton my shirt and she's so eager, she practically rips the offending article off of me. It's so fucking hot seeing her like this, knowing that lust in her beautiful brown eyes is directed at me. I wonder how wet her pussy is, she must be absolutely drenched. I want to drop to my knees to find out.

As soon as I'm completely naked in front of her, her eyes widen and she rewards me with a hot, little grin. I know I look different than the men she is probably used to. With tattoos covering most of my skin, my nipples pierced, and an Apadravya piercing, I know I'm definitely a lot to take in. I stand naked, nervous about what she must think. Before I can ask her, she grabs my cock and smashes her lips against mine. She pumps me in her hand before adding her other, so my entire cock is in her grasp.

"You're so fucking sexy, baby," she moans, taking me by surprise.

 _My girl rarely cusses!_

We make our way toward the bed, touching and kissing every bit of exposed skin we can. We fall on the king-sized bed together, and as soon as I can pull away from her embrace, I travel down her body and settle my face between her legs. I hook my thumbs in her black pair of lace panties, and stare up at her, giving her time to stop me if she wanted to. She smiles at me, and looks fucking giddy as I pull her panties down her creamy legs, exposing her fuck-hot pussy.

It's drenched and absolutely perfect. She's bare, besides the landing strip that leads to her glistening folds. She's pink, tight, and fucking perfect. I reach out to touch her, shivering as my fingers meet her most private area for the first time.

"You're so fucking wet baby," I moan as I run my finger up and down her folds, playing with her clit before dipping one finger inside of her tight little hole.

Her back arches off the bed at the contact and her entire body quivers. I add another finger, driving her wild.

"It's all because of you, Edward," she moans, as she pulls down one cup of her bra to tweak her nipple.

They are pink and perfect, just as I imagined.

"I've been wanting this for so long," she moans as she plays with herself.

Hearing her say that makes my cock painfully hard. I've wanted her for so fucking long, and I'm so stoked to hear she has desired me too. I want to worship this girl and kiss, lick, and bite every single inch of her. I dip my head down and get my first taste. I lick her pussy in one long upward stroke. My tongue gliding over her wet folds feels fucking incredible and my cock is wagging with excitement. I dip my tongue into her tight little pussy and continue to finger her. I know she is close and I want more than anything to watch her come, knowing that I gave her that pleasure.

"Let go, beautiful," I beg her before licking her pussy again.

I feel her pussy tighten around my fingers before it begins to violently pulse. Bella yells out, grabbing my hair to hold my head in place as I continue to lick her. I have never gone down on a girl before. I never saw the point because licking a girl's pussy never seemed to be beneficial to me in any way. But with Bella, I could watch her orgasm all night and not give a shit about my own release.

I kiss my way up her body, until my lips are back on hers. I wonder if she likes the way her cum tastes on my lips. The thought turns me on even more. I don't know how much longer I will be able to wait. My cock feels as if it has been hard all night and I can't even remember the last time I had sex. I was probably high off my ass whenever it was, and I can't even remember who my partner was. Thank God for modern medicine, because even though getting tested for STDs sucks, I'm happy to take tons of tests to know that I'm clean.

"Do you want to do this, beautiful? It doesn't have to be tonight," I assure her, but even to my ears, I hear my voice shaking as I try to restrain myself.

She smiles at me and reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra, exposing her breasts to my hungry gaze. I've always been a tit man and Bella's tits are the most amazing pair I have ever seen. My mouth is on them in an instant. Licking her pretty nipples before suckling them between my lips.

She moans and cries out, "Please, Edward. I can't wait any longer."

I can't deny my girl anything. With a very excited cock, I jump off the bed and run toward my pants to grab the condom from my wallet.

As I hurry back to her, my cock bouncing in the air, I explain, "You weren't a foregone conclusion. I just like to be prepared."

Bella's breathing is heavy and her pupils are dilated. I've never seen a sexier sight in all my life. I rip the condom wrapper open and slide it onto my cock. While I would love to feel her bare pussy against my cock, I can't afford another baby. She opens her legs for me and I kneel between them, grabbing her legs to wrap around my waist.

She gives me a nervous look and asks, "You're clean, right? You've been tested and everything?"

Given the way I look and my history, I can understand where she is coming from. Besides, it's a good idea to ask your partner if they're clean before you go ahead with it. I would have done it in the past, if I had been sober. Thank God luck was on my side.

"I was tested when I returned to Washington. I'm clean. You?"

Bella nods and smiles, "I'm clean."

 _Well shit, we're really doing this._ I'm terrified. I love her and I want to make love to her, but now I realize I don't know how. I've never done it. I've fucked women, but I've never made love to anyone. I'm glad she's my first...and my last. I know I won't ever love anyone the way I love her.

I lower myself onto my elbows and position my cock at her entrance. I'm going to take this slow and savor every feeling. I can feel her warmth flirting with the tip of my cock and I rub myself up and down her entrance, giving her another chance to back down. She doesn't, instead she gives me a coquettish smile and opens her legs even wider. I smile back and stare into her eyes as I push my cock inside her little pussy in one thrust. I'm not all the way in, another inch or so of my cock is patiently waiting for my girl to stretch and accommodate for more.

"Fuck, you're so big, baby," Bella moans as she tightens her legs around my waist.

I love it when my girl cusses. It's rare and for my ears only, and it is so incredibly sexy falling from my innocent girl's lips.

"Do you think you can handle more?" I ask, staring down at the remaining two inches of my cock.

She bites her lip and nods, looking in deep thought as I work on sliding my entire cock into her tight little hole. She cries out, but doesn't stop me. I'm too overwhelmed by the sensation to stop even if I wanted to. Her pussy is tight, warm, and absolutely perfect. As if it had been made specifically for me. I could worship it for the rest of my life, and _will_ if she lets me. Bella's eyelids flutter and a beautiful smile appears on her face as soon as I'm completely inside of her.

"We did it," she teases me, before I silence her with a kiss.

I take it slow, wanting our first time to last as long as it can. I worship her lips, face, and breasts, as I thrust deeply inside of her. Every kiss is a way of saying _"I love you,"_ and every touch is my way of saying, _"I want you to belong to me forever."_ Although I don't say the words aloud, I know she can feel them, and with her kisses, it feels as if she is saying them back. After a while, I can no longer contain myself and my thrusts became more erratic. Bella doesn't seem to mind, in fact, she grabs onto my ass as if she as asking me to fuck her harder. And I will, I will fuck her brains out, but just not this time.

I reach down to play with her clit. I know that I'm close and I want us to come together if possible. "Come for me beautiful girl," I whisper into her ear as I play with her. "I want to see my girl come on my cock."

She moans, stiffens, and reaches her release. Her pussy clamps onto my cock, pulsing around me, and pulling me in deeper. I begin to fuck her, _really_ fuck her, holding absolutely nothing back. She spanks my ass and cries out as she reaches another orgasm. I come so hard I see stars. _I've never came like this in my entire fucking life._ I come with a roar, my mind screaming out, _"I love you so fucking much Bella Swan!"_

I fall onto her, completely spent. Our sweat mixes together and our scents combine. I roll off of her lush frame and pull her to my side. Bella is breathing hard, still coming down from her orgasm and my mind is reeling. _I just had sex with the girl I'm in love with and I didn't fuck it up! Bella loved it and I made her come, not once, but three times._ I smile, knowing the night is still young.

" _I love you, Bella Swan,"_ I say again in my head. Practicing for when I finally have the courage to say it aloud. _"I love you and I don't deserve you, but I won't give up. I'll fight for you every day."_

Bella gives me a sexy smile before sliding onto my lap.

"The night is still young," she says, "and I want you again."

 **A/N: So…when I was reading this before posting, I have to say that I blushed quite a bit. I love writing lemons, but when I read them later I'm just like "I can't believe I wrote that!" Hehe. I'm so happy to see what you guys think. Also, if you can google it…look up an Apadravya piercing…if you're over 18 years old haha.**

 **I'm going to be posting a BPOV of this chapter on my blog sometime this week…so keep an eye out!**

 **Song- "Everlong" by Foo Fighters.**


	28. Chapter 28: Morning After

**Thanks to my betas Sherry and Paige! Any mistakes are my own.**

" _Don't you wanna come with me?_

 _Don't you wanna feel my bones on your bones?_

 _It's only natural._

 _Don't you wanna swim with me?_

 _Don't you wanna feel my skin on your skin?_

 _It's only natural."_

 _-The Killers-_

 **EPOV:**

Lying in bed with my girl's scent surrounding me, her soft body pressed against mine, and her silky hair tickling my nose, I wonder if I'll ever get enough of her. If last night is a glimpse of our future together, I doubt I'll ever be sated.

Last night was fucking incredible. Being inside her was like nothing I've ever experienced. Her body is fucking perfect, but it's more than that. Being in love with her has shown me how different sex can be. I felt so deeply connected to her when I was moving inside her and it wasn't the usual meaningless shit I had been accustomed to. Everything with Bella is different.

It's still dark out, but I know we should be getting back soon. The roads are probably clear by now and I'm dying to see Charlie. It's weird waking up in the morning without the sound of his babbling. I miss the little guy.

I kiss my girl's hair until she stirs awake. She gives me a cute, sleepy grin, before rubbing her face against my chest. I know I wore her out last night, but how could I help it when she kept begging for more? I wouldn't deny my girl a thing.

"Want to shower before we leave?" she asks before biting my nipple. "I feel so sticky."

She's cute when she complains. I think I love just about anything she does.

I pull her into my arms, before lifting her off of the bed. I rush to the shower with her in my arms. Considering how much I paid for this room, I should at least give myself the chance to enjoy the expensive shower jets. I'm sure the jets will feel amazing, as I fuck my girl against the tiled wall.

I set Bella on her feet and turn on the shower. She's impatient like always and quickly pulls me into the shower with her and rubs her wet body against mine. I'm hard in an instant and turn her around to run my cock along the curves of her bare ass. She moans as I suck on her neck.

"Should I bend you over and fuck you, baby?" I ask before biting her neck.

She nods and although I can't see her beautiful face, I know she's smiling. I bend her over and get a nice view of her perfect ass. It's the first time I've seen it in the light and I gasp at what I see.

On her right cheek is a small peach tattoo. It's so cute, yet so hot at the same time, just like my girl. It's a perfect fit. I'll ask her about it later, because right now my cock is throbbing and impatient.

I slip one finger into her tight little core to make sure she is nice and wet. She's so tight, she grips my finger and the feel of her little pussy only makes my cock more excited.

"You ready, baby girl?"

She nods and wiggles her ass against my leaking cock. I grab her hips and I'm inside her with one hard thrust. Her back arches and she moans as I pull out and push back in, beginning to pound into her harder.

Water hammers down from the jets, making her luscious body slippery and hard to hold onto. Her skin is fucking sparkling and she looks so fucking hot. I have to look away so I don't come too soon.

She begins to meet me with every thrust. Her hips slam against mine and I know that I won't be able to last much longer. Reaching between her legs, I play with her clit until I know she's fucking close. I thrust harder, holding nothing back. God, I want to fucking consume her like she's consumed me.

"Come, beautiful," I order as my legs begin to shake. "I want to feel you fucking come!"

I feel her let go, her pussy pulsing wildly around me. With a few more thrusts, I feel my orgasm coming and I pull out and pump my cock in my hand until I ejaculate on her back.

She looks fucking hot covered in my cum. I commit the sight to memory before the shower washes it away. It travels down her back and trickles down her legs.

As much as I would have loved to come inside of her, I can't take any chances. Maybe one day that will change. Bella is spent and almost falls as I let go of her hips. I grab her and pull her against my body. She turns around so she is facing me and kisses my chest. Her kisses are so sweet and they move me to the point my heart feels as though it might burst.

By the time we are back on the road, it is safe and clear. It's still raining, but it is nothing compared to last night. Bella has been quiet during the drive, but she has a sated smile on her face and I know her lack of noise is due to her exhaustion. _I wore my girl out!_

Since we left the hotel, all I can think about is Charlie and how desperate I am to see him. I wonder if he slept at all last night. I hope he didn't give Alice and Jasper too much trouble. As nice as the break was, I don't think I could stand much longer without my son. As Bella dozes off in the passenger seat, I speed through traffic, wanting to get to Charlie as quickly as I can.

Bella is asleep by the time we arrive at her sisters and I don't have the heart to wake her up. She looks too peaceful. I jump out of the car and jog up to the door. I barely knock twice before the door swings open. Jasper answers, looking tired as fuck, with Charlie in tears in his arms.

"See buddy, there's your daddy," Jasper says as he points at me.

"Was he like this all night?"

Jasper gives me a small, sad smile and nods. "It wasn't too bad. He just really missed you. Where's Bella?"

I take Charlie in my arms and rock him, until he calms down. "She's asleep in the car."

Jasper smirks at me. "You had a good time then?"

I nod. "Thanks, man. I really needed that."

"Da da!" Charlie cries, begging for my attention. "Da da da!"

"Was he alright?" I ask again as I bring Charlie up to kiss his face, which is wet with tears.

"He was alright at first and then he really missed you. I tried to watch a movie with him, but he just kept crying 'Da da' and it took a lot to distract him."

My heart breaks. It's hard to imagine my boy crying out for me when I can't be there for him. He's usually fine when Bella babysits him, but then again, he is just as in love with Bella as I am.

"You should have called me," I say as I rock Charlie in my arms. He's finally stopped crying and is staring at me like he can't believe I'm here.

"I didn't want to let you down, man. Besides, he wasn't upset all night."

"I'll take him home and make it up to him."

As I carry Charlie back to the car, I kiss his forehead and hold him close, assuring him that I'm here. He looks up at me with wide eyes and finally smiles at me and my heart feels whole again.

"Daddy loves you, I'll always be here to protect you."

Charlie smiles at me and reaches up to touch my face. His little way of saying he loves me too.

 **A/N: I'm so happy to see all of you liked the last chapter! I was so nervous writing it because it was such a big step for Edward and Bella!**

 **Song- "Bones" by The Killers.**


	29. Chapter 29: AA

**Like always, thanks to my betas Sherry and Paige. I couldn't write this story without you two.**

" _I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut_

 _My weakness is that I care too much_

 _And my scars remind me that the past is real_

 _I tear my heart open just to feel."_

 _-Papa Roach-_

 **EPOV:**

I trudge toward the door, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. I don't know what my fucking problem is, but for some reason, the thought of being here makes me feel incredibly weak. I feel like some pussy who can't deal with their own problems. I felt that way with Howell at first, and it took me a long time to get comfortable going to my sessions with him. This is different.

What if I see someone I know? What if people judge my situation and don't accept me? What if being here only makes things worse for me? I stand outside the front doors and wish I had a cigarette. Something to ease my fucking stress. Jesus, just being here makes me want a drink. My hands begin to twitch at the thought of getting some nicotine. I need to call Bella, before I do anything stupid.

Just seeing Bella's face in my phone contacts calms me down. I put the phone against my ear and listen to it ring as I watch people walk from their cars to the door. They don't look like addicts, but then again, what do addicts really look like? They just look like normal men and women...just like me. I'm just happy I don't know anyone. I couldn't imagine running into someone I know at a place like this.

"Edward?"

Bella's voice makes me smile. God, I love her. I wish I would have brought her with me. She asked if I wanted her to tag along, but I didn't really know the rules of this place.

"Hey, baby. I just wanted to hear your voice."

I can imagine her smiling at my comment. Just the thought of her smile soothes me.

"How are things going?"

"I haven't gone inside yet," I admit.

"Edward, I'm sure your fears are unfounded. Everyone is nervous about these sorts of things their first time."

"I know you're right...it's just weird being here. I don't really think I have a problem."

"I know, Edward, but it might just be nice to talk about things. Get some things off of your chest."

I look at my watch, and it's almost six o'clock, almost time for the meeting to start. I swallow my pride and suppress my nervousness. "Fuck it," I say to myself. What's the worst that could possibly happen.

"I gotta go babe." _I love you._

"Good luck, baby. You'll be fine. I'll be at home with Charlie, thinking about you."

I smile. "Tell Charlie I said hi."

"I will, baby. Good luck."

I hang up the phone, feeling much better than before. I'm so thankful for Bella. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the world anymore. I don't know if I would be able to do this without her support. I wonder how I survived without her for so long. Since she's came into my life, it's felt as though she was always meant to be by my side.

My nerves return as I open the door and begin to make my way down the church halls. This was the closest venue from my apartment, but for some reason, being inside a church has always frightened me. I don't know when it started, but going to church with my mom always taught me to be fearful of God. She used to threaten me after mass, saying that if I kept up with my bad behavior I would go straight to hell. I hated myself growing up, which made it easier to believe her words.

I think I could have gotten better sooner if I had cared about myself. When you don't give a fuck about yourself, you don't exactly envision having a future. I honestly didn't think I would live this long. Considering the path I was going down, I should have died a long time ago. Now that I'm alive and healthy, there are so many new possibilities for my future. I can have a good job, I can have a family, and I can do it all completely sober.

The meeting is set up in a Sunday school room. There are kid's drawings all over the walls and bible verses on the whiteboard. These meetings aren't religious, they take place in locations like this because they are convenient and affordable, but that doesn't mean the idea of God isn't looming over me. I take a seat in the very back, away from everyone else. I don't look around, or try to make conversation, and sit in silence as I wait for the meeting to start.

Instead of looking at the people attending, my eyes scan the walls. I remember drawing pictures like these. My dad used to collect every drawing I did in Sunday school. _He was always so proud of me._ Regardless of the choices I made. I look at the verses on the wall, and come across one I actually recognize.

 _"The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming" - Romans 8_ ** _:_** _18_

Fuck, how I wish that were true.

I look away from the verse and watch people take their seats. It's an interesting mix of people, from young to old and wealthy to poor. I guess addiction doesn't discriminate. I watch the door as the last people trickle through, and I'm shocked to find a face I know.

Paul walks through the door with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and his eyes cast down. What the fuck is he doing here? I didn't know he had a problem. Knowing my past, you'd think he would have mentioned something like that to me. I almost stand up, wanting to go talk to him to figure shit out, but the man who is leading the meeting comes through the door with a binder in hand.

Paul takes a seat a few rows up, and I'm surprised that he didn't notice me. The man starts the meeting, but I'm too busy wondering about Paul to listen to him. Paul looks so messed up, so different from the last time I saw him. Perhaps that was all an act before, and this is what he's really like. Or maybe these meetings just bring out a lot of emotions for him. Either way, I'm completely transfixed by him and I promise myself that I will try to talk to him after the meeting.

My thoughts are interrupted when the leader of the meeting invites a man to the podium. The man appears to be in his twenties, but he looks older. His skin is scarred from constant scratching and his eyes are sunken. It's hard to look at him. I know this is probably this man at his best and I can't imagine what he looked like at his worst.

"I'm Daniel, and I'm an alcoholic."

Everyone greets him and I remain silent, at a loss for words.

"My biggest excuse had always been 'tomorrow'. I always said 'I'll stop tomorrow. I'll get help tomorrow.' Tomorrow never came...until my father died. I hadn't seen him in years. I used to hate him. Once he stopped supporting my habits, I stopped talking to him. I had been drinking and using cocaine with my girlfriend and we would steal to support our habit. I pawned everything I had, and when I ran out of stuff, I would steal from my family and pawn that. I even pawned my mother's wedding ring, just so I would have money to support my addiction.

When my dad died, my world came to a halt. Instead of going home to mourn with my family, I decided to get drunk and I ended up wrapped around a tree. I was sitting in jail when my father's funeral took place. I was having withdrawals and the knowledge that my father was really gone begun to sink in. I would never get the chance to fix my relationship with him. I would never be able to tell him I loved him. My last words to my father were that I hated him. I'll never be able to take that back, no matter how much I wish I could.

I have been sober for four months now. I know that if my dad was looking down at me now, he would be proud of me. I'm doing this for him, but I'm also doing this for myself. I was tired of letting people in my life down...I was tired of letting myself down. I'm just so thankful I had the support and confidence to change."

I listen to his story and tear up as I try to remember what my last words were to my brother. I wish I hadn't been fucking high at the time, because the drugs have messed with my memory. I remember our conversation, but it's hazy. He had called me, asking me to come home for the summer and spend some time with him. Really, I think he was just worried for me.

" _Man, it will be like old times," Seth says, trying his best to sound convincing._

" _Dude, I can't now. You know I don't have the money to get back home."_

" _You still sleeping on your friend's couch?" Seth questions. "Man, just swallow your pride and come back home. I have a guest room and you're more than welcome to use it. Besides, I want you to meet your nephew. You're going to love Charlie."_

" _I'm not good with babies, Seth. I'll come home soon. I promise."_

" _Fine," he sighs, and I can tell he's disappointed. "I love you, man."_

 _I've never been one to get all affectionate, and I really hate talking about my feelings, but something inside me forces the words out before I can stop them._

" _I love you too, brother."_

I'm so fucking thankful I got to tell my brother I loved him. I wish I could remember more. But everything is so fucking fuzzy.

A few more people speak after Daniel, and their stories are very similar and just as sad. I watch Paul, wanting to hear what he has to say. However, he doesn't rise from his seat and keeps his head down.

The meeting comes to a close and people begin to filter out. Some stay around and enjoy the refreshments, a bottle of lemonade and Pepsi and a few assortments of cookies from a grocery store. I make my way past the table and try to catch up with Paul, who is weaving his way around people and toward the door. I jog after him and try to keep up. I'm stopped a few times by other members, and I mumble an apology before continuing on.

"Paul!" I call out, as soon as we reach the parking lot.

He turns to look at me, but doesn't stop. Instead, he picks up his pace and practically throws himself into his car before taking off.

What the fuck was that?

 **A/N: Song- "Scars" by Papa Roach**


	30. Chapter 30: Halloween

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for correcting my embarrassing mistakes! I don't know what I would do without you girls! You are both so incredible!**

" _And of course I'd do anything for her_

 _I'd search the moons of Endor_

 _I'd even walk naked through_

 _The deserts of Tatooine_

 _Princess Leia, where are you tonight?_

 _And who's laying there by your side?_

 _Every night I fall asleep with you_

 _And I wake up alone."_

 _-blink-182-_

 **EPOV:**

I've searched around town for him, and haven't found a fucking trace. Now I wish I would have reached out to him earlier, instead of pushing him away all those weeks ago. I've never seen Paul act so strange, but maybe he was just nervous about me seeing him. Hell, I was nervous about being there too. Regardless of nerves, you'd think he would at least wave back or say hi or something. I'm obviously in no position to judge him.

I hope my presence hadn't scared him away. If he has a problem with alcohol, we could support each other. Even though, he had always been more Seth's friend than mine, we had still been close. Well, close for me. I didn't really do relationships of any kind back then, everything had always remained surface-level. I didn't like getting too close to anyone, and out of all the people in my past, Seth and Paul were the two people I had the strongest bond with.

Tonight, I'm going to another meeting at a different location, in hopes that I'll see Paul. The atmosphere this time is not so daunting. The local YMCA feels like a strange place to meet, but I'm relieved that at least this location doesn't have statues of Christ and the Virgin Mary that always look like they're watching you. This meeting isn't as popular as the last, and instead of rows of chairs, there is a small circle. I hate small groups, they feel so uncomfortable and intimate. I can't blend in.

I take a seat, hoping no one will sit next to me, and watch the door as people begin to trickle in. This meeting is mostly men, but there are a few women. Unfortunately, not one of them is Paul. I almost want to walk out, but because of the small numbers, I know it would be uncomfortable to do so. Thankfully, AA doesn't ask a bunch of questions and force everyone to speak. Maybe one day I will be ready to talk about my past, but today I just want to sit back and listen.

The stories are pretty much the same. A woman talks about her DUI that lead to her losing her nursing license. A man talks about how he would sneak drinks at work until he was fired. Another man explains how he lost his custody battle and now has supervised visits with his three kids, due to his alcoholism. I half listen as I stare out the window, my mind occupied with Bella and Charlie back at home. Before the meeting comes to its close, one more man decides to share his story. His name is Andrew and he is skittish as he speaks.

"My girlfriend had just broken up with me and I ended up drowning my sorrows at the pub a few miles away. It was the only bar I hadn't been kicked out of for disorderly conduct. I don't remember how many drinks I had, but I do remember the bartender cut me off and said he would call me a cab. I didn't want to wait, so I grabbed my keys and left before he could stop me. Everything else was a blur. I can remember the radio blaring and drinking a can of beer as I drove home. The next thing I know, I was crashing into something. I hit the car, got spooked, and drove away. A week or so later, I knew I needed help, and that's how I ended up here. I've been sober for four months now."

I see red, hearing this. His story is an example of how fucking selfish alcoholics could be. What if he fucking killed someone? How would he even know if he did? He was too drunk to turn around. Everyone congratulates him on his sobriety, but my thoughts aren't as positive. My thoughts are filled with my brother and his wife. Two people who died because someone was fucking selfish. I want to say something to him, but I don't want to cause a scene. I hate attention and I know that if I even opened my mouth, I would end up beating this guy's ass. Punishing him, because I don't know who to punish.

I leave the meeting in a sour mood. Isn't it ironic that going to those meetings makes me want a drink? The thought of it makes me choke out a laugh. Maybe I should just stick with seeing Howell, this is doing nothing for me. I focus on what is waiting for me at home, trying my best to control my anger and stay positive.

Halloween is tomorrow and Bella said she had some things planned. She decorated her whole apartment for the occasion. I've never seen Halloween decorations look so cute...but I guess that's my girlfriend. Just the thought of tomorrow makes me smile. I have the day off work and get to spend the entire day with my girl.

 _Hopefully she'll dress up for me._

I return to find Bella and Charlie sitting on the couch watching _The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown_. Charlie is babbling along with the movie as Bella bounces him on her lap and giggles at him. Neither one notices me yet, so I take out my phone and quickly snap a photo of them, knowing it will be a perfect background. _The two people I love more than anything._

"What are you doing?" Bella asks with a smile, as soon as she notices me.

"Just taking a picture," I smile, "you guys look so good together."

I join her on the couch and kiss her forehead. Charlie instantly turns around to look at me and rewards me with a huge toothless grin.

"He's been waiting for you to get back this whole time," Bella explains with a giggle.

"Da da!" Charlie exclaims, as he reaches his hands in my direction.

God, I love when he calls me that. I wonder if I could teach him to say "ma ma." _Or would that just freak Bella out?_ I could always deny teaching it to him, and just claim that he picked it up from Cyndy or something.

"What are you thinking about daddy?" Bella asks, reaching down to tickle Charlie's stomach.

"Nothing." I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to express my desire to hear Charlie refer to Bella as his mommy.

Bella gives me a cute little look before turning her attention back to the TV. Charlie isn't as interested in Charlie Brown as my girl is. He's too busy staring at me and trying to play with my face. He puts his hands on my cheeks and pushes my lips together until I look like a fish, then he throws his head back in laughter. I make a funny face at him and he laughs even harder, until he finally begins to hiccup. I place him comfortably against my shoulder and begin to rub his back. I love these little moments with my son. It makes all the shitty parts of my day worth it, when I can come home to him and my girl.

"So, you got a costume for Charlie?" I ask, wanting Bella to spill.

"Maybe," she teases, before bringing her lips to meet mine in an attempt to distract me. "I guess you'll just have to wait until tomorrow."

I bring my lips back to hers, enjoying the way they taste as I lick her full bottom lip. Before things can go much further, Charlie lets out a fussy whine and pushes on my face with his hand. I give my son a dubious look, before kissing his forehead, which causes him to calm down right away.

"Will you be dressing up too?" I ask, imagining how hot my girl would look in one of those tiny Halloween costumes. I would love to fuck her all dressed up.

"It's not much, just something I've worn for the past few years."

God, Bella is a bad liar. I have to try my best to keep the smile off my face as I think of what Bella purchased for my eyes only. Because Charlie is still a baby and, we decided on just staying home, watching movies and eating Halloween candy. As lame as it sounds, Bella assured me she was fine with the idea.

"I'm sure whatever it is, you'll look hot."

Bella blushes, and I pull her against my body. Her soft curves are always so comforting. When I'm with my son and my girl, safe on my living room couch, I feel happy and complete. The overwhelming feeling of love I have for these two, is more fulfilling than any high I've ever experienced. Self-medicating distracted me from the emptiness, but now that emptiness is gone completely.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The sound of Charlie's laughter wakes me up. I rub the sleep from my eyes and wipe my groggy face. I've never been a morning person, but my son certainly helps. As soon as my sleepy haze lifts, I turn to find the source of the sound. He's sitting on my girl's stomach, and is giggling as she makes cute little faces at him.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Bella says, while still entertaining my son.

"What time is it?" I ask, my voice thick with sleep.

"It's just past nine," she assures me before sitting up, holding Charlie safely against her chest. He nuzzles her tits and smiles at me. _Lucky little guy._

I wouldn't mind if every morning were like this. This is the first time Bella has slept over at my place, and while nothing sexual happened, it was nice to fall asleep with my girl and my son in my arms. I've never felt so well rested, and I'm sure it's because of Bella. I am so used to waking up with Charlie sleeping on my face or bouncing on my stomach, because I'm not giving him attention from the moment he opens his eyes. He starts the night out sleeping in his crib, but will cry until he can sleep in my arms. _What can I say? He is so cute and little and sometimes I'm a fucking pushover._

"I thought I would make Charlie some breakfast and get him all dressed up for the day while you take a shower," Bella suggests.

 _God, this girl is so thoughtful and fucking perfect._ I smile at her and jump out of bed, eager to take a shower that is longer than five minutes. I take my time, enjoying the feel of the hot water against my skin. My cock rises, and before I can help myself, I rub one out while imagining my girl on her knees, her pouty lips around my cock. When I make my way into the kitchen fully dressed, I almost blush thinking about how I masturbated only moments before, but thank God, I had. Seeing my girl now, in her fuck-hot Halloween costume...if I hadn't masturbated I would have blown my load just looking at her.

It's obvious she saw my _Star Wars_ collection by my DVD player. _Jesus, I'm hard again already._ She looks like she stepped out of one of my teenage wet dreams, in her very short Princess Leia outfit. I have to hold myself back from pulling my cock out of my jeans and stroking myself in the middle of the kitchen.

"Do you like it?" she asks, with a cute blush.

"Do I like it?" I snort at how absurd the question sounds coming from her beautiful lips. "Of course, I fucking like it. You look so sexy, baby."

I close the distance between us and take her into my arms. Kissing her blushing cheeks and rubbing my hard body against hers.

"Look at your son."

When I see my son, I can't help but laugh. He looks so fucking cute with his big green ears and brown Jedi robes. I can't believe my girl thought of this. It's so perfect.

"I can't believe you dressed him up as Yoda," I laugh.

Charlie seems thrilled, giggling in his highchair as he plays with his new ears.

"I thought his daddy would like it," she says cutely.

 _God, I fucking love you!_

If I weren't so nervous, I would say the words out loud, but I want my first time telling her to be absolutely perfect. I've never said those words to a woman. It's scary and the thought of expressing my feelings makes me to feel so vulnerable. Although, once I finally tell her, I know it will come easily after that. I'll probably never be able to shut up about how much I love her, once the words are spoken. But hell, I guess I have the rest of my life to express my feelings to her.

It is only appropriate to spend the day watching _Star Wars_ movies and eating Halloween candy and junk. We start with Episode IV- _of course, I have to start my girl off right_ -and eventually watch the prequels. Bella had seen the original trilogy with her dad, but explained that she hadn't remembered much of it. I'm more than happy to let my inner geek shine through, and explain to her every aspect of the movies. Bella listens, but I'm not sure how interested she really is. She gives me one of those looks that says, _"Man, he's hot. I got to make sure I look interested,"_ and I pretend not to notice how glazed over her eyes look. She did rant about how attractive she finds Harrison Ford, which I'm not going to lie, it made me a tad jealous. Finally, after watching _Revenge of the Sith,_ which I love regardless of what other people think, it's dark out and we decide to finally watch some 'scary' movies. Of course, with a baby, we can't watch something like _VHS_ or _Cannibal Holocaust,_ so we end up settling on _Hocus Pocus_ which is playing on TV.

Charlie has been a good boy during our lazy day inside. He was absolutely fascinated with _Star Wars,_ which I'm not surprised considering that Seth and I were obsessed with it as kids. As long as I play with him, he's fine. As Bella goes to make dinner, which my stomach will appreciate considering the amount of _Twix_ I've eaten today, I play airplane with Charlie on the floor until his Yoda ears fly off. I bounce him on my chest, 'chase' him on my hands and knees as he crawls around on the floor, and tickle him until he can't laugh anymore. Forty-five minutes later, he is worn out and asleep on the carpet. As my girl puts dinner in the oven, I run to my bedroom to grab Charlie's crib and roll it out into the hallway connecting to living room. I don't like him sleeping far away, I'm always so worried that something will happen to him.

"Aw, is Charlie asleep already?" Bella asks adorably as she adjusts the low-cut top of her costume.

"Well, it is pretty late."

My eyes are glued to her frame and I reach down to adjust myself. Bella watches me, licking her lips as she takes her apron off and walks toward me. _She is so fucking hot_ and I'm hard to the point that it's painful.

"Sit down, baby," she orders with a coy grin. "I want to take care of you."

She pulls the top of her costume down, freeing her gorgeous tits. I lick my lips and unzip my pants, pulling out my cock and stroking it as she walks toward me, her tits bouncing with every step. As she drops to her knees before me, I wonder how I got so lucky. She is better than any dream. I didn't know girls like her existed. Maybe they don't, maybe Bella is just one of a kind.

She licks my leaking tip, before taking the head of my cock into her mouth. She moans, and the vibrations cause my cock to throb. Sure, I've had women suck my cock before, but they were nothing like my Bella. Seeing her with her tits out and her lips wrapped around me, I feel like I've died and gone to heaven. She takes as much of my cock as she can into her mouth, while pumping the remaining few inches with one hand, as she takes her other hand and plays with my balls. My whole body is tense, and I feel my orgasm quickly approaching as she works her magic. As soon as she looks up at me with her big, brown eyes, I know I'm a fucking goner.

"I'm going to come," I warn, in case she doesn't want to swallow.

She gives me a wicked look and doesn't pull away. I hold onto the back of her head, guiding her movements as she licks and sucks on my cock. She takes as much as she can into her mouth, before she chokes. I come with a roar, and she swallows everything I give her. As soon as she is finished, she pulls away and wipes her mouth, before giving me a shy smile. _How can she be shy after blowing me like a goddess?_

"Did you like that?" she questions, as she gets off of her knees and joins me on the couch.

"You're so perfect, Bella." _I love you._ "I'm not done with you yet," I say as I lower myself over her soft body.

 **A/N: Do you think Edward will have enough courage to tell Bella his feelings anytime soon? I'm so glad you guys are loving the lemons! They are a nice break from the heavy** **.**

 **Make sure to join my Facebook group The Highlander Princess, because I share tons of photos and outtakes from this story, as well as my others. Also, you can friend me if you want to chat! I'm Lizzie Lee and I love to procrastinate while I write…so send me a message** **.**

 **Also (because it's not an anon contest I can say this) I have an entry in the BDE contest! It's titled "The Graduate" and I'm thinking of expanding it…so let me know your thoughts?**

 **Song- "A New Hope" by blink-182…. because I had to pick a** ** _Star Wars_** **song!**


	31. Chapter 31: Road Trip

**Thanks Sherry and Paige! I couldn't do this without you ladies!**

" _You were a child_

 _Crawling on your knees toward it_

 _Making momma so proud_

 _But your voice is too loud_

 _We like to watch you laughing_

 _You pick the insects off plants_

 _No time to think of consequences."_

 _-MGMT-_

 **EPOV:**

Cassandra and Devon, Kate's parents, have attempted to make contact with me over the past few days. I haven't tried to avoid them, but I've missed their calls and they've missed mine, causing the last few days to feel like a game of phone tag. I regret not contacting them sooner. Kate was their only child and I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to lose the one baby you were blessed with. My mind has just been all over the fucking place. I've spent the last month filing for all Charlie's benefits, which has been aggravating beyond belief. I had no idea when I started, that it would end up being such a nightmare. That stress, combined with my construction job, and the most difficult job of all, raising a baby, and I've had little time to think of anyone outside my own bubble.

As much as I loved my brother, I was never crazy close with his wife or her family. I liked Kate, I thought she was my brother's perfect match, but I had never been around long enough to really get to know her. She had always seemed to like me well enough. _Hell, she must have liked me more than I originally thought since she left me her son._ We became 'friends' through my brother, and sometimes she would play the 'big sister' role with me, which used to annoy the hell out of me. I only saw Cassandra and Devon once, at my brother's wedding. They seemed nice enough, but they never really talked to me. Then again, I had spent the majority of my brother's wedding at the open bar while my mother crowded him. I remember talking to Devon for a bit, but it must have been nothing of substance because I can't remember a single word I said to him.

This morning was the first time I have talked to Devon since the wedding. I was finally able to reach him during my break at work. He had gotten in touch for the reason I suspected, to see his grandson. I honestly wonder what he thinks about someone like me taking care of his only grandchild. His voice didn't really give his thoughts away, for it was extremely monotone. I couldn't tell if the tone was due to his old age, or the fact that he wasn't that excited to speak with me.

" _My wife's birthday is coming up this weekend, and I know this is short notice, but she really wants to see her grandbaby."_

I felt so shitty about having Charlie disappear from their lives for so long, so I agreed to drive down to Oregon over the weekend. I don't have to work and it will be great to escape this scenery and get a nice change for a little while. I don't mind being 'settled' now, but sometimes I do get a bit antsy. I went from everyday being spontaneous and having to constantly adapt, to waking up every morning knowing exactly what is on my agenda. A little road trip could be fun. It'll be my first adventure with my son. Although, I have to bring my girl along. I will definitely need some moral support on this trip. Thank fuck, she's an editor and can just bring her work along with her.

Devon seemed ecstatic when I gave him the okay. I honestly can't wait for him to see Charlie again. During our short interaction on the phone, it's obvious that the man loves him. I want Charlie to be surrounded by people who love him. He deserves to have a life filled with love and support. I never had that, and I want his childhood to be different than the one I endured.

I shoot Bella a quick text, trying to convince her to take the trip with me. I don't know why I feel the need to beg, maybe it's just my nervousness about this trip shining through, because Bella is more than happy to tag along. I hope that Kate's parents will be happy that Charlie has two new parents who love him. While Bella isn't his blood relation, she is a natural mother. Seeing the way, she is with my son only causes me to love her more.

As I make plans for the weekend, I pray to whomever is listening, that things will go smoothly. I want to assure Kate's parents that I've been a good fit for Charlie. For some reason, when I'm faced with new people I always feel like I have something to prove. I always have a list running in my head of different ways to defend my life choices. I wish I hadn't fucked up so badly in the past so I wouldn't have so much to explain and defend, but no matter how ashamed I am, I can't take anything back. I hope they see the man I am now and not the man I once was. If my luck is really good, they'll just focus on their cute, little grandson and not even pay me any mind.

Thank God for Bella, without her I really don't know what I would do. She is strong, so much stronger than I am, and I never feel weak when I use her shoulder to lean on. Perhaps I'll tell her my feelings soon...I just need to grow the balls to do so.

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"Is everything packed babe?" Bella asks, trying to take my mind off my nerves to focus on the matter at hand.

I don't know what my problem is, but I've been quiet all morning. I feel shitty about the way I'm acting, especially considering the favor Bella is doing me by coming along. I'm not sure if it's the idea of being judged by Kate's family that has me on edge, or the seven-hour drive to Bend, Oregon that is messing with me. All I want is a smoke. I grind my teeth, suppress the urge, and reach for my son. Just feeling his small body pressed against mine and hearing his steady breathing is enough to calm me down from just about anything.

"Yeah, everything is ready. Sorry I overslept," I finally answer her.

"It's fine." She waves me off. "You needed the sleep if you're going to be driving all day."

With how the day is going so far, we won't be in Bend until late and that means we won't see Cassandra and Devon until tomorrow, unless they insist on us having dinner with them. They're at least ten years older than my parents, so I don't know how late they stay up every night.

When we finally make it to my car, packed and ready to go, it's just past noon. I've had multiple cups of coffee, and I'm surprised my hands aren't jittery on the steering wheel. My girl looks fuck-hot in her running pants, sweatshirt, and pigtails, and I promise myself to take her on more vacations if she plans to dress like this. Bella has been an angel all morning. As I spent time pouring over the maps and looking for different routes, she entertained Charlie, gave him a bath, and got him all packed up and ready.

Charlie is babbling in the backseat, in what sounds like an attempt to sing along with the Radio Disney I'm playing. As much as I fucking hate pop music, particularly pop music that sounds like it was performed by kids, I can't exactly listen to metal with a baby in the back. Charlie heard my ringtone once when Bella called me, and cried for what felt like ten minutes afterward. _Apparently, my little guy really hates Deftones._

I've been trying to expand his vocabulary all week. When Bella was away or out of earshot, I would try to get Charlie to say "ma ma." He's gotten so close on so many occasions, but he still stumbles around his words. He got extremely close to saying the title last night. Bella had fallen asleep on the couch and I sat at her side with Charlie in my lap as I quietly coached him.

 _"Come on buddy, try again. Try to say 'ma ma'."_

 _I smile at him and make sure he is watching me as I pronounce 'ma ma.' His eyes are wide as he stares at me and he begins to move his mouth, as if he were trying to imitate what I was doing. He moves his mouth along with mine, and when I finally think he is going to say it, I stop talking and listen._

" _Ma ah ah," he babbles before giving me a smile._

 _He's so close. I kiss his forehead and give him some praise, hoping that the parenting book I purchased will begin to pay off._

" _Good, buddy! You're so close. Can you say 'ma ma'?"_

 _I give him time to try, and as he begins to say it, Bella awakens at my side. She rubs the sleep from her eyes and gives me a lazy grin._

" _Ma me ma!" Charlie screams, clapping his hands at his success._

 _Bella giggles at him, seeming to be unaware of what my boy is trying to say. "What are you two boys doing?"_

 _I shrug my shoulders, feeling embarrassed. "Not much, just trying to learn some new words."_

The memory of last night makes me smile as I start up the car and hear my GPS come to life. Charlie was so very close and I know that any day now, he'll be able to do it. I wonder how my girl will react. I hope it will make her happy, or at least not frighten her off. She's practically Charlie's mom already and if I'm lucky enough to have her as my wife one day, I would hope she would want to adopt Charlie. I know that she will never be Kate, but she loves him as if he was her biological son.

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I-90 is colorful this time of year. The warm reds, oranges, and mustard colored leaves fall from the trees and swirl around the cars as they go eighty miles per hour down the interstate. The sight takes my breath away, and soothes me as I carefully drive down the interstate in the slowest lane. I used to be one to drive fast and cut people off like an asshole, but with my little guy in the car, as well as my girl, I can't exactly take any chances.

As I pull onto I-82 the scenery transforms from beautiful trees to dead grass that lines the highway. This is going to be a fucking long stretch. Charlie isn't exactly enjoying himself in the back and I wish I had one of those cars with the DVD players on the back of the front seats. It would be nice to have a way to entertain him. When he starts to cry, I know I have to pull off. With the amount of times I've stopped for Bella to pee, I wonder if anything will be open by the time we make it to Bend.

At every Rest Stop, there is someone eyeing my girl. I don't get it. Can't they see us with Charlie and put two and two together? I stare every one of them down with a look that says, _"She's fucking taken,"_ until they get the picture and look someplace else. I've never been possessive until I met Bella, but now every time a man looks in my girl's direction, I'm jealous. Thank God, my fighting days are in the past, because I would be tempted to lash out every time I see red, if that weren't the case.

Bella is quick to get Charlie out of his car seat. He's crying and his little face is all red and wet with tears. My heart breaks every time I see him like this.

"Da da! Da da!" He cries between sobs.

"I'll take him," I assure Bella. I see a group of guys talking around the bathroom and glancing in my girl's direction. I quickly catch up to her and say, "I'll be just outside, waiting for you," before shooting the men a glare.

I rock Charlie in my arms and kiss his wet cheeks. "It's okay buddy, daddy's got you."

Charlie's cries begin to slow down and his wails turn into hiccups. He looks at me as though he's surprised I'm still here, before reaching his arms out to hug my neck.

"Daddy loves you buddy," I whisper into his hair. "I love you," I say, practicing saying the phrase aloud. "I love you," I say again, now imagining I'm saying it to my girl.

Charlie relaxes in my arms, and I hold him close, absorbing this moment. My happy thoughts are interrupted by the very annoying sound of a man's voice.

"You're a very lucky man," the guy says, staggering toward me.

 _Jesus Christ, what is it with Rest Stops?_

"Your lady there is so fine. I wish I could find me a piece of tail like that."

My jaw clenches and I have to stop myself from screaming at the guy. If I didn't have Charlie in my arms, this scenario would be playing out very differently. Instead of telling him to "fuck off," I give him a tight smile and ignore him.

Apparently, my response isn't good enough for the guy, and he continues, "Maybe I could borrow her sometime?"

This time, my smile is menacing and the man takes a step back. "Stay away from my family you sick fuck," I say through gritted teeth.

Bella comes out of the bathroom with a worried look on her face. The guy has the nerve to look at her, and because of that, I'm completely on the edge and about to lose my temper. I don't want Bella to see me like that. I haven't been that guy in so long. With my free hand, I grab her arm and walk her to the car without giving the men another look.

"What was that about?" she asks, as soon as we are a good distance from the group.

"It was nothing," I assure her, although I'm sure from the look on my face, it's obvious that it was anything but nothing.

I help my girl into the passenger seat before securing Charlie in his car seat. He's reluctant to leave my arms, and I don't blame him. We have another hundred miles or so ahead of us. When I agreed to go to Bend, I hadn't considered how a baby would do during a long car ride. I find some relaxing jazz music on the radio-which isn't usually my taste, but I need to cool off-and pull back onto the interstate.

My body relaxes as I drive and it seems the tension in the car has released as well. Charlie is taking a nap in his car seat, and Bella is reading some paranormal book in the passenger seat. She insisted on driving for a while, but I've been on enough road trips to be comfortable behind the wheel for hours on end. When we finally get onto US-97 S, I finally feel that I can breathe. I'm so fucking ready to eat some food that isn't prepackaged and from a gas station, and I'm also ready to pass out on a hotel bed.

It's around eight o'clock when we finally reach Bend. Charlie is awake and ready to get out of his car seat and Bella has finished her last bag of Bugles and is starving. We end up at the first restaurant I pass, which is a Pizza Mondo that is still busy for eight o'clock at night, although I suppose it is a Friday night. Bella practically jumps from the car as soon as I park.

"Why don't you run inside and get a table, baby?" I ask, trying not to laugh.

She gives me a cute smile before jogging to the front door of the restaurant. I watch her ass bounce with every step, before retrieving Charlie from his car seat. The restaurant is full and smells fucking incredible, my stomach groans in appreciation. Bella, as speedy as she is, already got a booth in the corner of the restaurant. The young hostess gives me a flirty smile before grabbing a highchair and walking me to the table. Bella is already looking over the menu, but that doesn't stop the hostess from explaining it to us, in detail as if we couldn't read, while staring at me the entire time. I have to try not to laugh, but I can't help the chuckle or two that escape my lips. As if snapping out of a trance, the hostess looks at me and then Bella, who is openly glaring at her, and blushes before quickly walking back to her hostess stand.

"Well, girls certainly do love you," Bella says, a bit miffed.

Now, I finally laugh aloud. "Bella, I go through the same thing on a daily basis. Men stare at you constantly. You wouldn't believe the amount of fights I almost got into this afternoon."

Bella blushes, a smile playing on her lips as she looks back down at the menu. We're so excited for warm food, we end up ordering three different pizzas; cheese, a white pie, and the clubhouse, because with crispy bacon and baked tomatoes it sounds like heaven on earth after the day I've had. The pizza is just as incredible as it sounded, and we eat until we are both full and on the verge of passing out. Charlie isn't as satisfied with his baby food, and stares at the cheese pizza as if it were the Holy Grail. His time will come soon enough, but until then, I know he will be fussy about his soft fruits and vegetables and canned foods.

After dinner, we drive around until we find a hotel within my price range. There are some amazing ones in the city, but I can't afford to stay at a place for hundreds of dollars a night. Finally, we come across a Holiday Inn Express and find a vacant room for just over a hundred dollars. As soon as we make it inside our room, I fall onto the mattress.

"Geez, babe," Bella says with a giggle. "If you were that tired, I could have driven for a bit."

"I'm fine." I wave her off.

Bella places Charlie on my stomach before walking off toward the bathroom to get ready for bed. Charlie is unfortunately wide awake. I've never let him nap like that during the day, so I can't imagine what this means for me getting a good night's rest. Charlie crawls up my body until he is right in front of my face and reaches to mess with my cheeks.

"Da da!" He squeals with a laugh. "Ma ma!"

My eyes widen in surprise. _He finally fucking said it! He said 'ma ma!'_ I really hope Bella doesn't freak out about this. Considering we are meeting his real mother's parents tomorrow, I wonder if my decision to teach him the new word was a good one. If it wasn't, tomorrow might be uncomfortable. I say a silent prayer for smooth sailing. I want Charlie's time with his grandparents to be good, and I want to get through these next few days without feeling down on myself.

 **A/N: Midnightsun44 has done some amazing manips for this story! They are on my Facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan) if you want to check them out! They are exactly what I envisioned for Edward and Charlie.**

 **Song- "Kids" by MGMT**


	32. Chapter 32: Coming Clean

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige for being the most amazing betas on Earth!**

" _A boy with a coin he found in the weeds_

 _With bullets and pages of trade magazines_

 _Close to a car that flipped on the turn_

 _When God left the ground to circle the world."_

 _-Iron & Wine-_

 **EPOV:**

Kate's parents live in a small, one story house, just outside the city. From the looks of it, it was designed in the 1970s and hasn't been updated since. It looks like something out of _The Brady Bunch,_ and I have to chuckle when I see it.

I woke up this morning with enough time to have Charlie bathed and in his best outfit. I want to show Kate's parents how well I'm adjusting to being a father. I know the situation will look rough at first, but I'm sure once they dive a bit deeper and look beyond the surface, they will find that I'm a good fit. I've been giving myself a pep talk all morning, trying to build my confidence before being faced with two people I know will be judgmental. Not that they are judgmental people per se, but they're in a position where they have to look upon me with a critical eye. They lost their daughter and Charlie is all they have left. They wouldn't want to leave the little guy to just anyone.

Devon explained that his wife is sick. I wonder if Charlie would have been left with Cassandra and Devon if she had been healthy. Dad had assured me that I wasn't some plan B, that I was my brother's first choice to care for his child. Although, even now it seems unbelievable. I truly hope Kate's parents see in me whatever my brother saw.

"You okay, baby?" Bella asks, giving me a concerned look.

Now I notice how tightly I'm gripping the steering wheel. My knuckles are white and ache when I finally release my hold. I shake my hands out and rub my face-a nervous habit-and feel the pricks of hairs that I missed when shaving this morning.

"I'm fine," I say with an uncomfortable chuckle.

Bella rolls her eyes at me, but doesn't comment. She knows me too well to push me into saying anything else. She kisses my neck and gives me a reassuring grin. I hold her to me, until I feel ready to get out of the car. Bella slides out of her seat and moves to get Charlie, who has been babbling in the back the whole ride over here.

"Ga!" he exclaims as Bella unfastens his seatbelt and picks him up from his seat. "Ma ma ma! Ma ma!" Charlie exclaims with an excited giggle.

Bella's body stills and I can't see her face to read her emotions. I hope to God she isn't mad. Charlie is still smiling at her as she holds him away from her body. He calls her "ma ma" one more time before reaching out for her to hug him.

"Bella?" I question, growing worried.

I move until I can see her face, and I'm shocked to see that she's crying. I didn't expect this at all and I don't know how to react. Part of me wants to hold her in my arms and comfort her, and part of me is confused as fuck. Out of all the reactions I had planned for, this was not one of them.

"Ma ma!" Charlie giggles again.

Her posture is unchanged and I finally reach out for her. "Bella, talk to me."

She gives me a weak smile and holds Charlie close to her body, finally hugging him like he had begged her to. Tears fall from her big, brown eyes, but I no longer think they are tears of sadness or pain. She giggles, and kisses every inch of Charlie's face until he is squealing and laughing louder than I've ever heard him.

"Bella?" I ask again.

"I'm sorry," she says, with a teary smile. "I just can't believe he said that. I know he doesn't know what it means, but it's still crazy to hear him call me that."

"I'm sure he knows," I smile at her, so happy that she is happy.

"Where do you think he picked it up?" Bella asks as she gives our son little Eskimo kisses.

"Probably from Cyndy or something," I suggest, not wanting to tell her I'd been coaching him. "Are you okay with it? Are you okay with him calling you that?"

Bella's silent for a while, just looking at Charlie as he stares back at her with big, loving eyes. I can understand her discomfort about all of this, but who on Earth wouldn't want to have this boy?

Bella wipes the tears from her cheeks and answers, "I'm fine with it. I love him so much."

She's crying again, and this time I know they are tears of joy. "He loves you too, Bella." _I love you too._

Bella smiles and kisses my happy son's face, telling him that she loves him. I listen, and fantasize about her saying those words to me. I know I have to tell her my feelings soon. If I go on much longer, I know I'm going to burst.

"Let me get fixed up," Bella says, as she hands Charlie to me and jumps in the passenger seat to fix her makeup.

She looks beautiful, like always, but I can understand that she doesn't want to meet two strangers looking as though she's been crying. I look toward the house and see a couple staring at us through the window. If I hadn't known who they were, there would be no way I would recognize them. The woman, Cassandra, looks a bit like her daughter, and is an inch or two taller than her husband. They look almost shocked as they stare at me. I don't know why, they've seen me before, granted I didn't have two full sleeves back then. I take a deep breath, already guessing how this visit is going to go.

"You ready?" I call out, as Bella finishes fixing her mascara.

"Yep," she says with a comforting smile as she jumps out of the car.

I reach for her hand, because I need her touch more than anything. As we walk toward the door, Kate's parents move from the window, in an effort to look like they hadn't been watching us. The front door opens before we can reach it and they give us a lukewarm welcome. I didn't expect much, but I had at least thought they would make small talk or some shit. They go right to Charlie, as if Bella and I weren't here.

"There's my grandson," Cassandra says with a smile. When she smiles, she looks like her daughter, but I can tell that past her looks, she isn't too much like Kate.

Cassandra reaches for Charlie, and I don't make an attempt to deny her, for he is her grandson after all. I wonder what sort of relationship they had with Charlie before Seth and Kate died. I wonder if they were really close, or if they barely saw Charlie at all. When I pass Charlie off to her, he begins to cry and kick his legs.

"Da da!" He wails as he reaches for me.

"Buddy, it's your grandparents," I say, in an awkward but comforting tone.

"You don't remember me?" Cassandra asks. "It's Nana, Charlie."

Charlie calms down and stares at her with curious eyes. I don't know if he would have remembered her, but I'm sure that deep down he knows her. Devon steps forward and greets his grandson. His eyes are tired and weak. I know this must be difficult for him. Charlie has to be a reflection of his daughter and a reminder that she is gone. I look away, feeling like an intruder on their special moment. They invite us inside, but kind of leave Bella and me standing at the front door like an afterthought.

The afternoon starts off with them practically ignoring us. Which, on some levels I do understand. It's been months since they've seen their grandson and I'm sure they want to focus all of their energy on him, but on the other hand, it feels almost rude. Bella and I are nothing to them, but I thought they would at least show some interest in us. Charlie seems happy with them, and I know that they must have been close at one time, but he constantly reaches for me, as if I was the one that he missed.

When they finally do turn their attentions to me, it isn't exactly pleasant. Suddenly, I feel like I'm a teenager again, being reprimanded by every adult in my life. I hated it back then, and I hate it just as fucking much now. I try to tell myself that they are only asking these questions and digging into me, because they have Charlie's best interests at heart. If that were true, at least it would be a good reason. I feel like so many people rip into others because they're unhappy with the choices they made in their own lives, and now that they've reached the end of the road, they have to be condescending to others just so they feel better. God, I hope I'm never like that. I couldn't imagine treating someone like shit just for the hell of it.

Bella holds my hand as they practically cross-examine me and speaks up for me every now and again. I appreciate her, but I can speak up for myself. I answer all their questions, assuring them that I do have a job and a decent apartment. They seem skeptical, but don't say anything. It's not what they say, or the questions they ask, it's more the tone they use when they speak. I tell myself once again, that it's just because they lost their child. I can't even wrap my head around how fucked up I would be if I lost Charlie.

"I'm sorry I didn't get in touch with you sooner," I say, trying to extend an olive branch, in hopes that they will lighten up a bit.

"I understand," Devon answers, this time his tone is softer than before. "You've been busy."

"Yeah," I agree, not knowing what else to say. "I'm so sorry about Kate."

As soon as I say her name aloud, I wish I could take it back. The silence in the room becomes painful, and Charlie begins to cry in his grandmother's arms. She is staring off into space, as if none of us were in the room with her. I reach for Charlie, taking him from her, but she doesn't move and doesn't seem to notice. She and her husband must never talk about their daughter, because the mere mention of her has caused them both to freeze in their seats. Bella gives me a nervous smile and Charlie is still crying in my arms. As I think about Kate, the daughter they lost, and the mother, Charlie will never know, I begin to tear up as well, because the thought of Charlie not knowing his parents will always be painful. I can understand their pain, I am familiar with the feeling of loss. They lost their daughter and I lost my brother, who was more than just a brother, he was my best friend.

As if breaking the spell, Devon speaks and it seems to bring Cassandra back to life at his side. "Thank you, Edward. We're sorry about your brother. Seth was the son we never had."

 _And they lost them both._

"Thank you, Seth was my best friend. I'm just happy he gave me Charlie," I say, looking down at the little boy in my arms. I feel all choked up just looking at him, knowing that he is all that I have left of Seth.

Our visit with Devon and Cassandra have left them exhausted and heartbroken. Apparently, seeing Charlie didn't have the effect they had imagined it would. It only reopened wounds that were not fully healed. The drive back to our hotel is quiet and my mind is occupied with thoughts of my brother. Images from the past flash through my brain, before my mind settles on the very last image I have of him. I remember seeing him after he returned from his honeymoon, he was tanned and happy. I'm glad that was the last time I saw him. He wasn't able to have an open casket at his funeral, and I was glad, because I wasn't sure if I could bare it. Just thinking about him and Kate, reminds me of how fucking fragile life is. Everyone we know will die some day and we can never take them for granted. I don't know what I would do, if I hadn't had the chance to tell my brother I loved him. I'm so thankful for his last phone call, I'm so thankful those were the last words I said to him. _"I love you too, brother."_

I know that I need to tell Bella how I feel. God forbid something happened to her, and I never got to say the words to her. Or what if I died tomorrow, and she never knew how I felt? As scary as it is for me to express my emotions, I know that it is more scary not to.

It begins to rain, which is so perfectly fitting, as we drive back. The rain drenches us as we run from our car to the hotel. Charlie enjoys it, and giggles as the droplets hit his cheeks. As soon as we make it past the hotel doors, and make our way to our room, I begin to rehearse the words in my head. _"I love you." "I love you, Bella." "I don't think a day will go by where I don't love you."_

"Should we grab dinner somewhere close when the rain stops?" Bella asks, as we enter our hotel room.

With Charlie in my arms, I stare at her, willing the words to come to me. Her smile falters, and she stares back at me with a very confused look in her beautiful brown eyes. I'm sure I look ridiculous, drenched and standing silent in the middle of the floor, allowing water to drip everywhere. I take a deep breath and place Charlie in the center of the bed before walking toward her.

"What is it, babe?" Bella asks, her voice sounding worried.

I reach out to gather her hands in mine. "I was just thinking in the car about my brother and everything. I was thinking about how fucking fragile our lives are and how I'm so glad I told him how I felt before...before what happened," I stutter out. I take one long breath before continuing, "I was so happy that I told him I loved him." I pause again. "Bella, I love you. I love you so fucking much and I don't want to go another second without you knowing. I loved you when you were just my friend, I love you as my girlfriend, and I'm certain my feelings toward you will last forever." I pause again and omit a nervous chuckle as she continues to stare at me. "I just wanted you to know."

Bella's eyes tear up and she rewards me with a smile before throwing her arms around me. "I love you, too," she whispers in my hair.

My entire world stops and I'm so happy I can barely breath. She loves me. This beautiful, perfect girl loves me, and I will spend the rest of my life showing her just how amazing she truly is.

 **A/N: I seriously cannot wait to hear what you guys have to say! So much happened in this chapter and I couldn't wait to post it! Hope you enjoyed.**

 **Song- "Boy With a Coin" by Iron & Wine. **


	33. Chapter 33: Return Home

**Here's a Father's Day chapter from our favorite Daddyward!**

 **I know I'm so bad at responding to reviews, but I cherish every single one of them! Thank you all so much, you don't know how much your reviews mean to me!**

 **Thank you, Sherry and Paige, for your guidance and friendship!**

" _She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak_

 _I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks_

 _I've been drawn into your magnetar pit trap_

 _I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn back."_

 _-Nirvana-_

 **EPOV:**

The knowledge that my girl loves me has me fucking elated. Never have I been more at peace with myself. I've been on cloud nine since hearing my girl admit her feelings, and admitting my own, has me so incredibly relaxed. The words have been on the tip of my tongue, yearning to be expressed and now that they've been said, I can't stop repeating them. I spent the last day of our trip, constantly telling my girl just how much I love her.

When she says she loves me too...God, no words have ever sounded sweeter. Her feelings toward me are more than I've ever hoped for. I just can't wrap my head around someone loving me, especially someone who is not obligated to. My father loves me, but I'm his son, and Charlie loves me, but I'm the only father he has. Bella could have chosen anyone she wanted...and she chose me. A struggling single dad. It's fucking baffling to me, but that doesn't mean I'm not thrilled. Shit, I'm beyond thrilled...I don't think there are words to describe the amount of happiness these past few days have brought me. I've been so happy, I completely dismissed any of Cassandra and Devon's misgivings on our last day.

We had gone to Juniper Swim and the sight of me in my swim trunks had shocked them both. I had forgotten that they hadn't known the extent of my body art and piercings. _Well, they know now._ I got a lot of stares that day, but the only look that mattered was the one coming from my girl. I couldn't keep my eyes off her either, in a simple black bikini, she looked absolutely stunning. The black, thin material against her creamy, smooth skin...God, I can imagine it even now. If it weren't for Charlie's grandparents close by, I would have shown Bella just how sexy I thought she looked.

Although, Cassandra and Devon hadn't warmed up to me during our trip, they seemed at peace with the fact that I was Charlie's guardian and respected their daughter's decision. It was nice seeing Charlie in the loving arms of his grandparents. I had been close to my nana. She had always treated Seth and me equally and was one of the only people who ever made me feel truly cared for. I was a mess after she died.

The highlight of the last day was teaching Charlie to 'swim.' I allowed him to lay flat on my hands, with his belly in the water, as he kicked his feet and waved his hands around. With his huge floaties on, he looked pretty adorable. My heart felt as though it would burst, as Charlie laughed and played in the pool. It's amazing to know that he's so happy. I hope I can always make him this happy.

Cassandra and Devon still seemed in denial about their daughter's death by the time we left Bend. Although they loved Charlie, I could see the pain in their eyes from time to time as they played with him. I'm sure they must see their daughter when they look at his baby face. I wanted to open up about Seth, just so they would know I understood their feelings, but their lukewarm reception of me kept my mouth closed. We left with promises of returning, and I hope that when we do, Kate's parents will be closer to reaching some sort of acceptance.

I was exhausted, mentally and physically, as we left Oregon to return home. I just wanted to be in the comfort of my own bed, with my son and my girl cuddled up against me. As much as I have enjoyed a few days off, I am happy to get back to the monotonous days of getting up early, going to work, and heading home. Due to my exhaustion, I got us fucking lost, and it added an extra hour to our trip. When we finally did arrive home, I passed out on my bed as Bella tended to my son. The last thing I managed to mutter was a tired "I love you," before falling to sleep.

I was whistling a merry tune as I rolled into work this morning. Emmett gave me a knowing grin and patted me on the back as soon as I walked by.

"You look like you just had an amazing lay." He fucks with me.

I roll my eyes and punch his shoulder. "No, man, it's not that." I laugh and continue, "Well, it is that, but it's also so much more."

Emmett gives me an expectant look and takes a chug of his water.

I feel embarrassed bringing this shit up at work. I don't like to get all mushy and talk about my feelings, but I'm so fucking happy, I can't contain myself.

With a shit-eating grin I tell him, "My girl told me she loves me."

Emmett's face lights up like a Christmas tree and he slaps me on the back and says, "That's amazing, man! I knew Bella loved you. I mean, you talk about her all of the time."

I chuckle, unable to wipe the smile off of my face. "I know I do, man, I just can't help it."

All I do is think about her, so it makes sense that all I do is talk about her.

"You and Bella should come out with Rose and me some time," Emmett suggests.

I've never met his girlfriend, but he talks about her a hell of a lot as well. Maybe Rose could be a good friend for Bella.

"That would be awesome, man. It would be nice to hang out with another couple."

Emmett promises to make plans soon before heading back to work. The day goes by quickly and I spend most my time thinking about how good it will feel to get home to Charlie and Bella. After spending every second with them for the past few days, it's odd being on my own, even if it's just ten hours.

I call Bella before leaving work, and after the weekend we've had and the day she just spent watching Charlie, she's spent as well.

"Babe, let me just grab something on the way home. You've worked too hard. I don't want you to stress about cooking dinner."

"As long as it's no trouble for you…" Bella trails off. Although, she doesn't want to admit it, I know she needs a nice break.

"It's no trouble," I assure her, as I make my way to my car. "I'll just stop by a sandwich place or something and get us some take-out."

"Sounds good." I can hear the smile in her voice. "I love you."

This is the first time we've said it to each other over the phone, and my breath catches in my throat. With a giant grin, I respond, "I love you too, baby. I'll be home soon."

"Drive safely."

I end up at a nearby deli, which is packed with the 5 o'clock crowd. I swipe through pictures of Bella and Charlie on my phone until I get close to the front of the line. As I'm planning my order, I see a face I recognize. It's the woman from Target, the beautiful one, and she is waiting for her order at the end of the counter. I can't help but stare at her. It's not because of an attraction I have for her, or any shit like that, I'm way too invested in my girl to think about other women. I stare at her because I'm trying to fucking place her. _Why on Earth does she seem so familiar?_

I continue to stare, hoping that she doesn't notice me. Her copper colored hair has been freshly cut and styled, making her look much younger, and her slim figure is dressed in, what looks to be, expensive clothing. She doesn't look much different than the other women in town, and yet there is something about her that stands out.

"Sir?"

My eyes dart to the counter, where a kid behind the cash register is giving me a confused look. Feeling fucking embarrassed for gawking for so long, I step forward and quickly place my order. As I grab my ticket and move down the counter, I feel compelled to talk to this woman. I don't know what is possessing me, but I manage to keep my mouth shut. The woman's order is up, which consists of two large coffees to go, and she grabs them, quickly thanking the barista before heading out the door. My eyes follow her as she leaves.

She's greeted by a man, as soon as she exits the deli. A man I know all too well. My mind is reeling and I'm paralyzed with shock. He greets her warmly, as if she was an old friend, before taking what appears to be his order of coffee. He doesn't look at me, thank God, because if he did notice me, I wonder what the fuck he would say. What could he say? He laughs at something she says, and I watch them walk away until they are out of my sight.

"Sir?" A teenager asks, holding up my order.

I hand her my ticket and take my food, feeling completely numb as I leave the deli. What the hell did I just witness? And why the fuck did it make me feel so sick?

 **A/N: Don't hate me guys! Can't wait to see what you think!**

 **Song- "Heart-Shaped Box" by Nirvana.**


	34. Chapter 34: Anger

**Because this story has reached over 2,000 reviews (which is so overwhelming, thank you guys!) and also because my mind is wide awake at 3:30 in the morning…I thought I would give you guys another update! Let's just say, I wish I didn't have a sixth cup of coffee at eight o'clock at night…but I guess that is what happens when I work late. Sorry for my rambling. I'm sure when I read this tomorrow morning, none of it will make since and I'll be very embarrassed!**

 **Like always, thanks to my betas (and lovely friends) Sherry and Paige! This story would be very cringe worthy without you!**

" _It was good what we did yesterday_

 _And I'd do it once again_

 _The fact that you are married_

 _Only proves you're my best friend_

 _But it's truly, truly a sin."_

 _-The Velvet Underground-_

 **EPOV:**

I walk through the front door of my apartment in a daze. My mind is still reeling from what I just witnessed, and I'm surprised I made it home without getting into an accident, because my thoughts were centered around my father and that woman.

"Da da!"

I shake the unpleasant thoughts from my head and focus on the present. Bella is sitting on the floor next to my son and Charlie is on his feet, clapping his hands and waving at me. He takes one step, and then another, before falling to the ground. I'm surprised to see that he doesn't cry, instead he just smiles at me.

"Da da!" He exclaims, before crawling as quickly as he can, across the living room floor to reach me.

"Da da! Da da! Da da!" He squeals as he moves his little body across the floor.

My problems always feel as though they evaporate the second I see my son. He's a breath a fresh air and I never realize how much I truly fucking need him, until he isn't there. I bend down and give him a kiss on the forehead, before scooping him up in my arms and inhaling his comforting scent.

"He's been dying for you to get home," Bella informs me with a smile. She studies me for a moment, and her beautiful smile falters. I must still look pale as a fucking ghost. "Are you alright, babe?"

I place my cheek on top of my son's head and close my eyes, absorbing the comfort he provides. "I'm fine, it was nothing."

She gives me a look that says, _"Babe, you're a terrible fucking liar."_

I roll my eyes and continue, "I just saw my dad when I was picking up our dinner."

She gives me a quizzical look and asks, "That's a bad thing?"

How the fuck do I tell her? I feel like if I say this aloud, it's suddenly real. Has my dad been screwing around on my mom? While I've never been too warm towards my mom, I still wouldn't want my dad to cheat on her. I've always looked up to him, he's always been a man to admire...but now...I'm just not sure anymore. This shakes me to my fucking core.

"He was there with a woman. Well, he met up with a woman there. It was that lady who approached me at Target. The one you introduced yourself to."

Bella thinks for a moment, before her features brighten with recognition. "The real pretty one? Yeah, I remember her." She studies me again. "Edward, don't jump to conclusions too quickly. It might not be what you think."

I shake my head, not wanting to contemplate what this might mean any further. I head to the kitchen, just wanting to eat and forget about earlier. Bella grabs some plates and napkins, as I place the contents of the to-go bag onto the table, and take a seat with Charlie in my lap. I don't want to let go of him just yet. I've missed him and I need him with me.

We eat in an uncomfortable silence.

Finally, I voice my thoughts aloud. "I just never thought my dad was capable of something like this. I'm afraid it might change the way I look at him."

"Edward, you're not sure he's done anything yet. Just wait until you can talk to him, and then you can be angry if need be."

I frown, but I know she's right.

She gives me a sad smile and continues. "She could be your father's friend, or a business partner, or maybe just an acquaintance. Just because you saw your father talking to a woman, doesn't mean he has been having an affair. Besides, he'll be divorced soon anyway. Not that that excuses his behavior...but at least he won't be messing around anymore."

I give her a half-assed smile for her efforts. She's right, the woman could just be a friend or business partner, but something about the way I saw them interact, tells me that's not true.

"You should have seen them together, babe. They seemed so familiar with each other. I saw the way he smiled at her. Bella, he's never smiled at my mom that way."

I push my food aside, no longer hungry. "The thought of him carrying on an affair while he was married to my mom makes me sick. Sure, she wasn't the most loving woman in the world, but she still didn't deserve this."

Bella gives me a little smile, and I can tell she feels just as sad as I do. She always says that she hates seeing me upset, and in moments like this, I know that is true. I smile back, wanting to stay strong for her, although inside I'm fucking wrecked. How could my dad do this to us? Maybe I'm just jumping to fucking conclusions, but something in my gut tells me there is something between him and that woman.

The conversation my dad and I had months before, trickles into my head, as if it were coming back to haunt me.

" _You have always been the strong one in the family. You always made us feel as if everything was going to be alright...I admired you for that."_

 _"Well, don't admire people too much Edward, they can disappoint you sometimes."_

"I'll call him tomorrow. I need answers," I grimly state.

Bella gives me a small nod before returning to her meal. I wonder if his words back then, were his way of telling me that he was not someone to be admired. Perhaps he wanted me to know that he had faults, just like everyone else. Maybe his faults were obvious, but I had been too blind with fucking admiration to see them. What if he isn't the man I thought he was? How could I live with that? His words run on repeat in my mind, taunting me with a hidden meaning that I missed.

 _"Don't admire people too much Edward, they can disappoint you sometimes."_

 **A/N: Interested to see what you guys think…. Until next time** **.**

 **Song- "Pale Blue Eyes" by The Velvet Underground**


	35. Chapter 35: An Old Friend

" _How I wish, how I wish you were here_

 _We're just two lost souls_

 _Swimming in a fish bowl_

 _Year after year_

 _Running over the same old ground_

 _And how we found_

 _The same old fears_

 _Wish you were here"_

 _-David Gilmour and Roger Waters-_

 **Thanks Paige and Sherry for being so wonderful!**

 **EPOV:**

The ringing of the phone agitates me to no fucking end. It's such a daunting sound, especially when you want to avoid the truth that is sure to be found as soon as the line opens. It took me all morning to get the courage to call. I thought my anger would surely compel me to call sooner, but my anger went hand and hand with the fear of knowing the truth. What if my father wasn't the man I thought he was? He was the only person I could rely on growing up; the one person I thought was fucking trustworthy. I don't feel as though I'm jumping to conclusions, because deep down I feel like something is definitely wrong. The way he looked at her...like a flame he has been longing to see...what is that shit? Although my relationship with my mom has never been loving, I wouldn't wish this for her.

Before the call goes to voicemail again, Dad finally picks up. It's weird hearing his voice now, with all of these negative thoughts filling my head. My stomach turns and it takes me a moment to find my words. As odd as it sounds, I feel sort of _betrayed._

"Edward?"

"Hey, Dad." My voice sounds foreign to me. What the fuck can I say? _"Hey, dad. I saw you with some woman and I was wondering what the fuck that was about?"_

"Is something wrong, son?"

"I was just wondering if we could meetup somewhere? I need to talk to you."

He pauses for a moment. I wonder if he is taken aback by how serious I sound.

"Is everything alright with you and Charlie?" He asks, sounding worried and unsure.

I wish something was wrong with me. I'd rather have it be that than be faced with this shit. This is completely out of my control...and that makes me so uncomfortable.

"We're fine, dad. I just need to talk to you about something else."

"That's fine." He sounds hesitant. "Does tomorrow night work?"

"Tomorrow is good."

"Should I make a reservation for more than just us?" Dad trails off.

"No, I think we need to have this conversation alone."

Dad is silent, and I wonder what he is thinking this conversation will be about. I don't usually like to talk about heavy shit, and I rarely like to discuss things with him without him dragging it out of me, so I know he thinks that something is up. He says an awkward goodbye, ending our conversation. I throw myself against the hot, leather seat of my car with a huff. Running my hands through my hair and yanking on it, I try to release my pent-up tension. The smell of dirt and nicotine fills the air around the construction site and right now there's nothing I want more than a Marlboro 27. I can practically taste the tobacco and chemicals on my lips. I glance at the clock on my dash and see I still have a half-hour left of my break. I turn the key in my ignition and my car roars to life, rattling a bit before it settles into a soft purr. I decide on picking up a coffee, which has become my good friend since kicking my smoking habit to the curb.

The shop isn't too busy, thankfully. I order a medium iced espresso and try to get my agitation under control. It doesn't take me too long to notice him as I wait for my drink. Of course, he'd appear out of fucking thin air, after I'd given up looking for him. We make eye contact, and this time he doesn't run away. He gives me a small smile and closes his laptop, as if asking me to join him. I grab my drink from the counter and saunter over, still astounded that he is here.

"Paul," I greet him, unsure how to act around him after our last encounter.

I take a seat across from him and find that he isn't skittish about me talking to him. Perhaps he was just nervous about the whole AA thing. Hell, I know I was nervous, so I can understand how shitty it would be to run into a friend when you want to remain anonymous.

"Hey, man," he calmly says.

Shit, it must have been AA, because now he is back to normal. We fall into a casual conversation about work, with our last encounter being a giant elephant in the room. I wait for him to bring it up, believing it would be less awkward if he did it, since he was the one who ran from me. As the minutes tick by and he is remaining silent on the subject, I decide to just ask. I've never been good about tiptoeing around stuff. I usually just blurt stuff out without an ounce of grace or skill.

"Why didn't you talk to me the last time we ran into each other? I'm new to AA, so I might not know exactly how this shit works, but I wasn't going to press you about anything. I just wanted to talk. I don't know why you ran."

Paul's whole demeanor changes and he looks like he is really beating himself over what happened. His brows are drawn together in frustration and he runs his hands through his hair like it's a nervous habit. Finally, he gives me a small, friendly smile and he's back to the Paul I used to know.

"Sorry, man. I was honestly just nervous about you seeing me there. I didn't want it to fuck with your opinion of me. I shouldn't have run. I honestly don't know why I did. My body reacted before my brain could, I guess."

"It's fine," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. "I don't know why you'd think seeing you there would make me think less of you. I mean, you know that I've had a problem with drugs and alcohol in the past...so I obviously wouldn't judge you for that."

Paul gives me a sad smile, and looks as if he wanted to say more, but doesn't. It's getting late, and I know I have to get back to work soon. I quickly scribbled my number on a napkin and slide it across the table.

"Just in case you ever want to talk about it...or just talk in general. I'm here for you, man. We haven't really been friends since I left...but now that I'm back I want to change that. I have to be honest, when we first ran into each other, I was so short with you because you were a constant reminder of the past...but I know that Seth would have wanted us to be friends, now that he's gone."

Paul takes the number and slides it into his pocket. His face softens and he says, "Yea, man. I would like that."

We part ways on good terms this time. With all the shit that is going on, it's nice to have something positive come out of today. I want Paul as a friend, especially if he is struggling like I am. We can help each other; I know that's what my brother would have wanted. I can't shun everything from my life that reminds me of my brother. Seth was a loving guy and I know he would have wanted me to be happy. While any reminder of him is a hard pill to swallow, I know that if I'm going to keep my sanity, I'll have to learn to deal with things. Paul is a link to my past and the memories he conjures up are positive ones. They are memories of my time with Seth...and as painful as they fucking are, I don't want to forget them. God, I wish he were still here.

 **A/N: I love music and listen to my LPs while I write, so I thought it would be cool to start sharing song lyrics at the beginning of the chapters. Pink Floyd, well, they are obviously amazing.**


	36. Chapter 36: The Truth

" _What have I become_

 _My sweetest friend?_

 _Everyone I know_

 _Goes away in the end._

 _And you could have it all_

 _My empire of dirt._

 _I will let you down._

 _I will make you hurt."_

 _-Nine Inch Nails-_

 **Can I say thank you enough, Sherry and Paige?**

 **EPOV:**

I spend the afternoon with Charlie in my arms. As I look down at his wide eyes and open expression, I promise myself that I will never lie to him...I will never hurt him. Seeing him now, so wide-eyed and innocent, I wonder how anyone could hurt their child...intentionally or not. He is so young and hasn't experienced the pain life can bring. I want to spend my life protecting him from everything, but I know that at one point I will have to let him go and experience life on his own. Tonight, I will face my own father, and I don't know what the fuck I will do.

He's only human, this I know, but we grow up idolizing our parents, and when they don't meet our vision of them…it makes you feel so confused and empty. I hope to God that Charlie doesn't grow up to find that he is disappointed in me. I hope he sees how hard I've tried to be a good father. He loves me now, and I guess that's all that matters.

I realize that I'm staring off into space when Charlie starts crying and fussing in my arms. "Da da!" He wails, begging for my attention.

I bring him to rest on my shoulder and hold him close. Bella comes to stand in the doorway with a small, beautiful smile on her face. The love I can feel radiating from them both makes me want to stay at this point of my life forever. I have everything I could possibly need. I wish time could stop, I want to enjoy the last few hours before my dad's truth is made known.

"We'll be here when you get back," Bella assures me as she joins me on the couch.

"Maybe I should just call it off," I say, not wanting to regret this dinner.

"If you call if it off, it will just continue to nag at you."

I know she's right, this has been bugging me all day. I pull her against my side and settle back against the couch. Charlie raises his head from my shoulder as soon as he feels her presence.

"Ma ma!" He squeals with a smile.

"I'm still not used to him calling me that," she says with a nervous giggle, as she takes him in her arms.

I watch her as she rocks our boy in her arms, with his head rested comfortably against her chest. My heart feels as if it's about to burst; I get choked up watching them, because their interactions are always so beautiful. I rest my head against her shoulder and soak up her comfort, just as my son does. Bella is my anchor and I feel that without her I would be drifting.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I enter the restaurant with a heavy heart. It's dinnertime and the place is filled with people, happy families enjoying their meals, with Cash singing softly in the background. His old, raspy voice fills my mind as I drift through the restaurant to where my dad sits.

He looks just as I remembered he did. I'm not sure why I thought he would look different, I suppose it's the foreign feeling I experience when I think of him. He looks resigned, and I wonder if he knows why I insisted on having dinner tonight. He gives me a small, reluctant smile as soon as he sees me and stands to greet me. He wraps his arms around me for a quick hug, and I can't help but notice that it feels different. I just can't stand being lied to.

We sit down, and although we are only a few feet apart, I feel so different. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and gives me another small smile. The silence grows unbearable, and he finally speaks up.

"What's wrong, Edward? You sounded off on the phone."

"I saw you the other day," I say, colder than I intend to.

His brows knit together in confusion and he leans forward. "What do you mean 'you saw me'?"

I shake my head, not wanting to say it aloud. If I bring it up, this will all be real. I've never been one to champion my mom, especially after the incident where she basically fucked me over, but knowing that my dad isn't the honest man I once thought he was, makes me want to stand up for her. Maybe there was more to the story than I thought when I was growing up.

"I was at that deli near my work and I saw some woman there. A while back, she approached me at a store when I was with Charlie, so I was curious about her. I watched her get two drinks and leave...and what I saw after that...I saw her meet _you._ Who is she, dad?"

Dad pales and asks, "She approached you and Charlie?"

I'm taken aback by his question. _What the fuck does that matter?_ I shake my head, growing annoyed. "Who is she?"

He studies me in silence for a moment. "She's an old friend, Edward. I haven't seen her in a very long time."

I snort. "You expect me to believe that? The way you looked at her...it was like the way I look at Bella. You don't look at a 'friend' like that."

"Well, that's what she is," he insists.

"Was she always just your friend?"

Dad's face drops and he looks away. With a pained expression, he shakes his head, still unable to meet my gaze.

"No."

"Were you with her when you were with mom?"

He's so quiet. I've never seen him like this. The strong, confident man I once knew is gone. Suddenly, my heart fucking shatters and I wonder what else he has kept from me.

"I loved her once," he tells me quietly. "I met her when I was really young, my sophomore year of high school and I was taken with her instantly."

"What happened?" I wonder aloud.

He shrugs his shoulders and sits back in his chair. "Life, I suppose. I left Washington to go to school and she stayed behind. We were separated and she met someone else and got married. I didn't know about him until I returned home one summer. I thought we could remain friends, but her husband, Charles, disliked me." He shakes his head and stays silent for a moment, lost in thought. "Anyway, I met Elizabeth and got married a few years later."

"So…" I trail off in disbelief. "You two are just friends now? I don't understand."

"Her husband died a year ago. He was killed in an accident overseas. She needed a friend."

I don't know what to think. Has he loved this woman all this time?

"So, you were never unfaithful to mom? This was just an old flame?"

He takes a shaky breath. "Edward, I'm not going to lie to you. There was a month when she was in town and her husband wasn't. Your mom was on a ski trip with her friends and I... made a mistake," he says with a hoarse voice. "I can't say I regret it," he continues, his eyes becoming wet and irritated. "It only happened a few times and then her husband came back. That was it, Edward, I swear to you. That was decades ago. I've only just begun to see her again. I didn't carry out some affair, I promise you, son. She moved around constantly and her husband was a bastard. I couldn't have had her even if I wanted to."

Now that I hear the truth, I look at him differently. While the truth feels like a stab to the fucking gut, his faults make him human...and he is just like me. We have both fucked up and let others down. I wish the truth didn't feel so terrible. It's ironic, as I sit suffering, I finally realize that my dad and I are more similar than I thought.

"What is her name?" I ask, wanting to put a name to her familiar face.

"Esme Platt." His grim look disappears as he says her name.

 **A/N: The lyrics at the top of the chapter are from the song "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails. I love the Johnny Cash cover of the song. If you haven't listened to it, it's amazing.**


	37. Chapter 37: Comfort

**Thank you, Sherry and Paige, for being so amazing. I couldn't do this without you guys!**

" _You know you got to help me out_

 _And when there's nowhere else to run_

 _Is there room for one more son?_

 _These changes ain't changing me_

 _The cold-hearted boy I used to be"_

 _-The Killers-_

 **EPOV:**

He was young and in love...that's what I keep telling myself. The decisions he made years ago could be very different from the decisions he might make today. He found a girl and wanted to settle down, but that idea was ripped away from him. I contemplate what I would've done in his situation. If it had been Bella that I left behind to chase a dream, and I came back to find she had moved on with her life without me, I would have been heartbroken. He had made a choice as well, he chose to marry my mom. Why make that decision if you're in love with someone else? Esme seems as though she is the one who got away, and my dad just couldn't let go of her. Even after all of this time.

My heart aches for my mother. When he betrayed her, he betrayed his children as well. He assured me that it happened before I was born, but he still had Seth and I don't understand how he could do that to him. Why take the chance of ruining your family? I could never imagine being unfaithful to Bella. Maybe my dad never loved my mom, the way I love my girl. He married mom, but his heart remained with his high school girlfriend.

After his revelation, dinner had been uncomfortable and the conversation had been minimal. After hearing his confession, I didn't want to know much else. Despite it all, I still love him, I'll always love him, but I know that I'll be fucking angry for a long time. He seemed so melancholy after he told me, and I know that it's because I no longer look at him in the same favorable light. It fucking sucks, but how can I after all of this. The way he talked about her, the way he described the love he once had for her...it was as if he thought it made everything okay. I didn't need him to fucking patronize me like that.

I was just happy to return home to Bella and my son. I selfishly woke him up from his sleep to hold him in my arms. I just needed to feel his little heartbeat. Bella let me recover from the evening in silence and comforted me by just being there. I had been fuming when I returned home, and I hadn't been able to settle down until I held my son.

"How'd it go?" She finally asks.

I shrug my shoulders and watch Charlie, as he falls back to sleep in my arms. "Like I expected it to."

She frowns and slides across the couch to rest her head on my shoulder. "That bad?"

I sit silent for a moment, playing with my son's hair. "He had an affair." I pause. "I fucking knew it," I say with a short laugh.

"How long has the affair been going on?"

I roll my eyes, remembering how he made it seem that because it only happened a few times, decades ago, that meant it didn't matter. "He fucked around on my mom a few times before I was born. He's pretty much been in love with this woman the whole time."

Bella is calm by my side, saying nothing. She just holds my hand and allows me to vent my frustrations.

"I just feel so fucking weird around him now. I know that she has apparently been out of his life up until recently, but it's still terrible. You grow up thinking your parents love each other...at least I did, and now I feel like it was all a fucking lie. I don't even think he loved my mom, I mean, not really. You should have seen the way he talked about this Esme chick. It was like she was the center of his universe or some shit like that. He's never talked about my mom that way. I wonder if my mom knew about this woman, maybe that explains her terrible mood all of the time. God, I'm not even one to champion her cause, but now I feel so bad for her, you know?"

Bella gives me a sympathetic smile before bringing her lips to meet mine. Her kiss is small and sweet and makes me forget about what is going on in my life, even if only for a moment. I deepen the kiss, not wanting to talk about my parent's fucked-up problems any longer.

She pulls back to breathe and takes a look at Charlie, who is now fast asleep, before meeting my gaze. "Are you sure you want to tonight?"

I nod, rising to go to Charlie's room to put him in his crib. "I just need to feel you. I have to forget about all this shit for a little while."

I return to Bella, pulling her into my arms and planting my lips on hers. Her soft body feels so incredible against mine and I want to lose myself inside of her. She opens her lips to allow my tongue inside and I enjoy the taste of her until I can barely breathe. I pull back to pick her up and carry her to my bed. As soon as she is sprawled out underneath me, all I want to do is fucking devour her. I pull her top off and I am happy to find that she is naked underneath. My entire body relaxes as soon as my lips latch around one of her hard nipples. As I suckle one of her tits, my hand reaches up to play with the other one. I'm so obsessed with her tits, so much so, I would be happy to die buried between them. She moans and thrashes on the bed as I play with her and I release her nipple just in time to hush her, I don't want a crying baby to cockblock me tonight.

I pull her little running shorts down her legs, as well as her sexy, white pair of panties that makes me hard every time she wears them. I trail my hand up her leg, until I reach her wet, little core. I rub her clit with my thumb, as I begin to finger-fuck her. I always want to make sure my girl comes for me before I fuck her, because I know some chicks can't get off with penetration alone. As amazing as I think I am in bed, I'm not completely oblivious to this truth. My mouth finds her tit again and I suck on her nipple just the way I know she likes it. I smile as soon as I feel her pussy pulsing around my fingers and my cock is painfully hard against my zipper, waiting to be released. I was in such a hurry to give her pleasure, I'm still fully clothed. It seems that Bella isn't having that shit. She grabs at my shirt and pulls it over my head before reaching for my jeans.

"You're going to unman me, baby," I teased, chuckling at her enthusiasm.

She bites her lip and gives me a coy little smile, as she watches me unzip my jeans and pull my cock out. I slide off the bed and step out of my shoes and jeans, enjoying the view as she opens her legs for me. I kneel between her legs and reach inside the drawer of my bedside table for a condom. I'm quick to rip the foil packet and pump my cock a few times before sliding the condom into place. Bella is staring at me, her eyes bright with excitement as I lower myself onto her curvy body. I bring my lips down to hers, and I'm inside of her in one harsh thrust. I can't make love, not tonight. I need to lose myself in her body and come so fucking hard that I can't feel anything else. Bella understands, and even encourages it, as she grabs my ass, spurring me to thrust harder and deeper.

I fuck her into the mattress and grin as she spanks my ass. God, my girl turns me on unlike anyone else. I know I won't be able to last much longer, so I make sure my girl is enjoying each and every thrust. I reach down to give her clit some attention, but she beats me to it, and I watch in awe as she plays with herself.

"I love you, Bella," I groan. "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too," she gasps, reaching her orgasm.

I come so hard, I see fucking stars, causing my vision to blur as if I were intoxicated. I feel intoxicated, being incredibly high off sex with my girl. I pull out and lay beside her. I yank off the condom, knot it, and throw it in the trashcan beside the bed before pulling her silk body against mine. I love holding her in my arms after sex, I feel as if we're one.

Bella laughs, a beautiful sound, but stops as soon as I notice. "What is it?"

Bella shakes her head, still smiling. "It's nothing."

"Tell me," I urge.

Bella gives me a shy smile and looks up into my eyes. "Did you know that you told me you loved me when we first had sex. You were coming at the time, so I never knew if you meant it. I don't even think you realized you said it."

I snort, unable to believe that I did that. I thought I had just been yelling it inside my head, not yelling it out loud. God, I feel like such an ass.

"So you knew I loved you before my confession?"

Bella nods, her lips twitching as she suppresses a smile.

"When did you know you loved me?" She asks.

"Well, part of me wants to say when I first saw you." She blushes. "Realistically, I think I truly fell in love with you when we became good friends. You didn't treat me like anyone else. You didn't judge me for my past mistakes, instead you saw the man I was trying to become. You believed in me when I couldn't even believe in myself, and that meant the world to me. I never thought you would love me in return, but I always believed that I loved you enough for the both of us."

Bella gives me a teary smile and I pull her into my arms. As I hold her, it truly feels as though I was holding my other half…. I love each and every part of her.

I wipe away a tear as it rolls down her cheek. "When did you know you loved me?" I ask.

A beautiful smile lights up her face and she says, "When I saw the way you loved Charlie. You gave up everything for that little boy, and not many would have done the same. I know that you are down on yourself and constantly don't think you're good enough, but you _are_ , Edward. You're more than good enough. I wish you could see you, the same way I see you. Because then you would know just why I love you so much."

I'm all choked up. So, I do what I usually do when I get emotional like this, I tease her. "So, it wasn't for my body?"

She throws her head back and giggles. "Well, I guess it was for the tattoos," she winks.

 _She loves me for the tattoos._ I smile. Maybe I could add to my ink and get a tattoo for her and a tattoo for Charlie. I contemplate the thought, as we drift off to sleep.

 **A/N: I love having song lyrics in these chapters. I love it so much in fact…I am now giving all the chapters in this story a song. I have a lot of my chapters updated with song lyrics…so If you're interested please check it out (It took me forever).**

 **Song- "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers**


	38. Chapter 38: Good Friends

**Thank you, Sherry and Paige, for being so wonderful and supportive every step of the way!**

" _In my past, bittersweet,_

 _There's no love between the sheets,_

 _Taste of blood, broken dreams,_

 _Lonely times indeed,_

 _With eyes cast down,_

 _Fixed upon the ground,_

 _Eyes cast down._

 _I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun."_

 _-Cage the Elephant-_

 **EPOV:**

Paul inspires more than memories of my old life, he also conjures up memories of my old self. It's crazy that a person can trigger a memory of who you once were. It's strange, because I don't really recognize the guy I had been. I've come so far since then.

It didn't take long for Paul to contact me after I ran into him. Whatever held him back initially, seemed to have dissipated, just like my worries about the effects of hanging out with a man who reminds me constantly of my brother. Instead of feeling depressed when I'm with Paul, I feel elated. He is so much like Seth, in his actions, mannerisms, and even in the way he talks. In a strange way, I feel as if I'm with my brother again. Just like old times.

We've hung out a few times, just the two of us. It's nice to hang out with another member of AA. There isn't any awkwardness about explaining why you can't go out to bars or why you have to meet up at 'neutral' locations. I don't have to worry about being judged, because Paul is in the same situation as me. We don't discuss problems with substance abuse, and most of the time we don't even discuss Seth, we just keep the conversation shallow and light. I'm glad he doesn't want to talk about that shit, I don't know if a day will come when I'm comfortable with my past.

Tonight, we're at a local pizza joint, a place we go to when we don't want to be stuck inside of his apartment. You never realize how much an adult's social life revolves around alcohol until you have to fucking avoid it. It really narrows down the spots you can hit up around town. Nevertheless, I enjoy getting out, regardless of how dull the location might be.

"I can't believe Charlie will be turning one in a month," I chuckle, taking a sip of my coke.

I can't believe how much time has passed. On December 16th, he will be a year old and I want to have a party for him. I've honestly never _planned_ a party before, every party I ever had was just some shit thrown together last minute. I thought about working with Bella on it, but I wanted to surprise her with my ability to plan something great. That is, of course, _if_ I can pull it off.

Paul stiffens in his seat across from me. The change in his demeanor when I talk about my son, never escapes my notice. Something flashes in his eyes, and while it's fleeting, it's still something I recognize. Every time I see that look, I want to question him about it, but it's long gone by the time I can open my mouth. He takes a sip of his Pepsi and gives me a small, tight smile.

"You guys having a party?" He asks, relaxing against the booth.

"Yeah, I wanted to have a get-together for him. You want to come?" I ask, wanting to see if he would decline the invitation.

He shrugs his shoulders and takes another sip of his drink. "Sure, man. I can probably make it."

 _It's Seth's son, you'd think he would at least have some fucking enthusiasm._ Because I was strung out in California at the time, Seth made Paul his Godfather. It was a great choice, because at the time, what kind of guidance could I possibly give? Now that Seth has died, Paul doesn't seem too interested in seeing Charlie at all. Maybe he's worried because of his issues with alcohol? Or maybe it's something else, the fuck if I know.

"Well, I really hope you can. It would mean a lot to us." I try my hand at guilting him into it.

"I'll come then," he assures me with a smile. "How's he doing anyway?"

It's the first time Paul has really asked about Charlie, causing me to grin at his question. As sad as it might be to some people, talking about my son is my favorite thing to fucking do. I used to pity people who had nothing to talk about besides their kids. When I was younger, I just never understood who the fuck actually cared. Although, now I get this shit-eating grin on my face every time I mention my son. I bring him up even when I know, no one is really listening. You do that when someone is the center of your universe.

"He's adjusted so well. I still can't believe how long I've had him with me. Five months flew by so fucking fast."

"I can't believe it's been that long," Paul quietly replies.

I know he misses Seth just as much as I do. Charlie could be some sort of trigger for him, which is devastating to me, though I do get it. He's just a baby though, he deserves to be loved and not shunned for being a reminder of someone who is gone.

"Yeah, man. Me either. I don't mean to sound sappy or whatever, but he is growing up so fucking fast!"

It seems like it was just yesterday when I held him in my arms for the first time. I remember how fucking nervous I was because he looked so small and seemed so fragile. Mom hadn't helped, hovering over me like she was waiting for me to make a mistake. When he was first placed in my arms, his eyes were closed and he had a small smile on his face. I loved him from that moment. That love only grew stronger when he opened his eyes and finally looked at me. He smiled at me as if he knew I was his family and had reached out to hold my finger, his way of saying that he loved me too. Now, he is beginning to talk and walk and I find that I love him more with each passing day. I hadn't thought so at first, but now I can see what a fucking blessing he has been.

We shift the conversation to other things and leave with the promise to hang out again sometime soon. It's so fucking nice to have another good friend in this town. As much as I love my girl, it's nice to have a guy to hang with. Although, Paul isn't exactly the fun-loving and carefree man he once was, he is still an awesome guy to hang out with. I went from having zero true friends, to having three, which may seem small to some, but it's a lot for someone like me.

Charlie is practicing walking as I come through the front door of my apartment. His little legs are getting stronger and he can now take a few more steps before he falls on his butt. His face lights up as soon as he sees me and reaches his arms out as he tries to run toward me. I jog forward until I'm a few feet in front of him and drop to my knees, encouraging him to walk the rest of the way.

"Da da!" He laughs, clapping his hands in excitement before he concentrates on taking the steps to get to me.

I'm so fucking proud as I watch him take one step after the other. When he is just a foot away, his legs get shaky and he falls to the ground. The landing doesn't faze him and with a huge grin on his face, he crawls the rest of the way.

"Da da!"

"Good job buddy!" I exclaim, as I take him into my arms.

Seeing him accomplish anything makes me feel as good as if I were the one to accomplish something. He makes me so proud and I know he will continue to make me proud as he gets older.

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" _Mommy, made you picture Mommy!"_

 _Mommy no care, she shoos me away and look back at TV._

" _What's that you have there, buddy?" Daddy asks as he sits by me._

" _I drew dis daddy!"_

 _I hand him picture. I work hard on it. It me, Seth, daddy, and mommy. Daddy happy._

" _This is amazing, buddy. You did a great job!" He smile and kiss my head. "Can daddy have this to put in his office? I want to show everyone your great picture."_

 _I smile. I made daddy happy! He like my art!_

" _Yeah, daddy. You have it, daddy!"_

" _Thanks, buddy. Daddy's so proud of you."_

I shoot up in bed and wipe the sweat from my face. Dreaming is so rare for me, when it does happen it feels like a shock to my system. Suddenly, I want to fucking cry and I never cry. I hate feeling fucking weak.

I want to feel angry. Anger is so much easier to deal with than disappointment, and that's what I feel when I think of him now, so incredibly fucking disappointed. He had been my hero for so long, the only one who ever seemed to really care for me. I had thought of him as perfect, but I should have known better. No one is perfect, regardless of how much you idolize them. When I was younger, my dad was like a superhero to me, and now he is just a regular human being, flaws and all. I disapprove of his behavior, but can I truly hate him? He has loved me unconditionally; he loved me when I got expelled from high school, he loved and supported me while I was getting my GED, he loved me when I left home to travel around the United States, he loved me when I was strung out on pain pills and tripping on LSD, he loved me when I returned, no longer looking like the boy who left, and he loved me when I became a father to Charlie. He has supported me every single step of the way, regardless of his feelings about my behavior. Doesn't he deserve the same unconditional love? I wipe my watery eyes before any tears escape. Suddenly, I want to call my dad.

Bella stirs awake at my side and gives me a sleepy smile. Stretching her arms above her head, she asks, "What's wrong, baby? Can't sleep?"

I shake my head. Thank fuck it's dark, because I don't want my girl to see me like this. "I just had a dream, it woke me up."

She runs her hand up and down my arm, in a comforting gesture. _God, I love her._

"Do you want to lay back down with me?" She asks.

I fucking sniffle, and I know my girl heard it.

"Edward? Baby, what is it?"

I shake my head, worried that if I talk I won't be able to control myself. Bella sits up to kiss my shoulder and wraps her arms around me. We sit in silence, and Bella doesn't press me, but waits until I am ready to speak.

"I just had a dream about my dad," I finally explain.

"A bad dream?"

"No, it was a really good memory," I quietly state. "When I was in preschool I used to draw him a ton of pictures. I drew a few for my mom, but she never wanted them, so dad would take them and tell me how proud he was." I hate talking about shit like this. It makes me feel so fucking young and vulnerable.

"He was a good dad, wasn't he?"

"He was great. I try to emulate him all the time when I'm with Charlie."

As fucking pissed as I am at him, I want him in my life. He was, and still is, extremely supportive and wants nothing more than to see me succeed. I'm repulsed by his actions, I've always thought cheating was the worst thing you could possibly do in a relationship, although I've been the 'other guy' quite a few times when I was young and fucking stupid. I'm repulsed, angry, and disappointed, but he is still my father and I still love him. I need to talk to him about it, I can't just write him off and have him ghost from my life.

"I'll call him tomorrow. He needs to know that I don't hate him."

The streetlight breaks through the blades of the blinds, illuminating Bella's beautiful face. She gives me a soft smile and nods her head in agreement.

"It's hard to see our parents as normal people who are just as capable of making mistakes as we are. A year after my mom died, my dad started dating. I was absolutely devastated. I wanted him to mourn for my mom, until I was ready to move on. I stopped talking to him, and would treat his girlfriend, Sue, horribly. I felt ashamed of my actions later on, and apologized to him. He told me he expected nothing less, considering my age, and he was sorry too. Now, we get along great, but for a long time I hated him." Bella pauses, shaking her head at the memory. "I think you'll feel better when you talk to your dad."

"I think I will too."

He's offered me his love without any conditions, and now it's time I do the same.

 **A/N: Thoughts?**

 **Song- "Shake Me Down" by Cage the Elephant.**


	39. Chapter 39: Esme

**I can never say thank you enough…but Sherry and Paige, thank you! I could not do this without you two!**

" _The other night dear, as I lay sleeping_

 _I dreamed I held you in my arms_

 _But when I awoke dear, I was mistaken_

 _So, I hung my head and I cried._

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

 _You make me happy when skies are gray_

 _You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

 _Please don't take my sunshine away."_

 _-Jimmie Davis-_

 **EPOV:**

" _Beth, we can't just leave him behind. How's that going to look to him?"_

 _I pause and put the bottle down so I won't be detected. I can't help but to eavesdrop on on their conversation, it's not like my mom ever wants to communicate with me about anything._

" _Carlisle, we can't keep coddling him. How much trouble does he have to get into before you see that? I don't want to allow him to ruin our vacation. He has an attitude problem everywhere we go, and I'm not going to put up with it this time."_

" _You really want to leave him behind? You're so worried about him getting into trouble, but you want to leave him here with the whole house at his disposal? Which one is it, Beth?"_

" _Don't give me that look, Carlisle, you know what your son is like."_

 _I roll my eyes at mom's tone. She always calls me 'dad's son,' whenever she's fucking pissed at me for something. When is she not fucking pissed about something though? It seems like it's all the fucking time now. She's never really been nice to me, but now she doesn't even try to hide her disapproval. I suppose I have been a shit lately and I did just get another suspension for fighting. I wish they would just fucking expel me already. It seems imminent at this point. It would save me time, having to go back to that hellhole school._

" _I know he's been a bit much lately, but leaving him here isn't going to help a single thing. I think you know that, Beth."_

" _You're always defending him. We can't have a nice time without you bringing him up."_

" _How can I not bring him up? He's our son!"_

" _I just need a break, Carlisle. I think I deserve that," Mom says sweetly, changing her tactic._

 _So, they're leaving me behind. I can't say I'm fucking surprised, or sad about the fact. It will give me a nice break from them. Growing bored of their conversation, I saunter back toward the kitchen and pick up my Dad's bottle of Jack. I pour the contents in a black coffee mug and throw the bottle in the trashcan in the garage, hiding it under mountains of trash bags. Thank God, my parents don't hover. With Seth at practice and my parents arguing in Dad's study, I have the house practically all to myself._

 _I smile as the whisky burns its way down my throat. The taste of Jack has always been so fucking comforting. I jump onto the couch and flick on the TV. I can hear dad coming up the stairs, probably to apologetically tell me what's going on. Whatever. I don't care about going. I don't care about anything._

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I pull up to the coffee shop to find my dad's car is already here. I'm so fucking thankful he was available to meetup with me so soon. With work and a messy divorce, I know he's been a busy man. He sounded incredibly tired on the phone, but also happy to hear from me. I don't think he expected me to call him at all, let alone so soon. When he first told me about Esme, I _was_ dead set on avoiding him, but now my feelings have transformed into something else.

Today, he appears to be more collected and at peace with the situation. It would be a stretch to say he looked happy, but he sure as hell didn't look so agitated. He smiles when he sees me, and stands to greet me. I'm surprised when he pulls me into a hug. He's acting as if he thought I was going somewhere. _Maybe he did._ He lost Seth, I know he would be destroyed if he lost me as well. Him knowing that I was alive and just didn't want to speak to him, would be _indescribable_.

"How's it going, dad?" I awkwardly ask, taking a seat across from him.

"Do you want anything? I can order you a coffee?" He sounds breathless, so excited that I'm here he goes into 'dad mode'.

I chuckle at him. "No, dad, I'm fine. I just wanted to talk to you. Apologize for how I behaved the last time we spoke."

"Don't apologize. I understand completely. Your reaction was better than the one I had expected. I knew my situation would be brought to light sooner or later...I just hadn't expected you to find out so soon. When I heard your voice on the phone that night, I knew something was wrong. I originally thought I was just being paranoid, because I had just started seeing her again, but that night when you met me for dinner, I knew that you had some idea about what was going on."

"How recent is this thing with her?"

"Very recent," he assures me. "I asked your mom for a divorce and moved into my own apartment, and about a week later Esme came back into town, wanting to settle down here."

"Do you think she came for you? Was that her reason for settling down in Washington?"

He stares at me, his blue eyes burning with conflict. Is he fucking lying to me? Why the hell is he looking at me like that? Something is wrong, I can just feel it. There's something he's not telling me. Last night I felt fucking sorry for my dad, and now it seems like he's holding out on me. I shake my head in disbelief and feel my anger starting to rise.

"Edward, all I wanted was to protect you," he begins, reaching out to take my hand.

I pull away from him. "Protect me from what?"

"I didn't want you to feel any different," he rambles on, unfazed by my sudden change in demeanor.

"Stop being so fucking vague and tell me, dad," I utter quietly, not wanting to draw attention to our conversation. Suddenly, meeting at a quiet coffeehouse on a weekday didn't seem like a good idea. I hadn't realized we would be airing our dirty laundry.

"She came back because she knew you were here."

 _What the fuck?_

"That day you said you ran into her, I asked her about it and she had no idea who you were."

I feel my entire body shutdown as he utters the words. I feel fucking paralyzed in my seat. I should have known. _I should have fucking known!_ She felt so familiar and I couldn't see why. Mom, _Elizabeth,_ had been cold to me for all of those fucking years. Never, had she shown me an inkling of something resembling love. I had brushed it off, told myself it didn't matter, told myself she was defective and couldn't love me right...but all of this fucking time...I just can't believe it. I can't believe my dad would do this to me. I'm shaking, I can hear the chair rattling beneath me, as every muscle in my body tenses. I want to punch something, _someone_ , I just want to release all the fucking pain I feel.

"Edward? Son?"

A tear rolls down my cheek before I can stop it. My entire life has been a fucking lie. "That woman is my mother?"

With a clenched jaw and watery, bloodshot eyes, dad nods. Before I can stop myself, my fist slams on the table, knocking off my dad's cup of coffee and shattering it on the floor. All I see is fucking red, I don't listen to my dad, I don't listen to anyone. I storm out of the restaurant with hot, angry tears rolling down my face. _Fucking pussy!_ I need to feel better, I need something. I turn toward the brick wall of the coffee house and slam my fist into it repeatedly…until blood stains the bricks. The pain feels fucking incredible, it distracts me from the pain that's burning inside.

How could she leave me? If that woman is my mom, how the fuck could she leave me behind? Why wasn't I good enough for her? I fall to my knees and catch my breath. I'm sure I look fucking crazy, but I'm too pissed to give a shit. I hear the chimes of the coffee house door from my spot on the sidewalk.

"Son, let me talk to you. Please let me explain. I did it to protect you, it was the only way."

A dark laugh escapes my lips. "You protected me by lying to me? Here, I thought I was pissed about you having an affair. I could forgive that though, because I fucking loved you. But now? Now you tell me that the woman I thought was my mom, isn't my fucking mom? That instead, it's a woman I met one fucking time!"

I want to ask why he would do this to me, but why waste my fucking breath? I want to attack him, and I want him to hold me like he did when I was a kid. The second thought sets me off. I don't need his comfort, I don't need anyone. I stand up and walk off, leaving my car and him behind. I walk and walk, too angry to see where I'm going. I let my body led the way. I end up at a dive bar and throw open the door, letting the light shine in on the dark bar with no occupants. There's a bartender that comes from the back as soon as he sees me taking a seat. He tries to make small-talk, probably wondering why I look like fucking shit. I cut him off, ordering a whiskey, straight up before slouching over the bar top.

As soon as I get it, I down it. The burn is a welcome one and I feel like I've been greeted by an old friend. That good feeling doesn't last long, and it is quickly replaced by the burn of regret. Angry tears fill my eyes and my entire body clenches in anger and frustration. The bartender asks me for something, but I quickly tell him to 'fuck off,' causing him to return to the back, muttering curses under his breath. I slap my face once, and then a second time even harder. What the fuck have I done?

I just let everyone down. I let Charlie down. I fucking promised him I would never do this again. I told him I would be a good daddy and look at me now. I don't stop the tears as they trail down my face. I reach for my phone, wanting to hear the voice of the one person I know will make me feel better. She answers on the second ring.

"Edward?"

Her voice causes my entire body to relax. She's the cure to any ailment I could possibly have. I close my eyes and allow myself to calm down to the sound of her breathing.

"Edward, what's wrong? Baby, you're scaring me!"

My heart drops. She would be so disappointed if she knew where I was. I've never felt so fucking ashamed of myself in my entire life. I was doing so well and now I fucked it all up. Just like I fuck everything up.

"Edward, where are you? I'll come there."

"Bella," I finally gasp, sounding just as cowardly as I feel. "I messed up."

"Edward?" Her voice raises an octave. "Baby, just tell me where you are and I'll come get you. We can talk about this when you're home."

"I messed up really bad," I tell her with a shaky voice.

"I understand, babe. You need to tell me where you are."

I hear Charlie's cries in the background and I wish I were there. I just want to hold him. I just want to go home.

"I'm at a bar," I tell her, feeling fucking repulsed.

"Okay, Edward. We're coming," she says without judgment in her voice. "Just tell me which one."

I saunter outside and look at the sign. Bella quickly says she is on her way.

"I love you, Edward. We'll be there soon."

 _She still loves me._ Oh, thank God.

"I love you, Bella. So much," I tell her before hanging up.

I return to the bar and throw some money down for my drink, leaving a large tip for cursing the man out. Slowly, I make my way back outside and take a seat on the sidewalk, putting my head in my hands. It was so easy to pick up that drink again, and that thought is fucking frightening. What will happen if I lose control again? One bad choice could ruin my life. I can't allow myself to do anything that would jeopardize my relationship with Bella or Charlie. I would be so incredibly lost without them.

As I sit in the sun, I think of Esme, my mother. I wonder if deep down I knew there was something distinctive about her when I first saw her. I thought she looked familiar, but perhaps that was because I've looked at my face millions of times in the mirror. Our features are similar, so similar that I can't believe I didn't recognize it before. Then again, I hadn't thought there was a possibility of my dad lying to me my entire life. He said he did it to protect me, but protect me from what? What was so bad that he needed to lie to me for so many years?

Bella pulls up to the bar and I can't even look at her. I feel too ashamed. _I can never allow this to happen again._ Bella gets out of the car and I can feel her walking toward me. I keep my eyes on the sidewalk, not wanting to see the ashamed look that must be on her beautiful face. I wanted to make her fucking proud of me, I don't want to look curled up and pathetic in front of her, like I know I do now.

"Babe, do you want to get going? Why don't you sit in the backseat with Charlie? He's missed you so much today."

She offers me her hand and I take it. With my eyes cast down, I walk to the car and slide in the backseat. Charlie squeals when he sees me and kicks his legs in excitement. A small smile twitched on my lips, and I reach out to give him my finger to hold on to.

"Da da!"

Charlie is my light when I feel like I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness.

 **A/N: I'm seriously curious to hear your guys thoughts! So please review! Thanks for reading!**

 **Song- "You Are My Sunshine" by Jimmie Davis. I am pretty sure Jimmie Davis wrote this song in the late 1930s/early 1940s…. but I like the Johnny Cash cover WAY better. Cash sings with such emotion and puts a totally different spin on the song. I might be biased because I love Johnny Cash, but you can check out both versions yourself. The Cash version has the emotion that I thought was fitting for this chapter.**


	40. Chapter 40: Thinking Ahead

**Thanks, Sherry and Paige for being incredible like always. I couldn't do this without you two!**

" _Time is never time at all_

 _You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth_

 _And our lives are forever changed_

 _We will never be the same_

 _The more you change the less you feel_

 _Believe, believe in me, believe_

 _That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain_

 _We're not the same, we're different tonight_

 _Tonight, so bright_

 _Tonight"_

 _-The Smashing Pumpkins-_

 **EPOV:**

Sleep has become harder and harder to come by. During the day my body aches, my mind can't keep up with my actions, and my eyes feel as though they could close and never open again. Yet, despite all of this, I manage to lay awake in bed for hours, staring into the dark void of semi-consciousness as I rest my head on Bella's breast. When the sun begins to rise, my eyes finally manage to close. Only to open an hour or two later when I have to go to work.

It's been a week since my relapse, a week since I found out the truth about my life. I've been fucking pathetic lately, moping around the house like some lost child. Bella hasn't commented on my behavior, or lack thereof, instead she's been quietly supportive at my side, waiting for me to get to a place where I feel ready to move on to acceptance. It's been a fucking week, and yet, I don't feel an ounce better. Time has been continuing on without me, and I feel utterly lost.

I come and go like a zombie. Sleep an hour, go to work, come home, eat, lay in bed until I fall asleep again. Bella is an angel, taking care of me when I can't take care of myself. I'm not sure what Charlie and I would do without her. _Charlie._ Just thinking about him makes me feel so fucking guilty. I've been a shadow of myself, and Charlie has spent so many nights crying in my arms when I'm unable to reciprocate any of the love he gives me. I want to get better, I want to be the man Charlie and Bella deserve...but, it's just so hard.

I have an appointment with Howell tomorrow, I should have seen him sooner, I just wasn't ready yet. I've spent all day trying to understand my feelings, trying to pull myself together to no avail. I've been silent since returning home from work. Bella's made dinner and taken care of Charlie, and I've just been sitting on the couch like a complete fucking asshole.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat something, Edward?" Bella asks quietly, standing next to the couch with a plate in her hand.

I don't look at her, I don't want to see how disappointed she looks. Charlie begins to cry, causing Bella to return to the kitchen and leave me be. She returns with him in her arms and sets him down on my lap as I stare aimlessly at the TV.

"Edward, please snap out of this, your son needs you."

I wrap my arms around him, bringing him close so I can feel his heartbeat against my chest. The sound has always been so reassuring. His cries slow down and then cease entirely. I'd forgotten how good it feels to hold him like this. If anyone can pull me from my depressive state, it's my little boy.

"Da da," he gasps, followed by a small hiccup.

I smile at him, finally finding it within myself to be responsive. "That's right, daddy's here," I whisper in his ear, finding myself smiling for the first time all week.

"Da da!"

"That's right, buddy," I grin, tears fill my eyes as I finally begin to feel again. I've felt nothing but numbness all week. "Daddy's here, and daddy loves you."

Charlie grabs my thumb and pulls it toward his mouth and bites down. I make a face at him and he giggles, and I laugh too. Bella returns with a cup of tea and a smile on her face. She watches us for a moment, looking more relaxed than I have seen her in a while.

"You want to join us?" I ask, gesturing to the open spot on the couch.

She sits down next to me with her cup of tea in hand, resting her head on my shoulder as she gazes down at our baby. It feels so good having her close. Moments like these are ones I never want to forget. There is no true comfort like the comfort of being safe at home surrounded by people you love. Regardless of the situation with my dad...with my _mom_...Charlie and Bella are my family now.

"Thank you, Bella."

She gives me a smile, as if I were being funny or some shit like that. She is so adorable.

"For what?"

"For being here," I say simply. "I don't know how I would do any of this without you." I'm getting choked up again. I never used to cry, but this last week has had me crying multiple times like a fucking baby. "I love you, Bella. So much."

Through my watery eyes, I can see that she is smiling. "I love you too, Edward." I'm out of breath and at a loss for words, there is no way to describe how fucking happy this woman makes me.

"I'll love you forever," I promise her. "I'll spend the rest of my life showing you that, if you let me."

What am I doing? _Proposing to her?_ It's much too soon, and yet it feels so fucking perfect. I want her to be mine, I need her in my life, and I know I can't live without her. I turn my head to look at her, in the dim light of the living room. Her beautiful face doesn't have an ounce of makeup on it, showing her natural beauty and pretty pale skin, her hair is on top of her head in a messy bun, and she's in her cute, but worn Disney pajamas. Never has a woman looked more perfect. I want to make her mine forever.

"Ma ma!" Charlie squeals with a giggle.

Yes, she is his mommy and I hope that one day that title will be hers officially. But first, I know what I have to do. I don't know if I want to jump into marriage, because I feel so lost; I don't know who I am, I don't know my true family, my brother is gone and I've been thrown into fatherhood. Sometime during my efforts to find myself, I found her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Bella giggles, before giving me the softest of smiles.

"You're so beautiful," I tell her, because it's the truth.

She smiles at this and reaches up to run her fingers through my hair. "You are too."

I stare at her as if I'm seeing her for the first time. _This is the woman I want to marry. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with._

"What are you thinking?" She asks, breaking the silence.

"I'm thinking how I want you to be mine forever."

She smiles, reaching up to cup my cheek as she stares into my eyes.

"Would you?" I ask.

"Would I what?" She questions, breathlessly.

"Would you be mine forever?"

She stares at me a moment, her gorgeous, brown eyes filling with tears. She nods her head and rises to bring her lips to mine. They are salty and sweet, and feel like velvet. I could never get enough of this, I could never get enough of her.

"I'm yours," she tells me, before kissing me again.

I'll see if she truly means that soon enough. As she pulls away, I look down at her left ring finger, noticing how _empty_ it looks all of a sudden. How will other men know she's taken if I don't stake my claim? She's mine already, body and soul, and I want her bound to me in every possible way. _Jesus Christ, Cullen! When did you get so fucking sappy?_ I suppose having a wonderful son and an amazing woman will do that shit to you. I'll take Charlie with me to Howell tomorrow, then maybe afterward I can find the perfect ring for my girl. Something subtle, yet strikingly beautiful, so it's just like her.

If she says yes to me, I'll be the happiest man on the fucking planet. I'll show her every day how much I love her and just how much she means to me. I'd give her the world and expect nothing in return, because that's what I believe love is.

 **A/N: Thoughts? Until next time…**

 **Song- "Tonight, Tonight" by The Smashing Pumpkins**


	41. Chapter 41: Therapy

**Thanks to my betas, Paige and Sherry, for making this story possible!**

" _Disarm you with a smile_

 _And leave you like they left me here_

 _To wither in denial_

 _The bitterness of one who's left alone_

 _Ooh, the years burn._

 _I used to be a little boy_

 _So old in my shoes_

 _And what I choose is my voice_

 _What's a boy supposed to do?_

 _The killer in me is the killer in you_

 _My love_

 _I send this smile over to you."_

 _-The Smashing Pumpkins-_

 **EPOV:**

"Do you think you're capable of forgiving your father?" Howell inquires, in a voice that is not intrusive or judgmental.

I've told him everything, poured my heart out to him and allowed him to watch me bleed. I hate feeling so exposed and vulnerable. I hate the way my parents' actions have caused me to feel. They were supposed to love and protect me, but instead, they lied to me for my entire life. I thought I'd found myself, but at times such as these, I wonder if I've ever known who I truly was. My past feels so foreign to me now and filled with unanswered questions. Part of me wants to search for answers, and part of me is frightened by what I could find. I want the courage to be able to look at things for what they truly are, but the coward in me wonders if I'll be able to be happy once I know the truth.

I ponder Howell's question. Can I forgive my father? I think about unconditional love and want to be able to practice it, but at the same time I'm filled with so much fucking anger. _If he loved me, how could he lie to me?_ Every day he went without telling me the truth, was a fucking lie. My entire life has been a lie because of him. He's forgiven me for so much though, so I feel like I owe him this. However, my saying that I forgive him, and truly feeling it are two different things. How ironic would it be for me to lie about forgiving him for lying, just to ease my own pain?

"I want to," I answer honestly, as I stare at Charlie, who is sucking quietly on his thumb as he sits in his car seat.

"What is holding you back?"

"He didn't tell me the truth about my mother!" I raise my voice in disbelief. Does he really have to ask me that after all I've told him. My dad fucked me over, whether it was intentionally done or not.

Howell nods his head at my fair assessment of the situation. "Nevertheless, you want a relationship with him?"

Of course, I do. Despite what he's done, he was a great father. He has his faults, but don't we all? "Yes," I answer his question.

"Then, you're going to have to forgive him at some point. You can't harbor this anger towards him," Howell reasons.

I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. I want to be strong, I want to forgive him and go back to feeling the way I once had about him, but things have changed. He was the one person I really looked up to, the one person who I always knew cared about me. Even when I didn't want to accept his love, I knew it was there. I just can never seem to do the right thing. Even when I try so hard...I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I put so much effort into being a good man and I'm always coming up short. Why can't I win for once? There is a part of me that believes that if I were a better man, I would be able to understand his faults and forgive him. I must be a fucking asshole, because I can't seem to find it within myself to do so.

I am fucking angry. I'm filled with anger. I just want to fucking hit something until my knuckles fucking bleed. Even then, I know that the pain will still be simmering inside of me. Now that my depression has lifted, all I can feel is anger toward my dad. I hate feeling this way. I'm so fucking scared that I'll end up losing myself if I don't gain control soon. I don't want to become my old self. That one drink showed me just how easy it would be to return to my old life. That one drink caused me to become a zombie, passing through each day like time meant absolutely nothing. If it weren't for my son and my beautiful girlfriend, I'd be fucking drowning.

"I just need time," I finally say. "I don't feel ready to let this go. I can't seem to move past this."

I've erected a wall so I can fucking protect myself. I used drugs and alcohol to fight my demons in the past. They were the greatest means to escape reality, even if only for a little while. Every pill I swallowed, every drink I downed, and every bit of powder I snorted was like a greeting from an old friend. Having to deal with my demons completely sober, is the most difficult thing I've never done. It's easy to avoid vices when things are going good, but when things become difficult it feels nearly impossible. I look to the baby sitting in his car seat at my side. He pulls his thumb away from his mouth and gives me a small smile. He's my reason to stay sober, him and Bella, and I pray to fucking God, that is all I need. I take Charlie out of his car seat, needing to feel the warmth of him in my arms.

"Edward," Howell says, "you're doing very well. You should feel proud of yourself. Would you have been able to handle this situation the same way when you first arrived home?"

I knew I wouldn't have been able to stand it. _I would have crumbled if I found this information out then._ Now, I have Bella and my son, a family that means the absolute world to me. I wouldn't be seeking help if it weren't for them. They give me something to live for.

"I would have handled it completely differently," I admit in a small voice.

"Then you should feel proud of your progress, Edward."

"I know." Self-loathing just feels so much more natural. "I need to talk to my dad. I know that there is more to this story, I'd been too angry to let him finish."

"Talk to him. Hearing the truth, no matter what it may be, can be very freeing."

I want to know exactly _what_ he thought he was 'protecting' me from. What could have possibly been so bad that years of mental abuse paled in fucking comparison? My mom, _Elizabeth, I suppose I should call her now,_ had treated me like a rotten fucking step-child my entire life. Now, I can see why. I wasn't hers, and she would have been reminded of my dad's indiscretion every single time she looked at me. Knowing that almost makes me want to go easier on her, but she had been such a bitch to me. I might not have been her flesh and blood, but I was a child, an innocent fucking child who wanted to be loved by his mom. Just thinking about it makes me fucking angry, because anger feels more controllable than despair.

Why had my dad subjected me to that for so long, had he truly not seen it? Had he really been that blind? Of course, he was away for work quite a bit, maybe to escape from Elizabeth. When he was around, he would give me enough love to make up for Elizabeth's lack of warmth toward me. Yet I had wanted a mom, and I never felt like I really had that with Elizabeth. Even on her good days, I knew she hadn't loved me, she had just been putting up with me.

"I want to get to know Esme." I'm surprised by this. I say it without a second thought. I want to know her and I want to understand why she left me.

"Then get to know her," Howell says simply.

I'll have to talk to my dad. I have no idea how to get in touch with her. Of course, I could dig up a phone book and search for her name, but it feels like such a strange way of getting in contact with my mom. _My mom._ God, it's weird to think of someone else filling that role. I don't think I'll be able to refer to her as my mom, because she hasn't ever _truly_ been my mother.

I leave Howell's office feeling completely exhausted. While it felt good to tell someone about the pain I have been suffering from, it doesn't make me feel any less lost. I try to focus on something positive and do my best to let go of what I can't control. My past is completely fucked and I just want to focus on the future.

And my future is with Bella and my son.

 **A/N: I've been posting a lot of amazing manips of our tattooed daddyward on my Facebook page The Highlander Princess's Clan. Make sure to join and check them out** **.**

 **Song- "Disarm" by The Smashing Pumpkins**


	42. Chapter 42: Shopping

**Huge thanks to Sherry and Paige!**

 **Also, shout out to one of my best friends in the whole wide world, Caroline! She's my best friend from RL and just started reading this story. So, Caroline, if you are actually reading this, hi! **waves****

" _And I'd give up forever to touch you_

 _Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

 _You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

 _And I don't want to go home right now._

 _And all I can taste in this moment_

 _And all I can breathe is your life_

 _And sooner or later it's over_

 _I just don't wanna miss you tonight."_

 _-Goo Goo Dolls-_

 **EPOV:**

I feel like gestures like this have to be fucking drastic. I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life and want to make it as perfect as I possibly can. My girl deserves the best and I'll do just about anything to give her what she deserves. It still baffles me when I think that, out of all the men in the world, my angel chose to be with _me._

I don't have much money, and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing when it comes to picking out rings, but I intend to get Bella the best ring possible. I want the world to know she belongs to me and I belong to her.

With Charlie in tow, I head to a local jeweler in town. I still feel fucking exhausted from therapy, but I want to take advantage of the time I have without Bella by my side. I want this proposal to come entirely out of left field, so I have to do all my shopping and planning on the down low. Charlie is now wide awake and animated as we walk into the quiet shop. He instantly garners every bit of female attention in the room. I had forgone his car seat and am holding him in my arms. In his elephant t-shirt and pair of jeans, he does look pretty fucking adorable. He waves at everyone we pass and I just have to laugh. _He's a ladies' man already._

One woman, looking particularly flustered, quickly moves around the counter and makes her way toward us. She is attractive...in an artificial way, with hair that looks like it's been fried after years of abuse from a curling iron. I cringe as she smiles at me and I prepare myself to feel very fucking annoyed.

She flirts with me, which I consider odd considering the circumstances. Obviously, I'm taken; so, I don't really see the point. However, this woman persists as if I weren't shopping for an engagement ring. I ignore her, and gaze at the ring selection. They are all beautiful, but I begin to panic as I look at the price tags. As stupid as it sounds, I had no idea how expensive engagement rings are. I have a bit of money, but not enough to buy my girl something impressive. Nonetheless, I ask to see a few rings to get Charlie's opinion. I want him to have a hand in picking out his new mommy's ring.

"What do you think of this one, buddy?" I ask, holding up a simple ring.

It's a small diamond with a gold band. It's not flashy, but it's in my price range. Charlie giggles at the shiny objects and grabs my hand and tries to bring the ring to his mouth. He's a giggling, slobbering mess, but he is still very... _cute._ I smile at him and pull the ring out of his reach.

"You like this one, Charlie?"

Charlie laughs, but is uninterested in the ring. Instead, he reaches for me until I place him against my shoulder and hold him close.

"Would you like to see another one, sir?" The saleswoman asks flirtatiously.

 _What the fuck is with this chick?_ I roll my eyes and nod my head. She shows me a few more, simple rings, all traditional, with gold bands and diamonds. They're alright, but they don't seem fitting for my girl. She just doesn't seem like the type to want some basic ring. I want something beautiful, rare, and special...just like her. Finally, my eyes fall on a ring that looks extraordinary compared to the rest. It's so different and so fitting for my girl. I pray it's in my fucking price range as I request to have it pulled from the case.

"This is 14K White Gold, with a freshwater pearl surrounded by white diamonds."

I'm thrilled to see it's just under a grand. I turn to my son and show him the ring.

"What do you think about this for mommy?"

"Ma ma!" Charlie yells, before clapping his little hands together.

"Does that mean yes, buddy?"

Charlie squeals, laughs, and drools against my shirt before promptly closing his eyes and falling to sleep. I suppose the excitement was too much for the little guy. I chuckle and look back at the ring, imagining it on Bella's slim finger. My heart speeds up at the thought of her wearing my ring. I've never been one to dream about marriage, kids, and all of that shit, but now that I've found a girl I'm in love with and the thought seems fucking blissful.

The future I see for myself now, is so different than what it once was. In all honesty, I never looked ahead. Drugs find a way to keep you living in the moment and the only thing you think ahead about is how and when you'll get your next fix. I never thought about an education, getting a good job, or finding a woman to settle down with. I thought I was happy all those years ago. Now, I see I was just too impaired to see reality. I'm still struggling, and I know I'll be struggling for a while, but for the first time in a long time, I feel as though I'm taking steps in the right direction.

I purchase the ring with the last of the money my dad had gifted me. I couldn't imagine spending the money on anything more important. If things go well, Bella will be wearing this ring for the rest of her life. I leave the store with a ridiculous smile on my face. Charlie must sense my contentment, because he is awake and smiling too. As I stare at his chubby grin, I wonder if I should incorporate him in my proposal. _My proposal...how the fuck am I going to come up with something perfect for my girl?_ I want Charlie to be a part of it, because we're definitely a package deal. Not only will I be getting a wife, but I'll be giving my son a mother.

My mind is filled with ideas concerning how to propose. Unfortunately, most of them are shit. How on Earth do men come up with this crap? Do they ask around for help or do research online, or something like that? There's always the cute 'cliché' ideas I could easily employ, but I want to do something that is right for me. Suddenly, an idea that isn't complete shit fills my brain and I relax. I get Charlie strapped into his car seat, and call Jasper. I'm going to need his help with this one.

 **A/N: Thoughts? Until next time!**

 **I know I can be bad about responding to reviews…but I appreciate each and every one of them. A few people have left reviews telling me about problems they are having with their own family, and I just wanted to say I definitely understand and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for taking your time to share your story with me. I appreciate it more than you know and my heart goes out to you. Sending positive vibes your way!**

 **Song- "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls.**


	43. Chapter 43: Liam

**Thanks, so much Sherry and Paige! You two are the most amazing betas in the world!**

" _I can't confront you_

 _I never could do that which might hurt you_

 _So, try and be cool_

 _When I say:_

' _This way is a water slide away from me_

 _That takes you further, every day'_

 _So be cool_

 _Say it ain't so_

 _Your drug is a heartbreaker_

 _Say it ain't so_

 _My love is a life taker."_

 _-Weezer-_

 **EPOV:**

It didn't take long to convince Jasper to watch Charlie so I could work on my plan. It might be a rash decision, but I truly think it's the right decision for me. I hope it doesn't freak Bella the fuck out when she sees it. She's a bad liar, so if she thought it was stupid, it would be clear on her beautiful face. Hopefully, it will illustrate how special she is to me, or at least, that's my plan.

Jasper has agreed to watch Charlie tomorrow, so I can hit up the tattoo shop in the city. I know I brought Charlie along last time, but bringing a crying baby to a tattoo shop isn't really appreciated by the artists who are trying to concentrate. They'll really have to concentrate tomorrow when they do the perfect line work on my ring finger. She hasn't said yes to anything yet, but her name is the only one I could ever imagine being wrapped around that finger.

I return home with Charlie in my arms and her ring in my pocket. I still can't believe that I'm going to fucking propose to this girl. As soon as I see her, I want to shower her with kisses, but the look on her face when I walk into my apartment, stops me in my fucking tracks. She's curled up on the couch with a box of tissues at her side. The television is on, but she isn't watching it. Instead, she seems to be spaced out.

"Bella?" I ask as I approach her. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She ignores me, and continues to stare into space. I take a seat next to her and consider calling her sister. Alice would know what's going on with Bella, wouldn't she? I put Charlie in her lap and I'm happy to find that she instantly takes him into her arms and kisses his forehead. _At least there's that._ I stand up and pull my phone out of my back pocket and walk to the kitchen to hook it up to my charger. Something in the trash can catches my eye as I plug my phone in. There's a bouquet of roses in the trash. _What the fuck?_

"Bella, what's this?" I ask her, returning to the living room with a few of the crumpled roses in my hand.

She takes a deep breath and gives me an apologetic look. "My ex has been trying to get in contact with me over the last few months."

 _What the fuck!_

"Why didn't you say anything?"

She shrugs, her face crumpled. "You've been dealing with so much stuff lately, I didn't want to worry you. I didn't think it was that serious. I never responded to a single text and last week I decided to just block his number. He's reached out to me over Facebook and I blocked him on that as well. I haven't seen him in years, so I don't understand what the point is of him doing this."

"So, it's been escalating?"

She nods. "When he first started trying to contact me, it was friendly enough. I told him straight off the bat, that I had a guy in my life and was happy. He said that was fine and he just missed talking to me. I couldn't say the same, and stopped responding to him. I would get a random 'what's up' text from him now and then, but nothing more than that. I can show you the texts if you want to see for yourself, I wasn't doing anything behind your back."

I believe her. I know she couldn't do that. Besides, I was around her practically every second I wasn't at work, so I would know if something was up.

She continues. "Anyway, it wasn't too bad until I posted a few photos of our trip on Facebook. He wasn't friends with me, and I hadn't thought to block him. Somehow, he must have seen them, because he messaged me asking about the photos."

I remember the pictures she posted. She had been so excited to share them with her friends. They were of her, Charlie, and me in the pool. A few were of my teaching Charlie to 'swim'. We looked like a happy little family. I even started my own Facebook page, so I could share the photos with the few family and friends that I had.

"What did he say?" I ask.

"He just told me how much I had changed and how different I was from the girl he dated. I didn't respond, but he's right, I _am_ different. I'm not the weak girl he knew in college."

Bella practically spits the words out. Suddenly, I want to beat the shit out of this guy. What did he do to make my girl so fucking angry? If it's something bad, I'll have to keep myself from fucking killing the bastard. _No one hurts my girl._

"I think he's in town," she says quietly.

My heart fucking stops. This bastard is in town? I don't know him, but I already hate him.

"So, he sent you flowers as what...a peace offering?"

"I don't know what his game is. I thought blocking him on everything would send a pretty clear message."

"If he keeps bothering you, I can talk to him," I say without a second thought.

Hell, I'd beat the shit out of him if she wanted me to. Whoever this guy was, he was barking up the wrong tree. If there's anything I won't tolerate, it's someone messing with my family. We sit in silence, as we both cool off. I have so many questions running through my head, but I'm not sure how many Bella is willing to answer.

"How long did you guys date?"

I hoped they didn't have an extensive history and I certainly hoped that she hadn't loved him at one point.

With a sigh, she says, "We dated when I was a freshman in college. He was my first proper boyfriend, or at least, I thought that at the time. I was young and naive I guess, and Liam knew that. He was two years older and extremely popular. I just couldn't believe he liked _me_ out of all the girls in school." She pauses for a moment and collects herself. "Anyway, it ended badly and I broke up with him. We both moved on and there hasn't been anything between us since."

"So, you think this Liam guy is interested in you again?" He better fucking not be.

"Fuck, I hope not."

My girl _rarely_ curses, so when she does, I know something is getting her riled up. _Usually it's my cock that makes her curse, I have to say it's usually fucking hot when she does it...but under these circumstances, not so much._ I pull Bella against my side and kiss her forehead, wanting her to know that she is safe with me.

"If he continues to bother you, let me know, I'll handle it."

Shit, I would do anything for her. I'm not going to allow some guy to come into our lives and fuck things up. I love Bella too much to let that happen. We both deserve happiness, and I won't let some douchebag jeopardize that.

 **A/N: So…what do we think about this guy?**

 **Song- "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer.**


	44. Chapter 44: New Ink

**Thanks Sherry and Paige! You girls are so incredible it blows me away!**

" _Help me_

 _Tear down my reason_

 _Help me_

 _It's your sex I can smell_

 _Help me_

 _You make me perfect_

 _Help me become somebody else."_

 _-Nine Inch Nails-_

 **EPOV:**

Sam is an amazing artist. Just looking at his book of sketches, paintings, and photographs of different tattoos he has done in the past, has me itching to get more than the one tattoo I came for. If I didn't have a budget to keep me in place, I would be getting the tattoo I've been wanting for my son. I want his footprints tattooed on my leg, with the date of his birth underneath. He's changed my life, and I want the image of his little feet forever inked on my body.

I want something for Bella as well, something colorful with a beautiful design. The tat I'm getting today will symbolize my eternal love for her, but I want something else as well. I put the binder of Sam's work down, it's too tempting for a guy like me to look at. I love tattoos, but I know I have more important things to use my money on.

Sam finishes up with the leg piece he's currently working on, and I sign my release form and get ready to go back. I hope Bella doesn't notice my tattoo before I'm ready to show her. I'd been so excited to get it, I hadn't thought that far in advance. I have so many tattoos, I doubt she'll notice one more. This one is so different than my others though. I'll be getting 'Isabella' in cursive, wrapped around my ring finger. If Sam wasn't as talented as he is, I wouldn't have trust him with the cursive lettering, but something like this is nothing for him.

As soon as I'm seated on the leather chair, I feel fucking elated. I love the excitement that brims inside of me every time I await the feeling of the tattoo gun against my skin. Getting a tattoo has always been a rush, but it feels better today because this tattoo will be for my future wife. Sam and I make small-talk as he gets his station ready. I'm happy to see the pride he takes in keeping his station clean, with every tool in place. _I'll have to come back to him for all my future tats._

I smile as I feel the needle of the tattoo gun prick my skin. This tattoo hurts like a fucking bitch, but I'd expected it considering how he is practically tattooing against my bone. Despite the pain, I find that it feels incredible at the same time. I've always found pleasure in the pain, which is how I managed to sit through so many long tattooing sessions. I'm transfixed as I watch her name become permanently inked on my skin. Now, she'll be with me forever.

"That's amazing, man," I compliment, as soon as Sam is finished.

"I think she'll love it," he assures me with a warm grin.

"I hope so, I haven't asked her yet."

Sam smiles at this and shakes his head with a laugh. "You're a confident man then. She'll say yes, I'm sure."

I shake his hand and go to the front counter to pay my bill, telling him about my tattoo ideas along the way. I give him a nice tip, and leave with his card in hand. I know I'll be coming back as soon as I have the finances to do so. I'm fucking thrilled with how my tattoo has turned out. The lettering is so feminine and beautiful, just like my Bella. I feel close to her every time I look at her name etched beautifully into my skin. She's always on my mind, but this is a nice reminder that she is mine.

I stop by Jasper's to pick up Charlie. I could have had Bella babysit, but I was worried she would ask to come along, and I needed this to be a surprise. Plus, I want Charlie to find a friend in Cyndy. It's nice to have him play with other kids, especially now that he is beginning to walk.

"Check it out man," I say, as I hold up my left hand for Jasper to see.

He smiles, and I know he is thrilled for his sister-in-law. Once upon a time, I worried that he'd dislike me and want Bella to dump me for a man that's more 'suitable', but that never happened and instead we've become close friends.

"She'll love it. Are you going to show her tonight?"

I blush, realizing how hard it could be to hide this from her. "I wanted to show her, when I propose. I think I'll have the courage to do it this weekend."

"Just distract her."

My eyes widen. _Is Bella's brother-in-law suggesting what I think he's suggesting?_ I must look fucking shocked, because Jasper chuckles and moves aside, to let me into his home. Charlie is on the carpeted living room floor, playing with Cyndy and her favorite stuffed animals. He looks so happy, and I'm thrilled to see him playing with a friend. As soon as he sees me, he stops playing and crawls to the sofa, where he manages to pull himself up. He takes shaky steps in my direction, and I move forward, proudly meeting him halfway.

"Good job, buddy!"

Charlie giggles as I pick him up and wrap him in my arms. "Do you like my tattoo for mommy, Charlie?" I show him my finger, and he tries to stick it into his mouth. I point at the tattoo again, and he reaches out to touch it with his small pointer finger.

"Ma ma," he babbles as he looks at the tattoo. "Ma ma!"

"That's right, Charlie. Bella's your mommy."

I say hi to Cyndy, who is too wrapped up in her toys to give me anything more than a wave. I chuckle, I've never seen a girl with so many stuffed animals. Alice must spoil her like crazy.

"Alice is out shopping and God knows she'll come home with more stuff for Cyndy," Jasper says, confirming my suspicions.

I know Bella spoils Charlie, despite her hatred of shopping. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she were like her sister. I chat with Jasper for a bit, before we finally head home. On the way home, I decided to wrap a band-aid around my finger, and claim it's just a cut from work. I get cuts all the time, so it's nothing out of the norm for me. I pull the pack of bandages from my glove compartment as soon as I pull into the parking lot of my apartment. I wrap one around my ring finger to hide my new tattoo, and add a band-aid to my thumb on the opposite hand for good measure.

Bella looks a lot better than she did last night. She seems at ease, and I presume this Liam fucker has left her alone. I know if he continues to harass my girl, I'm going to flip. She jumps off the couch as soon as I walk through the door, and presses her lips against mine. Kissing me thoroughly before pulling away to give Charlie a kiss on his forehead.

"What was that for?" I chuckle.

"What? I can't give my boyfriend a nice kiss when he comes home?" She challenges.

She's acting different. I wonder if she's worried about Liam and has decided to change her tactics on how she goes about handling it. Perhaps she's worried this guy will affect our relationship, more worried than she's previously let on. I'll spend the night showing her that I'm here to stay, if that's what it takes. I'd be more than happy to do so.

I gave Bella time to relax with Charlie, and made dinner. It wasn't up to par with Bella's cooking, but I was able to make a simple baked mac & cheese dish without too much trouble. Charlie loved the food, which made my heart swell with pride. I know it wasn't the healthiest thing to feed a baby, but I'm just happy to see him eating something besides the usual stuff. _He can be so picky for an eleven month old!_ Of course, I don't have anything to compare him to. The mac & cheese caused Charlie to practically fall asleep in his high chair. I was more than happy to tuck him into his crib, because I wanted some alone time with my girl. I want to assure her that some guy isn't going to hurt our relationship.

As soon as I am finished putting Charlie to bed, I find Bella cleaning up in the kitchen. I take a moment to enjoy the curve of her perfect ass, before she notices me.

"Come to bed," I say, holding out my hand for her to take.

She puts the sponge down and wipes her hands off, and with a shy smile she walks across the room to take my hand in hers. She gets so bashful about sex until I get her naked, then she loves to fucking jump on me and beg for my cock. It's so arousing, seeing my girl lose control like that. I'm so thankful she feels so comfortable with me.

"I want you so much," she moans in my ear as I pull her into my bedroom.

I pull back so I can yank her shirt off of her. God, she is so fucking beautiful. I stare at how amazing her tits look in her push-up bra, before pulling it off of her so I can worship her naked tits. Any tension the day causes, instantly slips away as soon as my lips wrap around her nipple. Sucking on her tits is as arousing as it is calming. She runs her hands through my hair as I play with her tits. I suckle her until I'm throbbing in my jeans, and only when my erection becomes painful, do I pull away. I just want to fuck her into the mattress and claim her, but I also want to be gentle as well.

I slow down and give her lips sweet kisses as she unbuttons my pants and unzips my fly. She pulls my cock into her hand, and pumps it, showing me that she wants it rough. My girl loves being fucked just as much as she loves making love. Our kisses evolve into something more passionate and I'm so fucking horny I can barely think straight. I need to be inside of her.

We strip naked, and I throw her onto the bed, kissing my way up her legs until my mouth is on her wet, little pussy. I fuck her with my tongue, while she moans and writhes on the bed. She is so fucking hot like this, and I begin to stroke my cock as I watch her. I can easily masturbate at the sight of my girl. _Perhaps we should do that sometime? I would love to watch her make herself come in front of me._ God, just the fucking thought is hot enough to make me blow my load. I give her pussy one more kiss before climbing up her body so I'm on top of her with my cock throbbing at her entrance. I bring my lips down to hers, before thrusting inside. I know I won't be gentle with her. Not tonight. I slam my cock into her, fucking her into the mattress. I know she loves it, by the way she smiles and moans beneath me. Rising to my knees, I take her legs and wrap them around my waist, so her hips are in the air as I plunge my cock into her at an unforgiving pace.

"So good, Edward!" She moans, while closing her eyes to focus on the pleasure I'm giving her. "Harder, Edward! Fuck me harder!"

I smile and slam into her harder than I ever have before. It feels so good, fucking her like an animal. She tightens her legs around my hips and I know she's close. She bites down on her lip and her brows are knitted together in concentration, before her orgasm hits and she falls apart. I feel her entire body relax as her pussy pulses around my cock. I fuck her through her orgasm, before finding mine and coming with a roar.

Afterward, I hold her in my arms and listen to the sound of the rain outside. I love holding her after sex, almost as much as I love the sex itself. It's the one time I get to relax and feel how much I love my girl. Bella drifts off to sleep, sated after the thorough fucking I gave her, and I take the time to go check on my son and plan my proposal in my head. I want it to be romantic and perfect, everything Bella has dreamed of. I hope I can live up to what she has imagined growing up. I know every girl plans their wedding when they are younger, and I'm sure Bella was no different. I hope that my proposal will show her, without a doubt, that I am the man for her.

 **A/N: I know some of you hate Liam…so I hope this lemon cheered you up! Thanks for sticking with me** **.**

 **Song- "Closer (Fuck You Like an Animal)" by Nine Inch Nails.**


	45. Chapter 45: Confrontations

**Like always…Thanks Sherry and Paige! The work you've done on this story is incredible!**

" _Little black submarines, operator please_

 _Put me back on the line_

 _Told my girl I'd be back, operator please_

 _This is wreckin' my mind_

 _Oh, can it be? The voices calling me_

 _They get lost and out of time_

 _I should've seen it glow, but everybody knows_

 _That a broken heart is blind."_

 _-The Black Keys-_

 **EPOV:**

For the first time since starting my job, I decide to have a meal with the guys after work. Although I don't think Emmett told them about my problems, they do seem to have some understanding when it comes to what I feel comfortable doing.

We go to a diner near the site we're working on. As we begin to talk, I wonder why I've been so fucking nervous about this. I didn't know just how much I had in common with the guys I worked with until now. Maybe some of these guys could become good friends. As we continue to talk, time seems to escape me. I didn't realize how late it was getting, until Bella texted me. She knew I was going out after work, but it's almost six o'clock and I'm sure she's expecting me home for dinner. I unlock my cell to read her text, and I'm surprised by her text.

 **Please come home.**

She'll usually end a message with an 'I love you' or something like that. This is straight to the point and completely out of the norm for her. _Is she mad at me for going out?_ She seemed cool with it earlier, and even pushed me into going. Did she change her mind? I've always been fucking horrible at reading women, but Bella hasn't been one to play games with me. _Maybe something is wrong!_

"Hey, sorry guys, but I have to get heading home," I say, feeling cold all over.

What if she's in trouble...what if something happened to Charlie? Fuck, I need to get back now, I would be fucking gutted if anything happened to either of them. Bella and Charlie are the most important people in my life. Emmett must sense my distress, because he immediately looks concerned and says he'll see me out.

"Is everything okay, man? You look fucking spooked."

"Bella just wanted me back home, and her text sounded strange. I need to go home now, just in case it's something bad."

Emmett nods, still looking worried for me. "Well, man, if you need me I'm only a phone call away."

I know he's telling the truth, Emmett has been a good friend to me since I got the job. I nod my head, but hope it won't come to that. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but something in my gut tells me that something is wrong. Emmett pats me on the shoulder before heading back inside the diner. I jump into my car, trying to stay calm as I throw it in reverse and speed out of the parking lot and down the street. Due to my speed, I get back to my apartment in twenty minutes. I'm freaking the fuck out as I run up the stairs and reach Bella's apartment. I take a moment to pull myself together, I know I have to be strong if something fucked up is going on.

My stomach drops as soon as I enter her apartment. She's on the couch, holding Charlie protectively in her arms, as a man stands in front of her. It's fucking strange, while the guy's posture doesn't come off as threatening, Bella seems disturbed by him being here. Just seeing this fucker standing over her makes my blood boil. He has sandy blond hair, tanned skin, and an outfit that shouts _'Don't fuck with me because my dad's a lawyer.'_ He's my exact opposite and suddenly it clicks, this fucker must be the Liam guy she was talking about. I take a death breath and clench my twitchy fists, which would like nothing more than to make contact with his snarky fucking face.

"Bella, who the fuck is this guy?"

The guy has the nerve to turn around and glare at me. I glare right back and take another step forward. _Don't kick his ass, Cullen. You can't afford to kick this guy's ass. He's probably a lawyer or some shit like that, and I can't have some privileged fuck charging me for assault and sending me off to jail._

" _He_ , was just leaving," Bella spits out as she rocks my now crying son in her arms.

"Bells, don't be like that. I just wanted to catch up," he calmly states, as if he doesn't understand how wrong this situation is.

The way he calls her 'Bells' just rubs me the wrong way. He's so condescending, how dare he talk to my girl like that?

"Well, my _girlfriend_ doesn't want to catch up with you."

His whole demeanor shifts and his 'nice guy' attitude is long gone. He doesn't look dangerous, he just looks incredibly fucking snarky. He looks like every douchebag I hated growing up.

He turns to me, and with a condescending look he says, "Bells, _this_ guy, really? You could do so much better, babe."

 _Babe?_ Who the hell does this guy think he's dealing with? I take a step forward, trying to control my anger as I watch him move towards my girl.

He's now looming over Bella and our son and I'm fucking fuming. "I think it's time for you to leave," I say through clenched teeth.

"This is Bella's apartment, isn't it?" He asks, challenging me as he raises his brow.

"Get the fuck out of here, Liam. I've been civil, but it's time for you to leave."

The guy has the nerve to laugh. "Wow, my Bells has really grown-up. I didn't know you could stand up for yourself."

I've heard enough. Unable to contain myself, I cross the room in a few quick steps and grab Liam around the arm, yanking him away from my family. I don't give him time to say anything else, the broken look on my girl's face is enough for me to want to kick his ass. I don't let him make another snarky remark, and violently yank him from Bella's apartment. Charlie begins to cry harder, sensing my anger, and as much as I want to comfort him, I know I have to deal with this first. I don't need another shitty thing happening in my life.

"Hey man, ease up, will you?"

I throw him against the wall and get in his face. I'm not going to assault him, but he needs to know that I'm not going to tolerate him going after my girl. He pales as I lean in, so I'm just a few inches from his face. I want him to fucking smell my anger, and back the hell off.

"Leave her alone, she's _mine._ Whatever you two had is over. So, move on and stop harassing her."

"Fine, man. Just get away from me!"

I back off and he gives me an incredulous stare, as he adjusts the collar of his polo. He seems lost in thought for a moment, as he fixes his appearance, before finally giving me a cruel smirk.

"That girl in there is definitely not the Bella I remember. You should have seen her when she was eighteen. She was such a prude man, it took a few drinks to get her going. She eased up after I broke her in."

My fist smashes against his face before I can even think about what I'm doing. I feel a bone crunch under my knuckles and when I pull my fist back, it's covered with blood. I couldn't stop myself, I just had to wipe that smirk off his fucking face. Blood is dripping down his nose and onto his blue polo. He stares at me in shock, as he covers his nose with one of his hands. _Fuck, I shouldn't have done that._ I'm still fuming as I try to make sense of what this fucker did to my girl. Did he get her drunk and then take her virginity? That thought makes me want to vomit. _How fucking dare he!_

"Leave," I spit out.

"Thanks, man. I get your message loud and clear." He has the audacity to fucking laugh. "Just hear me out. She was a whore then, and she's a whore now. People don't change."

I ram my knee into his crotch and smirk as I see a tear escape his eye. This time, he doesn't smile, he doesn't smirk, instead he holds his balls in his hands and limps away.

"My girlfriend isn't a whore," I snarl at him, wanting nothing more than to kick him while he's fucking down. "Stay away from her. Or you'll have more to worry about than a knee to the groin and a broken nose."

"Fuck you," he spits out before limping down the hallway.

I snort. Is that really all he's got? How pathetic. Seeing him limp away brightens my mood for a bit, but it becomes grim again as soon as I go back to contemplating what he said. Did this guy hurt my girl? I know she said their relationship ended badly, but could there be more to the story that she just doesn't feel comfortable telling me. I don't want to push her to explain something she doesn't want to talk about, but I know it's going to eat at me until I know exactly what happened between the two of them. Knowing that he was the one to 'break her in' not only makes me mad, but it also makes me feel insanely fucking jealous. I know I have a past, and I can't judge my girl for having one as well, but that doesn't mean the truth doesn't hurt. She hasn't met any of the girls I used to fool around with, and I'm sure they wouldn't sit well with her either. Knowing that man had his hands on Bella, makes my skin crawl. He's lucky I didn't do more to him, because I sure as hell wanted to.

I rest against the wall, trying to control my anger before returning to my family. I don't want them to see me like this. My mind is going a mile a minute as I try to control my breathing. I feel the rush that comes with smashing my fist against something. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins. That adrenaline is mixed with anger, which heightens my senses as my mind is filled with images inspired by what he just said. I also feel inferior, that man was my opposite in every way, and Bella used to date him. He's clean-cut, dressed in a wardrobe that probably costs more than my fucking apartment, and doesn't have a bit of ink on his body. Is that the type of man my girl wants? _Why the fuck am I even considering that? Bella's with me!_ I run my bloodied hand through my unruly hair, tugging on it as I try to release some of my built-up tension.

As soon as I'm ready, I return inside, to find my girl worried as she sits on the couch, rocking my crying son. She takes in my appearance, and I suddenly feel fucking ashamed. I shouldn't have allowed myself to lose control like that, but when he uttered those disgusting words, I saw red. I wipe some of Liam's blood onto my shirt and cross the living room to sit next to Bella on the couch.

"He shouldn't be coming back," I quietly say.

She nods, seemingly happy with this information.

"I got here as soon as I could," I say apologetically.

"Thank you. I texted you as soon as he came."

"Did he just barge in here?" I ask, looking around to see if there were any signs of a forced entry.

"Pretty much. He never liked to listen to me."

 _What a domineering asshole._

"What did he say to you?" She asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he must have said something for you to go off on him like that."

I don't want to tell her, because I know how horrible it sounds. "It doesn't matter." I shrug.

"Tell me," she insists.

"Bella," I sigh, feeling tired all of the sudden. "It's not important."

She stiffens at my side. "I didn't know we were keeping secrets from each other now."

"He said," I stop, finding it hard to repeat the words. "He said that you used to be sort of 'prudish' and needed a few drinks in you before you loosened up enough to have sex."

Her entire body tenses up and her beautiful features scrunch in anger.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, as I wrap my arm around her.

She relaxes against my side and shakes her head. We sit in silence for a long time. I move Charlie onto my lap and play with him while Bella sits in a trance at my side. I try to coax her out of it, but I know she needs time to deal with this on her own. Bella looks at my hands, which are both dirty with Liam's blood. My right hand aches for ice and I know my knuckles will be hurting tomorrow.

"Let me wash you up," she says, before walking off to the kitchen.

She returns with a washcloth and a bowl of water in hand and sits down next to me on the couch. She's gentle as she begins to wash my right hand, cleaning it off with a cloth before kissing each finger and dipping my hand into the bowl of water.

"I love you," I whisper, moved by her tenderness.

"I know," she smiles softly. "I love you too."

She moves to work on my left hand, removing the bandages on my fingers before rubbing the blood off with a cloth. The gesture is so relaxing that I don't realize what's done. Once I do, my eyes shoot open and stare at my hand, specifically my ring finger which is now exposed to her gaze. I look at her face, and see that it's too late to hope the tattoo will go unnoticed. She traces the letters with her delicate finger, her brows knitted together in confusion as she stares at her name inked on my skin.

"Edward, what's this?"

 **A/N: Looks like Edward has some explaining to do…can't wait to hear your thoughts!**

 **Song- "Little Black Submarines" by The Black Keys.**


	46. Chapter 46: A Proposal

**Thank you, Sherry and Paige, for getting this chapter done so quickly!**

" _Childhood living is easy to do_

 _The things you wanted I bought them for you_

 _Graceless lady you know who I am_

 _You know I can't let you slide through my hands_

 _Wild horses couldn't drag me away_

 _Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away."_

 _-The Rolling Stones-_

 **EPOV:**

 _Fuck! What the fuck am I supposed to do!_ I can't believe this, I wanted to do something romantic and give her the hearts and flowers she deserves, but my plan is now completely blown. I can't read her face, is she happy, is she pissed, is she wanting to run? My adrenaline spikes and as I wait for a reaction. Her mouth opened in surprise and her face is flushed. _Fuck, I wish I could read her mind!_ Before she can get the chance to freak out, I do what I do best and crash my lips against hers. I don't know what to say or do, so I implement the best idea I have...which is to distract her with my cock.

She kisses me back with just as much vigor. Her soft body writhes against mine and my cock grows uncomfortable in my pants as soon as I hear her beautiful moan. I pull back, remembering where we are, and where my son is. I don't give her time to talk, but instead, jump up to put Charlie in the crib which Bella purchased for her apartment, before returning to the matter at hand. I'll read him two bedtime stories tomorrow night, but daddy just doesn't have time right now. Thankfully, he's already half asleep by the time I tuck him in. I give him a goodnight kiss on the forehead, before returning to my horny girl.

When I make it back to the living room, she looks determined to discuss the tattoo. _This definitely wasn't the way I had things planned in my head._ I cross the room with, what I _hope_ looks like a confident walk, and nearly pounce on her. My lips mold against hers and my hands are all over her breasts, tweaking her nipples through the fabric of her shirt just like I know she likes it. I want my baby nice and wet for me. My tongue traces her plump bottom lip until she opens her mouth and offers me entrance. She tastes salty and so fucking sweet. My hand drifts down her body, until I dip it into the top of her yoga pants and into her panties. She's so fucking wet, and I want to turn her over, yank down those tight, little pants, and fuck her right here on the couch. I would do just that, but I know my baby deserves so much more.

I pull her onto my lap, making sure she's nice and comfortable, before lifting her off the couch and carrying her to the bedroom, my mouth never leaving hers. God, I want her. I've never wanted her more than I do right fucking now. This is the woman I will soon make my wife, and I want to worship every inch of her body. I throw her on the bed and give myself the luxury of looking at her sexy, little body. It seems my tattoo is long forgotten as she stares at my cock, which is throbbing in my pants. I smirk at her, and slowly take off my clothes. I pull off my shirt, kick off my shoes, and slowly pull the zipper of my jeans down to release the beast. Her eyes widen and I nearly bust my nut as she licks her fucking lips. _God, she is so incredibly sexy. How did I get so fucking lucky?_

I pounce on her, kissing her with all the passion I fucking have. My cock is poised at her clothed entrance and I can feel her wetness through the fabric of her yoga pants. I just want to rip them apart so I can bury myself inside of her. I break our kiss, so I can yank off her top. Her tits bounce as I pull her bra away and my lips are wrapped around her nipple before I can even throw her bra on the floor.

"Edward, please!"

I can't deny my girl a thing. I bite down on her pert, little nipple, before pulling away to strip her completely. Her pussy is glistening and her juices are dripping down her thighs by the time I get her completely naked. I move down her body to kiss her, but Bella reaches down and grabs my ass to stop me.

"I need you now!" She demands.

She doesn't have to tell me twice! I'm inside of her tight, wet core in one hard thrust. The way her pussy grips me feels so incredible. Every time I'm inside of her I feel as though I died and went to heaven. I want to take things slow tonight, and show her how much I love her, but with the way she smacks my ass as I thrust into her core, I know she wants it rough. I wrap her legs around my waist and plow into her, watching her tits bounce with each thrust.

"More," she moans, as she plays with her tits.

I release her legs from around my waist, and flip her over so she's on her knees with her ass in the air. I give her little peach tattoo a soft kiss, before lining my cock up with her entrance and thrusting back inside of her. Doggy style has always been one of my favorite positions, and it looks like Bella agrees. She meets me with each thrust, her ass slapping loudly against my thighs. The sounds of our labored breaths, moans, and naked, wet skin slapping together is enough to make me want to come harder than I ever have. I'm so fucking close, so I wrap my hand around Bella and play with her sensitive clit.

"I love you, baby." I moan. "I love you so fucking much!"

"I love you too, Edward. I'm so close."

I can fucking feel how close she is. Her pussy is gripping me so tightly it's almost painful.

"Come for me, beautiful," I demand, putting more pressure on her clit. "I want to feel you come."

I'm about to explode. I smile as I feel Bella's pussy pulse violently around my cock. It feels like she's fucking milking me, and I come with a roar as I grip her hips and thrust erratically into her depths.

I pull out, giving her glistening back a kiss before letting my body hit the mattress so that I'm laying at her side. I kiss every bit of her that I can reach, her neck, her shoulder, the side of her tit. She rewards me with a blissful smile before nestling against my side. I could stay like this forever. We lay together like this for a while, before Bella breaks the silence with the question I've been dreading.

"So, are you going to tell me why you have my name tattooed on your finger?" She asks, inquisitive as ever.

I guess sex didn't distract her like I had hoped. Although I didn't have a proposal planned out yet, I didn't see it going down like this. I know I have to be honest with her. I can't just dance around the subject because I'm feeling so fucking unsure if now's the best time to propose. I kiss her lips, which taste nice and salty after sex, and mentally prepare myself to tell her what I want.

"I'll be right back," I promise.

I slide off the bed and quickly throw on my jeans before leaving the room. If I'm going to propose, I want to do it right. I leave her apartment, and cross the hall to reach mine. I quickly unlock the door and jog to my room to get her engagement ring from my dresser. My hand fucking shakes as I carry it back to her apartment. _Have I ever been this fucking nervous?_

Her eyes widen as she sees me come back with the little black box in my hand. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my fucking nerves. I can't believe I'm doing this! I never imagined this life for myself and I can't believe how happy I am about it. In only my jeans, I drop onto my knee beside the bed and hold the black box in my hand. Her eyes fill with tears, and I fucking pray they are tears of happiness.

"Bella," I begin, my voice shaking with nerves. "Bella, I have loved you since the moment I saw you. Since then, my love for you has grown every single day. You are perfect for me, and you're perfect for Charlie as well. I couldn't ask for a better mom for him." I stop my rambling to take a depth breath, as I feel my eyes grow wet. "You're my best friend and the only woman I could ever want. Bella, will be mine forever? Will you marry me?"

I open the box and present her with the ring, my body shakes as I await her answer. A sob escapes her throat and a beautiful smile appears on her face. She holds out her left hand and nods, as tears trail down her cheeks.

"I love you, baby. Of course, I'll marry you."

My heart feels so full, I think it might erupt. I laugh, as all the tension in my body releases with her answer. _I can't fucking believe it! She agreed to be mine!_ I slide the ring onto her finger, before pulling her off the bed and into my arms. _This girl is mine! This beautiful, intelligent, and talented woman is mine!_ I kiss her, pouring all of my love into it, until she's gasping for air.

I break the kiss as soon as I hear Charlie cry. I smile, wanting him to be part of this perfect moment as well. I give Bella another kiss, before getting up and hurrying out of the room to grab my son. He stops crying as soon as I pick him up and hold him safely in my arms. He smiles as he sees how happy I am.

"Da da!"

"Yeah, buddy. Daddy's really happy."

I kiss every inch of his smiling face before carrying him into Bella's bedroom. She's in a pair of pajamas and is waiting for us on her bed. We join her on the bed, enjoying this quiet moment as a family. She'll soon be my wife and maybe then she can _legally_ become Charlie's mommy. This is more than I could've ever hoped for, especially for a guy like me.

"Are you happy?" I ask, as I lean down to kiss her cheek.

"I'm so happy," she whispers, as she reaches down to tickle Charlie's belly. "I love you, Edward. I can't wait to be your wife."

 _My wife._ No words have ever sounded sweeter.

 **A/N: So…..thoughts?**

 **Song- "Wild Horses" by The Rolling Stones**


	47. Chapter 47:Preparation

**Thanks, Sherry and Paige!**

" _Must be your skin that I'm sinking in_

 _Must be for real cause now I can feel_

 _And I didn't mind_

 _It's not my kind_

 _It's not my time to wonder why_

 _Everything's gone white_

 _And everything's grey_

 _Now you're here now you're away_

 _I don't want this_

 _Remember that_

 _I'll never forget where you're at._

 _Don't let the days go by_

 _Glycerin_

 _Glycerin."_

 _-Bush-_

 **EPOV:**

I was too elated to resist. My dad was the first person I called to share the news with. My body had a mind of its own as I pulled my phone out and dialed his number. Something I've done so many times in the past few months it felt like second nature. Although, now things are different. I haven't contacted him since he'd told me the truth. I've ignored every call and message he'd sent me because I hadn't been ready to speak to him. If it weren't for the distraction of being so completely fucking blissful, I don't know if I would've reached out to him at all.

Saying he was thrilled, would have been a major understatement. His voice trembled as I talked to him, and I knew he was crying. It was odd having such an amazing conversation with him. It felt like I was talking to the man I thought I'd known. As I struggled with my depression, I'd thought of my dad as if he were a complete stranger. He looked like my dad, he talked like my dad, but he didn't feel like my dad. However, when I told him about Bella, it was just like talking to him when he was my good friend.

" _I'm so proud of you son. I can't believe my boy is getting married!"_

I want to smooth things over with him, because I want him to be part of my life. He has his faults, but he is still my father and I still believe he's a good man, despite the bad choices he'd made. I've made horrible decisions, and I can never move on if I continue to center my life around them. I want a relationship with him, and I want a relationship with my real mom. _Esme._ I wonder what she thinks of me. Am I how she envisioned her son? High off the realization that I would soon be Bella's husband, I suggested to my father that we all get together, so I could begin to build a relationship with my mom.

Now, as the day has come, I'm freaking the fuck out. I'd been so sure of myself when I'd set the date, but now that I'm not as distracted as I was a few days ago, I wonder if I made the right decision. Perhaps it's too soon. I don't know if I'm ready to meet her. I couldn't sleep last night, although my body was tired, my mind was wide awake. I slipped out of bed this morning and had three cups of coffee and fantasized about a cigarette before deciding to distract myself by getting ready. I feel fucking uncomfortable as I dress for the day. I feel like a little kid getting dressed for his first day of school, worried that his classmates might not like him. If I'm being honest with myself, I want my mom to like me.

I'm trying to tame my unruly hair when Bella walks into the bathroom and smiles at me as she watches me fuss over my appearance. I fucking blush, and pretend not to give a shit, but it's too late and it's obvious that I do care. I watch her ring sparkle under the bathroom lights, and I calm down. This girl is mine, and if I can win the heart of this beautiful girl, I can do anything.

"Want me to make you some coffee?" She asks, as she walks across the small bathroom to kiss my cheek.

"No, babe. I've had three cups already," I admit with a nervous laugh.

She runs a hand through my hair, before wrapping her arms around my neck. I relax immediately, and lean back against her soft body. I'd planned to do this alone, but I honestly don't know if I could fucking deal with it by myself. Bella and I are a team now, so I want to have her by my side during this.

"If you're free today, would you want to come with me?" I awkwardly ask her, as I break eye contact.

"Of course." She kisses my cheek and holds me tighter. Although I'd never admit it, I really needed to feel her support. "Let me get ready."

Bella strips and jumps in the shower. I reach to open my fly, with every intention of following her, but I hear Charlie cry and my plans are foiled. Bella catches my expression and gives me a sexy wink before jumping in the shower. I adjust myself as I watch the water trickle down her hot body. She looks like a fucking goddess and I still can't believe she's mine. With a sigh, I go attend to Charlie, trying my best to ignore the monster erection in my pants.

Charlie's crying, ready to get out of his crib and stretch his little legs. He smiles as soon as he sees me and I carry him to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. Bella made him some Banana Pops and he's been devouring them. If he didn't love her already, he would definitely love her now due to all the online recipes she's been trying out recently. After he gnaws on the breakfast treat, I bring him into the living room to sit in front of the TV and watch morning cartoons.

I always feel so nostalgic when my old favorites come on. I love watching _Ren & Stimpy_ and _Rocko's Modern Life._ They make me feel like a kid again, and it's incredible getting to share the shows that made me so happy with my son. Charlie is too distracted with me to watch the TV. Now that he can walk, it's all he wants to do. He's amazing at it, just as he's been good at everything.

"Come on buddy! Come to daddy!"

Charlie giggles and claps his hands before bringing his foot forward to take another shaky step.

"Buddy, you're doing amazing! Just a few more steps, you're almost there!"

"Da da!" Charlie squeals, as he takes another step toward me.

He's almost in my arms and I'm so fucking proud of him. I don't know what I'm going to do when my little boy is walking around and talking. It's going to be a fucking trip. Charlie calls my name as he takes the final steps, closing the distance between us. I wrap him in my arms and kiss every inch of his little face.

"You did such a good job! Daddy's so proud of you!"

Bella enters the living room in a casual jean dress and a cardigan. She looks so sweet, innocent, and absolutely beautiful. I just want to bend her over the couch and fuck the shit out of her, before dragging her to my bed and making love to her for hours. She giggles at me, my inner thoughts must be apparent.

"Want me to get Charlie ready?" She asks as she comes to pick him up.

Knowing the lunch with my parents is only an hour away, I need the distraction. "I'll do it babe, just relax." I pick Charlie up and give Bella a quick kiss before going to his room to get him changed.

I want him to look good today and find his very best outfit to wear. I dress him in a black polo and a pair of jeans. Only when I get it on his wiggling body do I notice I'm wearing the exact same thing. I'd originally thought about wearing a long-sleeved shirt to hide my tattoos, but then, I thought 'fuck it' and threw on the polo. I want Esme to know me as the man I truly am, not just something I'm pretending to be.

"Awe, baby. You guys match," Bella coos as I return with Charlie in my arms, dressed and ready to go.

As I grab my keys and get ready to head out, I still can't wrap my head around what I'm about to do. Thank God, I have my family to support me during this time. I'm fucking shaking as I drive to the cafe. Bella reaches her hand over the console and rests it on my thigh, probably sensing my nerves.

"It's going to be fine, Edward," she assures me.

Fuck, I hope she's right.

 **A/N: So, how do you think Edward's meeting with his mom is going to go? Can't wait to hear your thoughts!**

 **I just posted a new Bella POV on my blog. It's chapter 27…so it's a big one** **. The link is in my Facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan) and is also on my profile.**


	48. Chapter 48: Glimpse at the Past

**Thank you, Sherry and Paige, so much! I could don' this without you two.**

" _Nothing left to say_

 _And all I've left to do_

 _Is run away_

 _From you_

 _And she led me on, down_

 _With secrets, I can't keep_

 _Close your eyes and sleep_

 _Don't wait up for me_

 _Hush now don't you speak_

 _To me."_

 _-The Smashing Pumpkins-_

 **EPOV:**

Esme is the first thing I notice. She looks so fucking elegant, with her perfectly styled hair and nice outfit, as she sits next to my dad. It's fucking surreal, seeing her now after discovering the truth. It's like looking at a completely different person. She's no longer some nameless stranger…she's my mom. _My fucking mom!_ God, the thought makes me feel so fucking _young,_ so fucking insecure. Bella tightens her hold on my hand as we walk toward the table in the back corner of the dimly lit café. With Bella at my side and Charlie in my arms, I know I can do this. Their love provides me with a sense of security, calming my body as it runs rampant with nerves.

Dad stands to greet us, but it seems Esme is too overwhelmed to do the same. She gives me a teary-eyed smile and I give her a stiff, awkward one in return before we take our seats. She's silent, as am I, and I wonder if she's nervous as well. I thought I would have been the only one to worry, but my nerves come from an entirely different place.

"Edward," Dad begins, his voice filled with discomfort for Esme and me, "This is Esme Platt…your birth mother."

As Dad begins with the uncomfortable introductions, I realize just how fucking bizarre our situation is. I can't begin to understand how I feel in this moment. He's introducing me to my mother, the woman who should be one of the most important women in my life, and the feelings I expected just don't come. I expected hostility, confusion, or even fucking crippling sadness. However, I feel nothing other than this strange fucking connection to her. A pull between my heart and hers. The sappy thought makes me feel fucking pathetic and uncomfortable, but it's true. She _feels_ like my mother, if that's even possible.

"It's nice to meet you," I tell her, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

I want to fucking scream at her like a teenager to make up for lost time, and yet, I also want to let her hold me like one would a small child, so I'd know that all of this will end up okay in time. None of this happens of course, instead I just remain silent in my seat across from hers, and give her nothing besides a curt nod as my dad continues to talk.

"This is Edward's fiancée, Bella Swan. They're newly engaged," Dad says with a proud smile.

Bella blushes, never liking being the center of attention, although she should be used to it by now, considering how I practically shower her with it. Gazing at my girl takes my mind off things for a fleeting moment. The calm her beautiful face brings is exactly why I brought her today. Nothing can compare to the satisfaction I feel when she smiles. Knowing that she's happy, is an indication that I'm doing something right.

Esme is watching my girl too, with a look of satisfaction on her face. There's an awkward pause, as if she's wondering what to say around me, before she smiles and tells Bella, "It's wonderful to meet you, Bella. Carlisle has told me so many wonderful things about you."

Bella blushes, and is happy to speak up since I'm cerebral and completely fucking lost in thought at her side. I go from being angry at my parents, to being thrilled to fucking have them, to being absolutely, mind-numbingly confused.

"Good things, I hope," Bella says with a pleasant laugh. "I've heard quite a bit about you as well."

Esme pales at this, knowing what could have been said is not all that flattering. However, what could I really say about her which was favorable? I just know her as the woman who left. Dad seems to notice her distress, and quickly shifts the conversation to something less fucking upsetting.

"Why don't you show us the ring Edward picked out. I'm curious to see what my son bought," Dad says, conversationally.

Bella smiles at me, before holding out her left hand to show them the ring. "Isn't it gorgeous, Edward picked it out all by himself."

I'm glad she truly likes the ring. She never really said anything about it and I was a bit worried that she thought my tastes were pretty fucking inferior. I know she deserves more, something sparkly with a nice diamond, but this is all I can afford.

"Well, I had Charlie's help," I joke as I reach down to tickle the little boy who is sitting happily in my lap.

"That's wonderful," Esme quietly says, as she stares at my girl in awe. I look at Esme, as her eyes drop to her lap and a blush warms her cheeks. She seems out of place and uncomfortable, yet, she looks so happy to be here. "I'm thrilled for you two, you're a beautiful couple."

I don't know what to say, it just feels so fucking strange to sit across from her, all things considering. I want to comfort her, for some odd fucking reason, but at the same time I can't bring myself to say anything that could put her at ease. She looks so _young_ and unsure when it comes to dealing with me. It's unnerving to see.

"Thanks, Ms. Platt. I was lucky to find him," Bella says to her with a warm grin.

Ms. Platt sounds fucking strange, but I understand Bella's formality. _What should we be calling her?_ Esme seems too…well, _friendly_ I suppose, and I know I definitely can't bring myself to call her 'mom' just yet. Although, calling her something like 'Ms. Platt' seems too fucking formal, especially considering this is the woman who gave birth to me. Fuck, this whole thing is beginning to make me feel fucking antsy. I just want to run for the door. _God, I feel like a kid and I fucking hate it._ I know Charlie feels the shift in my mood, because he begins to fuss on my lap until I hold him against my chest.

"You can just call me Esme," she finally corrects her. "My mother goes by Ms. Platt," she jokes with a shy smile.

 _Her mother…I have an entire family I fucking know nothing about!_ Not only did I miss growing up with my biological mother, I'd been cut off from an extended family that could have loved me as well. All because my mom left and my dad had decided to fucking lie to me my entire life. I make every effort to forgive them, but it's fucking hard, and the knowledge of everything I missed out on is so fucking upsetting.

"So, have you two thought about setting a date?"

Bella and Esme make small-talk, as I sit back in silence with Charlie in my arms. I don't want to contribute to the conversation, despite wanting to get to know my actual mom. I just thought this would be a lot fucking easier, but instead, seeing her makes me freeze up and I don't know how to talk to her. I have so many questions, but I can't find it in myself to ask them right now. I want answers, I don't want to just play fucking 'catch-up', I want to know why I haven't seen her my entire fucking life. I want to know what made her give me up without a second thought. All my questions burn in my brain, but they don't escape my lips. The shock of seeing her might be too fucking much.

As Bella and Esme talk about random wedding plans, Esme shoots me glances here and there, as if trying to decide what to say to me. It looks like we both suck at communicating when it matters most. What can you really say to the child you abandoned? What can you say to the woman who left you behind? _No wonder we aren't too fucking chatty._ Thank God, I brought Bella along, otherwise we'd just be sitting here, fucking staring at each other, in an awkward silence.

"So, I hear Charlie's birthday is coming up," Esme says, directing her comment at me.

I sit up straighter in my seat and give her a curt nod. "He'll be one this December," I gruffly stated.

Esme gives me a small smile and leans forward in her seat. "He seems like a wonderful baby. You've done a great job with him, Edward."

Her warm smile causes me to feel uncomfortable. My chest feels fucking tight and a feeling I don't want to begin to describe floods my body and overwhelms my senses. Her words make me… _happy._ Happy and fucking confused at the same time. Hearing her praise makes me feel connected to her, although, I don't know her at all.

"Thanks. Charlie's pretty easy to take care of," I awkwardly explain.

Esme looks at Charlie, who is resting in my arms, and tells me, "Well, you make a great father."

I'm not used to being complimented like this. I shift uncomfortably in my seat and utter an awkward 'thank you'. I wish I could say the same, but I wouldn't know how she is as a parent. She must sense my unease, because she gives me a sad, but understanding smile before turning her attention back to my dad.

It feels shitty to not be able to express my emotions, but what can I really say? I don't want to start a fucking awkward conversation over lunch. At least, not with my girl and son here to witness it. Maybe I can try getting to know her as a person before I move on to getting to know her as my mom. Would that make things easier? At this point, I doubt anything would. I need to have a conversation about why she left. Did she leave me right away, or did she have me for a while before handing me over to my dad? She mentioned at Target that she used to read her son _The Giving Tree,_ so I must have stayed with her when I was a baby. Something must have happened to separate us. I couldn't imagine anything that would cause a separation between Charlie and me. Nothing could ever cause me to leave him. I would fight for him every single fucking day. Why didn't Esme fight for me?

My Dad eases the conversation to another safe topic and spends the rest of lunch trying to engage me. I can't blame the man for trying, but I'm not feeling that fucking receptive. Esme smiles at me from time to time, causing me to feel guilty for not trying harder to talk to her. If I did open my mouth, I doubt she'd like what I had to say. I want the truth, not some sugarcoated version I'm sure Esme and my dad would fucking whip up. _They've been lying to me my whole life after all._ I know what I have to do and _who_ I'll have to talk to if I want the facts. Elizabeth wouldn't care enough to spare my feelings. I haven't talked to her since her divorce from my father, and it's caused all of our issues to be completely unresolved. I know if I want to move forward, I'll have to deal with my past. Unfortunately, that means dealing with the woman I spent my entire life calling 'mom'. The fact that my dad allowed that to happen, is reason enough for me to go seek answers from her.

Dad pays for lunch and I'm thrilled it's fucking over. I have so much on my mind and now that I know what I have to do, I want to contact Elizabeth as soon as possible. She was part of all of this and I need to hear her side of the story. Esme walks beside me as we make our way to the parking lot, and I can tell that she is dying to talk to me. _Maybe she and I are more alike than I'd originally thought._

"I would love to see you again, Edward," she says casually, although her words sound loaded as they escape her mouth.

I hesitate for a moment, before agreeing. "That would be cool. I'm free pretty much every weekend, just let me know a good time." God, I sound so fucking young whenever I talk to her.

"Next weekend would be good." She smiles at me. "We can grab a bite to eat and talk." She stops talking to stare at me, as if taking in my appearance for the first time.

"What?" I prompt.

"Nothing," she shakes her head with a wistful look in her eye. "It's just the last time I looked at my son, he was just a little baby. When I ran into you at Target, I had no idea who you were. I've been imagining your face ever since."

I give her an uncomfortable nod and slide my hands into my front pockets, leaning back against the car as Bella gets Charlie strapped into his car seat. "Well, everyone grows up. Do I look the way you imagined I would?" I just had to ask.

I expected her to say no. I doubt she pictured her little baby would grow up to become the man I am now. So, I'm shocked to watch her nod her head with a teary-eyed grin.

"You're exactly like I imagined."

I don't know if it's her voice, or her comforting words, but my entire body relaxes against my car. I always thought people liked me _despite_ my appearance, but Esme seems as if she would like me no matter what I looked like. She's so fucking different than the motherly figure I'm accustomed to, that I don't know how to respond.

"Am I what you imagined?" She quietly asks.

I think for a moment, because I never had the chance to imagine anything as a child because Elizabeth was all I knew. Finally, I answer her, with the only response I know how to give.

"You're what I pictured, Esme," I say, because she seems like what a mother ought to be.

She smiles and I smile back. The world seems to come to a halt as I experience my first _moment_ with my mom.

"Before you go, I have something to give you," she tells me as she fishes through her purse.

She hands me a photograph and takes a step back, giving me one last smile as she says, "I wanted you to have this. It's one of our first memories together. I stared at that photograph every day, but now I want you to have it."

She smiles, and hesitates for a moment, as if she was deciding on whether or not to embrace me, before giving me an awkward, but hopeful 'goodbye' before taking my dad's hand.

"Love you, son," he smiles, before he and my mom walk to his car.

I look down at the photograph and feel fucking lost. My eyes fill with tears and my heart constricts until it becomes fucking unbearable. It's my mom and me. She's sitting in a rocking chair by a large window, with me in her arms. I'm so little, I barely recognize myself. I trace her beautiful face with my finger, staring at the small photograph until it becomes wet with the few tears I shed. She looks so young here and so happy. Yet, there is something about her eyes, this melancholy look that makes me so fucking sad. I'm smiling in the photo, my little head nestled against her chest. As I stare at the picture I think, _this is what love looks like._ Is this how I look when I hold Charlie in my arms? I'm quietly fucking sobbing, with the photo in my shaking hand, as Bella comes to me.

"Edward? Baby, what is it?" She asks, in her soothing voice.

I hand her the photograph and put my face in my hands, trying to get fucking control of myself. I don't know why I'm crying. It's like the floodgates fucking opened, and all my emotions came pouring out. I feel embarrassed, but at the same time I feel fucking relieved. I needed to cry, I needed to feel something other than numbness.

"This is beautiful Edward," she muses as she stares at the picture. "You were such a cute little baby," she teases me, causing me to smile.

My crying has ceased, and I wrap my arm around my girl to bring her against my side. I inhale her scent and allow it to calm me.

"We can get a nice frame for this," she suggests as she wipes my tears off the picture.

I nod, liking the sound of that. Bella helps me into the passenger seat, because after today, I'm fucking useless. I look at the photo as we drive home. As I stare at her face, and then mine, I wonder what could have happened to cause our separation. _She looked like she loved me._ Emotion like that can't be faked. What would make her give me up? I hold onto the picture, as I rest my eyes, imagining what the few months of my life were like when I was with her.

 **A/N: So, no huge revelations yet. None of them were ready quite yet. Also, the photograph I talk about at the end was inspired by a manip I saw online. I posted it to my Facebook group The Highlander Princess's Clan.**

 **Song- "Soma" by The Smashing Pumpkins. The entire Siamese Dream album is one of my favorites.**


	49. Chapter 49: Good Riddance

**First, I have to thank Paige and Sherry for all of your help on this chapter. Second, I would like to thank all of you wonderful readers…thanks for your support on this story. It's still so overwhelming.**

" _Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road_

 _Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go_

 _So, make the best of this test, and don't ask why_

 _It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time._

 _It's something unpredictable, but in the end, it's right_

 _I hope you had the time of your life."_

 _-Green Day-_

 **EPOV:**

Elizabeth is exactly as I remembered her. I'm not sure why I had thought she would be any different. I suppose since my Dad's revelation, I imagined walking into my old house and finding a different woman entirely. Nevertheless, she's the same, though her face looks a tad tighter and more lifted than the last time I saw her. I suppose the divorce settlement has afforded her more trips to the doctor.

I want to be fucking snide with her, because of everything she's done, but when I see the woman before me, I can't bring myself to do it. She has nothing left. My dad has left her and her only son died. Sure, she has her shallow group of friends, but they all have lives and families of their own. Although Elizabeth looks calm and put together on the outside, her entire fucking life has imploded. How can I treat her like shit after all that?

"Elizabeth," I greet, before taking a seat in a chair across from her.

This is the first time I've called her by her name and not by the title 'mom'. She doesn't seem disturbed by this in the slightest. She takes a long drink of Pinot Grigio before addressing me.

"So, you want to hear all about your dad's little girlfriend?" She asks coldly as she swirls the contents of her glass around, before taking another sip.

This can't be her first glass. _I can't believe she's fucking doing this when she knew I was coming over._ I keep my mouth shut though, and tell myself to just be nice to her. She _is_ doing me a giant fucking favor after all. At first, I didn't think she was going to meet with me at all. I honestly think she only agreed to this meeting because she was looking forward to bashing my dad.

"Well," I pause, trying to find the right words to say. "I just wanted to hear the story from your perspective. I don't want it sugarcoated or anything like that. I just want the truth."

I know her side of the story will be biased of course, but I also know that she won't worry about hurting my feelings by telling me the whole story from her point-of-view. She hasn't spared my feelings before this, so fuck me if she has a change of heart now.

"Well, your father had an affair while I busy taking care of our son," she spits out before taking another drink.

He told me she was out of town, not that it fucking matters. However, this is her side of the story, so this is how she viewed the situation.

"He told me the affair only lasted a weekend, was that the truth?"

Elizabeth is silent for a moment. She finishes off her glass of wine and stares off into space. Her face mirrors the conflict that must be brewing inside of her. Suddenly, I wonder if I should trust her story at all. _Fuck, what can I trust anymore?_ I've been lied to so long I can barely fucking see straight.

"He said it was a weekend, but who can tell with that man. If a man's morals are loose enough to cheat, what makes you think he isn't capable of lying as well?"

He did lie to me my entire life. Lying by omission is just as fucking bad as telling me a lie every single fucking day. He had ample time to tell me the truth, despite how horrific the truth allegedly is.

"I don't know, Elizabeth," I say, my voice already filled with resignation. "Did it feel like he was telling you the truth?"

"He was, but he didn't leave her because of his feelings for me. She was married and her husband came back. What kind of woman cheats on her husband while he is deployed? Anyway, that's the sort of woman your father seems to find attractive."

Despite the bitchiness in her tone, I can hear the pain in her voice. I've never seen my mom— _Elizabeth—_ I correct myself, act this way. She's always so composed, artificial even, I've never seen her face show any true emotion. Even at Seth's funeral, she didn't shed a tear. I knew she was hurting, I could see it on her face, but she didn't cry. I hadn't cried either for that matter, because all I felt was fucking anger. Dad cried though, he cried so much it hurt to watch. Elizabeth had acted strange that entire day, which was to be expected considering Seth was dead, but some of her odd behavior just stuck with me.

That day I was so distressed and so fucking angry. And _on top of that_ I was getting to know my new son. I hadn't been focused on how I looked or what I was wearing. Who the fuck would care anyway? I was at my brother's funeral, how composed did someone expect me to be? Elizabeth saw my appearance and was horrified. _"Are you really going to wear those shoes,"_ she'd said, referring to my converse. She had me change into a borrowed shirt from my father and a pair of shoes I hadn't worn in years, because they were my best. I'd been so fucking baffled. Seth was dead and she was worried about our family's appearance.

Even now, as I sit across from her watching her sad face as if it were a fucking exhibit, I wonder where her feelings are stemming from. Is she upset that she lost my father? Is she upset because the man she loved cheated on her? Or is she just upset about how his affair made her look? I don't know if I'm being negative and judgmental, but she hasn't given me any reason to feel otherwise.

"Apparently, she was an old girlfriend of his. His parents had loved her until she left Carlisle and married someone else. Of course, I stuck by your father but they never showed me the same respect," Elizabeth says, completely miffed.

So, she was an old girlfriend. Had he always been in love with her, even when he chose Elizabeth? Why hadn't my mom waited for my dad to return from school, why would she move on with her life? Every answer I get seems to raise more fucking questions.

"Mom," I begin, before quickly shutting my mouth. Should I call her 'mom' anymore? God, I don't fucking know anything at this point. Sure, she was shitty to me, but at least she was fucking there. "Elizabeth," I finally try again, "why did you take care of me? Why would you allow me to call you 'mom' knowing I wasn't yours?" My eyes water as the question leaves my lips. Is it possible that she ever fucking loved me? Or had I been unlovable from the very beginning.

"What was I supposed to do?" She asks, her voice hoarse. "Do you have any idea what it's like? I had a constant reminder of my husband's infidelity staring me in the face. When we took you in, I made him promise me to not fucking say that woman's name. I wanted no part of her in this house. You needed someplace to live and your father talked me into allowing you to become part of our family. I allowed it, but only under my conditions."

 _Did you love me?_ I want to ask. _Did you ever fucking love me?_ I can't find the courage to utter the words, but with a trembling lip and a clenched jaw, I'm certain Elizabeth can read my thoughts by looking at my face.

"I tried, Edward."

"Did she not want me?" I quietly ask, not trusting my own voice.

Elizabeth's face softens. "I wouldn't know."

"Did she try to contact you after she left?" I press.

"I think she tried to contact your father, but her husband put a stop to that," she says with a hint of a smile.

Elizabeth stares off into space, deep in thought, and the small smile fades to a blank face. I can understand her conditions, she was hurt and didn't want my father's 'mistress' lurking around. I lean back against my chair and close my eyes, enjoying the sound of silence as I try to decipher what the fuck I'm feeling. I feel _lost,_ so incredibly lost that I no longer know myself. How can I go about understanding my emotions if I feel like I'm looking at a fucking stranger every time I look at my reflection in the mirror? Carlisle supposedly had my best interest at heart when he took me in, but what he did was fuck me up beyond measure. Now, I doubt everything and constantly wonder who I truly am. I hope that during my search for the truth, I'm able to gain my confidence and identity back.

"How old was I when you got me?" I want to know how much time I spent with my biological mom. How old was I when she abandoned me?

"You were ten months old. We had to convince Seth that a stork dropped you off on our doorstep," she states with a mirthless laugh. "Luckily, he wasn't old enough to know better."

My mom missed my first birthday. That thought is so fucking depressing. Especially since I'm so close to celebrating my son's first. I wish I could remember my time with her as a baby, I wish I knew what type of mother she had been before she gave me up.

"So, she dropped me off and then moved away?"

"Carlisle went to get you. You weren't in the best shape so he had taken time off work to care for you, while I tended to my son."

 _What the fuck?_ I wasn't in the best shape? I feel my brows knit together in confusion and my jaw clench as I try to let her words fucking sink in. Was I malnourished or some shit like that? What can you possibly do to harm a baby? What kind of monster could do something so fucking vile?

"I don't know the whole story, Edward," Elizabeth says dismissively, obviously fucking bored of the conversation. "You had a normal childhood, despite it all. I took care of you because your bastard of a father always had to work."

"Thank you," I say quietly, my mind still reeling from the new information.

"It's fine, Edward. I'm not a monster," she says, laughing at what seems to her to be a preposterous idea.

I'd never been close to Elizabeth, but she could have been far worse than she was. She was self-centered, self-serving, passive aggressive, and fucking bitchy at times, but she never abused me. She just treated me like a terrible step-child, which now makes sense. When I was growing up, I'd thought that she gave every Disney villain a run for their fucking money. Now, I wonder if I was too harsh on her. She didn't have a happy marriage and she cared for a child that was a product of her husband's affair. I don't see us becoming close, but the revelation does put Elizabeth in a different light.

We're silent for a while. Elizabeth starts on her second glass of wine since my arrival and I sit back, my mind blank. We've never been ones for small-talk, at least, not with each other. I lean forward and run my hand through my hair, tugging on it and smiling at the small relief the pain provides.

"How are you doing?" I ask her. She's lost my brother and now my father as well, I couldn't imagine the pain she must be going through.

She shrugs her shoulders and takes a gulp of her drink. "I've been better, Edward."

She looks tired all of a sudden and I can tell she wants me gone. This is the longest she's ever spoken to me, and I'm honestly surprised she didn't throw me out earlier. I get up to leave, and take one look back before exiting the room. I say goodbye to the mother I once thought I had. I don't know if I feel relief, but whatever I feel is so bittersweet it makes my stomach turn. I've always hated goodbyes. Whenever you look back on the past, you forget about the horrible, wretched, and fucking miserable times, and focus on the positives. That's what makes saying goodbye so fucking tough, even with Elizabeth. You walk away, knowing that this chapter of your life is now over, and no matter if you revisit it or not, it will never be the same.

"Goodbye, Elizabeth," I say, as I gaze at her sitting on her favorite chair in the living room all by herself.

She turns to me, and with a sad smile she says, "Goodbye, Edward."

The words hang in the air and make my chest tighten. This is it. The quietness grows uncomfortable and I give Elizabeth one last look. She has dropped her eyes back to the floor and is sipping on her drink in silence. The sound of the clock ticking is the only thing that fills the room. I take a deep breath, and turn on my heel and walk toward the door. _Goodbye, Elizabeth_ I say to myself, before I finally exit my old house, with no intention of ever returning.

 **A/N: So, what do you think of this last glimpse of Elizabeth? This chapter actually had me tearing up for some reason. I don't know why, because I definitely hated Elizabeth just as much as you guys.**

 **Song- "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day.**


	50. Chapter 50

**Thanks Sherry and Paige!**

" _There is whisky in the water_

 _And there is death upon the vine_

 _There is fear in the eyes of your father_

 _And there is 'Yours' and there is 'Mine'_

 _There is a desert veiled in pavement_

 _And there's a city of seven hills_

 _And all our debris flows to the ocean_

 _To meet again, I hope it will."_

 _-Death Cab for Cutie-_

"Baby, just distract me," I all but fucking beg, as I pull her shorts down her perfect legs.

I can feel her rolling her eyes at me. I know she wants to talk about all the shit that's happened, but I don't feel like talking. I've talked enough today and I just want to lose myself inside of her body. Although she's hesitant at first, as soon as I slide my finger into her wet pussy, any complaint ceases to exist. Fuck, I love the velvet feel of her pussy as it wraps around my finger. She's tight, wet, and just what I needed. Her back arches off the bed and a beautiful moan escapes her lips as I lower my mouth to her wet lips, licking her clit until she screams.

My cock is rock hard and desperate for her. After the emotional day I've had, closing the door on a prominent part of my past, I just want to fuck Bella until I forget everything. As soon as I feel her come on my tongue, I put on a condom and line my cock up with her entrance. I was inside her with one hard thrust. Tonight, I can't restrain myself. Tonight, I just need to fuck. I begin to thrust into her at an unrelenting pace, fucking her into the mattress as she grabs my ass and begs me to fuck her even harder.

I flip her over and smack her ass before thrusting my cock back inside of her tight, wet pussy. She loves this just as much as I do. She bounces her ass against me, meeting me with each thrust. The sound of our wet flesh smacking together brings an euphoric smile to my face. All the tension from the day is completely gone, as I near my release.

"Are you close, my dirty girl?" I ask, between gasps for air.

"Yes, Edward!" She cries out. "Harder, baby. I'm going to come!"

I slam my cock into her and smack her perfect, heart-shaped ass. She stills and lets out a shudder before coming violently around my cock. She feels so fucking perfect. I pull out, yank off the condom, and pump myself until I find my release. My cum covers her ass, and I can't help myself, as I smear it all of the curve of her ass with my softening cock.

"I love you so much, Bella," I hear myself say, before falling on the bed beside her.

She smiles at me, and rests her head on my chest, running her hand up and down my body as we lay in a comfortable silence. I feel so much better. Sex with my beautiful girlfriend was just what I needed.

"Did everything go okay? You haven't said much since you got home?"

She's right, I hadn't been really in the mood to talk when I returned home from Elizabeth's. Not only did I say goodbye to the woman I had believed to be my mother for over twenty fucking years, but I also said goodbye to the house I'd grown-up in with Seth. Elizabeth was granted the home in the divorce settlement, and now that I've had my closure with her, God knows I'm not going back there. I returned home by the time dinner was ready, ate and fed Charlie, before I ended up sitting in front of the TV for a few hours. I watched some mind-numbing entertainment, before Bella put Charlie to bed and insisted that I talk to her.

Of course, I didn't want to talk about what happened then, but now that I'm sated and still high from my orgasm, I don't mind opening my mouth. Fuck it, what was there really to talk about? I said goodbye to Elizabeth, found out a few things about me as a baby, and fucking left.

"It was fine," I finally say. "I got the closure I needed, I guess."

"That's good, baby," Bella says, seeming to be happy that I've finally started to talk.

I'm silent for a moment, before finally continuing. "She told me I was ten months old when she and my dad took me in."

Bella's eyes widen at this, and she sits up so she can look at me. She takes in my expression and asks, "How do you feel about that?" I have to smirk, because she sounds like my psychologist all a sudden.

"I don't know. I guess I figured she must have had me for a bit," I shrug, feeling as fucking uncomfortable as I usually do.

"Did she explain why they took you in at all?" Bella asks, as she plays with my hair in an effort to comfort me.

"Well, not really. I honestly didn't press her as hard as I fucking could've. She did say that I wasn't in good shape when they got me."

I'm quiet as I think about what this could possibly fucking mean. I would've asked Elizabeth, but she never really cared about anything that hadn't directly affected her. I'll ask Esme, because next time I see her I intend to get my fucking answers. I'm not going to let fear control my life. My mind would've been at ease right now if I would have spoken up sooner.

"You weren't in good shape?" Bella asks quietly, as if she was saying it to herself. "Do you think you were abused?"

"By Esme?" I ask incredulously. I don't know her well, but she doesn't strike me as the type of woman who would be abusive. "I don't think so."

"Maybe by her husband? Has your father told you anything about him?"

I rub my hands over my face and groan. I don't want to fucking think about this shit. I've always hated confrontation for exactly this reason. I don't like to face up to shit I wish I could know nothing about. "I have no idea. All my dad said was that Esme and her husband had gotten married while my dad was away at college. Her husband was in the army or something like that so they would move around constantly. He died last year and that's pretty much all I know about him."

Could her husband be the reason she gave me to my dad? If her husband was so fucking terrible, why didn't she leave him? That's the fucking million-dollar question. I'm sure she had at least one person in her life who could have supported and helped her. Hell, they have battered women's shelters for fuck's sake. Why didn't she just escape and go there? Did she really think she was giving me a 'better life' by giving me to my dad and his wife to raise? I suppose she was young, and I'm sure in retrospect, she views this situation very differently, but hell, that doesn't make the current situation any fucking better.

"Well, when you see your mother you'll get your answers," Bella assures me.

I nod. "I know I will. It'll just be her and I, so I know I won't pussy out like last time."

Bella grimaces, and I smirk, despite my shitty mood. She fucking hates when I say things like 'pussy out'. _"Pussies are a lot stronger than balls, Edward. Pussies can take a pounding."_ Comments like that always make me smile, hell, Bella can always make me smile, no matter what she says or does.

"You'll be fine, I know you will."

Fuck, I hope so. If I want answers, I have to ask for them. My meeting with Esme couldn't come soon enough.

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The week flew by. With my work, my family, and the shit I've had on my mind, the weekend hit faster than I was ready for. It's Friday night and I plan to meet with Esme tomorrow. This time, I'll meet her alone. I need to take control of this situation before it takes control of me. I've been so determined to hash things out, that it's all I've thought about all week. Even now, as I sit at the dinner table with my family, I play through scenarios in my head.

"Edward, you're missing Charlie's mouth," Bella says with a quiet giggle, bringing me back to reality.

"Da da," Charlie squeals, clapping his hands together.

His bib is covered in food and bits of bananas are all over his cheeks. "Fuck!" I cringe. _Fuck, you can't cuss in front of your baby Cullen! What if that's his next word?_ I quickly grab a napkin to wipe up my mess, as Charlie laughs as if I were the most hysterical man alive.

"Is daddy funny?" I question, as I finish cleaning him up.

"Da da," he answers with a laugh.

I chuckle as well and lift him out of his highchair, wanting to hold him in my arms as he finishes up. I help him eat the last of his fruit and veggies while Bella talks about a party her sister is throwing. Apparently, Alice loves to throw a big party and always goes all out when it comes to hosting one. I'm sure her sister's parties are nothing like the ones I'm accustomed to. Seth and I threw tons of parties when we were in high school, but we never focused on the food, décor, or any shit like that. I usually just focused on the amount of alcohol and pot we could get our hands on.

"So, what do you think?" Bella asks, before noticing I'd been completely zoned out.

"Fuck, babe. I'm sorry. What did you say?" I give her a sheepish smile in hopes it will keep her from chewing my ear off.

She rolls her eyes and continues, "It's my dad's 60th birthday party at the end of the month. He's not going to be able to fly in for Thanksgiving, so it's a big deal."

 _Fuck! That is just what I need right now._ I want to meet Bella's dad, I truly do, but right now is not the best time. Hell, I'm all over the place emotionally. Should I really be meeting anyone's parents at a time like this? Let alone, the dad of the one girl I love more than absolutely anything. I can't mess this up, like I've messed up so much in my life. I really want her dad to like me. I know I look fucking rough at first, but I hope that her dad is the sort of man to see past that stuff.

"He'll like you Edward," Bella says, answering my thoughts with a reassuring smile.

I nod, still unconvinced. "What's his name?"

"Charlie," she tells me with a giggle.

"You're kidding?" I laugh.

"Nope," she says, popping the 'p.' "You could call him Charles, but he just says that makes him feel older."

I laugh and look down at my son. "Buddy, it looks like you're sharing a name with your future grandpa."

Charlie laughs at this, although he has no idea what I'm saying.

"He'll love Charlie, I know that. He loves babies, although he won't admit it."

I chuckle. "Well, at least there's that."

The phone rings, interrupting our conversation. No one ever calls my apartment. If it weren't for work and Charlie, I wouldn't have even bothered with a landline. It must be my dad, because he's the only one who's ever used it.

"I'll get it," I say, as I give my happy little boy to Bella.

I hurry to the phone and I'm surprised when I find that I don't recognize the number. I pick it up and answer, "Edward Cullen."

There's a pause on the line and I wonder for a moment if I should just hang up. Before I can speak again, a feminine voice comes through the other line.

"Hello." There's a pause. "It's Esme. I just wanted to call and make sure we're still getting together tomorrow. I wasn't sure if you received the directions to my apartment from your father."

"Yep," I answer, trying not to fucking stutter. Why does this always happen when I talk to her? "Dad sent me your address and I'm still good to come over."

There's another awkward pause. "Well, that's wonderful. I'm looking forward to it."

"I am too," I answer without hesitation.

There's another pause and I can tell she wants to say more, but she doesn't. "Well, I'll let you get back to your evening. I'll see you tomorrow, Edward."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Esme." _I'll see you tomorrow, Mom._

 **A/N: Finally, we'll be hearing Esme's story next chapter!**

 **Song- "Black Sun" by Death Cab for Cutie.**


	51. Chapter 51: Esme's Story

**The story you guys have been waiting for…**

 **Thanks Sherry and Paige!**

" _And when I see you_

 _I really see you upside down_

 _But my brain knows better_

 _It picks you up and turns you around_

 _Turns you around, turns you around_

 _If you feel discouraged_

 _When there's a lack of color here_

 _Please don't worry lover_

 _It's really bursting at the seams_

 _From absorbing everything, the spectrum's A to Z."_

 _-Death Cab for Cutie-_

 **EPOV:**

"I know what you must think of me," Esme says, with an open posture and a facial expression that indicates she means to hold nothing back.

I haven't been here long, and I'm happy to find that Esme wasn't going to beat around the bush. We had enough small-talk during our last meeting, and I'm not prepared for more today. I need to hear what the fuck happened and I can't let the mystery weigh on me a second longer.

Think of her? What do I think of her? How the hell could I know what to think? So many thoughts swim around in my mind, one contradicting the next. One second I pity her for the abuse I believe she suffered, and the next I'm angry at her for leaving me behind. She can't possibly know what I think of her, because I don't know myself.

"I didn't want to leave you, Edward. I swear I didn't." She gives me a sad smile, her eyes looking very tired all of a sudden. "I was just so young…I was in such a bad place. Nothing I could ever say will excuse my behavior, excuse the mistakes I've made. I just wanted to tell you everything, so you would know the truth. Then you could decide whether or not you could find it in your heart to forgive me."

Forgiveness always feels like it's so much for a person to ask for. We always seek it from others after we've fucked up, but when someone asks us to forgive, suddenly it feels like an impossible task. It goes to show how fucking strong my dad must be, considering everything he has forgiven me for in the past. I take a deep breath, and nod, telling her to go ahead and continue.

"I met my husband when I was waiting tables to pay for school. Your father had been accepted to a school out of state and wanted me to go with him. My family couldn't afford it, so I stayed behind to go to a community college in the city. Your father wanted us to stay together, but I couldn't stand the separation. I was rather codependent back then, as much as I hate to admit it, and I always worried that he would find a girl better suited for him. We came from families with very different backgrounds, but when you're young like we were, that sort of thing never matters. I suppose it's why we romanticize high school sweethearts. When you're that young, you don't care about money, status, or success in life. All you care about is each other.

Anyway, I met Charles when I was working and on a break from my relationship with your father. There's no denying it, Charles was very charming when we first met. He knew just what to say and just what to do to make me feel special. He came with a family that also struggled with money and was working his way through college. He won my heart easily, and I think that it was because I had been so utterly depressed at the time. I ate up everything he told me and before I knew it, with the encouragement from my parents, I was a married woman. As soon as we married, Charles changed. It was just little things at first. When we were dating he was always charming, kind, and gentle. Never did he raise his voice, and we hadn't fought. However, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, he started acting different. He would get mad at the smallest things and alienated me from my friends and family. We had been married almost a year when your father returned. I suppose he discovered the news and went straight back to Boston. I was so disappointed, because despite it all, I still loved him." She pauses to gather her thoughts and with a shaky breath she continues, "Looking back, I'm so ashamed of myself. I should have waited for your father, but I'd been young and stupid. There are so many things I wish I hadn't done, but it's too late to change any of it now.

Your father graduated and returned to Washington married and with a child on the way. Just as he returned, Charles was relocated to Austin, Texas and we left straight away. We stayed in Texas for a few years and that's when the abuse started. It wasn't too bad at first and every time he hit me, he would apologize right away. His whole demeanor would change and he would morph back into the man I fell in love with. I was so stupid and every time he told me he would never strike me again, I would always believe him. One night, he came home drunk and I ended up in the hospital with thirty stitches. You'd think I would have left, but I didn't. We moved to Colorado and things got better and a year later we went back to Washington.

That's when I found your father again. We became friends again and we both connected just as we had years before. The spark was still there, and it was as if we'd never left one another. We were both unhappily married, although neither one of us admitted it. When my husband was deployed and Elizabeth was out of town, we had a short affair. Your brother, Seth, had been with his grandparents at the time, and Carlisle had his house all to himself. As terrible as it might sound, I loved every second of it. Until then, I hadn't realized what I was missing. I couldn't leave my husband, because he had threatened me so many times before I knew better than to consider that. So, I just pretended. For that one weekend, I pretended that Carlisle and I were the only people in the universe."

Esme pauses, and seems to be lost in her own thoughts with a pleasant smile on her face. It's the first time she has truly smiled since my arrival, and it makes her look so young, like a young dreamer with the whole world ahead of her. So, her husband had abused her and my dad was a means of escape. I'll never understand what it's like to be physically abused by someone you loved, so I can't judge her decision to stay. I know that abusers are fucking manipulators, playing with their victim's mind like a fucking psychopath.

Knowing that her husband raised a hand to her makes me want to fucking punch something, just to release the anger that's boiling inside of me. How the fuck could anyone hurt someone like Esme? She has this sweet innocence about her. It's painful to think about and I fucking wish I could've been there to defend her. _Despite the fact that I hadn't been born yet, of course._ Esme finally comes back to reality and smiles at me before continuing her story.

"That's when you were conceived. I knew that your father and I couldn't be together. I didn't want to be the type of woman to tear apart someone's family, and I told him that. He had a little boy who meant everything to him, and he was a wonderful father. I didn't want to ruin that. So, we stayed good friends during my pregnancy. My husband was stationed hours away from me by plane and your father would visit me every time his wife was busy. He helped me through my pregnancy and was there whenever he could be. He was so excited for you, Edward. Your father named you and everything."

I had been wondering about my father's role in everything. When I heard what Elizabeth said, I assumed he hadn't known about me or anything like that. Knowing that he _had_ …well, I don't even know what to feel. _I was wanted. Despite being an accident, they'd both wanted me._ They had both loved me.

"Charles returned to Washington to find me with you in my arms. I had made up an elaborate story, saying that you belonged to my sister. Abigail had always been extremely irresponsible, so it wasn't hard to believe my story. She had given birth to a little girl when she was fifteen and it was taken away a year later. Charles knew this, so he claimed to believe you were her son. Although, there were times when he would look at you and me together, and I swore he knew deep down that you were my child.

We were safe for a while, but Charles started drinking again and would get violent with me. I tried to protect you, but I knew it wouldn't last forever. I allowed him to take all of his anger out on me so he wouldn't get to you. At first, I thought he wouldn't hurt you because you were just a little baby," she stops, and a sob escapes her lips.

My heart breaks for her as I watch the tears begin to fall from her eyes. I move from my seat in the chair across from her, to sit beside her on the couch. My body moves on its own accord, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders to pull her against my chest. It's the first time I realize how small my mom is. Her five foot frame shakes against me and I hold her until she regains control.

"I wanted to be your mom so bad, Edward," she says with a quivering breath.

"You are my mom," I tell her, hoping that she'll find comfort in my words, but instead they make her cry harder.

"One night I had fallen asleep early and I didn't hear him come home," she takes a breath, and closes her eyes as she continues. "Your cries woke me up and I rushed to stop him. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't woken up." Another tear slips down her cheek. "I took you in my arms to make sure you were still breathing, and as soon as I felt your little breath against my cheek, I knew I still had a chance to make things right." She reaches up and puts her hand on her cheek, cradling her face as she says, "I can still feel your little, warm breath now. It's one of the memories which has stuck with me after all these years."

She smiles at me and I bend down to kiss her cheek. I don't think anymore, I only feel as I absorb this information. I want to protect her now, and I fucking hope it makes a difference. We need each other now. We're both broken in our own ways and we've finally found each other. When my emotions do come back, I feel so fucking angry at this man that no longer fucking exists. He's dead and I hope his death was a fucking painful one. I hope he got what he fucking deserved. How could my mom have put up with him for so many fucking years? I might have been a kid, but I would have fucking protected her from anything. _I wish he were alive so I could kill him all over again._

"I beat him until he was unconscious. I never knew how to fight, but when you threaten a woman's child, it just comes naturally, I suppose. I called Carlisle and then called the police. He was livid when he arrived and I convinced him to take you with him. I knew I couldn't protect you anymore. Carlisle left with you, but before he went, he begged me to go with him. I was so messed up, Edward. I barely knew myself and I couldn't understand how deep Charles's hooks were in me." She gasps for air and puts her head in her hands. "I didn't even press charges," she cries, unable to control herself.

I feel my own tears begin to fall as I watch her. _This man ruined her._ I honestly can't believe that after all these years, she's even here to tell this story. She's survived so much and still appears to be so loving and so fucking kind. I'm proud of her. She made mistakes and overcame them…just like I have. There's a bond between us now, and I honestly can't fucking believe it. I thought I would hate her, I thought I wouldn't be able to forgive her, _but I do_.

"I understand, Esme." I stop to wipe away a tear. "I understand, mom. You did all that you could."

Mom stiffens beside me and sits up to look in my eyes. I called her _mom_ and I'm just now realizing it. She _is_ my mom. We're both so flawed and yet, strong enough to become better.

"I always wanted to reach out to you. Every birthday I would send you a card, but I knew you would never see them. When Carlisle adopted you, his wife, Elizabeth, had made him promise to cut all ties from me. I wanted you to have a safe home and I was so happy Carlisle managed to get her to agree to take you in at all. I agreed to her terms and Carlisle promised to always take care of you. Losing you was devastating, but I knew that it was what was best for you. I did visit you once before I left. You were completely healed and playing with your new brother, Seth. It was nice to hear you laugh again and I was able to leave knowing that you would have a better future than anything I could have given you."

My heart breaks for her. I couldn't imagine leaving Charlie. God, just the thought of losing him makes me want to fucking breakdown. He's so fucking precious to me; he's the center of my universe. However, if I knew it was for the best, I would let him go to give him a better life. If I ever thought for a second, that I truly could not care for him, I would give him to someone who could. Although, I love him so much it hurts and I know that I will give him an amazing life. Every decision I make, I do with him in mind. I work hard for him every day, just so I can give him everything he could possibly need. And soon, the most amazing woman in the world will be his mother. Bella loves him just as much as I do.

"I love you, mom," I say, because it feels natural to do so. "I don't know you well and we have a lot of catching up to do," I continue, stumbling through my words.

Her eyes fill with tears and she cries again. Although this time, they aren't tears of sadness, they are tears of joy.

"Edward, I love you too. I've loved you every day, even when I wasn't here to tell you that. Carlisle would send me all your school pictures and they kept me going, when nothing else did."

"Why'd you stay with him, mom?" I just can't understand. How fucking deep were his fucking claws?

"I did at first, then I got away for a while. I stayed with my mom and various friends when he was away. We were still legally married, but I stayed safely out of his grasp. When he finally died, I was so…relieved. I didn't have to fear him anymore. I returned to Washington in hopes of finding you as soon as I could manage."

 _She came to me as soon as she could._

"How did he die?" The morbid part of me wants to know.

"He died in a car accident," she says quietly. "He rear-ended a tractor trailer and was decapitated."

I want to say what most people would say in this situation, _"God, that's so horrible!"_ Instead, I remain silent. I don't feel horror at all. If I feel anything it's satisfaction knowing that he's gone.

"I'm glad he's gone too," Mom says, as if hearing my thoughts. "Although, I wish he hadn't met such a terrible fate. It was such a horrific way to go."

The way she says this, makes me think she's lying. Although, I don't say anything. We sit in silence for a while, my arm wrapped comfortably around her narrow shoulders. It feels natural and like we're making up for lost time.

"Where do we go from here?" I finally ask.

Esme shrugs her shoulders, seeming exhausted after her giant revelation. "I guess we just continue on, as mother and son. At least, I hope we can do that. I know there's so much to forgive, but I want more than anything to have a relationship with you."

I want that as well. Although I'll never fucking admit it out loud, I've always wanted a mom who loved me. I've always wanted that sort of relationship. It was so hard growing up, watching my brother receive so much love from Elizabeth, while I was a fucking outcast. It makes sense now, and I can understand why Elizabeth couldn't love me. That doesn't erase the years of hurt I had to endure. I guess I can relate to my mom's abuse in that way. Elizabeth had been rotten toward me, practically fucking emotionally abusing me for years, and I continued to want to forgive her and brush it under the rug. Elizabeth had her moments when she was nice enough, so I thought that everything would get better. I never would say Elizabeth was _truly_ abusive, at least it didn't feel that way to me, but I can still understand the psychology behind staying with an abuser, regardless.

"I want that as well, mom."

"Carlisle was right about you," she tells me.

"What do you mean?"

"You are pretty incredible. Carlisle used to always say that. Every time he would send me your school picture he would write, 'Our son is pretty incredible, Esme.' And you are."

My brows knit together in confusion. _I can't believe my dad wrote that about me_. I was such a little shit growing up. Nevertheless, his remark makes me grin.

" _Our son is pretty incredible."_

Thanks, dad.

 **A/N: So…what do you guys think of Esme? Please review, I'm really looking forward to hearing what you guys have to say!**

 **Song- "A Lack of Color" by Death Cab for Cutie.**


	52. Chapter 52: Opening Up

**Thanks Sherry and Paige! Any mistakes are my own.**

" _How many special people change?_

 _How many lives are living strange?_

 _Where were you while we were getting high?_

 _Slowly walking down the hall_

 _Faster than a cannonball_

 _Where were you while we were getting high?_

 _Someday you will find me_

 _Caught beneath the landslide._

 _In a champagne supernova in the sky."_

 _-Oasis-_

 **EPOV:**

I returned home to find Bella curled up on the couch with a cup of tea in one hand, and Charlie in the other. He's asleep, his head resting on her tits, with a smile on his face. _No wonder you're fucking happy, son. That's daddy's favorite spot too._ Bella gives me a worried smile as soon as I walk through the door. She probably expects the fucking worst, and I don't blame her. While the meeting went incredibly well, and while I 'm beginning to form a relationship with my biological mom, there's still some serious shit to discuss. Some serious shit I don't really want to think about.

"How'd it go?" Bella asks, her soft voice filled with hesitation.

I shrug my shoulders and give her a small, reassuring smile. "It went better than I thought."

Bella smiles at this and I join her on the couch, careful not to wake Charlie in the process.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She's not pushy, but I know she's curious. Who wouldn't be considering the circumstances? Fuck, where do I begin? There's so much shit to say. So much information I was given in such a short amount of time. I learned all about my dad's love for another woman, the man who abused said woman for years, and the abuse I endured before I was given to my dad to take care of. Fuck, it's so much to take in.

"Why don't you put Charlie in his crib and then we can talk about it," I say quietly, before getting up and going to the kitchen to get something to drink.

I can't help it, but the thought of a nice cold beer crosses my mind. After the day I've had, and the emotional roller coaster I've been on, I could definitely use one. However, my house is completely dry of course, so I grab a Pepsi and pretend it has a similar effect.

Bella is quick to get Charlie ready and in bed, and seems eager to hear the whole story. I wish I was as eager to fucking tell her. Despite how painful the story is, I want to have someone to confide in outside my mom. Bella is my partner in everything, so I can't keep anything from her. It'd just feel wrong, because she always wants to carry the weight of my pain with me. Sometimes I can't fathom why, but I know it's because she loves me. Fuck, this girl loved me even when I couldn't love myself.

"Do you want to sit down?" I awkwardly suggest, pointing toward the kitchen table.

She shakes her head and gives me a small, comforting smile. "Why don't we sit on the couch? It'll be a lot more comfortable?"

I let her take my hand and pull me into the living room. Although I'm happy with how things went with my mom—thrilled even—the disturbing parts of her tale still fucking weigh on me. All I can think is, thank fuck she woke up in time to save me. I could have been dead if she hadn't. What a sorry excuse for a man her husband was. I'm so fucking thankful that he is dead. However, I wish he were still alive just so I could beat the shit out of him, just as he had me.

"Tell me whatever you want to," Bella says as she reaches out to take my hand in hers. "You don't have to talk about anything you're uncomfortable with."

The whole story comes out of my mouth as soon as I open it. I don't hold anything back, and tell her exactly what my mom told me. I tell her about my dad's relationship with her in high school and how college broke them up. I talk about her abusive husband and then her affair with my dad while he was married with a son. Finally, I tell her what caused my mom to give me up. Bella's eyes fill with tears and even as they spill down her flushed cheeks, she doesn't interrupt me. As soon as the story is off my chest, I can finally breath. I let my body relax against the couch and Bella curls up against my side.

"I can't believe someone would hurt a little baby," she says, before sobbing against my chest.

I hold her as she cries and tears prick my eyes as well. Thank fuck, I can't remember those days. Knowing someone did that to me makes me so fucking angry, and so fucking sad at the same time. I couldn't even imagine what I'd do if I saw someone hurting Charlie in any way. Scratch that, I do know what I'd do. I would fucking kill that person. Who the hell could hurt a baby? What kind of monster fucking does that? A defenseless baby who did nothing to you.

"I can't believe it either," I respond in a shaky voice. "I wish he were still alive so I could beat the shit out of him."

"Oh, Edward," she cries, wiping her tears away with my shirt. "How could anyone want to hurt you? I just don't understand."

"Hush," I say, as I hold her face between my hands, as if she were the most precious thing in the world. _Which, to me, she is._ "Don't cry for me. I don't need your pity. All of that is over and done with."

I rub her back and try my best to comfort her, while she tries _her_ best to comfort me. We hold each other as if we were grasping onto a life raft while being in the thrashing waters of the ocean during a horrible fucking storm. I guess I really needed to cry, because before I knew it, I was sobbing against her hair as she did the same against my chest.

"Thank God, she woke up, Edward," Bella says, as soon as her crying has calmed down. "If she hadn't…" she trails off with a shiver. "God, I don't even want to think about what would've happened if she didn't wake up and save you. I don't want to even think of anything bad happening to you."

I smile at her, though she is blurry through my tears. I pull her close and kiss her. Her lips always taste so good after she's been crying. They taste salty and feel so incredibly soft. I kiss her until my body relaxes and I only pull away when I need to breathe.

"Don't worry, baby. I can defend myself now," I tell her, trying to be reassuring.

"I just couldn't imagine it," she muses. "Waking up to find someone attacking your baby. God, I couldn't even imagine what I would do. I feel like my body would take over and I'd attack the man with all the strength I had. I can't believe your mom did that, because she's such a small woman."

I laugh, my mom is tiny, but seems that she's also fucking fierce. "I've heard of women lifting up cars to save their baby."

"I know your mom would do anything to save you," Bella smiles.

"She did. She gave me to my dad when she couldn't care for me anymore."

"Did she say why she hadn't contacted you for so many years?"

"Elizabeth wanted her out of their lives completely. Which, I guess I can understand, all things considered."

"It must have been very painful for everyone involved," Bella agrees.

"At least she's back in my life now."

"Your mom's lucky to have you, Edward."

I nod my head, although it's still hard to believe that any parent would want to have me.

"I'm going to have to thank her," Bella quietly says.

"What for?"

"For saving your life. I don't know where I'd be in this world without you."

 **A/N: He really needed his girl after our last chapter.**

 **Also, I hadn't realized how many Charles there are in Twilight! Charlie is Bella's dad (of course) and Charles (Evenson) is Esme's ex-husband. I suppose it was poor planning on my part to name the baby Charlie as well…but it was such a cute name for a baby. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know it's just a coincidence and that's pretty much it. Sorry it's confusing.**

 **Song- "Champagne Supernova" by Oasis.**


	53. Chapter 53: Looking Ahead

**This story would be nowhere without my wonderful betas, Sherry and Paige! Thank you, guys!**

" _You must treat your lover girl right_

 _If you wanna make lover's rock_

 _You must know a place you can kiss_

 _To make lover's rock"_

 _-The Clash-_

 **EPOV:**

I've never felt so at peace before. It truly feels as if everything in my life is just as it's supposed to be. I have my parents, my _real_ mom who loves me, my beautiful fiancée, and my incredible son who grows even more amazing every day. Everything feels _right_ and I finally feel as though I truly know myself. _I'm Edward Cullen, son of Carlisle Cullen and Esme Platt, future husband of Bella Swan, and father to Charlie Cullen._ Meeting with my mom has given me this incredible surge of confidence all because she loved me.

I always thought that I had to work for everyone's love. I believed that because I was a major fuck-up, that it caused me to work harder than most to earn someone's affections or even their friendship. However, now that I have time to really fucking think about it, maybe that isn't true. Esme's immediate love caused me to think about my other relationships, which made me realize how many people _did_ love me…or at least fucking care about me. I'd always brushed shit off and told myself people only loved me because they _had_ to, or I even told myself they had shit taste when it came to people. I don't know why I did that to myself, or to them for that matter. I'd dismissed their love because I felt unworthy, or some shit like that. Although, when I think of it, there are so many people who actually _do_ love me. At least, a lot by my standards.

Charlie loved me the moment I was introduced to him. Back then, I told myself it was because he was a baby who didn't know better, but now that I think of it, he didn't _have_ to love me, but he did. Bella instantly became my friend, and it hadn't taken long for us to fall in love. I thought our relationship was pure luck, and I'd always worried that one day she would come to her senses and leave me. However, Bella loved me more than I ever thought possible. My dad has loved me before I was even born, and no number of fuck-ups has changed that. Esme— _my mom—_ has loved me unconditionally for all these years. I can't believe I've lived for so many years thinking I was completely fucking unlovable.

With my newfound confidence, I feel like a better fiancé and father. I feel more open and self-assured, and it's made everything in my life so much better. _I'm finally able to start loving myself._ I hadn't fucking realized until now, how my self-hatred has affected my relationships. I couldn't love anyone as much as they deserved because I didn't fucking love myself. I'm nowhere near perfect, but I know I'm getting better. Now, I can truly be fucking happy.

I've spent my whole fucking day at work with a giant grin on my face. I can't wipe it off and it makes my cheeks ache. My positive attitude must be contagious, because all the guys are fucking happy too. I grab a bite to eat with my co-workers because I'm feeling more social than usual and even picked up a bouquet of roses for my girl on my way home. Bella does a double-take when she sees me walk through the door with the flowers and a shit-eating grin on my face. _Was I really that fucking brooding before?_ She always seems so shocked to see me smiling that I wonder if I'd been moping around like an emo teenager.

"Hey, baby!" I kick the front door shut and cross the room to wrap my arms around her curvy frame.

God, I want her right now. _Fuck, the things I could do to her._ Her body feels so fucking amazing in my hands and I want to rip her clothes off, bend her over the couch, and fuck her until she can barely walk. The thought makes my cock hard and I have to reach down to adjust myself through my jeans. I can't help but rub my erection against her stomach in the process. She's just so fucking hot, how can I resist?

"Da da!" Charlie squeals.

The voice of my little boy is like a bucket of cold water and I stare down at my little cockblocker as he tugs on my pant leg. His smile is infectious and I give Bella a quick kiss before handing her the bouquet and reaching for my son.

"He's been missing you all day," Bella tells me with a smile, before going to the kitchen to retrieve a vase.

As she digs around my kitchen cabinets to find one, a thought hits me that I don't know why I hadn't considered sooner. Why the fuck don't we live together? We've dated long enough and we're engaged for fuck's sake. So why the fuck are we still living separately? I suppose I've just had a ton of shit on my mind and since she's over here so much, it's like she already lives here. Bella finally finds the one vase I have, which was a gift for Elizabeth that she ended up not wanting, and fills it with water.

"I was thinking," I awkwardly begin as I walk into the kitchen, bouncing Charlie in my arms. "I was thinking, maybe…if you want, you could move in with me. Or I could move in with you? I don't know, but I think it would be cool to live together. I know we're neighbors right now…but, I'd love it if you moved in." I stop, finally tired of stammering like a lovesick idiot.

Her eyes are wide and I can't tell what the fuck she is thinking. Is she happy with my proposal? I mean, why wouldn't she be? _We're engaged after all._

"I'd love that," she finally says, with a reassuring smile. "Actually, I was thinking, we could get a house nearby. There's a few available in my sister's neighborhood that are reasonably priced. I could afford it with my salary alone, so I know that we would have more than enough money. It's just a thought, but I think we could be really happy there."

Fuck, I've never considered getting a house. However, the idea of having a house with a wife and son, does sound pretty incredible. The thought of buying a home always felt so fucking permanent. I suppose it's because the amount of money I made, it fucking would be. I'd be paying off a home into my fucking sixties. Besides that, I never liked a place enough to stay for very long. I was always moving from place to place because I couldn't fucking commit to anything. However, I could commit to one place for the rest of my life if it meant I would be with Bella.

"We can check them out," I say, as soon as I'm finished mulling it over.

"What is it?" She asks, sensing my tension.

"It's nothing," I say with a chuckle. "I just never thought I would be a homeowner."

"Well, there's no rush," she tells me. "My lease is up at the end of the year, so we have another month and a half to consider it."

"That sounds great," I honestly say.

It _does_ sound great. Hell, if she could afford it by herself, that makes me feel a hell of a lot better.

"There is one I do like," she continues to say. "It's a one story with a nice basement. It has three bedrooms, so Charlie can have his pick."

 _Three bedrooms…_ I wonder if Bella wants another baby. God, my stomach drops at the thought. I'm sure she can see the fear on my face, because she starts to giggle. It's not that I don't want a baby with Bella, because I do, just not right now. Hell, if I didn't have Charlie already, I'm not sure if I'd want a baby at all. Charlie's just so awesome, that he managed to change my mind. The thought of Bella pregnant doesn't turn my stomach or any shit like that, it just makes me incredibly nervous.

"Breathe, Edward," Bella giggles. She places the trimmed roses in the vase before crossing the room to give me a reassuring kiss.

"Do you want more kids?" I ask. I can hear my voice fucking shake as the question leaves my mouth.

She gives me a small smile and says, "Well, I always thought about having one or two."

 _One or two!_ Fuck, could I really manage to be a dad to a bunch of kids?

"Two…including Charlie?" I stutter.

A teasing grin appears on her face and she says, "Well, I was thinking two children in addition to Charlie."

Fuck, I feel like I'm going to pass out.

"Not now of course." She chuckles. "I'm just talking about in the future." I still look horrified so she adds. "In the very distant future."

"Until then we can just practice," I say with a very relieved laugh.

"You're right, Charlie is good practice."

"Well, that's not exactly what I meant," I say with a smirk.

Her eyes widen with realization and I can't help but give her a wink. "We can practice making that baby tonight if you want," I casually suggest, trying hard to keep the smirk off my face.

She giggles and smacks my shoulder, which causes Charlie to giggle as well. "God, Edward. You're always horny," she teases me.

"Well, I have a beautiful fiancée. So, I can't exactly help it."

Bella smiles at my compliment and rises to her tiptoes to press her lips against mine. I don't get to kiss her for long, before Charlie whines and grabs at my face until I finally end the kiss. He's holding onto my cheek and giving me a look that says, _"What the fuck, dad! Pay attention to me! I'm cuter than her."_ I roll my eyes at him and he giggles at me. I give his forehead a kiss, which is enough to satisfy his need for attention for now.

"It will be nice to give Charlie a big bedroom filled with tons of toys and books," I say as I stare at my son.

I can imagine it now. My little boy running around the house and playing in a big backyard. Maybe the extra room could allow us to get a dog for Charlie as well. Just thinking about it all puts a fucking grin on my face. I can give my son more than I ever imagined I could in the past.

"That would be nice," Bella says softly, as she watches us.

I can't believe this. I'm a father, I'm getting married, and I'm possibly buying a home. It's everything I never thought I wanted, and yet, now that I have it I couldn't be happier.

 **A/N: Awe, isn't he cute when he's not sad? Please review**

 **Song- "Lover's Rock" by The Clash.**


	54. Chapter 54: Family Time

**Thanks to my betas, Sherry and Paige!**

" _I was tied, but now unbound_

 _My head is off the ground_

 _For a long time, I was so weary_

 _Tired of the sound, I've heard before_

 _The gnawing of the night time at the door_

 _Haunted by the things I've made_

 _Stuck between the burning light and the dust shade_

 _I said now I used to think the past was dead and gone_

 _But I was wrong, so wrong, whatever makes you blind_

 _Must make you strong, make you strong_

 _In my time, I've melted into many forms_

 _From the day that I was born, I know that there's no place to hide_

 _Stuck between the burning shade and the fading light._

 _I was broken, for a long time, but it's over now."_

 _-Marcus Foster-_

 **EPOV:**

"Come on, Charlie. Let daddy get you ready to see your nana."

Charlie splashes the water around him and giggles. He loves being in the water and with his collection of rubber duckies I couldn't help but buy for him. He moves around so much though, it's so hard to fucking wash him. I don't know how Bella manages to bathe him so quickly.

"Charlie, come on buddy," I practically fucking plead as I begin to wash his hair.

"No!" He exclaims with a giggle.

I sit back on my feet and stare at him. _Fucking great, his new word is fucking 'no'._ Of course, he thinks it's fucking hilarious, because he can't stop giggling and clapping his hands. He laughs until he begins to hiccup and then I laugh too, because he has to be the cutest thing I've ever seen. _And this is coming from a man that doesn't use the word 'cute' very often._

"What did you say, buddy?"

"Da da!"

I laugh and reach down to tickle his little belly.

"No!" He finally squeals.

"Bella," I call out with a laugh. "You've got to come hear our son's newest word."

She walks into the bathroom, still clad in her pajamas and her beautiful face without a trace of makeup. _God, she's so beautiful like this._ I stare at her for a moment, completely dazed like I usually am when I see her, before closing my mouth, so I'm not gaping at her like a fucking fish.

"You've got to hear his new word," I say again, before reaching down to tickle my son's belly.

"No!" He squeals again, as he smiles at me.

"Oh, no." Bella giggles, before joining me on the floor next to the bathtub. "He's going to be saying that all of the time now."

"It's sort of cute," I chuckle, although I very much wish his new word could have been fucking 'yes'.

Thank God, I don't cuss around him. How fucking embarrassing would that be? I could only imagine the look on someone's face if they heard my little baby say 'fuck'. It's his daddy's favorite word, but he won't be saying it until he's eighteen. _God, I'm so fucking overprotective already._

"Hurry up!" Bella laughs and smacks my butt, before standing by the tub. "I need to take my shower and get ready if we're going to make it to your dad's apartment on time."

I love it when she gets all demanding with me. It's so fucking hot.

"I can help clean you up as well. You know, to make things go faster."

"There's an idea, champ," she teases, before retreating to the kitchen to finish up her tea.

I quickly finish up Charlie's bath and give him a minute or two to play with the bubbles before I pull the plug. As much as I want Bella's naked, wet body pressed against mine, I can't take away some of Charlie's playtime. I get him nice and dry and dress him in a nice outfit Bella bought him before taking him into the living room and settling him in his baby gym in front of the TV. He loves playing in it every morning as he watches cartoons, and I love it just as much because I know he's safe while I go about getting ready myself. I flip on the morning cartoons on Cartoon Network, before seeking my girl out.

Bella's cleaning up in the kitchen, so she doesn't see me coming. She gasps as I put my arms around her waist and pull her against my body, whispering in her ear, "Let me get you all cleaned up."

She giggles and turns to look at me. "Yes, Daddy," she teases, making me so fucking hard.

Unable to contain myself, and knowing if it were up to me I'd pull her pajama pants down and fuck her on the kitchen island. I quickly pull her out of the kitchen and down the hallway toward the bathroom before I can act on my impulses. I start the shower and practically rip off her favorite pajamas, before stripping as fast as I can. I push her under the water and take a minute to appreciate how hot she looks as her tits glisten under the stream of water. My cock twitches at the sight and I jump into the shower, rubbing my erection against her soft and perky ass. She moans as I bite on her shoulder, and practically screams as my fingers find her clit. Fuck, I want her so bad I can't wait.

"Do you want me to fuck you, baby?" I ask, as I begin to bend her over.

"Yes," she moans. I barely give her time to utter the word before I have her completely bent over with my cock inside of her.

I know I have to make this quick, so I put everything I have into fucking her. My thrusts are harsh, but restrained because we don't have much room in my cramped shower. With her hands shaking on the edge of the tub and her head thrashing around, I know she loves it and she's so fucking close. Seeing her so fucking wild has me close as well. I still can't believe this beautiful, sexy woman is all mine. I play with her clit and run my fingers up and down her perfect, little folds until I feel her begin to shatter around me.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful, baby," I moan. "Come for me, I want to feel you come around my cock."

She moans my name before her pussy pulses around me, its tight muscles gripping my cock and pulling it deeper inside of her. As much as I want to come inside her warm, perfect pussy, I'm not wearing a condom. I pull my cock out and pump it in my hand until my come shoots out all over her perfect ass. Seeing her covered in my come is the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen. _I would love to cover her entire body in my come if I could._ Just so I could mark her as mine and cover her with my scent. _Fuck, I'm territorial._

"Let me wash you up now," I say, grabbing a bottle of her body wash.

I want my hands all over her slick body. She allows me to give every inch of her body a nice cleaning, before she does the same to mine. The water becomes cold, killing my erection, but I can't help but keep her under the stream a little longer so I can suck on her nipples, which taste just as fucking great as they look.

After our twenty-minute shower, we quickly get ready, feeling guilty for leaving Charlie on his own for so long. Thankfully, he's perfectly happy and still playing in his baby gym by the time we reach him. I don't know what I'm going to do when he can talk and walk around, because he's not going to be as easy to entertain.

We're a half hour late by the time we arrive at my dad's apartment. He smirks as soon as he sees the sated looks on Bella's and my face. My mom is standing at his side, and now that I'm seeing them together while I'm in a better mood, I have to admit that they are a beautiful couple. They look so happy together. My dad looks so fucking happy and more relaxed than I ever saw him with Elizabeth. _It's nice to see._

"Bella, it's so nice to see you again," mom gushes, as she holds her arms out to greet her with a warm hug.

Bella seems surprised at first, but she is more than happy to embrace my mom. Charlie is smiling and reaching his arms out to the two women to be included in the hug as well. Bella sees him out of the corner of her eye and smiles at him.

"I think Charlie wants a hug as well," Bella says happily, as she takes Charlie from me.

Mom's face lights up as Bella passes Charlie off to her. This is the first time she has gotten to hold him. Her eyes quickly fill with tears and her smile is brighter than I've ever seen as she holds my son against her chest. Charlie seems just as happy. He smiles at her and runs a chubby hand through her hair, before trying to stuff it into his mouth. Mom laughs and pulls her hair away, before giving him a small kiss on his forehead.

I step forward, and stare down at my happy, little son. "This is your nana, buddy," I tell him with a content smile.

I know she isn't _technically_ his grandmother, but she's going to play a prominent role in his life. Charlie is now my son, and because of that, Esme will be his nana. She has such a warmth about her, and is so loving already. She has shown me more love than Elizabeth ever did. In just the few minutes she has been with Charlie, she has shown him so much tenderness.

"Hello, Charlie," Esme coos as she rocks him in her arms.

"No," he responds with a giggle.

"That's his new word, as of today," I explain with a laugh.

"Well, that's going to be fun," she giggles. "He's such a cute baby. You were just as happy and giggly when you were little, Edward."

I smile awkwardly and stick my hands in my front pockets of my jeans. I wish I had some sort of memory of the time I was with my mom. It sucks I had to leave her at such an early age. Maybe I can ask her about photos or videos of us together. I'm sure she must have something like that. I know I have a shit ton of pictures and videos of Charlie on my phone. I always feel the need to document everything he does. I just don't want to miss anything and end up fucking regretting it.

"Well, do you guys want to head inside? We have lunch prepared?" Dad moves out of the way and ushers us inside his apartment.

It's definitely a lot fucking bigger than the one he rented for a few months while the divorce was being finalized. That one had been almost depressing, this apartment on the other hand, looked like a fucking bachelor pad. Yet, it had so much attention to detail, I knew my mother must have had a hand in decorating the place. It has a huge TV, leather couches, and even fucking foot rests.

"The place looks great, dad."

He smiles at me and gives us a brief tour of the apartment. It's so much bigger than mine. I honestly didn't know apartments could look like this.

"This is so awesome, dad. Do you plan on living here for a while?" I ask, wondering if he intended to move in with my mom.

"Well, for now." He shrugs. "I was thinking a house would be nice in the future."

"Bella and I are going to look at houses soon." My words fly out of my mouth before I can stop myself.

His eyes widen, before a giant smile lights up his face. "That's great, son!" Dad says as he slaps me affectionately on the back. "Where were you thinking about moving to?"

"Well, there was a house we were thinking about checking out," Bella pipes in. "It's nearby. My sister lives in the neighborhood, so I thought it would be perfect."

Dad smiles at me. "Look at you! Getting married and settling down. I'm so happy for you two kids."

I always thought marrying and settling down would be absolutely fucking terrifying. However, it's anything but. Bella makes everything fucking blissful.

"I can't believe it," I chuckle. "I'll have to have a party when we get the new house."

"So, you'll get the house before you get married?" He asks, without judgment in his tone.

"Well, her lease is up in a month, and I know we won't be able to plan a wedding that soon," I laugh. _She wants a big wedding…. doesn't she? Isn't that what all chicks want?_

"We have our whole lives to plan," Bella says, throwing me a wink.

"That's so wonderful," Mom chimes in. "I can't wait to see you getting married," she tells me with a shy smile.

My marriage will be the first major milestone in my life, and my mom will be there to experience it, which will make it that much more special. Fuck, come to think of it, I would get married tomorrow if I could. However, I don't want to rush this. I want my wedding with Bella to be fucking perfect. Just imagining her dressed in all white, walking down the aisle toward me, so I can make her mine forever…Fuck, it just makes my heart jump in my chest, making me feel like a teenage girl and not a grown ass man.

"I'm pretty excited," I tell my mom, as dad ushers us back toward the small dining room.

"Well, Bella, if you need help with anything you just let me know," Esme says with a motherly smile.

Suddenly, my heart sinks. This is going to be so fucking hard for Bella. Planning her wedding without her mom by her side. I know her mom died a long time ago, but times like this must open all those old wounds. Thank fuck, my mom can be there for her. Not that Bella couldn't do it on her own, and I know she has a sister as well, but I know the difference a 'mom' presence can make.

"Well, we have a while to think about all that. We haven't been engaged for very long," Bella says with a smile, as we sit down to eat.

Lunch flies by. I bring mom up to date on everything going on with Bella, Charlie, and myself. After all the talking she did the last time we were together, she seems relieved to just sit back and listen to me. Bella seems to take to her right away and their conversation seems so fucking effortless. I grin as I watch them, because I've really wanted them to have a good relationship.

We leave with the promise of getting together again soon. Lunch was wonderful, but fucking strange at the same time. _We felt like a real family._ A normal family sharing a meal together. It's something I hadn't envied in the past, but that's only because I didn't know what the fuck I was missing. This is the life I never knew I wanted, but now that I'm living it, I realize I never experienced true happiness before.

Before we leave, dad runs to his car, and returns to me with a folder filled with—what looks to be—stacks of papers and old envelopes. I give him a confused look, but I can tell he doesn't want to explain here.

He pats me on the shoulder and says, "Read these when you get home. They're important and I know they'll explain a lot."

"Sure thing," I say, as I take a quick peek at the large stack of papers inside.

Could this lead to another glimpse of my past?

 **A/N: So, what do you guys think? Please review?**

 **Song- "I Was Broken" by Marcus Foster, from his album** _ **Nameless Path.**_


	55. Chapter 55: You'll Be in My Heart

**Thank you, Sherry and Paige, for being such wonderful betas** **.**

" _When you're weary_

 _Feeling small_

 _When tears are in your eyes_

 _I will dry them all_

 _I'm on your side_

 _When times get rough_

 _And friends just can't be found_

 _Like a bridge over troubled water_

 _I will lay me down_

 _Like a bridge over troubled water_

 _I will lay me down."_

 _-Simon & Garfunkel-_

 **EPOV:**

I've stared at the fucking thing for what feels like hours. Why do I feel such trepidation every time I'm faced with another piece to the puzzle that is my fucked-up life? A sardonic smile appears on my face at the thought. I suppose I'm just worried because every time I get some new information, I know I won't be able to go back to that time where I was happy not knowing. My eyes remain on the folder as I move forward to finally open it. However, before I do, I take a minute to enjoy the sliver of blissful ignorance I've been hanging onto like a fucking life preserver. Shit in my life is finally working out, I don't want glimpses of my past to fuck that up.

"Fuck it," I murmur. _Famous last words._

I flip open the folder on my lap and find crumpled up letters, dating back from the late eighties. Some are cards, some look like letters, some look so creased and worn down by time, that I wonder if the writing is still legible. I flip through the cards, trying to decipher the dates on each envelope. I find one envelope that looks to be dated from July 1989. The ink is smudged and the envelope looks as though it's been opened and closed countless times. Curiosity finally gets the better of me, and I dump the contents of the envelope out onto my lap.

The letter is so fucking wrinkled, I have to take a moment to smooth it out to the best of my ability. Fuck, the ink is smudged beyond belief. I bring it to my face and try to decipher what it says. Jesus, how many times did my dad fucking read this letter?

 _August 7, 1989_

 _Carlisle,_

 _I can't believe we are having a son. I can't stop looking at his picture. He's so beautiful and I love him so much already. If only you were here to see, my house is filled to the brim with different baby books. I want this pregnancy to be perfect._

 _After my miscarriage, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to get pregnant again. So, this little boy is my miracle. I still feel paranoid at times, and at night I wish you were here to comfort me. Charles will be across the ocean for the rest of the year and I'm glad he's gone. For the sake of our baby, and for my own sake as well. I think my miscarriage broke him. His attitude confuses me. He was never there for me during my first pregnancy, but perhaps I don't understand the way my husband's mind works._

 _You have already done so much more than he did. You haven't missed a doctor's appointment, you listened to me when I needed your support, and even purchased toys and books, although our son won't be here for another six months. Your eagerness has always made me laugh. I'm happy to see you love him just as much as I do._

 _I am still pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. In only six short months, we'll have our little boy. I'll be dreaming of him until that time comes._

 _Yours,_

 _Esme._

I didn't know she had a miscarriage. A humorless chuckle escapes my lips and I run a hand through my unruly hair. I don't know much about her in general. Who the fuck am I kidding? I read over the letter again, and my heart swells as I realize that, although I was an obvious accident, both my parents wanted me. That knowledge means so fucking much to me. As a product of an affair, I'm so fucking lucky my dad didn't just push me under the rug, like so many people do with their dirty laundry. He was there for me when it would've been easier for him to run in the other fucking direction.

I set the letter down and find the small ultrasound picture that must have accompanied it. It's dark and fucking blurry, but I can make out the various shapes that must be me. _I look like a fucking alien._ The picture is worn, especially around the corners where it looks like it has been held many times. I wonder if my mom would stare at this picture when I was no longer with her. The thought of her staring at this all by herself breaks my fucking heart. My mom and dad were fucking adults who knew exactly what they were getting into, nonetheless, that doesn't mean their situation wasn't fucking painful. They knew their actions had consequences, but I know full well that you don't always think of the consequences of your actions before you make a decision. Hell, if I'd cared about the consequences of my actions, I wouldn't be in fucking AA. I can't say I regret my mistakes though, because I'm so fucking content with how my life is today.

I set the ultrasound picture aside and dig for another letter. I come across a fat envelope that gets my attention. It doesn't have any markings on it besides the date _January 21, 1990._ I open it up to find a stack of photos that I've never seen before. The first few are of my mom, lying on a hospital bed, looking worn out, yet lovely. There's something in her eyes, a sadness perhaps or a feeling I just can't describe. I trace her face with my finger, before moving on to the next photo. My breath catches in my throat and my hand can barely keep steady as I bring the photo closer to my face for a better look. It's of us. I'm so fucking little and I'm crying as I'm curled up against her chest. She's fucking glowing, with her cheek pressed against my bald, little head. My body feels heavy all a sudden, and my eyes itch with tears as I move to the next photograph. This time, I'm dressed with a blue beanie on my head. Mom is holding me and smiles proudly at the camera. Seeing these photos is so fucking overwhelming. I'm getting a glimpse of the crucial bits of my life I fucking missed. It's not like I would have remembered this shit anyway, even if my life had been 'normal', but it's nice to finally see the first moments my mom and I had together.

The next photo shocks me. It's my dad holding me in the hospital. I'd no idea he came to see me when I was born _. I wonder how he managed to swing that._ He looks as if he just came from work, with his suit on and his tie loosened around his neck. He's holding me in his arms and smiling down at me. He looks so fucking happy in the picture. He must have really wanted me, despite the shitty circumstances. There's a few more photos of him holding me and those photos tug on my heart in a way I don't want to fucking admit. It's just so fucking touching. I wish I had a photo of Charlie and I when he was born and still in the hospital. I could've if I'd had my fucking act together at the time. I'd been too strung out and without a dollar to my name at the time, and I regret that so fucking much. Self-medicating caused me to miss out on so much.

Pushing those unpleasant thoughts aside, I slide the photos back into the envelope and move on to another one. I select one from February 1990 and open it up. There's another picture in this one. This time, it's mom and me at home. _I wonder who took it._ She's in a dress and has me in her arms, as we sit in a rocking chair by the window. I'm still so fucking little, and while my face is half hidden because I'm nestled against her chest, I can still see that my eyes are closed and I'm smiling. I grin and set the photo on the table away from everything else, to keep it safe. I pull out the letter and read.

 _Carlisle,_

 _He's getting so big already. My perfect little boy. He rarely cries and he smiles all of the time. I don't know what I did to deserve a baby like him. He's such an easy-going little boy, with such a good nature. I just want to spend every single second with him. I'm afraid if I close my eyes for a nanosecond, I'll miss something really important. Like a new smile, a new expression, or a new movement of his little body. I want to be there to witness everything._

 _Thank you for dropping by when you can. Edward loves it when you're here, but I understand you can't be here all the time. This is the last thing I wanted for us. I hate the thought of living a double life, but we both are. I regret so much, Carlisle. I regret moving on because I was insecure and easily persuaded. I regret not divorcing my husband as soon as you returned. I regret breaking your heart, which you gave to me so completely. I know I should regret our affair. However, I can't honestly say I do. I will cherish the few days we had together for the rest of my life. We have our son because of it. Edward means the absolute world to me and I love him more than words can describe._

 _I hope to see you soon._

 _Esme._

I must have been quite the fucking burden for my dad, despite the love he had for me. He had a family with someone else, and I had just been his bastard baby. I couldn't imagine the fucking mess I caused. I can tell they don't regret their affair and the consequences they faced, but there must have been some guilt there. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to visit with one family before going home to another. It's so fucking disingenuous. They must have known that their charade would come crashing down eventually. However, the way it came crashing down couldn't have been what they expected.

I move on to the next letter. It's dated October 1990, and it's worn down to the point where the writing it barely legible. It doesn't help that the handwriting looks frantic, as the words are practically scribbled across the page. It's my mom's handwriting, I can recognize that much. I can only make out a few sentences, but I can't decipher the letter as a whole.

 _He's coming home soon. What should I do? I can't keep up this secret much longer._

I can't make out the name or specifics, but I know she's talking about her husband. Based off her handwriting, her husband must have frightened her more than I'd imagined. That fucker, I'd kill him with my bare hands if I had the fucking chance. The way he died was gruesome, but not fitting for his crimes. As soon as my angry haze fades away, I continue my attempt at reading.

 _He'll know I'm lying…can't afford to go…maybe he changed…I need to protect my baby…_

The ink is so smudged and the paper is creased and worn due to the water damage this letter has apparently faced. These few pieces of sentences are all I can make out. I frown at the paper, and give it another shot, but I'm still at a fucking loss. The very last sentence of the letter is legible.

" _Promise me Carlisle."_

Is all it says, before mom signs her name at the bottom. Her signature doesn't look as neat as it did in her previous letters.

I flip through the stack of envelopes looking for whatever letter came next. I come up fucking short. That frantic letter was the last one she sent while I was still with her. That must have been written right before her husband came back from overseas. She had ten happy months with me before her life came crashing down around her. She must have begged my dad to take me, or so the letter made it seem. I wonder if she knew something problematic would happen, and if so, why didn't she just run away with me?

I know I can answer my own fucking question. Fuck, when I lived in Cali for a while I stayed with my fair share of random fucking strangers. Not all of them were amazing human beings, let's just put it that way. One night in particular, I stayed over at a friend of a friend's house. I crashed on his couch because I had been too fucking drunk to drive my sorry ass home. Wherever 'home' was at the time. He and his girlfriend, who was at least a foot shorter than he was, got into a huge argument in the kitchen. I was way too fucking drunk to recall what they were fighting about, but I'm sure it was just some petty shit. That's all it takes with guys like that, one insignificant little slip up, and they're fucking whaling on you. He ended up beating his girl pretty bad. I tried to call the police, but he immediately stopped me. With drugs all over the house, we weren't in the position to be inviting cops over, although in hindsight, I should have fucking called anyway. The biggest shock to me was the fact that his girl didn't want to press charges. She was so certain he would 'get better' and she would make every excuse for him in the book.

I don't want to think of that shit as weak, because it's like their abusers' brainwash them. They start off sweet, giving their girl everything she wants, and then once the relationship gets comfortable, the abuse begins. They cut the person off from friends and family, monitor what they do twenty-four-fucking-seven, and convince the girl that it's all a good idea. I'm sure this Charles shithead, had done this with my mom. Just as I know that guy from my past did it with his girl. They get their claws in you, and by the time you want to leave…it's too fucking late. I wonder if my mom ever saw leaving him as an option. I don't know if she was too brainwashed to leave, too scared, or what. All I know is, I can't judge her decision too harshly because I forgave Elizabeth time and time again for her fucking terrorizing ways, because I'd always hoped she would change. However, people like that never fucking do.

Moving on, I pick a new envelope that looks as if it was sent to a Mr. and Mrs. Platt, which I assume are my grandparents. As I open the letter, a few wallet sized photos come tumbling out. They're baby pictures of me. Ones that I've never seen before. I look so small in the photos, but I have a huge smile on my face. I look like one of those babies you would see on the cans of baby food. I don't even fucking recognize myself at all. I'm definitely not cute like that anymore. The photo is dated August 1991, so that means I had been in my dad's care for a while. Mom told me he took time off work to care for me, and I wonder what I looked like when he first took me in.

 _Esme,_

 _These pictures are the best I can do. Edward is thriving here. He's happy with his new brother. Luckily, Seth is too young to understand the situation. He's been wishing for a brother, so he just believes his wish has been granted and Edward came just for him. Seth loves him so much already._

 _Esme, I just wish you could be here. I don't want to tell you how much Edward misses you, because I can't bear the thought of you being sad. I just don't know what to say._

 _I'll give him the best life possible. I'll try my best. You made a promise to stay out of his life, but I don't want you to miss anything. I'll send you pictures of him whenever I can. God, Esme. I just wish everything was different._

 _Yours,_

 _Carlisle._

I couldn't imagine how tough it must have been for my mom. To say goodbye to me without knowing when, or if, she would ever see me again. It would have fucking gutted me. She thought she was doing the right thing, and she loved me enough to let me go. If she hadn't given me up, I wonder if I would have survived to have been here today. It's easy to criticize her decisions in hindsight, but at that moment in time, she was making the decision she believed to be best. I would do the same for Charlie if I had to. As much as it would fucking destroy me, I'd do it because I love him so much more than I love myself.

I continue opening one envelope after the next. Each has photos of me and updates on my progress. Dad had sent her every one of my school pictures, with long letters describing how proud he was of me. It's uncomfortable to read his words because at the time, I had never been proud of myself. Fuck, I hated myself up until recently.

There's more than just letters, there are various cards sent by my mother. They had been sent to my dad's office, so they would remain far away from Elizabeth. She never missed a birthday, and that thought crushes me more than I imagined it would. I can see her now, sitting at a desk with a pen in hand, all alone as she writes to her son that she hasn't seen in such a long time. I can't imagine the pain she must have endured. Fuck, looking at this shit is difficult. My family had been such a fucking mess, and I had no idea.

With a heavy heart, I open one birthday card after another. The first one is so fucking sad. She was two months shy of spending my first birthday with me. Just looking at her scribbled handwriting across the card makes my stomach fucking twist until I think I'm going to puke. I vigorously rub my face, in an effort to loosen up my muscles that have become tense with emotion. I take a deep breath, and begin to read.

 _To my special little boy on his birthday,_

 _I can't believe you've been on this earth for a year! You are so very special to me, Edward. It felt like just yesterday, when I was holding you in my arms. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. While I'm not with you, know that you're in my heart._

 _I wish I were there to read to you on your special day. I've been reading our favorites at night and I came across a special story I wanted to share with you. It's from one of your favorites, Winnie the Pooh, and I know we have read it so many times, but now it's more relevant than ever._

 _If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together._

 _There is something you must always remember._

 _You are braver than you believe,_

 _Stronger than you seem_

 _And smarter than you think._

 _But the most important thing is_

 _Even if we are apart_

 _I'll always be with you._

 _Happy Birthday, son. I love you more than words can describe._

I reach up to rub my jaw, because my muscles are feeling hard as a fucking rock. My skin is wet, and I realize I've been fucking crying. I'm still crying. The tears keep coming and I close my eyes, allowing myself the freedom to let my emotions escape. There are no words to describe the feelings that are coursing through my body. I can feel her love, her pain, and the loss she dealt with. I can relate to every single feeling because I lost her. I lost a mom who loved me for so many years, because the circumstances that surrounded our lives were complete shit. I can't say I wish things were different, only because, if they were, my present would be very different as well. However, I do wish I could carry her pain for a while, just so she could be happy without the baggage that accompanied her. Even if only for a moment.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and finish reading my birthday cards. They're all similar, and while they are uplifting and encouraging, they are so fucking melancholy at the same time. She'd kept me in her thoughts for all these years, and I regret not being able to do the same. Of course, I hadn't known about her, but if I had I'd make sure we had a relationship. There's one last letter my dad saved. He sent my mom pictures of me graduating from elementary school. I had a huge, toothy grin and held my 'diploma' in my hand. Esme wrote back, expressing how proud of me she was. I can't help but wonder if she had known me growing up, if she'd have still felt the same way.

 _He's wonderful, Carlisle. He gets more and more handsome each year. I love him so much. Take care of our son, Carlisle. He's the only piece of me you have at the moment. Edward is all we have left of our love. Can you believe this handsome, intelligent, and mature little boy is ours? He seems too good to be true. Give him an extra kiss for me, and an extra 'I love you'. I love him more than I could ever describe._

I let her letter fall to the floor at my side and bury my head in my hands.

My son's cries stir me from my thoughts. I take a deep breath, wipe the tears off my face, and get up to go check on him. I walk pass my bedroom and find Bella bookmarking the page of her book before getting up as well. I want to give her a break from taking care of Charlie, and I also want some alone time with my son. He always helps me unwind, and after all that emotional shit, I definitely need it.

"It's okay, baby," I say, stopping her in her tracks, "I got him."

She gives me a small, concerned smile but doesn't say anything. I wrap her in my arms and kiss her temple, wanting her to know that I'm okay and there's nothing she has to worry about. Her body relaxes against mine and she nuzzles her face against my chest before going back to her book and letting me attend to my son.

Charlie's face is red and his legs and arms are kicking as he sobs. I scoop him out of his crib and hold him against my chest, kissing his face until his cries become softer. I take him to the living room and sit with him on the couch where I'd been reading moments before. He's calmer now that I'm holding him and I'm calmer too. I hadn't realized how fucking tense I was until I picked up my little boy.

"Daddy's here, Charlie. Everything is alright."

His eyes widen as he looks up at me. It seems that the sound of my voice soothes him.

"It's alright, Charlie. I'm here, everything is fine."

He blinks his eyes a few times, before giving me a watery smile.

"Aw, buddy. Everything's alright."

He smiles, hiccups, and says, "Da da! Da da da!"

"I love you, buddy."

He smiles and moves his mouth as if he were trying to form the words. Random sounds come out of his little mouth, as if he were trying to say 'I love you' to the best of his ability.

"I love you, son," I tell him again.

He grins as he watches my mouth, and tries to tell me he loves me again. I run my hand through his hair and watch him try to speak before he finally says 'Da da' and grabs my finger, pulling it toward his little mouth.

"I love you too, buddy. I love you too."

 **A/N: Aw, this was a sad one. I'm going to start posting unedited previews of chapters on my Facebook group "The Highlander Princess's Clan." So, please join if you're interested!**

 **Song- "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel. **


	56. Chapter 56: House Hunting

**Thanks Sherry and Paige! You two are the best betas in the whole world!**

" _Life is bigger_

 _It's bigger_

 _And you, you are not me_

 _The lengths that I will go to_

 _The distance in your eyes_

 _Oh no, I've said too much_

 _I set it up_

 _That's me in the corner_

 _That's me in the spotlight_

 _Losing my religion_

 _Trying to keep up with you_

 _And I don't know if I can do it_

 _Oh no, I've said too much_

 _I haven't said enough."_

 _-R.E.M.-_

 **EPOV:**

"Edward?"

Mom's voice is exhausted and I feel guilty for waking her up like this. I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. As soon as I put Charlie back in his crib, I was compelled to reach for my phone and call my mom. I just needed to hear her voice, needed to feel her with me because now my emotions were all over the fucking place. All the love I've been denied for all these years has come crashing down on me and I don't know how to fucking handle it. All of these emotions make me want a drink, or a smoke, or just fucking something. Anything to calm my body down and distract me. However, I have so much to lose now. It's not just me anymore. So, instead of running off to the bar like a coward, I call my mom instead.

"Hey, mom. Sorry to call so late," I begin awkwardly. I rub my face with my hand—a nervous habit—and take a deep breath before continuing. "I read all those letters dad gave me and some of your cards…" I trail off.

She's silent for a moment, and right before the silence grows heavy, she says, "I always thought about you. Every day we've been apart, I was thinking about you. I'm so sorry this has been kept from you for so long."

"I'm sorry too," I say, mostly to myself. "It's weird, reading this all at once."

I hear a soft laugh from her before she says, "I bet. This all must feel very weird."

I laugh as well, because I don't know what to say. It's beyond fucking weird. Everything I thought I knew has been a lie. What's also strange is that I'm no longer angry. I've harbored so much anger and now it's all gone. My anger had turned to sadness, then that turned into being completely fucking numb, and now acceptance. I'm not thrilled about the situation, but I can't change it. I just want something positive in my life and I can't have a positive future if I keep dwelling on my fucked-up past.

"I wish I'd seen them sooner, but I'm happy to read them now. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to write me."

A mirthless laugh escapes her lips. "It was hard. Leaving you was hard, and after I gave you to your dad I hated myself. I felt like such a coward. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I should have been there for you. I don't even recognize the woman I was then. I thought I was doing the best thing for you. I honestly thought that leaving you with your dad was the best decision I could've made. I thought if I ran away, Charles would find me. If he found us I couldn't begin to imagine what he would have done."

I shudder at the thought. If he was capable of abusing a fucking baby, who knows what else he could've done. Leaving could've been dangerous for us, and I know she couldn't afford to take that chance. I can't even begin to understand what she must have gone through.

"You did the right thing," I finally say. "Thank you, mom. For having the strength to let me go." It sounds lame when I say it, but the words flow out before I can think about them.

"I wanted to keep you so badly," she says with a soft sob. "I was so afraid you would hate me when you found out the truth."

"I could never hate you," I say in a strong voice.

Fuck, how could I hate her? I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for her. She did the best she could.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too," I say without hesitation. "Those cards, though. God, they broke my fucking-." I stop immediately, feeling my cheeks grow hot with my discomfort. "Freaking," I continue, apologetically, "heart. They were just so sad. I mean, those children's book quotes…why did you write that?"

"I missed reading to you," she softly states. "I used to read to you every night. I missed that so much. I missed watching your eyes light up as you would listen to my voice. _The Giving Tree_ and _Winnie the Pooh_ were your favorites. At least, they were my favorites to read to you. I would read them every night after you were gone. I suppose it was my way of pretending you were still with me. They became so meaningful when you were no longer in my life to hear them. I would read _The Giving Tree_ and just weep, because I would understand completely. I would give you everything I had, Edward, and after that, I'd hope to still give you more."

The thought of her reading alone is so devastating. I just want to hold her and tell her that everything is alright. Both of our pasts have been complete shit, but we have a chance now to make it better.

"You have me now," I finally say. I don't know what else to say, I don't know how else to comfort her. "You can read to Charlie whenever you like," I add to lighten the mood.

"I would love to do that." I can hear the smile in her voice. She pauses for a moment, before adding, "Do you think you'll have another baby with Bella?"

Fuck, another baby? Just the thought of another baby to take care of makes me want to pass out. However, if Bella wanted one I know I wouldn't be able to deny her that.

"I don't know, mom."

"You two would make beautiful babies."

I roll my eyes and laugh. _What a mom thing to fucking say._ I've got to smile at the thought because it's so nice to have a mom that says these sorts of things, it's definitely a 180 compared to the type of mom Elizabeth was to me. As awkward as fuck as it is to have my mom comment on Bella and me 'making babies', it still makes me smile.

"Thanks, mom." I chuckle.

I hear her yawn and I feel bad for calling her so late. It's past midnight and I'd been too antsy to wait. "I'll let you get back to bed, mom. I'll call you tomorrow."

"It's fine, Edward," she says in a tired, yet happy tone. "I always love talking to you. If you have any questions, you can always call me. I know those letters were a lot to take in and I want you to know that I'm here for you, sweetheart."

"Thanks, mom. Get some sleep."

"Goodnight, Edward," she says in a sweet voice.

"Goodnight, mom."

I hang up feeling so much better. Fuck, I'm tired. I rub the sleep from my eyes and allow my body to collapse against the couch. This day has been a fucking trip and I just want to close my eyes and pass the hell out.

"Coming to bed, babe?"

I sit up and turn around to see my girl in her pajamas with a tired, yet beautiful smile on her face. "Sorry, baby. I know I've neglected you all night."

She rolls her eyes and gives me a silly grin. "You weren't neglecting me, but now that you're done, I'm ready for you to join me. It's hard to fall asleep when you're not wrapped around me."

I laugh because she's fucking right. My girl definitely loves to cuddle and while I love feeling her soft body against mine, it's hard to fall asleep with a face full of hair and one of my arms going numb because it's wrapped around her. Regardless of that shit, I love holding her, and will usually hold her until she's sound asleep and then I'll get comfortable and pass out myself.

"Let me get ready and then I'll meet you in bed," I say as I jump up from the couch. I give her ass a nice slap as I pass her on the way to the bathroom.

She looks so fucking cute when I finally meet her in bed. She has the covers pulled up to her pretty face and her eyes are wide as I make my way toward her, completely naked. I smirk at this. While I love turning her on, that's not the only reason I sleep naked. Mostly, it's just fucking comfortable. As soon as I join her beneath the covers, she wraps her arms around me and gets comfortable. I thought I wasn't in the mood for sex after the emotional fucking night I had. However, as soon as she wraps her warm, soft little body around me, it seems my cock has other plans. She must feel my hard on against her hip, because she smiles at me and begins to kiss my neck. Her lips feel amazing against my warm skin and as soon as they descend to my chest, any negative feelings I had faded away and all I can focus on is how incredible Bella feels.

"Let me take care of you," she whispers as her lips continue their descent.

A moan escapes me as I feel her tongue on the inside of my thigh, licking everywhere besides where I fucking want her most. She knows this drives me fucking mad and she also knows I love every fucking second of it. She has me fucking begging after a few minutes and she gives me a sexy smile before finally granting my wish. She wraps her lips around my cock and my eyes roll back in my head. I run my hands through her hair as she bobs her head up and down on my cock. _Fuck, I don't deserve this girl._ Her oral skills are out of this world and it doesn't take long before I'm falling to pieces.

"Baby, I'm going to come soon," I moan through gritted teeth. Fuck, my control is slipping.

With a wicked look in her eyes, she lowers her mouth on my cock until I feel her throat. When I feel her gag around me, I can't fucking contain myself a moment longer. I come with a roar and all the tension in my body disappears as my ejaculate shoots down her throat.

She gives the tip of my cock a quick kiss, before crawling back up my body until she is wrapped in my arms. "I love you, babe," she says with a yawn.

"Want me to reciprocate?" I smile, as I trail my hand up her thigh.

"Tonight was about you," she says.

Although she doesn't stop me from playing with her wet pussy.

"I was thinking," she continues, as I casually slip a finger inside of her. "Tomorrow we both have the day off, maybe we can go look at that house I was talking about?"

"So soon?" I ask, more focused on her pussy than what she's saying.

"Well, our leases are up pretty soon." She moves my hand away from her pussy and I frown like a kid who'd just had his candy taken away.

"That's fine," I sigh, wanting to get back to the matter at hand. "Whatever you want, babe."

She smiles at me and opens her legs. A deep laugh escapes me as I look at her. God, she's fucking good. Here I thought I was in charge of this relationship, but like always, Bella proves me wrong.

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House hunting wasn't as stressful as I'd originally thought. I'd imagined it would consist of homes I couldn't afford with a realtor who had a judgmental look in their eye the entire time. That's pretty much the experience I had when I was apartment hunting. _Except that was a fucking apartment._ If I got judgmental looks for renting a decent apartment, I couldn't imagine the ones I would get for trying to buy a fucking house.

Per usual, Bella makes me smile in every situation we're in. I'd been a wreck this morning, and fuck if I knew why. Why did everything make me feel so fucking nervous? I guess it's because this whole house thing is a giant step and it all sounds so permanent. I'm not a commitment-phobe or any shit like that, however, I don't like to feel locked down to something. I know this is a step in the right direction and I know I would like to be surrounded by family, so I don't know what's holding me back.

Today, we're looking at the home near her sister's. I was practically fucking hyperventilating on the drive over because this is such a huge step for me. Bella, being the beautiful, amazing girlfriend she is, places her hand on my upper thigh in an effort to calm me down while I'm driving. I shot her a small yet unconvincing grin before turning my attention back to the road. When we finally pull up to the house, I'm surprised with how much I really like it. I don't know what I was expecting, but this house is much better than any shit I could have come up with in my head. It's made up of tan bricks, giant windows that looked to be peering out of every room, and a bright red front door. It's perfect for us.

The realtor is an older woman, whose eyes widen as she sees us, before her face breaks into a kind smile. I'm fucking relieved, because you can always tell when they don't take you seriously. She gives us a tour of the house, and I'm ecstatic to see that the interior is just as nice as the exterior of the house. It's a good size, with wooden floors, a comfy atmosphere, and a huge kitchen. The basement is fucking awesome. I can already imagine having a little theatre set up down here now. Maybe a play area for Charlie? I don't know, this house just has so many fucking possibilities.

"Do you like it?" Bella questions with a small smile.

Charlie wiggles in my arms to face her. "No," he says before cracking himself up.

A laugh escapes my lips before I finally answer, "Yes, babe. I love it. It's kind of perfect, isn't it?"

"I think so." She smiles.

"Are you ready to see the backyard?" Ms. Thompson, our realtor, asks.

I say goodbye to the basement I could easily imagine as my future man cave, and follow Ms. Thompson outside. The backyard is awesome as well. Fenced in and big enough for our son to run around and play. It has a huge oak tree and I can already picture myself building a nice treehouse for my son. Of course, he's much too young now to play in one, and when he finally is old enough I'd monitor the shit out of him to make sure nothing ever happened, but it's a nice thought nonetheless.

"What are you thinking?" Bella asks, coming up to stand by my side as I stare out at the backyard.

What am I thinking? I feel like I can see my entire fucking future, and for the first time in what feels like fucking forever, the thought of my future doesn't seem horrible. It seems…nice. Better than nice actually. I can't find a word to really describe it, but everything about this home just feels _right._ Being a husband, father, and homeowner was never what I'd imagined for myself. I guess life is just funny like that. We just never know what lies ahead.

"It's perfect," I hear myself say, as my mind is still occupied with thoughts of playing with my son in the backyard as he gets older.

" _Daddy, look it! Look Daddy, I get da ball!"_

 _Charlie is so fast, I can barely catch him as he zig-zags back and forth to evade my arms. I step behind our oak tree so I'm out of sight, and sneak up on him as soon as he stops to look for me. He squeals as I pick him up off the ground, his brown hair hitting me in the face as he laughs uncontrollably._

" _Daddy, stop it! Daddy, down!"_

 _I give him a quick kiss on his sweaty, little forehead, before placing him safely back on the ground._

" _Why don't you go find mommy?"_

 _Charlie's face lights up and he runs toward the patio. Bella's reading as she sips on a cup of tea. She looks so beautiful, with her glossy brown hair up in a bun on the top of her head, her face lightly made up to show just how naturally fucking beautiful she is, and her belly round with our baby. Never has she looked more stunning. If only she believed me when I told her so._

" _Mommy!" Charlie screams as he runs to her. "I got da ball, mommy!"_

 _Bella gives him a loving smile before dropping her book-before bookmarking her page, of course-and pulling Charlie onto her lap. He gives her his Nerf ball and throws his arms around her neck._

" _That's awesome, baby. I didn't know my son was so talented."_

 _Charlie ignores her compliment and asks, "Will brotha play wif me?" Pointing to her pregnant stomach._

" _Of course! He'll need his big brother to teach him to play."_

 _Charlie smiles. "I do that!"_

" _You'll be the best big brother in the whole wide world," Bella tells him with a huge grin._

 _Charlie smiles back before kissing her cheek and getting comfortable in her lap._

"Edward?" Bella asks, pulling me from my daydream.

Fuck, I was just imagining her pregnant. _What the fuck?_ I fucking blush and can't bring myself to look at her. Where did that even come from? I went from being scared of having a baby of my own to fucking fantasizing about it? Even though my little fantasy took place years in the future, it still gave me chills.

"Edward, what's wrong? Where'd you go just now?"

I shrug, wanting to play it off like nothing happened. I bounce Charlie in my arms and say, "Nothing, babe. I was just thinking I like the house."

She gives me a look that illustrates how little of my bullshit she's buying, before smiling and saying, "I really like it too. I think it's perfect for us."

 _Us._ After all the months we've been together, hearing her say this still makes my heart fucking flutter. I never really understood the whole 'butterflies in your stomach' stuff, until Bella says something that makes my breath catch and my heart race.

The realtor comes back and she looks fucking thrilled. Bella and I must be incredibly transparent with our thoughts, because it seems rather obvious that we're going with this house. As we go inside to talk about the logistics of it all, I still find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that we're going to be homeowners. I went from being stoned on various friends' couches, to living with my parents in my mid-twenties, to having an apartment of my own, to becoming a fucking homeowner. I can't keep the grin off my face as we talk to Ms. Thompson and make plans to come back to sign the paperwork.

"So, it'll be nice living next to your sister," I comment as we make our way back to our apartment, leaving our future home and a happy realtor behind.

"Yeah, Alice is going to be so excited. I'm almost hesitant to tell her because I know she'll be talking my ear off for days." Bella giggles. "She's already super excited about getting together for Thanksgiving coming up."

 _Thanksgiving._ That means I'll be meeting her father soon. I can't describe how nervous that fucking makes me. I don't know why, Bella assures me that while her father is 'rough' and 'taciturn', he'll still love me because she loves me. Somehow, I doubt that it'll be that easy. I've never had a girlfriend; therefore, I've never met someone's dad under these circumstances, _still_ I hear dads are very protective of their daughters. I just want to make a good first impression, and unfortunately first impressions are not something I'm good at. I'm the sort of guy you have to really get to know before you can decide whether you like me or not. Hopefully, Bella's dad will like me, because I know things will fucking suck if he doesn't.

"I know it's two weeks away, but should I bring something for dinner? I mean, I could pick something up or something like that," I suggest, feeling incredibly awkward all of a sudden.

Bella gives me a relaxed smile. Apparently, she isn't too worried about the whole meeting her dad thing. "I'm going to bake a few desserts. You can help me if you want."

I could do that. I mean, I've never really tried to bake anything before, but it can't be that hard. "Sounds good," I say nonchalantly.

"You seem worried about something," Bella says with a giggle.

I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to admit how nervous her dad makes me.

"Edward, my dad is going to love you. Don't worry about it."

She says this, but she doesn't seem too convinced herself. It almost sounds like she thinks if she says it enough times she'll start to really believe it's true.

"Isn't he a cop or something?" I ask, trying not to sound nervous about the idea.

"Chief of police," she quips with a smile.

I can tell she's trying very hard not to laugh at me.

"Edward," she says, her voice serious now. "It's going to be fine. You're my fiancé and you make me incredibly happy. That's all that my dad cares about. If he sees that I'm happy, he'll be happy too."

Fuck, I hope it's that easy. My life has felt like such a roller coaster lately and I want _something_ to run smoothly.

 **A/N: It seems Bella really runs the show** **. Thanks for everyone who is reviewing this story! It means the world to me and I love reading your thoughts.**

 **Also, I'll be posting unedited teasers for each chapter in my Facebook group from now on! So, if you haven't joined I would love to have you! It's The Highlander Princess's Clan.**

 **Song- "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.**


	57. Chapter 57: Chief Swan

**Thanks Sherry and Paige!**

" _God, what a mess, on the ladder of success_

 _Where take one step and miss the whole first rung_

 _Dreams unfulfilled, graduate unskilled_

 _It beats pickin' cotton and waitin' to be forgotten._

 _We are the sons of no one, bastards of young."_

 _-The Replacements_

 **EPOV:**

"Babe, I have to get my pies started," Bella giggles, as she tries to push my head away from her tits.

I've been nervous these past two weeks, but now that it's the night before, I'm completely fucking distressed. I'm going to be meeting my girl's dad for the very first time. I've been planning out what I'm going to say to him in my head for the past week and I still haven't gotten it right. So, I focus my energy on what I'm best at, which happens to be making love to my fuck-hot fiancée. She's been complaining about needing to cook for the past hour, but I've managed to keep her beneath me despite her protests.

"Just a little bit longer," I tell her, before biting down on her nipple.

She moans and allows me to suck on her tit for a little bit longer, but it's not nearly as long as I want to. As soon as my cock is hard and ready for round four, she pulls away and laughs at me. _Not the reaction most men look for when they have a raging boner._ I pout at her and she rolls her eyes. I'd feel foolish because I probably _look_ foolish with puppy dog eyes and a fucking hard on, however, Bella opens her legs again and grants me my wish. As soon as I'm thrusting inside of her, I'm too happy to give a fuck how I looked moments before.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm exhausted and Bella is up and ready to bake.

"I think I'll start with a pumpkin pie first," she says to herself as she walks toward the closet to grab something to wear.

I watch her pert ass as she walks around the room. "You can always just wear your apron. I wouldn't be opposed to that idea at all," I say with a smirk.

She smiles at me over her shoulder before slipping one of my t-shirts over her head. "I'd make such a mess, Edward."

"I could lick it off," I suggest, winking at her.

She gives me a playful slap before heading toward the door. "You should get some sleep. Charlie will be awake soon and he'll be wanting his daddy."

I glance at the clock and see it's just past two in the morning. Charlie usually wakes around five, and that's _if_ he sleeps through the night. Bella's right, like usual, so I submit and lay down to go to sleep. An hour later I'm woken up by Bella carrying a crying baby toward me. Half asleep, I manage to rub my eyes before Bella places my son on my stomach.

"He couldn't sleep," she says apologetically.

I nod my head and wrap my arms loosely around him. "I got him, babe. Go back to your baking."

Bella smiles and kisses both Charlie and me on the forehead before heading back to the kitchen. Charlie's cries slow down as soon as he's comfortable on my stomach.

"Come on, Charlie. Let's go to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow."

His eyes are bright as if he knows what I'm saying. He gives me a watery smile before placing his thumb in his mouth. He's such a good baby. I don't know what the fuck I did to deserve a baby like him. As soon as I feel his breathing go steady, I relax and try to get to sleep myself. I'm going to be meeting my girl's dad in a few short hours and I don't want to fuck it up. I hold Charlie in my arms, and bask in the comfort he provides before falling asleep.

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I was too nervous to get much sleep. After tossing and turning and finally giving up, I decide to get Charlie and myself ready for the day. He's wide awake and I wish I could say the same. I quickly run a bath for us—because I'm too fucking exhausted to bathe him and get myself ready, this is much more manageable—I add some of that bubble shit Bella likes, before getting him out of his onesie and hopping in with him safely in my arms.

He splashes the water around him and laughs as he plays with all of the bubbles. Although I'm half asleep, I smile as I watch him. He's so fucking energetic and it's pretty damn funny to watch. He twists and turns in my arms until he finally giggles and places his head on my chest. I'm glad he's giving me a break today, washing him is usually a nightmare for me. I love to watch him have fun of course, but it's impossible to get him clean when he's a ball of energy.

"Da da! Da da!" He exclaims as I begin to wash his hair.

Because he's so fucking calm today, I play with his hair and give him a Mohawk before he pushes my hand away, smiles and says, "No!"

I roll my eyes at his new word and smile. "Yes. Can you say yes, Charlie? Yes," I say, over-enunciating the word for him.

"No," he giggles at me, before his interest returns to the bubbles.

I finish cleaning him up, before I quickly wash myself. I want to look good for Bella's dad. I want him to think I'm a good match for his daughter. I wash my hair, and even fucking condition it, before I finally feel as if I'm clean enough. As soon as I'm finished, I have to fucking laugh, because I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. He's just a man, I don't know what my deal is. Fuck, he's not _just a man,_ he's the man that fathered the girl who means more to me than anything. _You can't think this way, Cullen. You'll lock yourself in your room and never leave._ I sigh, leaning back and relaxing in the lukewarm water while watching Charlie continue to play. _This day is going to be awkward as fuck. I can't believe I let Bella talk me into this._ My Thanksgiving is going to consist of a 'small' get-together with my dad, my mom, Bella's dad, Alice and Jasper and their daughter, Cyndy. I wish it could just be Bella, Charlie, and me. That would make things a helluva lot easier.

"You ready to get out, buddy?" I ask, turning Charlie around to face me.

"No!"

"Of course," I snort. "It's time to get out, buddy. We've got to get ready and help mommy."

"Da da," he says with a huge smile, before giving my hand a little kiss.

I kiss his forehead before pulling the plug and getting out of the tub. Charlie's shivering now that we're out of the water, so I wrap him in a towel before making my way to his room to get him dressed. I hear a gasp, and turn to see Bella. Her face is covered with flour, but I can still see the deep blush that heats her cheeks. It's only then that I realize I'm naked and dripping wet.

"What's up, babe?" I casually ask, trying hard not to smirk.

Bella's eyes trail up my body until her gaze finally reaches my eyes. Her blush deepens and she smiles and says, "Can you run to the store for me? I know it's going to be packed, but I ran out of vegetable shortening and eggs."

"That's fine, babe. I'll go," I say with a shrug.

Standing in line at the grocery would be a hell of a lot better than sitting around here, letting my nerves get the best of me. It's also nice to know I'm making my girl happy. Her face lights up and she skips toward me, kissing me full on the mouth before backing away to give Charlie a little kiss as well.

"You're a lifesaver," she says with a smile. "No rush…but you might want to head out now. The lines will be pretty long because of last minute shoppers and I've got to finish my pecan pie."

I roll my eyes and throw her a smile. "Let me get my pants on first. I'm sure I'd give someone a heart attack if I left the apartment like this."

I throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before getting Charlie dressed in the outfit I laid out for him the night before. It's a nice blue polo and a pair of jeans. I wanted him to look nice, but didn't want to dress him too nice because I knew he would be a mess by the end of the day. As soon as we're all ready, I grab my keys, kiss my girl, and head to the store.

The traffic is fucked. I know it's the day where everyone is traveling, but Jesus, I thought they would've gotten to where they were going by now. I try not to get too frustrated, because I know I've got a long day ahead of me. When I finally reach Safeway, the parking lot is as packed as the fucking highway was. I take a deep breath and imagine how nice a cigarette would be at a time like this. Fuck, I can taste the tobacco on my tongue right now. I hit my head against the steering wheel in frustration before finally getting out of the car. I'm happy to see Charlie is happy and care-free when I get him from the backseat. I wish I could be as content, but life experience has made me jaded. At least I'm not as jaded as I once was. Before Charlie and Bella, I didn't give a single fuck about anything and found everything pointless and trivial. Now, everything is better and I know I'm a changed man.

This thought lifts my spirits as I trudge toward the grocery store with Charlie in tow. I'll get through today and regardless of whether Bella's dad likes me or not, I know everything will be fine. My life is finally moving in a good direction and nothing will change that. I practically ran right into a frantic shopper as soon as I walked through the automatic doors. He looks just as fucking flustered as I feel. I pull out the list I jotted down and try to decipher my shit handwriting as I make my way through the store. The baking aisle is wrecked, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. There's a few older women surrounding the flour and sugar, making it difficult for me to get around them with a baby in one hand and a basket in the other. _Shouldn't they be more prepared for this?_ When I finally do get around their carts, I practically run into a woman who looks _way_ too happy to see me. I stare at her boob job that looks like it could poke a fucking eye out, then to her unintentionally expressionless face, before giving her a tight smile and moving past her.

"That's such a cute baby," she comments, with a giant smile. "How old is he?"

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if some women are actually interested in babies when they bring them up as a way to talk to the dad. I used to tell myself, perhaps they actually do find Charlie cute. _It wouldn't be that hard to imagine. He is the cutest baby I've ever seen, but of course my opinion is rather biased._ However, I find it hard to believe they are very interested in Charlie, when their eyes are glued to me and not my baby. I just don't get this behavior at all. Doesn't a baby indicate I'm committed to someone? I know single dads exist and I know I'm not wearing a wedding ring or anything like that, but I feel like I give off the 'I'm taken' vibe. _If that's even a thing._

"Thanks," I finally reply. "He'll be one next month."

"That's so cute," she coos. "So, are you doing some last minute shopping?" She asks in a conversational tone.

 _What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?_

"Yep. Just picking up a few things. My fiancée is at home baking," I say dismissively before I begin to continue down the aisle.

"I could help you find what you need," she says, not letting our conversation come to an end like I hoped it would.

I feel bad for her. Maybe she really can't take a hint. I guess she's hot in that MILF sort of way, but I'm not buying what she's selling. If it was a few years ago, I would've been more than happy to take her up on her sleazy offer, but now that I've got Bella, everyone else is shit in comparison to her.

"I'm fine, thanks. Nice meeting you," I awkwardly say before moving down the aisle.

"Brenda," she calls out.

I look over my shoulder and give her an uncomfortable smile before walking away. _Why does this happen all the time?_ I'm happy the rest of the women in the aisle are old enough to be my grandmother and are too busy actually shopping to pay attention to me. I find the contents of my grocery list in peace. Or at least as peaceful as one can in the obnoxiously crowded store. I manage to grab the last carton of eggs the store has left before I bolt toward the checkout. As I turn a corner on the way to the self-checkouts, I run into another shopper and drop my basket, hearing it crash to the floor.

"Fuck!" I groan in exasperation as I see the state of the only carton of fucking eggs I managed to find.

"Sorry, man."

I recognize the voice, and look up to see Paul standing in front of me with an apologetic look on his face. Charlie cries, probably because he senses my annoyance, and suddenly I feel terrible. I shouldn't cuss in front of him. I don't want him to be sounding like me by the time he's able to form full sentences. I rub his back and kiss his temple, and he instantly calms down.

"Sorry, Edward. I guess I didn't see you."

"It's fine," I say, as I bend down to pick up the contents of my basket. Luckily, everything else is fine. Hopefully Bella won't be too pissed about this.

"You cooking?" He asks, with a surprised look on his face.

I chuckle and say, "Um, no. You know I can't cook worth a shit. Bella's at home baking right now. She just ran out of a few things."

"You having your family over for Thanksgiving?"

"And Bella's family as well," I say with a nervous laugh. "We're having it at her apartment. She's been preparing for today all week."

"That's awesome man. So, you're meeting her parents then?"

"Well, just her dad. Her mom died when she was little," I explain.

"That's terrible," he says with a frown. "Are you nervous about meeting her dad?"

I laugh. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well," he shrugs with a small smile. "I wasn't going to say anything, but you seem kind of off-kilter."

"Yeah, I'm pretty fucking nervous," I admit.

Charlie makes a few noises and looks me dead in the eye and looks as if he were trying to form a word. _If he says 'fuck' I'm going to shit myself._

Luckily, he says, "Da da," and giggles before going back to looking curiously around the store.

"It'll be fine," Paul assures me. "I'm having dinner with my folks and then we'll probably watch TV or something like that."

"That sounds fun. I'd kill for a low-key night like that."

"It'll be alright," he says with a shrug. "We've got to get together soon."

"I know, man. It's been a second. I've just been so sidetracked with everything going on."

Fuck, I've been so sidetracked, I've barely talked to Paul. I've sent him a text here and there, but he hasn't the slightest clue about any of the shit that has gone down recently. I know I need to be a better friend to him. I haven't had that many good friends in my life, so I don't have any experience when it comes to people actually caring about me. Paul has been a great friend for so long. Sure, he was more of my brother's friend growing up, but the three of us had been really close before I moved away. Once I moved away, my circle of friends were always too high to really care about what was going on. I know I have to reach out to him. Besides Charlie and my dad, he feels like the only piece of Seth I have left. I need to hold on to that.

"Let's get together soon," I promise. "I'll text you about it tomorrow. Plus, you have Charlie's birthday to come to."

"Yeah, I've got his gift picked out and everything," He smiles, but it falters as he looks over my shoulder in confusion, asking, "Who's that chick?"

I look behind me and try not to roll my eyes. Turning back around, I say, "Some woman named Brenda. She was hitting on me earlier when I was trying to get some vegetable shortening." I notice Paul smiles in her direction and I add, "You should go for her man. I bet she'd be interested."

Paul smiles and shakes his head, "No, man. I shouldn't be dating. I'm trying to focus on myself right now and fix a lot of stuff in my own life."

"That's great, man. I was doing that before Bella came into my life, but once I met her, I knew she was too important to ignore. I had to work on myself while I was falling in love with her."

Paul smiles at me. Probably because I'm grinning like an idiot.

"Well, maybe one day I'll be as lucky as you."

I smile at him, hoping that one day he'll find a girl as great as mine. We part ways after making plans for later this week. I pay for my groceries and get the fuck out as soon as I can. Who knew a grocery store on a holiday would be so chaotic? Traffic is a nightmare and it takes me an extra half hour to get home. When I do arrive, I'm so fucking thrilled I grab my groceries and Charlie and practically run upstairs so I can see my girl. _Is it sad that I miss her after only a few hours?_

"Babe, I'm back!" I call out as soon as I walk through the door of her apartment.

Since she's living with me now, her whole living room has been transformed into a dining room for our dinner tonight. Bella comes out of the kitchen, now wearing a cotton dress with her makeup done and her hair up in a towel, and gives me an apologetic smile. I only have a second to feel confused before I realize why she's looking at me this way.

A stern looking man with a mustache that looks like it came right out of a seventies porno walks out of the kitchen and appraises Charlie and me. I feel my stomach drop and I'm fucking speechless. _Jesus, he even carries himself like a fucking cop when he's off duty._ He just has that vibe about him that says, _'I'll take you down if you mess with my daughter'._

"Edward," Bella says, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had descended on the room the second her dad walked into it. "This is my Dad, Charlie. Charlie, this is my fiancé, Edward, and his son Charlie."

I give him a small, unsure smile, and he says absolutely nothing.

 _Great._

 **A/N: I hope you're liking these longer chapters! I definitely like posting the teasers in my Facebook group and giving you something longer to read! How do you think this dinner will go with Charlie?**

 **Once again, having two characters named Charlie is really just a fuck-up on my part.**

 **Song- "Bastards of Young" by The Replacements.**


	58. Chapter 58: Thanksgiving

**Thank you, Sherry and Paige! I couldn't do this without you two!**

 _"_ _For the love, I'd fallen on_

 _In the swampy August dawn_

 _What a mischief you would bring young darling!_

 _When the onus is not all your own_

 _When you're up for it before you've grown_

 _From the faun forever gone_

 _In the towers of your honeycomb_

 _I'd a tore your hair out just to climb darling_

 _When you're filling out your only form_

 _Can you tell that it's just ceremon'_

 _Now you've added up to what you're from."_

 _-Bon Iver-_

 **EPOV:**

His stern expression fades away, and he gives me another once-over before a small smile tugs on his lips. He looks at me and then his gaze fell on my little Charlie, who seems eager to meet him. Maybe Bella's dad isn't so bad after all, or maybe the small smile he's giving me is stirring up too much hope on my part. I've never had someone like me right off the bat, so I doubt I can expect that from my girl's dad. I mean, I asked his daughter to marry me without his consent for fuck's sake.

"Hello, Edward," her dad finally says, with a hesitant, but seemingly nice smile. "It's great to finally meet you."

"It's great to meet you too," I say, closing the distance between us to shake his hand. I give him a smile, look him straight in the eyes, and give his hand a firm shake before pulling away. I don't want him to think I'm going to be a giant pussy about meeting him today.

"This is my son, Charlie," I tell him.

Little Charlie reaches out and grabs Bella's dad's finger, giving it a little shake of his own before trying to stuff it into this mouth. He laughs at this and pulls his finger away before tousling my son's hair.

"Nice name," her dad jokes.

What the fuck should I call him, 'Big Charlie' or something like that? Maybe their shared name will warm him up and it'll be smooth sailing all day long.

"Do you want to hold him?" I suggest, happy to have his attention on my adorable son instead of on me.

Even if he does like me, I know he'll still ask me a barrage of questions and all that shit. Isn't that the natural thing to do when your daughter brings home the man in her life for the first time? Fuck, even my family members would ask me a string of intrusive questions every time they saw me when I was growing up. _I guess that's what happens when you don't know what the fuck else to talk about._ However, that doesn't mean every single one of those types of questions isn't extremely uncomfortable. It just feels like you're being judged with every answer you give. I always hated that shit growing up and I hate it just as much today.

Bella's dad is more than happy to hold my son and his whole demeanor seems to change as soon as he has Charlie in his arms. He looks like such a tough guy—he is the chief of police in his town after all—but when he's holding a baby that tough guy exterior fades away. I look at my girl and she seems to be thinking the same thing. _Her dad is a softie!_ When it comes to babies at least. It looks as if I'm finally catching a break. It's fucking fantastic because I'd really like one thing in my life to not be such a struggle.

"He's a cute kid," Charlie comments, giving his daughter a smile before returning his attention to my son.

"He's turning one next month," I tell him with a proud smile. "Bella and I are planning a party for him."

Charlie doesn't answer, he's too busy playing with my little Charlie. I look over to Bella, who nods her head toward the kitchen, because her dad seems pleasantly distracted, so I follow her. Before I can ask her what's up, she closes the distance between us and crashes her lips against mine. Her body is crushed against mine and her hands are everywhere. _Apparently, me getting along with her dad is a real turn on._ I return her kiss with just as much enthusiasm before I have to pull away to catch my breath.

"What was that for?" I ask with a laugh.

"I'm just happy to see you two getting along," she explains.

"Did you have your doubts?"

She shrugs her shoulders, before giving me a thoughtful look and shaking her head. "No, I suppose I didn't. I thought he would like you."

I can't tell how honest she's being, but I'm happy that she's happy. I'm thrilled that she believes he likes me. It's not like we really interacted, so I guess I haven't given him a reason to hate me so far. However, I know my looks can be a bit off-putting for some people. _Not every dad wants to see their little girl with someone like me._ It seems that Charlie is able to look past this. Hopefully, he'll be just as cool when it comes to looking past everything else. My past is fucking rough and he's a cop. I know he's not going to like the fact that I was into drugs and alcohol, even though I'm currently in therapy and going to AA meetings every now and then. I hope he can see the progress I've made in my life. Of course, I'm not going to bring that shit up today. Honestly, I wouldn't mind him never finding out, but I know that I really need to be honest with everyone in my life. Today, I'm just going to focus on getting to know him and having a good time with my family. Hopefully this will be the start of something good.

"Can you hang out with my dad while I finish getting ready?"

I look at the towel wrapped around her head and pray that it won't take her too long. I know I fared well when we were all together, but I wonder how her dad will act once she's no longer in the room. Although, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Hide in the bathroom with her like a coward? _It'll be fine, Cullen. Stop fucking stressing._

"Yeah, that's fine. I got this under control," I assure her.

She gives me one last kiss before bolting in the direction of her bathroom. I return to the living room—which has been turned into an improvised dining room—and find Charlie sitting at the table with baby Charlie comfortably in his arms. I hear my son giggling, and I know everything's alright. I'm happy, if not surprised, that my son's taken to his future granddad so quickly. Babies are good about sensing good people, at least I've heard they are, so maybe this is a very good sign.

"I hope he wasn't too fussy while I was gone," I say, conversationally.

Charlie looks up at me for a moment, before lowering his gaze back on the baby. "He's great. Bella talks about him all of the time."

"So, you two talk on the phone a lot then?" I ask, taking a seat across from him.

"A fair amount. I'm busy, so I call my daughter when I can. She hadn't told me about her engagement though. I didn't find out until I arrived this morning."

Fuck. I hope he isn't upset about this. I know how much dad's like to be a part of this type of stuff. It's traditional for the guy to ask for the girl's hand in marriage, but it wasn't like that was a possibility for me at the time. Fuck, it had been so random anyway and everything happened so fast. I'd been so nervous about asking her in general, I hadn't even thought about talking to her dad first. I mean, I didn't even know her dad, so it would've been weird for me to randomly ask for his number and call him. _'Sir, you've never heard about me and we've never met, but I'm in love with your daughter. We've been together for a while and I've never really asked about meeting you. However, now, I kind of need you. I'm going to ask her to marry me. You don't know me and you don't know about my past, and I'm also a single dad, but I think I'm good for her.'_ I would have been a rambling fucking mess if I called him. I feel sick just fucking thinking about it.

"Sorry about that, Sir." I feel like I need to be formal all of a sudden. I mean, it couldn't hurt. "It was a spur of the moment thing. I just love your daughter so much."

"I see that," he says, giving me another once-over.

"We haven't dated long," I go on to explain, "but I fell in love with her right away. I just want you to know how much I respect your daughter. I'll cherish her for the rest of our lives."

Maybe I'm overdoing it, but fuck, I really want him to like me. I want him to approve of our engagement as well. What should I do now? Should I ask for her hand? I don't know, it all feels so fucking cheesy to me. I'm not used to expressing my emotions to strangers. I barely talk about my emotions period. Howell had to pry my thoughts and feelings out of me. It took several sessions for me to feel comfortable enough to speak about anything sensitive.

"Well, that's comforting to hear," he gruffly states.

His tone makes me smile a little. It seems as though he doesn't like discussing his emotions either. We have more in common than I'd imagined. Even though he doesn't comment, his face has a small smile on it as well.

"I know it's late, but I would still like to formally ask for your daughter's hand." It sounds fucking awkward when I say it. Nonetheless, I'm happy I managed to get the question out.

He looks at me for a moment, really taking me in, before he finally says, "Edward, I don't know you, but I trust my daughter. If she loves you and she said yes, then I'll go along with her. You can have her hand." He pauses for a moment, smirks at me and adds, "With that being said, if you ever hurt her, don't think for one minute that I'll hesitate…I know where you live, Edward."

I gulp, because how the fuck can I not, and give him a shaky smile. _Okay, then. That went better than I'd thought._ "Thanks, Sir. I won't let you down."

"Let's hope not."

There's a knock at the door and Charlie begins to cry at the sound.

"Da da!" He wails, reaching for me.

I reach across the table and take him into my arms, patting his back to comfort him. His cries soon turn into hiccups, as I walk toward the front door. There's another loud knock, before I finally pull the door open and find Bella's sister and her family standing there. _Fuck, did Bella tell everyone to get here super early? I thought she still had to bake._

"Hey, Edward!" Alice says, before bouncing up to kiss my cheek. "Hey Charlie," she says to the grinning, yet temperamental, baby in my arms. "Happy Thanksgiving!"

Alice ventures into the apartment before I can so much as step aside, and Jasper gives me an apologetic smile. He looks fucking exhausted, and is holding his young daughter in one arm and a container filled with food in the other.

"I'm going to have to make a few trips," he tells me as I help him inside. "There's a lot of food left in the car."

I help him start setting up the food on the dining room table, when Bella finally comes out, looking absolutely gorgeous with her curly brown hair pulled up in a ponytail. She looks incredible, but I'm fucking confused. That style is usually what she goes for when she doesn't have much time and she was just in the bathroom doing her hair for half an hour. When I look at her, and she blushes and looks away, I know what's up. _My girl was eavesdropping._ For some reason, this makes me smile. I can just imagine her standing on the other side of the wall, listening in as I profess my love for her to her father. I'm not going to embarrass her, so I don't bring it up. Instead, I just smile at her and wink, before offering to help Jasper.

"Cyndy, do you want to play with Bella and the baby while daddy and Uncle Edward go get the food?" Jasper asks his daughter.

Cyndy's face lights up as she looks at baby Charlie, who is staring back at her with wide eyes and a small smile.

"Yeah, daddy. Me play with baby!"

I hand Charlie off to Bella and Jasper sets his daughter down on the floor.

"You can play with him while I finish up baking your favorite pie," Bella tells the girl as they walk toward Bella's old bedroom.

Always feeling nervous about leaving the baby alone, I look toward Bella's dad and ask, "Can you keep an eye on them?"

Charlie gives me a small, but warm smile and nods. I follow Jasper to his car. It turns out that Alice made enough food to feed a small army. I can't complain though because it all looks fucking delicious. It's definitely a 180 from the Thanksgiving dinners I'm used to. Elizabeth fucking hated cooking. So, when Thanksgiving rolled around, she never made anything. Instead she would order food from a restaurant and have it delivered. I never complained, but it always felt so impersonal. Those days make me think of my brother, because he was mom's favorite growing up—which I now can understand why—the meals always centered around him. He would carry on the conversation and Elizabeth would sit back with a huge smile on her face and listen to his every word. Dad never minded this, and neither did I because it meant I didn't have to contribute anything to the conversation. Elizabeth would want to hear about all of Seth's ventures and would have him tell the same stories over and over again. She loved hearing about how popular and successful he was. Seth was the star athlete and an amazing student. I liked hearing his stories as well, but I always felt embarrassed for him because I knew he hated having to tell them so many times. He would always humor our mom though, he loved her a lot and she always supported him in everything he did. _Fuck, I miss him so much._ This won't be my first Thanksgiving without him, but the years I'd been away were different. Even though we were apart, he was still living. Now, I'll never see him again and I fucking wish I could've changed the last few years I had with him.

I took so much shit for granted. I should've come home for the holidays, I should've wanted to be around my family instead of doped up at some friend's house. There are so many things I wish I could've done differently. I'd give anything to be able to turn back time and change it. I honestly didn't know how fucking difficult the holidays would be without him. The littlest thing reminds me of him and it fucking guts me. This will be my dad's first Thanksgiving without Seth, too. Jesus Christ, he's going to be in so much pain. _Fuck!_

Jasper must sense my unease because he puts a hand on my shoulder and asks, "You okay, man? You got really quiet all of a sudden."

I shake my head, unable to speak. I just want my brother. Will this fucking pain ever go away? Just when I think I've gotten better and that I've begun to accept it, something will happen that reminds me of him and I fucking regress to my depression and anger. I want to talk to Howell, but I know he's spending the holiday with his family. I'll just bottle it up and try to have a good time. Today is an important day for me, it's the first holiday we are all spending together as one big family. I hope that's enough to keep me going.

"I'm fine," I finally manage. "I was just thinking about my brother," I tell him, knowing that I should be honest.

Jasper frowns and his eyes fill with sympathy. "I'm so sorry, man. I know the holidays must be the hardest times. I'm here for you if you need to talk."

I smile at him, because his words are more comforting than he probably knows. "Thanks, man. Let's get this shit inside."

I need to distract myself. If I'm in a room filled with people, maybe I won't dwell on my brother. However, part of me fucking doubts this. Thankfully, I'm surrounded by people who care about me. I have Bella, Charlie, my dad and now my amazing mom. I've lost a lot, but I've gained a lot too. _That's life I guess._

It takes us two trips to carry all the food inside. There's turkey, ham, and more side dishes than I've ever seen. There's also a few trays of cookies, as if Bella's pies weren't enough. How the fuck does she expect us to eat all this? Jasper just laughed and explained that his wife is usually pretty enthusiastic about the holidays, and is just happy that this year she has more mouths to feed. By the time we're finished setting everything up, Bella is done with her pie and places it on the cooling rack with the others. As soon as we're done, I go to get Charlie, because during times like these, I can't be away from my son for long. Minutes feel like hours when he's gone. He's still 'playing' with Cyndy when I find him. She's showing him all her toys, but he's too busy gnawing on the ear of one of her Pooh dolls.

"Ew," Cyndy cries as soon as she notices my son is slobbering all over her toy. "He get it wet!"

"Hey, buddy. Let's not do that. That toy isn't yours." I carefully take the toy away from him, and Charlie instantly starts crying.

"Da da!" He cries, as he tries to grab the stuffed bear.

"Here you go, Cyndy. Charlie's sorry," I apologize.

She frowns at my son and looks at her toy. "No cry Carlie," she says, mispronouncing his name. "He have toy," she tells me, giving me the bear back.

I'm surprised by this. It's such a mature thing for the little girl to do. I don't know much about kids, but I know I sure as hell didn't do this when I was her age.

"Thank you, Cyndy. That's so nice of you," I tell her with a smile. I'm going to have to get her a new toy now. What a great kid.

"No worry," she shrugs. "He be happy now."

"Look, Charlie! Cyndy is giving you her toy," I say, as I wipe away his tears and hand him the bear.

It takes him a second to realize what I'm saying and he continues to cry as he holds onto his new bear. Cyndy frowns again, before crawling over to him and placing a small kiss on his forehead.

"No cry, Charlie," she tells him.

Charlie's cries slow down and eventually stop completely. He hiccups, smiles at her, and then puts Pooh's ear back in his mouth.

"He loves you a lot, Cyndy," I tell her, as I pull Charlie onto my lap.

"I love Carlie," she smiles before returning to her toys.

My parents arrive promptly at one o'clock. I didn't get the memo about inviting everyone over crazy earlier, and as soon as they knocked on the door, I was fucking relieved. My mom looked more than happy to be here, and came into Bella's apartment with a glowing smile and a pumpkin pie in hand. My dad on the other hand, looks absolutely exhausted, and although he's smiling, his eyes are sad. This day is affecting him just like it is me. It's a twisted and cruel reminder of what we've lost. At least we've got each other and Charlie, of course. He's the only part of Seth we have left.

"Thanks for coming, mom-dad," I say before giving them both a hug.

I hear mom gasp as I say 'mom'. Tears fill her eyes and she gives me a watery smile. She looks so fucking happy hearing the simple title. I guess she's been wanting to hear it for so long. Every time I say it, she seems to always take a moment to allow the words to sink in.

"Thanks for inviting us, Edward," Mom says with a bright smile.

She gives my dad, who is quieter than I've ever seen him, a sad, sympathetic smile and squeezes his hand. I'm glad he's here, I'm glad he's strong enough to come. This Thanksgiving is a stark contrast from his last. His son has died along with his daughter-in-law, he's divorced from Elizabeth and I've returned home. Nothing about today resembles what his life once was. Change is hard enough, but once you throw everything else into the mix, today would be traumatic and fucking devastating for anyone to face.

I wrap my arm around my dad's shoulder and usher them inside. Everyone's already seated at the dining room table ready to eat. There are two seats open for my parents to sit next to me. I wanted to make sure I was close to my mom since it's my first Thanksgiving with her since I was an infant. I quickly introduce my parents to everyone and they're more than welcoming. Bella's dad stands up to shake my dad's hand and says a few words before sitting back down and waiting to eat. Although Bella's dad is quiet and gruff, I can't help but fucking like the guy so far. Alice insists on a quick prayer, before we all dig in. Charlie's sitting on my lap, playing with his new Pooh toy I couldn't get him to let go of, and throughout dinner I try my best to feed him whatever food I know he can manage to chew on. Everyone besides Alice is pretty quiet during dinner. They're too focused on shoveling food into their mouths to really have a conversation. I talk to my mom for a bit, who's so happy to be here I can barely believe it. I try to engage my dad as well, but while he smiles and says what's appropriate, I can tell he wants to keep to himself.

As dinner comes to a close and we get ready for dessert, Alice speaks up and explains her family tradition. "Every year we like to go around the table and say something we're thankful for. It's something we've done since our mom passed away," she explains, giving my girl a sad smile.

I reach for Bella's hand and hold it firmly in mine. With her on one side, my parents on the other, and my son in my lap, never have I felt more surrounded by love. I have so much to be thankful for. Everyone at this table has lost someone incredibly important to them, in one way or another, and it's astounding that we can still fight through the heartache and find something to be thankful for. _Even with all the shit in the world, we can still find something beautiful._

"I'll start," Alice says with a humble smile. "I have so much in my life to be thankful for. Every day I find something new. However, one thing I'm especially thankful for is the man who has made my sister so happy." My eyes widen as I take this in. I knew Alice liked me, but I didn't know she felt this strongly. "My sister has been alone for so long. Thank you, Edward, for making her so happy."

I nod my head, too shocked to know what to say. I'm not used to this type of attention, and Bella knows this, so she grasps my hand to give me support. Alice looks to her husband, telling him that it's his turn.

Jasper smiles, takes a deep breath and says, "I'm thankful for a lot of things right now as well, but today, I want to say that I'm incredibly thankful for my wife and the fact that she's giving me another child."

Bella gasps and reaches across the dining room table to grab her sister's hand. "Alice! You're pregnant? Why didn't you say anything?"

Alice smiles and wipes a tear from her eye. "We just found out last week," she says with a smile. "We wanted to tell you all at once."

Bella's dad is speechless, but looks incredibly happy as well. As taciturn as the man is, I know he's a big softy for kids. It's kind of fucking hilarious to see this Burt Reynolds type man fawn over a baby.

"Congrats, Alice," I say with a huge grin.

"You're going to have another grandbaby," Alice says to her dad.

"I can't believe it," Charlie chuckles. "Congratulations, sweetheart."

As soon as the table has calmed down, the attention shifts to Cyndy as she tries to think of something she's thankful for.

Finally, she says, "Thank for Carlie," she says, smiling at Charlie in my lap.

"Aw, baby. Charlie is a good friend, isn't he?" Alice asks her daughter.

"Yeah, mommy." She smiles.

It's Charlie's turn, and he's quiet at first. Finally, he says, "I'm thankful my wife gave me two beautiful daughters before she died. I can never thank her enough for that."

Alice and Bella both reach for their father's hands. I rub Bella's back as she comforts her father. I hate seeing her in pain, I just want to carry the burden for her, because all I want is for her to be happy. After a few moments of silence, we move on to my father. I cringe at the thought of him having to say anything. I can tell this is so fucking hard for him. I can feel his pain from a mile away.

"You don't have to say anything, dad," I quietly mutter.

His eyes are pained as he looks at me, and he gives me a small, tense smile before saying, "It's fine, Edward. I'm thankful for my son. He's become a wonderful father and I'm so proud of him." His voice is raw and so fucking sad. Yet, it's filled with so much love as well. Even I can hear that.

"I love you, dad," I tell him.

He smiles at me and while it seems he can't find the strength to say it back, I know in my heart he loves me just as much as I love him.

The attention turns toward Esme, and she smiles at me, reaching for my hand and says, "I'm thankful for my son as well. We found each other recently and I'm so thankful for that. He's such a wonderful person and he surprises me at every turn."

My cheeks heat up with embarrassment. While I'm so fucking happy to hear this, I'm not used to hearing people sing my praise. I've never experienced it while I was growing up, it's so fucking odd to hear right now. Of course, my dad would compliment me every now and then, but the attention was always on my brother and I took a backseat. I was never jealous, because I loved my brother and I honestly didn't envy the attention, but I would've liked some recognition every now and then. Having so many people praise me now causes me to feel like I'm in the fucking _Twilight Zone._ Now that it's my turn, I'm happy to talk about something else.

"I'm thankful for my son and my beautiful fiancée. I never imagined a girl like her would ever marry a guy like me," I say with a smile that makes my cheeks ache.

Alice gasps and reaches out for her sisters left hand. "How did I not notice that!? I can't believe I was so distracted today I missed your engagement ring. Bella! It's so beautiful. It's perfect for you," Alice says as she gushes over the humble ring on Bella's ring finger.

Bella chuckles and says, "I'm surprised you didn't notice as well. Edward and I wanted to make a formal announcement sometime during dinner, but this way works as well." She grins and throws me a wink.

"Congrats, guys," Jasper tells us with a huge smile.

As Bella talks to her sister, my mom turns to me and says, "I'm so proud of you, Edward."

I smile and nod, not knowing what to say. I'm just not fucking used to all this positive attention. If I got attention in the past it was usually because I fucked something up or got into trouble. As the chatter dies down, it's finally Bella's turn, and I'm curious to see what she'll say.

"Does Charlie have anything to say?" She asks as she reaches down to quickly tickle his stomach. "Charlie, are you thankful for anything?"

Charlie squeals with laughter before screaming, "Ma ma!" He laughs some more and lets go of his new toy for a minute to grab my finger. "Da da!"

 _He's thankful for us._ I'm sure he doesn't understand what he's saying, but it's nice to hear nonetheless. The whole table laughs and awes at his response, before they quiet down so Bella can speak.

"I've got so much to be thankful for. This last year has brought so many changes to my life. I thought I was really happy before, but I didn't really understand happiness until Edward and Charlie came into my life." She looks at me, her eyes filled with happy tears, and says, "I'm so thankful that I have my own family now. I'm so thankful I have a man in my life who loves me more than anything, and a son that I adore. I'll never forget how lucky I am."

Ignoring the room full of people, I crash my lips against hers as soon as she's finished speaking. When she's around, the whole world seems to fade away. I love her so much, it's fucking scary at times. I pour all my love into our kiss. I pull away to stare into her eyes, still completely captivated by her.

I have so much to be thankful for, but above all, I'm thankful I've been given a second chance. _Bella and Charlie have been a fucking blessing._ My life has completely transformed and I'm thankful that I've had the strength to not fall back into my bad habits. I'm thankful that before he died, Seth believed in me enough to give me his son, therefore giving me this second life. I have so much to be thankful for, I'll do everything in my power to never fuck it up.

 **A/N: So, what do you guys think? Big Charlie isn't as bad as a lot of you thought** **?** **. Please review! I love reading your thoughts after every chapter!**

 **Also, I have an entry in the Biggest Dick Ever contest, so if you haven't done so yet, please check it out! Voting ends tomorrow night. It's my first contest, so I definitely know I won't win…but, I would love your support nonetheless.**

 **Song- "Towers" by Bon Iver…one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. Also, it's one of the first songs I learned to play on guitar!**


	59. Chapter 59: Old Friends

**Thank you Sherry and Paige!**

 _"_ _I am good, I am ground_

 _Davy says that I look taller_

 _But I can't get my head around it_

 _I keep feeling smaller and smaller_

 _I need my girl_

 _I need my girl._

 _Remember when you lost your shit and_

 _Drive the car into the garden_

 _You got out and said I'm sorry_

 _To the vines and no one saw it._

 _I need my girl."_

 _-The National-_

 **EPOV:**

I'm not used to things running so fucking smoothly. The past few days have been strangely perfect. So much so, it makes me fucking paranoid. Whenever something goes right, I just sit around and wait for something else to go exceptionally wrong. Meeting Bella's dad went perfectly. He accepted me right off the bat and explained that he trusted the decisions his daughter made. I was fucking thrilled! I was so worried he wouldn't like me, that I didn't know how to react when he did. He's actually a lot cooler than I'd originally imagined. I was fucking shocked to see he had a tattoo of his own. A beautiful, black and grey tribute to his late wife on his back. It's smaller than my tribute to my brother, but it's just as beautiful. It's a large hyper realistic rose with his wife's name, Renee, in a cursive print.

We didn't become fucking chummy, or anything like that, but there is a mutual respect there…or at least I hope there is. It turns out, Bella's Dad and I have a good deal in common. Not something one would expect from a police chief and a former druggie, but somehow, we do. Hopefully one day we'll be able to become close. I could tell that Bella was upset when her dad left to return to work. I promised her we could fly out to Virginia to visit him, no matter how tough the trip would be with a baby.

Now that the holiday is over, I can finally fucking relax. As well as it went, I'm relieved it's over. I didn't realize how on edge I'd been until things returned to normal. I'd been alone for so long, I'd forgotten how hectic the holidays were. When it was just me traveling through Cali with my friends, we barely knew what day it was. I only had my days straight when I was actually working, but it was so easy for me to bounce from job to job due to my vices. Eventually, I ended up pawning shit and day laboring to get some cash. The holidays weren't something any of us gave a shit about. Of course, I really didn't have anything to care about back then. Now I've got so much to care about and I never knew my heart could feel this fucking full.

It's been a few days since the chaos and we've all gone back to our normal lives. I know that Bella is going to be glued to her sister now that she's expecting. I'm happy that Charlie will have another friend to play with. I suppose her being with her sister will give me time to work on the other relationships in my life. I can hang out with Paul, Emmett, and the other guys from work. As much as I love Charlie, it's nice to have another adult to be around. Luckily, the guys don't mind having my son around and understand that I can't afford a babysitter when all my other options are busy. Paul is the only one who acts weird around Charlie. It must be because Charlie is looking more and more like Seth every day. To Paul, Charlie would be a constant reminder of the friend he lost. I know that it's fucking hard, because it was hard for me at first, but I really hope Paul will manage to get over it and love Charlie just as much as I do. Just as much as Seth would've wanted.

Today, Bella will be shopping with Alice, and Charlie and I will be hanging out with Paul. I thought it was kind of earlier to be baby shopping—Alice isn't even two months pregnant yet—but Bella told me that no time is 'too early' for her sister when it comes to shopping. Maybe I just don't fucking get it. Nonetheless, I'm happy to have a chance to hang with one of my friends today. It's something I rarely do since I want to spend all my free time with Bella. _There's just nothing like coming home to my beautiful girl after a long, hard day of work._ It usually takes her making plans without me, for me to drag my sorry ass out. I don't know, I guess I've always been a loner and I never really grew out of it.

"I'll see you tonight, babe," Bella says as she grabs her keys and kisses me quickly on the lips.

"Tonight? Will you be back for dinner?" _I'm going to fucking miss her, as pathetic as that sounds._

"I'm not sure," she says with an apologetic smile. "Alice usually spends forever at the mall and then insists that we go out afterward to discuss our purchases."

The way Bella says this makes me laugh. She couldn't sound less enthusiastic if she tried. I know Bella hates crowds just as much as she hates being dragged around to try on clothes. I don't blame her, I don't try anything on when I shop for clothes. It seems like such a fucking waste of time. I just cross my fingers and hope it fits. I do the same when I buy Charlie's clothes. Luckily, he has a lot of growing to do. Otherwise there would be a ton of shit I own that he'd never be able to wear. _It looked promising when I bought it. I just always forget how small he still is._

"Well, have fun, babe. You know I'll be texting you."

I can't help it. Even when I'm having a good time with the guys I still want to text her. She always sends the funniest shit and loving messages. It makes me want to check my phone every second when I'm away. I know that on a day like today, she'll be texting me whenever she can. _It'll be for the sake of her sanity. As much as I love her sister, I've seen her at the mall and she's as jumpy as a crackhead. And I say that in the nicest fucking way._

"I love your texts," she says with a smile. "Have fun with Paul today. Hopefully you guys can get out of this apartment."

"Yeah, I was thinking we could go to the park or something. I want to give Charlie some time outside before it gets too fucking cold."

Bella's phone begins to ring and she rolls her eyes and throws me a smile. "Alice is impatient. I've got to go, babe. I'll see you tonight."

She gives me a long kiss goodbye, before crouching down to where Charlie is playing on the floor to give his cheek a quick kiss.

"You be good for your daddy."

Charlie laughs at his mom before he goes back to playing with his stuffed animals. I grab Bella for one last kiss before I'm sated and let her go. I'm always sad to see her leave, even if it's only for a few hours. I used to hate those couples that seemed attached at the hip, but now I can understand them. Our relationship is still so new, so perhaps that's the reason. Although, somehow, I know we'll be like this after twenty years of marriage. I couldn't imagine a day where I wouldn't fucking burn for her.

"You ready to see uncle Paul, buddy?"

Charlie giggles and flips onto his back, reaching out to me before trying to stuff his foot into his mouth. _I'll take that as a yes._ I reach down to grab him, intending to get him ready to go, but he's so fucking playful and happy today. I end up spending a half hour on the floor with him and his toys. Every time we play together, he spends the majority of the time trying to climb all over me. That inspired me to play that 'airplane' game my dad used to do with me when I was little. Charlie fucking loves that shit. He'll scream and laugh until he is a hiccuping mess and if it were up to him, we'd never stop playing. It's times like these, I really don't want to go anywhere. I just want to stay inside and cherish the time I have with my son while he's still a baby. He'll be one soon and I can't believe how fast time is flying by. I don't know what I'll do when he's walking, talking, and challenging me. All I know is, I want to enjoy this time while I still have it. I know all too well how valuable a single moment can be. _It can feel so irrelevant until it becomes a memory._

When Charlie's sweaty and worn out from playing, I know it's time to get going. As much as I want to stay here, I made a promise to Paul and I know I can't flake. I quickly change Charlie into an appropriate outfit for the late November weather, before heading out. Paul and I decided on chilling at a nearby park before getting some lunch in the area. He didn't seem to mind when I explained Charlie would be with me, and I hope that today will be the beginning of him seeing my son in a new light. I know that Seth's death has been as hard on him as it has on me, and he hasn't really had the chance to spend time with Charlie since then. I just hope shit changes because I truly believe it will be beneficial for Charlie to have his father's best friend in his life. Maybe one day Paul and I can tell him all about Seth. I know it'll hurt, but I want him to know his real parents. I want him to know how much they loved him before they passed away.

Thankfully, traffic has gone back to normal since the holiday is over. I'm impatient enough as it is, you don't have to add bumper to bumper traffic to the fucking mix. I play radio Disney for Charlie's sake, and as much as I hate the music, it's pretty entertaining to hear my son babble along to the melodies. Paul's car is one of the only ones in the parking lot. I notice him sitting at a picnic table near the playground. There aren't many kids, but the ones that are here are extremely loud and jarring for Charlie. I jump out of the car and get Charlie before walking over to greet Paul, who is looking bored as fuck as he stares at his phone.

"Hey, man!" I holler at him.

His entire expression changes as soon as he sees me. A giant grin appears on his face as he waves me over. I pull him into a quick hug, patting him a few times on the back, before letting go.

"Thanks for meeting me, man. I thought we could walk around a bit before getting lunch. I want to enjoy Washington before it's freezing," I joke.

"No, I totally get it. It's nice to be out of the office for a little bit. It can get so unbearable," he says with a laugh.

We head down one of the parks trails, enjoying what's left of the multi-colored leaves before they disappear for the winter. Charlie is babbling away, incoherently. It's so fucking funny to listen to, because he sounds like a little drunk person. Come to think of it, all babies kind of act like little drunk people. They shit themselves, throw up everywhere, and babble nonsense no one understands. I grin at the thought. _Charlie is without a doubt the cutest baby on the fucking Earth._

"I've never seen him talk so much," Paul chuckles.

He's probably right. Last time he really hung out with Charlie, he was super little, not even six months at the time. Now that he's almost one, he's talking constantly. Of course, hardly any of what he says makes sense…but, it's cool nonetheless.

"Yeah, he loves to talk to himself. Sometimes I try to figure out what he's saying, but I really have no fucking clue."

We both laugh as we watch Charlie continue to babble.

"His newest word is 'no'. So that's definitely a trip."

Paul throws his head back and laughs. Looking more relaxed than I've seen him look in a long time. "That's awesome, man. I'm sure he'll learn 'yes' soon enough."

"Da da!" Charlie interrupts, grabbing my face between his chubby, little hands.

Paul's body tenses at my side. I frown, but I understand why he's fucking uncomfortable. This is another reminder that Seth isn't with us. I truly hope that Charlie calling me 'dad' doesn't make him too uncomfortable. His real dad isn't here and I know I probably seem like a poor fucking substitute. I push my self-esteem issues aside, because I know that's not what Paul's fucking thinking. Hell, he'd never think something like that. I know he's just said that Seth is gone. It hasn't even been a year since his passing and the wounds are still so fucking fresh for us both.

After a moment, Paul's smile returns and his body relaxes. He doesn't say anything and I know better than to comment. I don't want to bring up anything heavy today. Instead, I want to focus on positive energy and moving forward. Seth would have wanted that. I know my brother and he couldn't stand when anyone around him was unhappy. Even when we were both little he'd always be there for me when I would cry, even if it was just some trivial shit. He would swoop in and save the day. That's just the type of guy he was. If he could see us now, he'd want us both to be happy and in the moment.

"How's Bella doing?" Paul asks, all awkwardness gone completely.

"She's great! We're actually moving in together. Well, we live together in my apartment now, but we've found a house we're interested in buying."

A big grin appears on Paul's face and he gives me a proud slap on the back. "That's incredible, man! You're going to be a homeowner!"

 _Seth would flip!_ Paul doesn't say this, but I know he wants too. Seth would be so fucking proud of me if he were still alive. I could imagine the smile on his face right now. It would be a lot like Paul's actually. While they look completely different, they're practically fucking twins when it comes to their expressions and mannerisms. It's so fucking uncanny at times. That's why it fucking hurt to hang out with him when Seth first died. Paul was a fucking mirror of my older brother and it was hard to be around that. However, now that I've reached some level of acceptance, things are getting easier. I'll always carry my brother in my heart, but with each day I grow stronger and it becomes less painful.

"Thanks. I'm so excited. I never thought I'd want all this, but now that it's happening I'm really happy."

"Well, I'm really happy for you and Bella. Let me know if you need any help moving in."

An idea springs into my head, and I blurt it out before I can think too long about it. I don't need to think, because I can feel that this is the right decision. "I know this is really random and out of nowhere, but Bella and I are getting married soon and I need a best man. Since Seth isn't here, I really want it to be you. I know it's a lot to throw at you, but it would really mean a lot to me."

Paul hesitates for a moment, and an emotion appears in his eyes that I can't fucking name. It's fleeting and before I can analyze it, he smiles and looks away.

"I'd love to do it," he answers.

All my previous thoughts fade away because I'm so fucking happy. Everything in my life seems to be falling into place and I can't believe it. With Paul at my side, that aspect of the wedding won't be so fucking bleak. As happy as I've been, I was dwelling on the fact that my brother wouldn't be there to watch me get married. He'd think I was fucking shitting him if he heard I was engaged. Knowing him, he'd want to be part of my wedding in a huge way. He'd plan an amazing bachelor party, give an amazing speech, and would tease me relentlessly about my past. I know I'll have him there in spirit, though. Even with all the shit that's happened with me, Paul has always been like my brother. Therefore, I'm fucking honored and thrilled to have him as my best man.

"The wedding isn't planned yet and I'm not sure what Bella really wants to do, but I'll keep you up to date," I go on to explain, with a huge fucking grin on my face.

"Just tell me when and where to show up, and I'll be there," he smiles back.

As we leave the park and make our way to lunch, I reflect on how fucking awesome it is to have my friend back. I forgot about how awesome Paul is and I can't believe I shut him out at first. Now that we're friends again, it's like I never left for Cali. It's like we're back in high school with Seth, just dicking around. Memories of my brother still come crashing back when I look at Paul, but now it's no longer painful. Now I can look at those memories and smile, appreciating the time I had with my brother. We had so many awesome times together and I smile, knowing Seth lived an amazingly full life in the time that he had. Sure, it was too fucking short, but he lived more in his twenty-eight years than some do in an entire lifetime.

 **A/N: It's good that Edward has another friend! I have a poll in my Facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan) asking what you want to see for the next outtake. It's going to be an outtake in another character's point of view! So, please hop over there and vote!**

 **Song- "I Need My Girl" by The National. An amazing band.**


	60. Chapter 60: Reaching Out

**Thanks Paige for editing this chapter so quickly! Also, if everyone could keep my beta Sherry in their thoughts, that would be awesome! She isn't feeling well, so send some positive vibes her way.**

 _"_ _Complicate this world you wrapped for me_

 _I'm acquainted with your suffering._

 _And all your weight_

 _It falls on me_

 _It brings me down_

 _And all your wait it falls on me._

 _Hold me up to all whom you've deceived_

 _Promises you break you still believe."_

 _-Collective Soul-_

 **EPOV:**

"What do you think is holding you back?" Howell asks, leaning forward in his seat. "You say that you find it hard to be happy, but you also keep telling me how much you have to be happy about."

I shrug my shoulders, running a hand nervously through my hair, tugging it at the roots until I feel my scalp tingle before letting go. After a few months of weekly sessions, I still feel fucking exposed when I talk about my feelings. However, I don't dread it like I fucking used to.

I'm quiet, looking as if I were thinking about something, but I'm truly just staring off into space. I know why I'm not fucking happy. On the surface I'm fine, but down deep there's something eating away at me. It gnaws on me, begging for all my attention. Even when I _am_ truly happy, there is this dark shadow looming over my shoulder, constantly following me everywhere.

"Since my brother's death, I just feel so fucking…guilty. I don't know how to describe it. I just constantly wish I could take his place. He had everything to live for and I had nothing. Charlie deserves his real dad and no matter what I give him, I'll never be able to fill that role. Seth should be here right now, not me."

I stop rambling and slouch against the couch, crossing my arms across my chest. It sounds so different when I voice my problems out loud. I know it's fucking absurd. I shouldn't feel guilty because there was absolutely nothing I could have done. I wasn't here to save him, as much as I fucking wish I was. I wish I could have been in that car instead of him.

"So, you feel guilty. Guilt is natural, but what could you have done?" Howell questions, always fucking pressing me.

"I wasn't here for him," I practically shout, growing fucking angry at myself. "I should've been here. I never should've left Washington, but I was so fucking selfish. My dad told me he died in the hospital. I thought he had died on impact, but he suffered for hours after the accident. Hours after his wife died in that car. If I were here, I would have fucking visited him. Do you know where I was?"

I don't give him a chance to respond. I can't control myself and I begin to grow fucking hysterical as I answer my own question.

"That night I was coked-up at some girl's house. I don't even remember her name. I missed all my family's calls and when I finally did answer my phone, my brother was dead. That shit sticks with you."

Howell gives me a sympathetic nod, but his face is strong and determined like it always is when he looks at me. I'm so glad he doesn't pity me, because I can't stand that fucking shit. I don't want to be pitied. He looks like he's about to say something, but my tirade is not finished, and I continue.

"And my brother's killer…well, no one seems to fucking know where he's at. That bastard, whoever they are, killed my brother and sister-in-law and drove away. They didn't even fucking care enough to stop!" I shout, my voice breaking as angry tears prick my eyes. "How can you do that to someone and fucking leave? That fucker took away my brother…took away Charlie's dad. You don't know how badly I want to get my hands on them."

Tears are trailing down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them away with the sleeve of my shirt. My breathing is rapid and my heart is beating so quickly I feel like I'm about to have a fucking panic attack. I'm silent as I put my head in my hands and try to control my breathing, and Howell is respectively silent as well. Allowing me time to cool off before he asks anything else.

When I can finally breathe easy again, Howell asks, "So, now you want to take your brother's killer on too?"

I shrug, feeling quite stubborn as I answer, "Maybe. I just want them to know what they've done."

I'm silent for a moment. My anger is clouding my thoughts and I can barely think. As much as I want to see that drunk driver brought to justice, I know that's not possible for me alone. I can't take on everything. Fuck, I can barely take care of myself and keep my own life in order at times.

Finally, I say, "No, I need to focus on myself right now. I know that none of this shit is possible. I can't track down his killer, and I can't go back in time and stop their deaths. It just haunts me every day though. I don't have to even think about it. It's just like this dark shadow that's glued to my side, constantly reminding me about what I've lost."

"Allow yourself to think about your brother and Kate. You never really had time to properly mourn their deaths. You became a parent overnight and had to transform your entire life. You should be proud of yourself for doing that," Howell says with a small smile. "It's healthy to mourn the loss of someone close to you. Take your time to heal. Healing is different for everyone."

The one thing I love about coming to Howell is that I always find comfort in his words. The session becomes lighter as he begins to question me about Charlie. Even when I talk about my son with a smile on my face, I'm still reeling from the realizations I had just moments before. There's so much for me to be angry about, I don't have the slightest clue how I manage to have a somewhat normal life. Fuck, if it weren't for Bella and my son, I _would_ be hunting down the fucker who killed my brother and sister-in-law. I would make it my life's goal to bring Seth's killer to justice. While I want to see justice served, I can't fucking do it myself. I can only hope that one day karma will bite that piece of shit in the ass.

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I'm exhausted by the time I get home. As much as therapy helps, it pushes me to talk about shit I never want to even think about. Every time I get home from Howell's office, I just want to take a long fucking nap. Bella's always wonderful when I return, giving me time to cool off on my own and letting me come to her when I'm ready. _She's just fucking perfect in that way._

When I get home today, I give Bella a quick kiss before dropping to the living room floor to play with Charlie. Playing with my son is so therapeutic after my sessions. His bright and happy face distracts me from all the pain I went through today. I pull him onto my lap and tickle his tummy, smiling at the sound of his laughter.

"Da da, no!" He shouts.

I smile, because this is the longest sentence he's strung together. _Fuck, my son is so smart._ I'm probably biased, but he always makes me so fucking proud of him.

Since Cyndy gave him her Pooh toy, Charlie's been glued to the thing. He never lets go of it. I've even had to pry it out of his little hands before I give him a bath, because he'll try to bring the stuffed animal into the water with him. He's been gnawing on the ear to the point that Pooh's ear is almost torn completely off. As soon as he pulls his mouth away from the toy, I pull his lower lip down and take a peek inside.

"Babe, he has another tooth!" I call out to Bella in excitement.

His first tooth practically went unnoticed because we were so fucking busy. It really made me slow the fuck down, because that was such a huge thing for him and I hadn't noticed. Since then, I've been watching Charlie all the time, as if he's going to change if I look away for a second. Every time I come home from work, I'm worried there will be something different about him. Bella always teases me, making me wonder if every parent is like this, or if I'm just the crazy exception.

"That's awesome," Bella says with a huge smile, as she rushes into the room.

Charlie's taken aback from all the attention, but then his face transforms into a huge grin as he abandons his toy and reaches out to Bella. She eagerly takes him into her arms and kisses his cheeks before looking inside his mouth herself. She smiles as she sees the other tooth, and touches it gently with her finger.

"He's growing up so fast," I say as I watch them.

It's fucking bittersweet. I want to see him grow up, and yet I want him to stay this way forever. _My little Charlie._ I can see his whole life ahead of me, and the feeling it causes is so fucking overwhelming. I'm going to make sure he has the best life and give him all the love I missed out on growing up.

"I know, he'll be a toddler before we know it," Bella says, seeming to have the same mixed feelings that I do.

I know she wants a baby of her own. Maybe when Charlie gets older, I'll give her one. Regardless of how the thought of a second kid fucking frightens me and sends chills down my spine. I'll do anything Bella wants, just because I fucking love her so much.

"I thought I'd start planning his party," she says, playing with him in her lap.

"That's great, babe," I say, as I lean back to watch them. "What were you thinking?"

"Just a small get together," she says with a shrug. "I'm not sure," she blushes. "Usually Alice has planned all the parties in my life. I've never planned one myself. I thought it could just be family and close friends. He loves Winnie the Pooh, so I thought I could make that the theme."

She's so fucking cute when she rambles like this. I can tell the party planning flusters her, but she loves Charlie and wants to do it, so I don't mention it.

"I thought about inviting Elizabeth," I say casually. This has been weighing on my brain since I left her behind so many weeks ago. Despite my history with her, she _is_ Charlie's biological grandmother, and I can't deprive him of that relationship. It wouldn't be right. "She's Charlie's nana and I want to give her the option. Whether she comes or not is up to her."

Bella looks at me for a moment, before smiling and nodding her head. "I think that's a good idea. It's nice that you're giving her that option. I can't imagine she wouldn't want to see her grandson."

"I thought I'd give her a call soon. Maybe today, while I'm already in a shitty mood," I joke.

Bella rolls her eyes and giggles at me. "Babe, you might not want to call her if you're not feeling up to it."

"It's fine." I wave her off. "I just want to get it over with. I know it's best for Charlie."

As uncomfortable as it'll probably be, I want her there. I felt shitty enough when I thought about her having Thanksgiving dinner all by herself. Sure, she was a terrible mom to me, but she did have her reasons. I don't know if I can completely sympathize with her, but my feelings toward her have changed. As I watch my son, giggling in my girl's arms, I promise that I'll call her. He deserves to be surrounded by people who love him, and I'll let go of some of my residual anger and pride so he can have that.

"Da da!" He squeals, reaching for me to take him.

 _Fuck, I'd do anything for my son._

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After a relaxing dinner, I decide to call Elizabeth. It's still fucking weird to think of her as something other than my mom. Now, she's my dad's ex-wife. Everything is still so fucking raw for me and trying to adjust to all the changes in my life is so _strange._

My pulse picks up as I listen to the phone ring. I can't deny the fact that I hope it goes straight to voicemail. I'm always so awkward about shit, so it's probably best if I just leave a short message and she can just get back to me if she wants to. It's not that I want to avoid talking to her…well, maybe that's a lie, but it's not because I hate her. I'm just so fucking tired and I don't know if I can deal with her if she wants to be difficult for whatever reason. Just as I'm about to hang up, she answers her cell.

"Edward?" She questions, in a voice that is tired and confused.

I'm honestly surprised she has my number saved to her phone. I hadn't expected that, I expected to have to awkwardly tell her who was calling, as if she hadn't fucking raised me and known me since I was a baby.

"Elizabeth, what's up?" I ask, before cringing at my fucking awkwardness.

 _What's up? That's how you want to start a conversation with the woman that was your 'mom' until you found out you were the result of an affair? Shit, this situation is awkward enough to begin with. Why not make this conversation fucking awkward as well?_

"Sorry," I begin again, making sure she is still listening before I continue. "I just wanted to call and invite you to Charlie's birthday party. He's turning one."

 _Wow, Cullen. She knows that you idiot._

"When's the party?" She asks. While her voice is casual and mostly monotone, I can detect a hint of happiness in her tone. She must be glad I reached out to her.

"It's December 16th," I tell her.

I can't decide if I really want her to be able to make it. Part of me hopes she blows it off, just because I know how awkward it'll be to have my mom, my dad, and her all in one room. Not that my parents would start anything at Charlie's birthday party, and despite how fucking dramatic Elizabeth can be, I'm not sure she would start anything either. Maybe I should remind them to all be on their best behavior. Because the focus is on Charlie and not all of their problems.

"I'll have to look at my calendar," she says hesitantly.

She must want to come. It is her biological grandson after all. Charlie is all she has left of Seth. That reason alone is why I realized I couldn't completely cut her off. As much as I wanted her out of my life for good, doing that wouldn't be fair to her or Charlie. She is his grandma after all.

"Well, I hope you can make it. Charlie will want you there," I say, hoping this will convince her.

"I'll try, Edward. I'll see what I can do."

I guess this is as good as it's going to get with her. She doesn't sound the least bit enthusiastic about seeing her grandson. I guess I should've fucking expected this shit. I reached out to her, so I guess my job is now done. If she wants to take the fucking olive branch, that's her choice. I can't make it for her.

"That's all I ask," I finally say.

Instead of saying something traditional like, 'thanks for calling' or 'it was nice talking to you'. She says, "Is there anything else you needed?"

I smile at this, because she's just like I remembered her. Beautiful and extremely detached from everything and everyone around her. I guess being fucking foolish is the best thing a woman can be in her position. It's hard to face reality when reality fucking sucks.

"No, I only called to tell you about Charlie's party."

"Well," she says, sounding flustered all of a sudden. "I've got to go, Edward."

"Goodbye, Elizabeth," I say, as she hangs up on me.

 **A/N: I know you guys don't like Elizabeth, but Charlie is her grandson…so, Edward had to at least invite her.**

 **Also, thanks to everyone who voted in my poll on my FB group. This week we'll have an outtake of Carlisle asking Elizabeth for a divorce on my blog!**

 **This story has ten more chapters planned. I can't believe it! They will be big chapters, just warning you! Before these next ten huge chapters…I just want to say a big thank you to each and every one of you! I'm overwhelmed by the response this story has received and I'm so happy that so many of you have connected with it! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed, and favorited this story. Your support means the world to me!**

 **Song- "Heavy" by Collective Soul.**


	61. Chapter 61: Acceptance

**Thanks Paige and Sherry for being such amazing betas! This story would definitely not be the same without you. Any mistakes are my own!**

 _"_ _It's sixteen miles to the promised land_

 _And I promise you, I'm doing the best I can_

 _Now, don't fool yourself in thinking you're more than a man_

 _'_ _Cause you'll probably end up dead_

 _I visit the mountains with frequency_

 _And I stand here with my arms up._

 _Now some days, they last longer than others_

 _But this day by the lake went too fast_

 _And if you want me, you better speak_

 _I won't wait_

 _So, you better move fast."_

 _-Rilo Kiley-_

 **EPOV:**

The past few weeks seemed to have escaped me completely. I've been so fucking busy, that I all the days seem to blend together. Work has become brutal as the year is nearing its end. The weather makes being outside almost unbearable and our project couldn't be done soon enough. If I didn't have a family to care for, I would walk away now and find another job. However, while the work can be grueling and shitty, it's reliable and pays well. Now that I'm going to be a homeowner soon, I can't just quit.

 _Homeowner._ Fuck, I still can't believe it. The notion still seems unreal. I would've never guessed I'd have my life together this soon. Sometimes I want to pinch myself, just to make sure I'm not fucking dreaming. Bella and I have planned to move into the home after the new year, only a few short weeks away. Now that it's December, I'm getting nervous about everything. Although Bella has assured me I have nothing to worry about, stating she could afford the house all by herself. With her salary from editing textbooks and the money her mother left her when she died, she could buy the home and still have money left over. This doesn't make me feel better, because I want to be able to have enough money to take care of her. I know it's the 21st century and all, but I want to take care of my girl.

Luckily, things have been so fucking busy I haven't had too much time to get stressed out over this shit. Charlie's birthday is only a day away and the holidays are only a week after that. Buying gifts and planning everything has been fun, but a nightmare at the same time. The malls are like hell itself and the traffic is so fucking horrible I swear I could get from point A to point B by foot in a shorter time frame. My only solace is my AA meetings with Paul…something I never thought I'd fucking say. It's just so strangely relaxing to sit in a quiet room and listen to people's stories. I haven't talked about Seth. I don't know why exactly, I guess I never had the inclination. I'd rather keep my story to myself, just because I feel like it's my way of holding onto him. It may be selfish, but part of me doesn't want to share him. However, at the same time I believe people deserve to know just how great he is. This battle in my head causes me to spend every meeting in silence next to Paul.

Paul hasn't spoken up either. Like me, he's always kept to himself and has been very introspective when it comes to his problems. While, I'm extremely introverted and he is as extroverted as one can be, we both tend to keep to ourselves when we're dealing with a difficult situation. Bella jokes that I get stuck in my own head, lost in my thoughts. I laugh because nothing could be truer. I get lost in my own thoughts constantly and forget the world around me. Whenever I apologize to Bella, she brushes it off, and states that I look 'cute' when I'm thinking. I roll my eyes now, just thinking of it. _When have I ever looked fucking 'cute'?_

Tonight, I'm going to AA with Paul while Bella gets everything ready for Charlie's birthday party at home. She told me I was 'distracting' her, complaining that she never can get anything done while I'm around. _She didn't seem unhappy when she was bent over our bed screaming my name…_ As much as I'd rather spend the time with her, I agreed to go out and leave her to it. She had bags of party supplies all around the house, so whatever she's planning must be fucking serious.

I meet up with Paul at a local church, where tonight's AA meeting is being held. He's early, as usual, and is waiting for me outside the entrance. I watch people shuffle inside, and while their faces look familiar, I've never paid enough attention to learn their names. I don't really stick around after meetings to try to make friends. I know that having people in your life who understand your situation can be a good thing, but I'm not one for small talk and dancing around the elephant in the room. I don't avoid other members, I just don't reach out to them either. Hell, I barely talk to Paul during the meetings and he's one of my best friends. Usually after the meeting ends, I say goodbye to Paul, grab some cookies and orange juice off the 'refreshments' table, and head straight home so I can see Bella and our son. That's my plans for tonight. Paul's pretty taciturn when it comes to this shit anyway, so I know he won't mind.

"Hey, man!" Paul calls out as he sees me approach.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I got caught up with things at home."

"It's cool," he says with a shrug. "The meeting hasn't started yet."

By the time we arrive at the room where the meeting is being held tonight, everyone's already in their seats ready to get started. Paul and I take a seat in the back, away from everyone else in the room. I feel like no one can see me back here, and that puts my mind at ease. The man running tonight's meeting still isn't here yet, so I turn to Paul and start talking to avoid the awkward silence that normally fills the room before these meetings begin.

"I thought I'd warn you before tomorrow, Elizabeth might be coming to Charlie's party."

Last week I told Paul everything about the situation with Elizabeth, my dad, and my biological mother. To say he was astounded would be a fucking understatement. While Paul was beyond shocked, he found that it wasn't impossible to come to terms with. With the way Elizabeth treated me growing up, it gave my whole story credibility. She'd been fucking horrible to me, and while Paul wasn't usually around for her breakdowns toward me, he could still see that she hadn't loved me. We made so many excuses for her, but at the end of the day, she didn't even try to like me. She cast me off like I was less than nothing.

The one thing Paul couldn't wrap his mind around was the fact that my dad lied to me for so many years. I explained that it was 'necessary' because of the shitty situation with Elizabeth and Esme's ex-husband, Charles. However, the years of deception burns just as badly as the truth.

I know it's strange for Paul to look at Elizabeth as Seth's mom and not mine. Fuck, it's weird for me as well. Elizabeth loved Paul almost as much as she loved Seth. _She always told him that she thought of him as a son._ I know that Paul's close to her, but not as close as he once was. He hasn't talked to her much since Seth's death, but he is closer to her than anyone else when you think about it. He's the only one she hasn't had a falling out with.

"Will your mom be there too?"

"Yeah, I invited them both. I hadn't planned on inviting Elizabeth, because, like I said, I thought she was out of my life completely. But last night I had a change of heart I guess, because Charlie is her grandson. I thought it would be wrong to leave her out. I just hope they can all be adults about this."

Paul gives me a small smile before saying, "I think it'll work out fine. Well, at least I hope it will. It's a kid's birthday party for fuck's sake."

I snicker at this and hope he's right. A few grown ass adults wouldn't ruin a baby's birthday party because of all their drama. I mean, I know it's going to be awkward as hell, but I just hope they can find it in their heart to focus on Charlie.

"I just hope everything runs smoothly tomorrow. Bella's been working so hard on the party and it's such a special day…I'd be pissed if anyone did anything to ruin it."

"I'll help you if things go south," he promises, before we're interrupted by the beginning of the meeting.

The meeting starts off the same as it usually does. Mark, the man who's running the meeting tonight, talks about acceptance, forgiveness, and all that crap. It's important, but I've heard this so many times I tend to tune him out. I sit back in my seat and wait for the first member to speak up.

The first one up tonight is Abigail, a housewife who has been abusing alcohol for the past ten years. She lost her mother right when she graduated high school and was never the same since. I don't know if it's because she lost her mother in a car accident, but I can feel her pain and connect with her words. It's nice knowing that I'm not alone, even in my darkest of times, there are always others suffering just as I am.

"I realized that no matter how long I self-medicated, my past would never be any different," Abigail goes on to say. "I was destroying my present and my future by drinking constantly and feeling like a victim. When I stopped drinking, my entire life changed for the better. Now, when I talk about my mom, I feel nothing but joy. Which is something I haven't felt in a long time."

I don't know if it's this woman's story, or the fact that it's Charlie's first birthday tomorrow, but I want to share my story with the group. Seth died almost six months ago, but it feels like it was just yesterday. I haven't had the chance to fucking mourn him properly, and I've had so much shit thrown at me in such a short period of time. I've reached a level of acceptance, but I still wish he were here every fucking day. I just want to share with the fucking world how amazing he was. He was an amazing son, brother, husband, and father and everyone should know. However, I can't share it with the world, so I'll share it with the people in this room who are willing to listen.

As soon as Abigail is finished speaking, I stand up so fast I almost knock my fucking chair over. I'm so fucking nervous for some reason, and I walk to front of the room before said nerves kick in and I pussy out. Mark's brows rise with surprise, as he watches me make my way to the desk by where he's sitting. I don't think he's ever heard me utter a word, so I can understand his, and everyone else's, shock.

When I finally get to the front of the room, I look out at the crowd, peering over every nameless face until I see Paul's. His expression is unreadable, I can't tell if he's proud of me for speaking up or not. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and try to gather my thoughts before I begin to speak. _I can't believe I'm fucking doing this._

"Hello, I'm Edward," I awkwardly begin. "Alcohol wasn't my only drug of choice. I left my home here in Washington, and lost myself. I tried every drug I could get ahold of. I rarely asked what it was and consumed it without a second thought. Coke, meth, acid…you name it, and I've tried it at least once. I don't know why I allowed drugs and alcohol to consume my life the way I did. As sad as it sounds, I really felt as though I had nothing to live for and I couldn't see a future for myself. It was as though I wanted to destroy my own life, while I masked my actions as trying to live every day to its fullest. It was fun, an escape from reality, but it wasn't until my brother died that I realized it had to end.

"Seth was my older brother. He was a father and a husband. He had the life anyone would kill for. Everyone who knew him loved him. It was hard not to, he was pretty much perfect. So perfect that I hated it at times," I say with a small, sad smile. "He died about six months ago, along with my sister-in-law, Kate. Two amazing people who left this world too fucking soon. They were killed in a hit-and-run accident one night on their way home from a date. Luckily, their son, Charlie, wasn't with them. Kate died on impact, and I found out only a week ago that my brother was taken to the hospital in critical condition and died in surgery a few short hours later. I thought he died in the car with his wife, but I guess my dad only said that to make me feel better. My dad tried to get ahold of me while Seth was in the hospital, but I was too high and drunk to answer my phone. By the time I called my dad back, my brother was dead.

"For some unfathomable reason, my brother and sister-in-law made me their son's guardian, so, I returned to Washington, sobered up, and begun to take care of Charlie. Withdraw was horrible, I felt so fucking sick all the time, but luckily, I wasn't addicted to the point where it got any worse than that. I was so busy with the transition going on in my life, I didn't have time to stop and pay attention to how sick I was. Instead, I focused all my time and energy on my new son. I stayed with my parents at first, and they helped out, but eventually I was able to get my own apartment with the help of my dad. I went from a druggie with an alcohol problem, to a dad who recently became engaged. Sobriety has changed my entire life.

"Seth believed in me when no one else did. He was always like that, so positive regardless of what was happening in the world around him. His optimism is one of the things I miss most about him. His son, Charlie, turns one tomorrow. And while it's a happy time, I still wish Seth and Kate could be here to see it. They would be so fucking proud of Charlie. He's so smart and so amazing, I honestly can't believe I'm his dad now. I worry all the time that I won't be good enough for him. That I'll relapse and lose everything in my life. Honestly, if it weren't for him and my fiancée, Bella, I don't know if I'd be sober right now. If it weren't for Charlie, I think my life would have spiraled out of control after my brother's death. I was so fucking heartbroken when he died…still am, and I think that if I didn't have his son to care for, I might be dead right now as well.

"Every day I tell myself I have to stay strong for Seth. That I have to make Seth proud. I can't turn back to my old ways, because I have everything to live for now. While I want to say the desire to get drunk or high is gone completely, that wouldn't be true. It's still fucking there, lurking around with every step I take. I wonder if it'll ever go away."

Saying this out loud makes me fucking shake. I've barely been able to admit this to myself. I knew the inclination wouldn't leave overnight, but I hoped if I fought against it hard enough, it would go away. However, it's still fucking there. I can still taste the burn of tequila on my tongue and I can still remember the weightless feeling of floating through space as I was tripping. I can also remember the bad stuff as well. I can remember watching my friend pull her hair out during a bad trip. I remember being too high to stop her. I remember the feelings of helplessness I would have when I was too far gone. I remember choking on my own vomit on the hard, cold floor of some rest stop bathroom. I don't miss a single thing about my old life, but my body misses the feelings that self-medicating brought. It scares me sometimes, and if it weren't for Bella and Charlie, I'm not sure I'd have my impulses under control.

I can feel everyone's stares, but I can't bring myself to look up. I want to look at Paul, to see if he's as heartbroken as I am after my little speech, but I can't bring myself to do that either. I stare at the ground as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Edward…" I hear Mark begin.

Feeling more vulnerable than ever, I leave the room, feeling as if I'm about to puke. I hear the door slam shut behind me, as I walk down the empty hallway toward the entrance with tears in my eyes. Thankfully, I don't hear the door open again. I didn't want anyone to try to be a hero and fucking follow me. All I need now is my space. I leave the building and go straight to my car, happy to get the fuck out of here.

I can't control myself, I cry the whole way home. Not gut-wrenching sobs, but silent tears instead. I blare Joy Division in my car and let the tears trail down my cheeks as I drive. My mind is blank and my body is numb. While my heart fucking hurts, the smallest part of me feels relieved as well. I never thought I'd be able to talk in front of a giant group like that, and yet, I did it. I should be proud of myself, but I'm too fucked up to really feel anything.

I'm too depressed to go home. So, I pull off the road and park outside a gas station that is standing on its last leg. There's no one around, so I let myself relax. I turn up the music and close my eyes, letting my mind relax as one track skips to the next. I want to go inside and buy a pack of cigarettes, but instead I gnaw on my lip and wait for the craving to pass. It never does, of course, so I pull out my emergency package of gum from my glove compartment and pop a piece into my mouth. I wipe up my face with the sleeve of my shirt and turn up the music before closing my eyes again.

 _"_ _And did you exchange, a walk on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage?"_

The classic melody eases my mind, but nothing really helps.

I don't get home until ten o'clock. I check my phone before heading up to my apartment. I have a few missed calls from Bella and a worried text. The meetings usually end around eight and she knows I always come directly home once they're finished. As guilty as I feel, I wasn't ready to come home a moment sooner. I didn't want her to see me like that. I needed the time in solitude to control my emotions before coming back to reality.

I open the front door to find my apartment is decked out for Charlie's party. It looks fucking fantastic and I can't believe Bella did all this by herself. There's Winnie the Pooh stuff everywhere. My eyes fill with tears, and I feel so fucking sappy, crying over a giant display of balloons that are formed to look like Winnie the Pooh. _Charlie's going to fucking love this._ I pull myself together by the time Bella greets me.

"Thank god, you're home. I was getting so worried about you," Bella says, slipping up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist.

I enjoy the feel of her warm body against mine. I feel every one of my muscles relax as I feel her heartbeat against my back. Her body is so fucking soothing. Now, I regret staying out so long.

"Sorry, babe. I just had to have some time to think," I say regretfully.

"Is everything all right?"

I gently grab her arm and bring her around my body so I can look into her eyes. "Everything's okay now," I say, before bringing my lips to hers.

Whenever she's near, it's hard to think about anything else. I enjoy our kiss for a while, and break away before things go any further.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" She asks, as she shyly looks around the room.

I realize I haven't told her just how incredible everything looks. The amount of work she's put into this is incredible, and I'm so fucking proud of her.

"I'm so excited," I tell her, giving her a real smile. "This place looks incredible, I can't believe you did all this."

She blushes and smiles at me, "Well, I called Alice for some help with the balloons, but I did everything else. I had Cyndy play with Charlie in his room, so he hasn't seen any of it yet."

"He's going to love it," I assure her. Fuck, Charlie's going to be so thrilled, I can't even begin to imagine.

"I'm so excited to celebrate with him," she says with a huge grin. "I can't believe he's turning one tomorrow."

 _My little boy is going to be one._ I can't believe that I've had him for six months and he's still happy and healthy. I can't believe we've come this far together. I can't believe I've been successful at this parenting thing so far. I hope that tomorrow is filled with love and happiness. I want Charlie to know just how many people love him. He's lost so much in his life already, but I promise myself I'll do my best to make him happy and give him as much love as possible, every single day.

 **A/N: Guys, once again, thank you so much for your support! It's so overwhelming! I can't believe these are the last ten chapters. All of your questions are about to be answered…I've loved to see all your theories in the comments, and really wish I could respond to them!**

 **I'll be posting that outtake for you guys soon and I'll keep you updated on my FB group. Also, there will be some special surprises I'll be announcing in my group soon, so if you're not part of it already, you might want to join** **?** **. I would love to have you!**

 **Song- "With Arms Outstretched" by Rilo Kiley. (Another amazing band!)**


	62. Chapter 62: Charlie's First Birthday

**So, this chapter is a doozy. Thanks so much, Sherry and Paige, for editing it! Any mistakes are my own.**

 _"_ _Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face,_

 _Do you realize we're floating in space?_

 _Do you realize that happiness makes you cry,_

 _Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?_

 _And instead of saying all of your goodbyes, let them know_

 _You realize that life goes fast_

 _It's hard to make the good things last_

 _You realize the sun doesn't go down_

 _It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round."_

 _-The Flaming Lips-_

 **EPOV:**

Charlie is up before dawn, as if he could sense the excitement ahead. My heart felt as if it were going to burst as I picked him up this morning, because I was holding my one-year-old son for the first time. _He feels the same, smells the same, and sounds the same._ I don't know what I was expecting, but I thought there would be _something_ different about my little boy, instead, he's the same little guy I've grown to love. Maybe I was just worried, fearing that he would be so much older overnight. I don't know where this fear has come from…maybe I'm afraid of missing a crucial moment of his life. After losing my brother, I can admit that I've been a bit obsessive when it comes to Charlie. I'm just so fucking paranoid, and I don't even realize it until moments like these.

"Da da!" Charlie squeals as I take him to the bathroom to get him ready.

He's so fucking giddy today. He's like the Energizer bunny, as he kicks his feet and waves his hands around while I'm getting his bath ready. As I hold him, I take a moment to stop and etch every feeling into my memory. He's one now, and soon he'll be two, three, four…soon he'll be going to pre-school, elementary school, middle school, high school, and hopefully college. Shit flies by so fast, and if I don't allow myself a moment to appreciate the present, it'll pass me by before I can grab a hold of it.

"Happy birthday, buddy," I say, before pressing a kiss against his forehead.

He laughs loudly and grabs my finger, bringing it to his mouth to gnaw on. I love seeing him like this. So happy and so carefree. He's too little to understand how hard his life has been. The happiness on his face is so…pure, so beautifully pure and completely unaffected by the world around him. I've never seen Charlie truly upset, and I hope I never have to, as unrealistic as that hope may be.

"Da da," he says again with a giggle.

"You're one year old today! How does it feel, buddy?" I ask, bouncing him on my knee while I fill the tub with water.

His eyes widen with excitement as he listens to the inflection of my voice. He has no idea what I'm talking about, but he knows I _sound_ excited, so his eyes brighten, his mouth drops open as if he were surprised, and his cheeks flush. I've got to laugh at his expression, because it's the fucking cutest thing I've ever seen. As soon as I laugh, he does as well, giggling loudly as I get him undressed and ready to bathe.

"Do you feel older, Charlie?" I ask again, as I reach down to tickle his stomach.

He squeals and wiggles away from me, causing me to grab him tighter so he doesn't slip off my lap and onto the floor. He nods his head and claps his hands. _I suppose I can take that as a 'yes'._ That thought makes my heart sink for a moment, part of me doesn't want him to grow up. However, another part of me is excited for the day that he's potty-trained, walking, and talking all on his own. I'm also not going to miss going to sleep paranoid all the time, worried that something is going to happen to him during the night.

"We got to get you all washed up, buddy. Today's your special day!"

Charlie laughs as I lower him into the tub. He immediately reaches for one of his rubber duckies floating in the water, splashing it against the water and mountains of bubbles. He's so fucking playful today, as if he senses my excitement, and it's really making it a struggle to wash him. I get him as clean as I possibly can, before allowing him time to play in the water on his own. He looks so fucking cute, and before I know it, I'm grabbing my phone to snap a picture of him. I want to remember this day forever. _He's not going to be this small forever._

I take a few pictures of him as he plays with his rubber duckies and splashes around. "Charlie, look at daddy! I want to take your picture!"

Charlie turns his head and gives me a bright and loving smile, which makes my heart swell until it feels as if it's about to burst. Tears prick my eyes as I look at my happy little boy. _He looks so much like my brother when he smiles._ I have to look away before I burst into fucking tears. I'm sure he'll only look more and more like him as he grows older. He has my brother's eyes and his fucking smile. Seth's smile was so optimistic and easy-going, you could tell that he was truly happy with everything in his life. Even when he wasn't happy, he was always so positive and he'd smile through whatever shit life threw at him. Even though it's too early to tell, Charlie seems to be just like his dad.

As fucking hard as it is to remember my brother at times, I'm happy Charlie looks like him. He's like a little piece of Seth I'll always get to keep. Today's as exciting and amazing, as it is fucking hard. It's Charlie's first birthday, and Seth and Kate won't be here for it. I force myself to push those thoughts aside, because I've got to get through today. I've got to focus on the positive and the positive is that I have a happy, healthy baby who's experiencing his first birthday. This is a day for celebrating, not for sadness. Charlie must sense the shift in my mood, because he abandons his toys and reaches out to me, wanting to be held. I take him in my arms and wrap him in a towel before holding him close to my chest. It's so nice to feel his soft breath against my skin, because I know he's safe. I close my eyes for a moment, and let Charlie lift my spirits. Today is about him, and I'll push my own pain aside to give him the best day possible.

"Let's get you dressed, buddy."

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A short while later, I have him dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and the shirt Bella purchased for him a few days before, which reads, _"I make one look good."_ I laughed when Bella showed it to me. I have no idea where she finds this sort of shit, but it's really fucking cute.

I get dressed while I let Charlie play on the floor of my bedroom. I don't want him to see the decorations just yet, not with Bella still fast asleep. She was up all-night decorating, so after we had sex a few times I thought I'd let her rest. I want Bella to get to see the look on Charlie's face when he sees his party for the first time. I know I'm going to be taking all the fucking pictures I can. I jump in the shower, then jump back out to style my hair and brush my teeth, before throwing on a pair of jeans and a nice button-up shirt. It's past ten, and I know Bella's going to want to get up to get ready soon. Our guests should be arriving around one o'clock and there's still so much stuff to do.

"Babe, it's ten o'clock," I say softly, as I nudge my girl awake.

She moans in her sleep and shoos me away, before my words finally register and she shoots out of bed.

"Fuck, Edward! Why didn't you tell me?"

I have to laugh because my girl rarely curses. When she pouts at me, I cover my mouth with my hand to hide my smile and take a moment before answering. "I thought you'd want to sleep. We have a busy day ahead of us, so I thought you'd appreciate your rest."

I force myself to look so contrite that Bella gives me a small smile and a kiss on the cheek before heading to the bathroom to shower. I entertain Charlie while she's getting ready, making sure he doesn't take a peek into the living room. When he starts getting fussy, I run and grab him a snack, bringing it back into the bedroom. He smiles as soon as he sees food in my hands, but then pouts when he sees it's just a banana. I'd bring more, but I want us to have his birthday breakfast as a family.

The banana keeps him satisfied for the duration of time it takes Bella to get herself ready. When she exits the bathroom, she looks so beautiful it takes my breath away. Her hair is curled and pulled back from her glowing face. Her makeup is light, and she's wearing this pretty dress that has shorts. I have no idea what the fuck it is—it looks like one of those onesies I put Charlie in—regardless, it's fucking hot on her.

"You look hot, babe."

She blushes and smiles at me. Hell, she always blushes when I call her 'hot' and I have no idea why. Is she unaware of how beautiful and tempting she is?

"So do you," she tells me before joining Charlie and me on the floor. "Happy birthday, baby," she coos before picking Charlie up and holding him close to her heart.

"Ma ma," he says, before practically motor-boating her boobs and giving me a giant grin.

"He's been pretty excited all morning," I tell her.

He _has_ seemed more energetic today, although I know he doesn't really understand what today is.

"Maybe we can show him all the decorations now?" Bella suggests.

She looks just as excited as our son. I'm excited as well; it's been so long since I've seen a day like this. A day where I'm truly happy. I almost forgot what happiness felt like until now. Everything feels like it's coming together in my life. I never realized moments like these could be so meaningful. Who knew a quiet moment in my apartment with my son and fiancée could impact me so much? _Such a simple moment could become something I'll remember forever._

I smile at my sappy thoughts as Bella's inquiring look brings me back to reality. "Let's go check it out," I tell Charlie, as I peel myself off the floor and help Bella to her feet.

The look on Charlie's face as we enter the decorated living room is one I'll never forget. His eyes are wide and bright, his face is lit up with a huge smile, and his entire body is shaking with excitement as he takes in all the work Bella did for his party. Gibberish flies out of his mouth as he looks around at Winnie the Pooh balloons, Winnie the Pooh party banners, and the numerous Winnie the Pooh decorations. It's as if he's trying to tell us how much he loves everything. I pull my phone out and take a few pictures of Bella and my son. The pictures capture my son's joyful surprise and my girl's happiness. As I'm snapping pictures, Bella looks down at my son, her eyes watery and her smile bright and loving. I can feel the love radiating off her body as I take the picture. The way she looks at my son makes my eyes water. She has no biological connection to him, yet she loves him as if he were her own. I wish I'd received that type of love when I was growing up. Bella loves him unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. I'm so thankful my son has a woman like her in his life.

"Want me to take a picture of Charlie and you?" Bella asks, as soon as she notices me snapping photos.

I smile and hand her my phone. Charlie's body is still shaking with excitement as she passes him off to me. I've never seen him this giddy. My cheeks ache as I smile for the camera. I guess I've been smiling all morning and haven't realized it.

"That's a cute one," Bella says, as she snaps another picture. "What do you think of all this, birthday boy?" Bella asks, handing me back my phone.

"Ma ma," Charlie, says smiling in approval.

I carry him around the room, showing him every little detail. He looks more and more excited with each thing he sees. If he's this excited now, I can't imagine how excited he'll be when he sees the cake. The cake is so fucking extravagant, I was shocked. Of course, Bella purchased it from a nearby bakery, stating it was beyond anything she could ever do. The fact that _anyone_ could make a cake like that is fucking unreal to me. Bella did make some Winnie the Pooh cupcakes and other desserts, which look just as incredible in my biased opinion. Just knowing she slaved away in the kitchen for our son makes her desserts the most incredible I've ever seen.

"Are you ready for your birthday breakfast, Charlie?" I ask, as we walk toward the kitchen.

His little tummy responds with a loud grumble, causing us all to laugh. As I sit him in his highchair and get his breakfast ready, I try to ignore the uncomfortable twisting in my stomach. Whenever things seem to be going right, something always comes along to fuck it up. Maybe I'm just a pessimist, but with the life I've led so far, it's hard not to be. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's just that I'm so happy right now, so much so that it seems fucking unreal. Whenever things are going too well, I get worried, because nothing stays perfect for long. I push these unpleasant thoughts aside and try to enjoy happiness while I have it.

I turn on morning cartoons for some background noise and help Bella cook Charlie's favorite meal, apple and potato pancakes. Charlie is babbling away in his seat and gazing over at the TV as it plays reruns of _Sesame Street. Everything's alright,_ I tell myself as I look at him. _You're just not used to feeling this happy. Stop being so negative, Cullen!_ I smile, although it feels more forced than it did earlier in the morning.

"Is something wrong?" Bella says, as she finishes up the pancakes and begins to plate them.

"No," I say too quickly. "No, I was just thinking. I can't believe Charlie is growing up so fast," I say with an unconvincing laugh.

She gives me an odd look before her face relaxes and she smiles at me. "Yeah, he'll be a toddler before we know it." She stops to look at me again. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, it's fine, babe," I assure her.

Bella doesn't push, and instead kisses my cheek before turning her attention back to our son.

"Breakfast for the birthday boy!" Bella coos as she sets the plate of pancakes before him, sitting at his side to help him eat.

Charlie claps his hands in excitement as he looks at his meal, before quite literally digging in. He takes a handful of pancakes and attempts to shove it into his mouth before Bella stops him.

"Slow down, birthday boy," she giggles.

"Do you want me to make you some tea?"

She turns to smile at me and says, "Yes, please," before turning back to our overzealous son.

I make a cup of English Breakfast tea for her and a cup of black coffee for myself. I down one cup of coffee and pour another before joining my family at the table. I'm going to need a hell of a lot of coffee today, as I can already tell it's going to be exhausting. If Elizabeth _does_ show up, she's going to have to be stuck in my small apartment with my mom and dad. It's going to be fucking awkward to say the least. I'm going to do my best to keep all my focus on my son. I don't want to let some drama ruin Charlie's first birthday party.

It's going to be a small affair, which might make the awkwardness between Elizabeth and my parents even worse. At times like these, I'm sad to say Bella and I don't have a ton of friends. We're both such recluses that we mainly hang out with each other and Charlie. However, the people we did invite all are very close to us. I'd rather have a few close friends than a bunch that are more like acquaintances. We invited Alice, Jasper, and Cyndy, Emmett and his girlfriend-whom I've never met-Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme, Elizabeth, Paul, and Kate's parents who couldn't afford to fly down, as much as they wanted to. I even dug a little deeper and found the names and addresses of some of Kate's extended family and sent them an invitation. None of them live in Washington and couldn't fly down for the small party. As bad as it may sound, I wasn't too broken up to hear about this. I'm terrible when it comes to making small-talk and I didn't really want to deal with meeting Kate's extended family for the first time while I'm trying to focus on enjoying the day with my son. Luckily, I don't really have an extended family…well, at least not technically. Elizabeth has a sister she barely sees and I invited her just to be nice, however I doubt Hannah will come. Despite being Charlie's biological great aunt, she's only seen him a few times and that was before I became his legal guardian.

"Everything's going to be just fine," Bella tells me.

Was I really being that fucking obvious? I give her an embarrassed smile and continue to drink my coffee.

"Maybe we should have gotten Charlie ready after we had breakfast," Bella giggles as she tries to prevent our little guy from making a giant mess of himself.

"I can wash him up again if we have to," I assure her.

His face is covered in pancakes and he looks like he's on cloud nine. I can't resist taking out my phone and snapping another picture. _How many pictures am I going to take today?_ Fuck, like it matters. My entire camera roll is pretty much filled with pictures of Charlie…and a few pictures of Bella I took while she was sleeping after sex. _Which I'm sure she would kill me if she knew I had._

"I'm going to finish getting everything set up. Maybe you and Charlie could watch a movie?" She suggests, obviously wanting her space in the kitchen.

"Of course, babe."

I grab a handful of paper towels to clean my son up before heading to the living room to put on a movie. I find one of his favorites, _The Lion King,_ and quickly pop it into the DVD player before joining him on the couch. As soon as the opening titles come on, Charlie's eyes widen with excitement. I chuckle at the huge smile on his face before wiping up the remnants of his breakfast.

I have to admit, I don't really pay attention to the movie. Instead, I pay attention to my fuck-hot fiancée as she gets the party all setup. I bite my lip every time I watch her bend over to adjust the treats on the dessert table. It doesn't take long to tell she's doing it for my benefit. When she 'accidentally' drops something, and bends to pick it up, I can see my favorite pink lacy thong covering her beautiful pussy as the loose shorts of that dress thing she's wearing moves aside to give me the smallest peek. The faintest groan escapes my mouth and she turns her head around to wink at me. _She's so fucking playful today. If we weren't having guests over soon and my son wasn't watching a movie in the same room, I would pull that onesie thing off of her and fuck the shit out of her for teasing me like this._

"Are you feeling okay, babe? You look really uncomfortable," Bella teases.

"I'm fine," I say gruffly, rolling my eyes at her.

She giggles and skips back into the kitchen.

Bella comes back with a two-layer, honeycomb inspired, bright yellow, Winnie the Pooh birthday cake. She's focusing on it like she's certain she's going to drop it. I resist pointing it out to Charlie until she has it placed safely on the table she set up for the party.

"Buddy! Look at the cake mommy got for you!"

I shake Charlie's shoulder to get him to take his eyes off the TV, and when he does, he squeals and tries to climb off my lap. I chuckle and help him down, before taking his hand in mine and helping him walk toward the dessert table. He's getting so good at walking, soon he'll be doing it without my help.

"This is your birthday cake, Charlie," Bella tells him as she picks him up and allows him to get a better look.

"My," he says, pointing toward the cake.

 _He's learned another word and he's only been one for a matter of hours! What a fucking smart kid._

"Yes, it's yours, Charlie! Happy birthday, baby," Bella says, misty-eyed as she kisses his forehead.

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Alice's family is, of course, the first to arrive. They bust through the door twenty minutes early with a giant pile of gifts in their hands. Cyndy, has a box that is almost as big as her body. Jasper laughs at his struggling daughter and explains that she insisted on carrying it and would cry every time he tried to take it away from her. Although Cyndy's struggling with the box, she has a giant smile on her face, which only gets bigger as soon as she sees my son.

"Carlie!" she screams, before dropping the present and running toward my son who's sitting on the floor with his stuffed animals.

Charlie looks completely overwhelmed as the little girl runs his way, but smiles as she takes a seat next to him and kisses his cheek.

"I'm so happy they're such good friends," Alice comments with a huge grin. "They both have one new friend on the way," she says, running a hand over her stomach, which looks just as flat as I last saw it.

Bella steps forward to help them with their gifts and ushers them inside. Alice looks around the room as if this were the first time she was seeing the decorations. She freaks out over every single detail, going on and on about how wonderful it looks. Jasper and I stand back and give the girls time to gush over the party. I guess now would be the time when us men would normally go in the kitchen and grab a few beers while our girls talk…. This is one of the hardest things about being sober, the social aspect of drinking fucking kills me. It seems like you miss out on so much when you can't drink, because so many things revolve around consuming alcohol. Hell, I can't even go out to eat without being reminded of it.

All I have to offer Jasper is punch, which he's more than happy to drink. It's nice to have a friend who understands me and my issues. Honestly, Jasper is probably the closest friend I have. Paul's a friend of mine, but he's always been more of Seth's friend, and we've only really connected now because of the death of my brother. Jasper is just one of those guys I really feel like I can be myself around. One of the luxuries of coming back to a town where no one really remembers you, is that you can start completely fresh and be whoever the hell you want to be. Jasper didn't know me before or during my problems with drugs and alcohol; he only knows the man I've become during these past six months. He and Emmett are the best friends a guy could ask for.

As we stand back, sip on our drinks, and watch our girls play with our kids, I honestly can't believe this is my life. _It feels so fucking normal!_ I remember the days where I wasn't sure where I was going to crash that night. Now everything is so different, it still catches me off guard to this day.

Emmett and his girlfriend arrive next, with another big present in their hands. I almost laugh when I see them. I've been friends with Emmett for months now and while we'd always talked about double dates, we never actually went through with it. So, this is the first time I'm seeing his girlfriend. This girl is like his polar opposite. Emmett has his usual carefree smile on his face, while his girlfriend has—what could only be called—a resting bitchface. _I've never truly understood that phrase until this moment._ She's incredibly hot though, I'll give her that. I can definitely see why Emmett would want to date her. Luckily, her cold demeanor fades away as soon as Emmett introduces us. She seems more than excited to meet her boyfriend's friend.

"You don't seem like the usual assholes he hangs out with," Rosalie quietly comments with a smirk at her boyfriend.

I'm taken back for a moment, I can't believe this girl is so laidback!

"Yeah, Edward's a pretty great guy," Emmett says with a proud smile.

I pull Bella to my side, who's carrying my very happy son in her arms, and introduce them both. Rosalie gives her a once-over before her face softens and she smiles. Rosalie compliments her dress and they fall into an easy conversation. _Is that a girl thing? Compliment each other and you're like instant friends?_ As they chat, I introduce Emmett to Alice and Jasper, and they instantly hit it off as well. _Fuck, I feel like I'm on a family sitcom right now. I've never had things run so smoothly before. It's like I've fallen into an episode of fucking_ Full House.

Bella's the perfect hostess, offering everyone drinks, handing out cupcakes, and making sure everyone's having a great time. Charlie, who was initially happy with all the attention, now refuses to leave my arms. I guess the amount of people in one room is overwhelming to him. He's also not used to having to share my attention with so many people.

As I'm talking to Emmett and Jasper, Charlie tugs on my shirt…and then my cheek, until he finally gets my attention. "Da da! Da da!" he says as he tries to pull my face next to his.

"What's up, buddy?" I smile at him, bringing him up to rest on my shoulder.

"Da da! No!" He whines as he plays with the collar of my shirt.

"I don't think he wants you to talk to us, man," Emmett jokes.

"I don't think he's used to being around so many people," I explain, as there is a knock at the door.

"I'll answer it," Bella tells me, walking toward the door with a big smile on her beautiful face.

I'm so happy she's happy with how the party is turning out. She put so much fucking work into it, I'd have hated to see it go south. Fuck, I won't let it all go to hell. I couldn't bear to see my fiancée and son all upset.

My mom and dad walk in with a handful of gifts. Dad looks tired, but he looks happier than the last time I saw him. I know every day must be hard for him. Hell, I couldn't imagine losing Charlie. I don't know if I'd ever be able to get over it. The weight of losing Seth sometimes feels as if it's too much to bear, but at least my dad and I can carry the weight of it together.

"Hey, dad—mom." I give them both a hug, well, as much of a hug as I can give them with Charlie demanding my attention.

Bella takes their gifts and hugs them both before taking the gifts to add to the others.

"Want to say hi to your granddad?" I ask Charlie, who's hiding his head against my neck.

I rub his back until he loosens his grip on me and turns his head to look at our new guests.

"He's really overwhelmed," I say, before kissing his forehead to assure him I'm here and not going anywhere. Finally, he calms down and lets me pass him off to my dad.

"Happy birthday, Charlie," dad says quietly, with a small, loving smile on his face. "I love you so much."

My dad looks so overwhelmed, but he pulls himself together and smiles as soon as Charlie starts to laugh and play with his shirt. Charlie's laughs are infectious, and it's hard to be sad around a happy, bundle of energy like him. I need to make sure I give my dad more time with Charlie. I've been so busy lately, I've neglected to do so, and I know my dad really needs it.

"Thanks for inviting me, son," Mom says, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

Mom shrugs with a girlish smile. "I don't know…but, I'm happy to be here."

I know my mom still feels out of place in my life. She's my mom but, she wasn't around of course, so there's bound to be some awkwardness now that she's back and I know it will eventually fade away, but while shit is still uneasy, I just feel bad for her. I don't want her to be unsure about her place in my life. I want to make up for lost time now that we're together again.

"Happy birthday, Charlie," mom says, turning her attention to my son.

Charlie's smile brightens as soon as he sees her, and although she's a new face in his life, he reaches out to her, demanding to be held. I usher them inside and close the door behind them, offering them a drink and some food while my dad hands Charlie over to my mom. Charlie squeals as soon as he's in my mother's arms. He plays with her hair as he babbles to her, as if he were trying to have a conversation.

"He's so cute, Edward," mom says as they follow me into the kitchen.

"Thanks, I can't believe he's getting so big," I chuckle as I pour two cups of punch. "It's weird seeing all his old baby clothes he can't fit into anymore. I can't believe how small he was!"

They laugh as they take their drinks. "You were really small too," mom tells me as she stares down at my happy son. "You were so little I would get worried about you. You were just over six pounds when you were born, and you were the cutest baby. Well, besides Charlie of course and any babies you and Bella have together."

Just as my mother says this, Bella walks into the kitchen to join us. She blushes and gives me a small smile, but doesn't comment on what my mother said, although I can tell she's happy about it. _Bella wants a baby. Hell, Bella might want_ multiple _babies!_ It's strange, but that thought doesn't negatively affect me like it used to. I can't say I'm _excited_ to have kids, but I don't want to fucking puke anymore like I used to when Bella would broach the subject.

"I was just telling Edward that you and he would have beautiful babies," my mom says to Bella.

 _Mom! Jesus, stop talking! What a 'mom' thing to say to my fiancée. 'Beautiful babies'? Nice mom, real nice._

My dad looks at me for a moment, before bursting into laughter. "Edward, having kids of your own would be a good thing."

I can't believe my dad is suggesting this? Fuck, it wasn't until recently that I could support Charlie and myself financially, and I've also just gotten my life together. Right now is not the time to have another child. Although, I know Charlie would love a little brother to play with…

I roll my eyes at my dad and respond, "I'll keep that in mind, dad. Thanks."

He laughs at my expression, and I can't help it, I smile as well. It's nice to see my dad genuinely happy. My mom seems happy with his smile as well, because she leans forward to give him a quick kiss. _This is fucking strange. The mom I never knew I had is kissing my dad._ I'm so used to seeing him this way with Elizabeth, so I feel weird watching this. Their kiss is short, and mom blushes as she pulls away. I quickly mask the uncomfortable look I'm sure is on my face and smile at her. I feel Bella stiffen at my side and I wonder if she's uncomfortable for the same reason. I shoot a questioning look in her direction, but find that she's not looking at me, instead she's looking over my shoulder with an unreadable expression.

I look over my shoulder and find Alice letting Elizabeth into my apartment. She looks just as I remembered. Her hair is curled around her surgically enhanced, yet attractive face. She's wearing a dress that is her usual style and not exactly appropriate for a kid's birthday party, and she's wearing the most expensive pieces of jewelry my dad bought for her. She has a small gift in her hand and an unsure look on her face. _That is new._ I'm certain she feels out of place. Despite how much she loved Seth, she never threw him a proper birthday party growing up. She always said that those types of parties gave her headaches, and would opt for a more adult theme that centered around her. I hadn't realized it growing up, but she had always been selfish, even where her favorite son was concerned. I'm too busy reminiscing about shitty times, that it takes me a moment to see the annoyed look on her face. Elizabeth is staring at my mom and dad, who are too busy staring at each other to notice her. _This isn't good._ Although, I doubt she'd do anything here, she looks like she has some sort of shit planned for my parents.

I look back at Bella and find that she's fucking fuming as well. She's only met Elizabeth once in person, but she's heard all about her and was horrified when I would tell her stories about the 'mom' I had growing up. Bella pitied me because of the upbringing I had. She actually never said it in so many words, because she knows it would've made me upset, but I know she feels that way. Now, however, her sadness has turned to anger, and all of her anger is directed at the woman across the room. I reach down to grab her hand and squeeze it, as a way of telling her to calm down. She snaps out of her violent haze and gives me a tight smile. I kiss her cheek and silently plead with her to not bother with Elizabeth.

"I have to go say hello," I tell her before breaking away.

By this point, mom and dad have finally noticed the elephant in the room. My mom looks so sad and remorseful as she gazes at Elizabeth. I can tell she feels horrible about her affair with my dad, but if she knew who Elizabeth truly was, she wouldn't feel so bad I'm sure. As soon as she notices Elizabeth shooting daggers at her and Charlie, mom hands him back to me with an apologetic smile. _Fuck, this situation is as awkward as I expected. Fuck my_ Full House _analogy earlier, this is more like a soap opera!_

Bella stays back as I cross the room to greet Elizabeth. Alice attempts small-talk with her, but Elizabeth is too busy being…well, _herself_ , to listen to Alice at all.

"Hey, Elizabeth. Thanks for coming. Charlie's excited that you're here," I tell her, although Charlie hasn't seemed the least bit different since she arrived. "I can take your gift if you want to hold him?"

Elizabeth gives me a tight smile as she hands the gift over. There's a sadness in her eyes, that doesn't go unnoticed, as she takes Charlie and holds him close in her arms. As terrible as she's been to me in the past, I still feel fucking bad for her. She lost Seth too, and now she has to deal with it all on her own. If she wasn't such a bitch to me, I'd love to be there for her. We all lost the same person and it could've been something that should really have brought us together. However, it seems that nothing will do that. I just hope Elizabeth will want to be in her grandson's life.

"Happy birthday, Charlie," Elizabeth says quietly, before kissing his forehead.

I stare at them for a moment, too transfixed to look away. There's something in her tone that breaks my fucking heart for some reason. It's illogical, considering the way she treated me for so many years, but I don't want her to be alone. I can imagine her now, stubborn as always, walking through life completely by herself. Of course, she put herself in this position due to her years of terrible behavior. It's depressing nonetheless. Part of me hates her, but I feel like I hate her in such a way that a child hates their parent when they aren't getting enough attention. They're crying out and screaming, but on the inside, they just want to be held…just want to be loved. As I look at her now, I realize that for so many years I acted out and treated her like shit just because I wanted that…I wanted her love, I wanted her acceptance, and she gave me nothing in return. Even now, despite the fact that she isn't my mother, I strangely yearn for this. I've always lashed out at her because I felt so fucking weak around her. I felt stripped naked with nowhere to hide. I'm stronger now, and I've found a family, but the feelings are still inside me and I wonder if they'll ever go away.

"Can I get you something to drink, Elizabeth?" I ask politely, as soon as I can think straight.

She doesn't look at me, because why would she, and says, "That would be great, Edward."

We're so fucking formal around each other, so fucking stiff. I walk away and my mind is reeling. Bella's staring at me with a curious expression and frowns when she sees the look on my face. I must look fucking rough; my emotions have always been so easy to read.

"Are you ready to order the pizzas soon?" I ask, my voice rough.

"I placed an online order while you were talking," she says with a small, comforting smile. "Are you okay, babe? What happened?"

"Nothing," I quickly say. Because nothing _did_ happen, but I feel shitty anyway. "Let me just run her this drink," I say, putting on a brave face, although I know Bella can see right through me.

"I see you invited Esme," Elizabeth comments as soon as I return with her drink.

"Yeah," I say lamely. What the fuck can I say? She's my mom…but did I really want to bring all that shit up?

Elizabeth shoots me a cold look, before turning her attention back to my son. Charlie must have not liked the look she gave me, because he stares at her for a moment, before fussing in her arms and reaching out for me. Elizabeth frowns at this and is quick to put him back in my arms.

"I can't stay long," she says, as she takes her drink. "I just wanted to stop by and give you his present."

"Thank you for doing that," I say honestly. It was so much more than I thought she'd do.

"It was nothing," she says dismissively. "He's my grandson after all."

Elizabeth looks agitated, and I can tell she wants to leave. Fuck, I would too if I were in her position. She must feel so out of place here. Everyone has someone and she doesn't. On top of it all, my dad is here with my biological mom…the woman he cheated on her with. It's such a fucking awkward and horrible situation, I'd be itching to leave too if I were her.

"Who else is coming?" She asks as she looks at the few couples dispersed around the room.

"Well, this was pretty much everyone who could make it…" I trail off, feeling a little self-conscious. "Paul's coming, but I think he's going to be a little late."

Of course, this party is small to her. She's the queen of inviting everyone she's ever met to her parties just so she can feel important. I never really felt self-conscious about my number of friends until right now. She's always had a knack for making me feel inferior. Of course, I am friends with some people who I didn't invite, but that's because I knew the guys from work wouldn't want to come to a baby's birthday party. I look back at Elizabeth, who seems unimpressed with the whole thing.

"Well, it's very cute, Edward," she says, a hint of disdain in her tone.

Charlie starts fussing in my arms, wanting to be put down so he can crawl around and play with his stuffed animals. I place him on the floor at my feet, but instead of wobbling away, he hugs on to my legs and stays put. _Fucking goofball._ I smile at him before turning my attention back to Elizabeth.

"Thanks, Bella put a lot of work into it."

"I can see that. Well, let me give Charlie one last kiss and then I better get going," she says, seeming bored.

"You want to leave already? You just got here," I reason with her. "Besides, the food hasn't gotten here yet."

"What are we having?" She asks. Although I don't know why, since she seems completely uninterested.

"Pizza," I say simply. "Then we're having Charlie's birthday cake."

"You know I can't eat that stuff, Edward," she answers, in that 'tsk-tsk' type of tone. "I'm on a diet and I'm sure my personal trainer would have a field day if he knew what I was eating."

I sigh, defeated. If she wants to go, fine. I guess I'm just happy she gave Charlie a few moments of her time in the first place. Part of me is angry though, because he's her only grandchild for fuck's sake. Why wouldn't she want to be invested in his life? Whatever. Good fucking riddance. If she doesn't want to be present, _fine._ I obviously can't fucking stop her.

"You don't want to stick around for Paul?" Hell, she always loved Paul more than me. I'm surprised she wouldn't want to stay to say hello.

"I might drop in again after I run my errands," she says, as if that were a compromise.

 _Can't her fucking errands wait?_

"That's fine," I say, not giving a fuck anymore.

She kneels down to say goodbye to Charlie. Quickly giving him a hug and a kiss before she turns to leave. "I love you, Charlie," she says to him before waving goodbye and leaving my apartment. I pick Charlie back up and return to Bella, who's talking to her sister and Rosalie. I see they've moved their conversation to the dessert table, where they would be in clear view of my entire conversation with Elizabeth. _Geez, Bella can be transparent sometimes._

I attempt to pass Charlie off to her so I can get a drink, but she quickly stops me. "I think the pizzas are here," she says before walking toward the door.

"Pizza?" I ask, confused. No one rang the doorbell.

"Yeah," she says, looking suddenly flustered. "I have to run downstairs to get them. They mixed up the apartment numbers."

Fuck, she's a terrible liar. I nod, pretending like I believe her, and let her leave with every intention of following her. I quickly turn to Alice and ask if she could hold onto Charlie for a bit. She doesn't miss a beat and quickly takes him from my arms. I walk slowly across the room so no one's alarmed, and jog down the hall, down the steps, until I'm outside our apartment building. I find Bella in the parking lot with Elizabeth and I stop in my tracks so they don't notice my presence. Bella is right up in her face, her beautiful face is flushed with anger as she talks to her. I stand back in shock. Once I know neither of them have realized I've joined them outside, I take a few steps so I can hear them clearly.

"I don't understand, Elizabeth. Just help me fucking understand!" Bella practically shouts in her face. "That's your grandson in there and you can't give him the time of day. And Edward, do you know how your actions have affected him? I know you're not his mother…but you raised him! How could you not love him at all?"

"I don't have to stand here and listen to this," Elizabeth tells her, as she begins to walk away.

"You don't have to listen to anything, but that doesn't mean you don't need to hear it. Charlie loves you, you're his grandma for God's sake, and Edward…Edward loves you even if he can't admit that to himself. How could you possibly be so blind to this Elizabeth? I've only seen you and Edward together today and even I can see that!" Bella's near tears at this point as she stands in front of Elizabeth so she can't walk away. "Elizabeth how could you not love him? He was just a little boy."

Tears fill my own eyes as I watch her. I can't believe she's standing up for me in this way. She's saying all the stuff I'd never say myself. She's saying shit I didn't even want to admit to myself. Bella sees me for what I am, and understands me better than anyone. In this moment, I feel like I'm falling in love with her all over again. Fuck, I love her more than anyone has ever loved another person, and it's obvious she feels the same way.

"Elizabeth, he needed you! Charlie needs you! Why are you acting like this? _How_ could you act like this? Don't you care about anyone? Or do you only care about yourself?"

"I'll stop you right there," Elizabeth coldly cuts her off. "You just met me, how dare you act like you know me enough to judge me."

"I may have just met you, but Edward told me enough."

"Did he?" Elizabeth snorts. "Did he tell you all about his father? Do you understand what it's like to raise a child that's not your own?"

"I'm sorry about that, but Edward was an innocent child. He didn't do anything to hurt anyone and he didn't know what the circumstances were," Bella says, her voice shaking with anger and a hit of sadness.

"It doesn't matter," she waves her off. "He was a constant reminder of my husband's infidelity. Although, even if he were mine, I would feel the same way about him. He's been a fuck-up his entire life. Ever since he was a little kid he caused nothing but trouble. He never held a candle to my son."

Bella's too shocked to speak. When she finally does gain her momentum again, she spits out, "How could he get any better with a mother who didn't believe in him? A woman who would speak of his faults every time he even tried to succeed. How dare you treat a child like that."

"How dare I?" Elizabeth mocks. "Strong words coming from a young girl who doesn't have a child of her own. You can play mom all day long with my grandson, but that doesn't make you a real mother." Elizabeth stops to look Bella up and down before saying, "Seth really did do a disservice to his son when he named Edward his guardian."

Bella brings her hand up as if she were going to smack her. Her hand shakes in the air for a moment, before she clenches it into a fist and brings it down to her side. Bella's entire body is shaking as she takes another step toward Elizabeth.

"Edward is a better parent than you could ever be. I might not know you well, Elizabeth, but of that I'm certain. Edward isn't a fuck-up, he's a beautiful man who's had a tough upbringing. A man who's dealt with so much and has overcame every obstacle he's faced. You see someone who's flawed, and I do too. Except I find his flaws beautiful because I love every part of him. He's the best father Charlie could've ever had. I wish I could've met Seth, because it would have been nice to meet someone who loved Edward unconditionally like I do. Seth knew Edward was going to be a blessing for Charlie…he knew that his brother would've made the best possible father. You may not love them, but I love them enough for the both of us."

My heart feels so full at this moment. My face aches as I feel my eyes fill with tears. I knew Bella loved me, but I could've never hoped that she would love me this much. Everything she said was so beautiful…so perfect. I want to spend the rest of my life showing her just how special she is.

Elizabeth's silent. What could she possibly say to that? Elizabeth sneers at my fiancée before walking toward her car. My emotions are a roller coaster where Elizabeth is concerned. One moment I pity her, one moment I hate her, and the next moment I pity her again. Now that Elizabeth is gone, I don't know what to do. Should I sprint upstairs and pretend I didn't just witness that? That feels so wrong, because all I want to do is take Bella in my arms and express just how much I love her.

As soon as Bella turns toward the apartment, she sees me. Her eyes are filled with tears and her cheeks flush as she begins to walk toward me. She's walking so slowly, I have to jog to her because I'm so fucking impatient. I pull her into my arms and kiss her. Pouring every ounce of love and passion my body has into the kiss. Her lips taste salty from her tears, and feel so soft, like velvet against mine. I never want this kiss to end, and it takes me a long time to pull away.

Once I do, Bella blushes and asks, "You heard all of that?"

"Well, not all of it," I can't help but smile, "but I heard all of the important parts."

She laughs before closing her eyes, resting her head against my chest. "I was just so angry," she mumbles. "I saw the way you were looking at her…I saw the hurt in your eyes and I couldn't let her do that to you or Charlie."

"I can't believe you stood up for me like that," I say, completely fucking mystified. "That was so hot."

"Hot?" she snorts. "I don't know about that."

"Everything you do is hot," I tease her, before growing serious. "Bella, I love you so much. You are my life."

She looks up at me, her eyes filling with tears, although this time I can tell they are tears of happiness. "I love you too, Edward. Forever."

"Forever," I agree, before bringing my lips to hers.

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We come back to the party with pizza in hand. Charlie's on the floor showing his party guests his stuffed animals while Cyndy plays with him. The room feels so much happier now that Elizabeth is gone. Or maybe it's just me, because I'm so fucking happy right now I can't describe it. _I'm at my son's birthday party with my family and friends._ It still feels so fucking unreal and I know that it'll take a while for me to stop pinching myself.

Paul arrives halfway through lunch with a small present in hand. He looks happy, yet reserved, and holds onto Charlie for a little bit before returning him back to me.

"He looks more and more like Seth every day," Paul comments.

"Yes, he does," I agree, but I don't feel as sad saying this. I'm happy he looks like my brother. So I'll have a little piece of Seth for the rest of my life.

When it's time for cake, Charlie is freaking out. As soon as he sees the cake he starts screaming. I've never seen him look this fucking excited. It's like he's having a sugar high already and he hasn't even dug into the cake yet. I sit at the small dining room table with him on my lap as Bella places the honeycomb inspired Winnie the Pooh cake in front of him and everyone gathers around to sing him happy birthday.

"Can you take a few pictures, mom?" I ask as I hand her my phone with the camera opened.

"Of course," she says, with tears in her eyes.

Mom situates herself at the opposite end of the table and begins taking pictures while Bella lights the candles. I'm sure I have a ridiculous grin on my face, but I've never been this happy.

"Is everyone ready?" Alice asks, clapping her hands in excitement.

Charlie squeals and reaches for his cake. "Not yet buddy," I laugh. "We have to sing first."

As everyone sings "Happy Birthday", I rock him in my lap, watching his smiling little face as he looks up at me. His eyes are filled with pure excitement as he soaks up the positive energy in the room. My eyes fill with tears. Fuck, I'm so sappy today, but I can't fucking help it. I can't believe how happy I am. I did it! He's one year old and he's healthy and happy. _Seth would be so fucking proud._ I clench my jaw as I try to keep my tears at bay.

They finish singing and I tickle his stomach before helping him blow out the candles. He claps his hands and giggles as he watches smoke fly everywhere.

"Da da!" He squeals, pointing to his cake.

"You're one, buddy! Happy birthday, Charlie. Daddy loves you so much." I clench my jaw to hold back my tears.

I did it. I'm a good dad. I never thought I'd be a good dad, but I am. Charlie loves me just like my brother knew he would. I feel my dad rest his hand on my shoulder, holding it there until I look up at him.

"You're doing a great job, Edward. You should feel proud of yourself."

I give him a small smile, although my jaw fucking aches as I grit my teeth to restrain my tears.

I am proud of myself.

Seth would be proud too.

 **A/N: It took me so long to edit this chapter…so if you guys want to leave a review I would really appreciate it! You don't know what your reviews mean to me** **?** **. After spending so much time on a chapter, it's so nice to hear what you all have to say! I hope you enjoyed this! What did you think about Bella standing up to Elizabeth?**

 **Until next time!**

 **Song-"Do You Realize" by The Flaming Lips.**


	63. Chapter 63: New Year and New Beginnings

**We should all give Sherry and Paige a round of applause for editing the last chapter! This one is not nearly as long** **?** **.**

 _"_ _Floating on the water ever changing picture_

 _Hours out from land_

 _In tune with all our dreams._

 _The ocean takes me in to watch you shake it_

 _Watch you wave your powers_

 _Tempt with hours of pleasure_

 _Take me one more time_

 _Take me one more wave_

 _Take me for one last ride_

 _I'm out of my head."_

 _-Deftones-_

 **EPOV:**

The rest of December felt fleeting. While time felt as though it had sped up, I tried my best to take a step back and enjoy every moment, committing every happy instance with my son to memory. I've never been one to give a shit about the holidays. In fact, I used to fucking hate this time of year. Everything was busy, people were everywhere, and I wanted nothing more than to lock myself in my house and come out again after the new year. Now that I have a son and fiancée, my attitude toward the holidays has softened a bit. I just keep them in mind when I'm sitting in traffic, standing in long lines at the mall, and hanging up decorations that make my house look obnoxious. All it takes is one happy look on my son's face, and I'm a fucking sucker who'll do anything to see that smile again.

Bella decorated our entire apartment, so every inch was Santa Claus related. She had _Polar Express_ decorations, reindeer that were bigger than Charlie, including a tree that was so bright and covered in ornaments that it made our entire fucking house glow like a rainbow. I have to admit, as much as I used to loathe the holidays, even _I_ loved the decorations. _I just love Bella._ She brings such warmth to parts of my life that had once been so cold. I don't know how I ever lived without her. Before her I only _thought_ I was happy…only _thought_ I was living. She's brought so much love and happiness to mine and Charlie's lives, that I don't know if I'll ever be able to pay her back. Hell, I love her more than anything, but it never feels like enough.

For Christmas, I gave Bella a gold, engraved bracelet with my first initial and hers. I got the idea from an _Ask Men_ article on the internet because I was absolutely fucking clueless when it came to buying the woman I love presents. _How are men supposed to know these things?_ Every time you ask a woman what she wants—regardless of who the woman is—she'll say 'You don't have to get me anything.'. What the fuck is a man supposed to make of that? Bella said, _"I already have you. What more could I want?"_ However, I'm sure if I showed up Christmas morning empty-handed, she'd have been completely taken aback. Despite not wanting a gift, Bella loved the bracelet and hasn't taken it off since.

Charlie was a lot easier to shop for. That little boy is happy with pretty much anything. I went overboard when it came to buying his gifts. I worked extra hours just so I could get him the best _Toys 'R Us_ has to offer. Unfortunately, I forgot that we're fucking moving soon and now I'm going to have to deal with a truck load of baby toys. The toys I bought him for Christmas, mixed with the toys he received for his birthday, could easily satisfy a small daycare. _What can I say? I can't help but spoil him._ He's been through so much in his first year of existence, so I think he deserves to be spoiled now and then.

Out of all the gifts he's received in the past month, Bella's is his favorite. For Christmas, she got him a huge Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal that's roughly the size of a toddler. Charlie drags it _everywhere._ For the past few nights I've found him wrapped around the thing as he sleeps. It's cute seeing a little baby cuddle with a stuffed animal twice its size. Bella has practically filled up her camera roll taking pictures of him with the stuffed bear. I don't blame her; our son is the cutest fucking baby to ever breathe. _I'm allowed to be biased, I'm his dad._

I observe Charlie now, as he's curled up on the floor watching the New Year's Eve program on TV with his oversized stuffed bear at his side and his smaller one in his arms. I'm completely overwhelmed by the love I feel for my little boy. I can't believe this is the first time he'll experience a new year. This year has been so fucking unbelievable. It flew by in an instant, and I still can't believe everything that's happened is real. I lost my brother, I lost my sister-in-law, I lost a woman I thought I was my mother and found the woman that truly was, and most importantly I've gained a son and a future wife.

Just watching TV with my family at my side is a reminder of how fucking different my life once was. This time last year I was shit-faced and stumbling from bar to bar with some random girl on my arm. I used to fucking love New Year's Eve just because it was an excuse to get trashed. Now here I am, a year later, and I'm sober and with my family. Who would've fucking thought. I hold Bella a little closer and rest my head on her shoulder, needing to feel her near me. I'm happier with her fully clothed on our couch watching TV, than I've been with any of the women I've fucked around with in the past.

The doorbell rings and Bella perks up at my side. "Our pizza's here," she announces with an excited smile as she jumps off the couch and runs toward the door.

I watch her ass as she runs, unable to take my eyes off her like usual. It's amazing, but she looks hotter than any girl I've ever seen when she's like this. Natural makeup, hair in a bun, and a t-shirt and yoga pants. She's so simple, yet so fucking gorgeous. Knowing my ring is on her finger makes my heart skip a beat. _Jesus, I sound like a fucking girl._ Nonetheless, it's fucking true. She's _mine_ and seeing proof of that is the biggest turn-on.

"Da da," Charlie says, causing my eyes to drift from Bella's perfect body.

I smile as soon as I look at my son. He's abandoned his toys and stands up to wobble toward me. I try not to laugh as I watch him walk—mostly because I'm so fucking proud of him—but his facial expressions are so funny. He goes from being really serious about putting one foot in front of the other, to looking at me and giving me a goofy smile.

"Da da!" He screams, reaching his arms out and sticking his tongue out as he takes the final few steps to close the distance between us.

"Good job, buddy. You did so good," I proudly state as I pull him into my arms and rub my face against his, tickling him with my 5 o'clock shadow.

He squeals and attempts to wiggle away from me, before I lean back against the couch and pull him against me to comfortably sit on my stomach. Bella comes back into the living room with two large pizzas and a liter of coke in hand. She sets it down on the coffee table and runs toward the kitchen to grab paper plates and napkins. We're slowly packing our shit up, and for some reason, Bella packed all the kitchen stuff up first. I don't mind. Mainly due to the fact that it gives us an excuse to have take-out every meal.

"Do you think Charlie will last until midnight?" I ask, as Bella takes a seat on the couch next to me and pops open a box of pizza.

She shrugs as she rips off a piece of cheese and takes a huge bite. I grin at her, because I'm happy she feels so comfortable around me. Fuck, she's even hot when she eats pizza. My lust for her is getting fucking ridiculous. As much as I want to bring in the new year with my son, excited and awake…I'd like to have some quality time with Bella. I'm fucking insatiable when it comes to her.

"Well, after a few bites of pizza he usually falls right asleep," she laughs, setting her slice down just long enough to pour herself a cup of coke before picking it back up to take another bite.

She's right, Charlie is known to randomly pass out after he eats. He'll be wide awake and playful one second, and dead to the world the next. Fuck, I'm just happy he's sleeping through the night. The first few months were torture, just because he would wake up constantly and need to be held. Now, he rarely does this and sleeps without a problem.

I grab a few slices of pizza for me, before grabbing a small slice for Charlie and cutting it up into small bites for him. The pizza is soft enough for him to eat without an issue, which is good for me because I'm too hungry to get up and make him something else. I _do_ set him down on the couch while I run to the kitchen to grab him a sippy cup of milk. _Hell, it's not like he can drink coke. Although I almost fucked up and gave it to him one time on accident._ I feel like a new father can be allowed a few screw ups…at least, I hope.

During our dinner, Charlie entertains us by telling us a 'story' while I feed him. He's so fucking animated and cute, although neither Bella nor I can understand his babblings. At least it's the cutest gibberish I've ever heard. Every time Bella laughs at a comment he makes, he gets even _more_ excited, causing him to wave his hands around the room and talk at a rapid pace. Bella looks at him as if she's hanging on his every word and Charlie's talking to her like they're having an actual conversation.

After a half hour of intense conversation and a whole slice of cheese pizza, I can tell Charlie is going to fall asleep soon. Even though he's still babbling, his eyes are hooded and his head is lolling back against me. Bella giggles as Charlie says one more 'word' before closing his eyes and falling asleep. I look at the clock and see that it's just past ten o'clock. _He lasted longer than usual._

"I can put him to bed and then…you and I can do something," I say in my most seductive tone.

I think I sound fucking silly when I use it, but Bella gets turned on so it can't be that bad. I certainly don't know what I would do if she laughed in my face while I tried to seduce her. Bella's eyes light up with desire and she licks her lips as the mood in the room changes. My cock stiffens at the sight. I quickly put Charlie in his crib, careful to make sure he doesn't wake and cockblock me, before heading back to the living room to find Bella already taking her clothes off.

Her top is on the floor, and she stares me dead in the eye before unclasping her bra and letting it fall to the floor at her feet. Her tits are so flawless, two perfect handfuls that constantly beckon to my mouth. I want to worship them. Fuck, I want to worship _her._ She's the type of girl that deserves to be treated like a fucking goddess. I want to kiss every inch of her, before eating her out and having her come all over my cock.

She gives me a lustful smile before simply stating, "I couldn't wait."

She rushes to me and throws her arms around my neck before crashing her lips against mine. My hands trail down her curves until I feel the top of her yoga pants. I yank them down and practically trip us both up in the process. Instead of crashing to the ground, Bella bites down on my lip until I taste blood. Instead of pulling away, I strengthen the kiss and lift her up so she can wiggle out of her pants, leaving her in one of my favorite lacy thongs.

I trail my fingers across the skimpy lace and smile. "Oh, babe. You dressed up," I tease.

I feel her laughter against my wet lips and instead of responding, she kisses me until my knees almost fucking buckle. I don't waste any more time. I break our kiss, pick her up and take her to our bedroom. I can't be gentle. Not tonight. I toss her near naked body on the bed and quickly begin to underdress. Her eyes are all over my body, and she's watching me with a sexy smile as I pull off my shirt and begin to unbutton my jeans. I slow down my actions, just to watch her horny eyes brighten with need. As soon as my pants drop to the floor around my feet and my erection springs free, Bella licks her lips and gets on her knees, crawling across the bed until her face is an inch away from my pulsing cock.

"No underwear?" She asks with a sly smile, as she bats her fucking lashes at me.

Before I can respond, her lips are wrapped around my cock and all rational thoughts fly out of my head. My hands are in her hair and my hips are thrusting in synch with her sweet little mouth. I know I won't last long, and I don't want to come like this. I gently yank on her hair to urge her to pull away, which she does, removing her lips from my cock with an extremely hot _pop._

She gives me an incredulous look and I explain, "I want to be inside of you when I come."

I push her back onto the bed and crawl up her body until my cock is positioned at her wet, little entrance. Thank God for birth control, because I want to feel every inch of her without a barrier. I bring my lips to hers and the mood in the room shifts as we kiss. I don't want to fuck her, I want to make love to her. I want to show her just how fucking special she is to me. Tonight, is the end of the best and worst year of my life and the beginning of something new. I want to bring in the new year making love to my future wife.

"Please, Edward," Bella begs as she stares down at my cock, pulsing between her thighs.

I kiss her once more before thrusting inside of her. She moans and arches her back off the mattress, her nails digging into my back as I pull out and thrust in again, harder this time. Her legs are wrapped around my waist, holding me tight against her beautiful body as I thrust at a painfully slow pace. Each thrust is deep and so fucking hard that Bella cries out every time. The delicious sounds of her cries and the sounds of our wet skin slapping together fill up out bedroom. Her little body is shaking beneath me, begging for her first orgasm of the night. I'm going to have her come on my cock, and then I want her to come in my mouth, before coming on my cock once more. I want to spend the first few seconds of the new year, rocking deep inside of my fiancée.

"I'm so close, Edward," she moans as my thrusts grow harsher.

I smile down at her as I pick up the pace and reach down to play with her sensitive clit. She cries out, before biting down on my shoulder and coming on my cock. I don't stop there, and make sure she comes once more before I find my release.

"I want to taste you," I say, as I pull out of her, my cum running down her thighs.

I wipe my cum off her upper thighs and position my mouth in front of her pussy, taking one long lick that causes her entire body to tremble. I take my time with her, wanting to fucking worship her body. She runs her hands through my hair, tugging on it so my roots tingle as I begin to finger her tight, little hole. She tastes so sweet…so fucking salty. I used to fucking _hate_ going down on chicks. I never saw the point because I wasn't getting anything out of it. With Bella, everything is different. I wouldn't mind tasting her all night, even if that meant I would never find my own release. _Well, I don't know if_ that's _true, but it's a nice thought._ Fuck, just watching her come makes me want to come myself. As soon as I feel her world shatter around me, I give her pussy one last lick before flipping her over and rising to my knees to enter her from behind.

We make love twice more. Each time better than the last. During our final round, I watch the clock as it ticks closer and closer to the new year. Soon, this year will be behind me. I feel as though I'm on the verge of a new beginning and while it's exhilarating, it's also scary. With Charlie and Bella, I have so much to lose. The pessimist inside of me is always waiting for the next bad thing to happen, although, I'm not sure if it'll ever come. I push any negative thoughts aside and read the time, 11:58, before lowering my mouth to hers. My lips are gentle and teasing, as if I were kissing her for the very first time. I run my hands up and down her body as my mouth becomes more demanding and my thrusts become deeper. 11:59 and I feel her growing closer, her lush body becoming tense beneath mine. My pace becomes almost unforgiving as I watch the seconds tick by. I want us to come together; I want us to start this year off right.

 _Ten…nine…eight…_ I count down in my head as Bella's body tenses and her brow creases, focusing on her impending orgasm. I play with her clit as I near my own. _Five…four…three…_

"Come with me, Bella," I beseech, before smashing my lips against hers.

Her body tenses before her pussy flutters around my cock and a cry escapes her beautiful mouth. I come with her, spiraling out of control as we reach that blissful state together. My heart is racing and it takes me a moment to move. I pull out of her and lay on the bed before pulling her tightly against my side. I kiss every inch of her face before kissing her plump, wet lips.

"Happy New Year, beautiful," I tell her, running my hand through her wet hair. "I love you so much, Bella."

She smiles at me, her face glowing from her multiple orgasms. As the light shines through the blinds and illuminates her face and naked body, she has never looked more beautiful. I take a mental picture, like snapping a photo, so I can remember her like this forever.

"I love you too, Edward." She rests her hand on my cheek and kisses me. "I love you so much."

Before we fall asleep, we decide to get dressed and have Charlie join us. We want to fall asleep for the first time this new year as a family. As I lay in bed with Bella curled up against my side and Charlie asleep on my stomach, I wonder what the fuck I ever did to get this lucky. It's incomprehensible. I've been a fuck-up my entire life, and still things have worked out for me.

This new year will be different. _I_ will be different. I promise my family and I promise myself. I'll be a changed man. Forever.

 **A/N: It's nice to see things going well for Edward!**

 **Song- "Sex Tape" by Deftones. Love this band!**


	64. Chapter 64: A Fresh Start

**Thanks Sherry and Paige once again for editing this!**

" _I am thinking it's a sign_

 _That the freckles in our eyes_

 _Are mirror images_

 _And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned._

 _And I have to speculate_

 _That God Himself did make_

 _Us into corresponding shapes_

 _Like puzzle pieces from clay."_

 _-The Postal Service-_

 **EPOV:**

The new year brings all the chaos of moving. These past few days have been…perfect. Such a stark contrast from this time last year. I finally feel settled in my new life. I've finally accepted that my past is in the past and the next chapter of my life is here. It feels fucking refreshing, I can't remember the last time I've been so optimistic. Granted, in the past there wasn't really anything to be optimistic about.

The funny thing about drugs and alcohol is the way you perceive time, it's so different than someone who is sober. When you're trashed or high off your ass, you don't really think about school, or work, or even your family, mostly, you don't think about the future. The only thinking ahead I did was trying to figure out how I would get my next fix. I never had anything to be optimistic about because I didn't have anything in my life to fucking care about. Now, for the first time, I can look toward the future with a smile.

All the darkness from my life is slowly creeping away and is being replaced with an overwhelming happiness that I'm fucking fearful will end. Even when I'm at my happiest there's still this part of me that fears the world around me will come crashing down once more. _Is it like this for everyone who's lost someone they've loved?_

"Edward?"

I turn to see Bella standing in the doorway of our now empty apartment. She looks as exhausted as I feel. We've been packing up the rest of our stuff all morning and saying goodbye to the apartment where our life together began. There are so many amazing memories that were created here. _I'm going to fucking miss this place._ It's fucking weird, knowing that once I close this door behind us, we'll never be coming back here.

"Charlie's in the car. Just wanted to come up and see what was keeping you."

I smile at her, and walk across the empty room to give her a quick kiss on the lips. "I'll be down in a minute. I'm just going to walk around the apartment one more time to make sure we didn't miss anything."

Bella gives me an incredulous look, but refrains from commenting. I'm sure she knows I just want to say goodbye to this place. She kisses me once more on the cheek before stepping back to take another look at the apartment herself.

"I'll be in the car." She smiles and walks out of the apartment.

I turn around and sigh. It's weird seeing this place without the furniture, pictures, and Charlie's toys scattered about. I'd forgotten how fucking big it is. Seeing it so bare and impersonal tugs at my heartstrings. Moving is fucking bittersweet…any ending is. _Every time you move forward in life, you have to leave some stuff behind._ Fuck, even when I quit jobs I hated I still felt this strange sort of melancholy, because when something is over you don't focus on the bad times anymore, you focus on all the great things you are going to miss.

I walk through the apartment, taking everything in and committing it to memory. I look in my bedroom where I've made love to Bella countless times, I look around the living room where we made so many memories together as a family, and I finally stop in my son's bedroom. I stand still, completely captivated by the feelings this room stirs inside of me. The nights I spent holding him in my arms as I rocked him back to sleep, the hours I spent during the day reading stories to him, and all the times he would play with me and call me 'da da', flash through my mind.

 _"One more story buddy? Is that what you want?"_

 _Charlie's eyes are overflowing with fresh tears as he reaches for the book and tries to open it to the very first page. Being read to is his favorite thing in the whole wide world. I don't know if it's the sound of my voice that pleases him, or the story itself, but it seems that once I start reading, he'll never be sated._

 _He stops his babbling and looks up at me expectantly. "Da da?"_

 _I chuckle and walk him over to the little bookshelf Bella bought for him to pick out another book. He points to one and I quickly grab it from the shelf. Of course, he picks the thickest one, a book of poetry by Shel Silverstein, my mom's favorite. I smile as I take him back to the rocking chair and sit down with him comfortably on my lap. His eyes light up as I flip the book open and begin to read._

 _"There is a place where the sidewalk ends_

 _And before the street begins,_

 _And the grass grows soft and white,_

 _And there the sun burns crimson bright,_

 _And there the moon-bird rests from his flight_

 _To cool in the peppermint wind…"_

I smile at the memory and say one last goodbye to the room where it took place. Charlie had so many happy times here, but now I know there are only more happy times to come. He'll have a new room, we'll have a new house, and we'll live as a family. It's everything I never knew I wanted.

I walk out of the apartment with a slight pain in my chest and hope for the future in my heart. This is the right thing to do. I know it is. Goodbyes have always fucking sucked for me, but this isn't a goodbye…it's a new beginning.

"Took you long enough," Bella teases as I slide into the driver's seat of our U-Haul.

She leans over to give me a quick kiss before breaking away to look over her shoulder to check on Charlie, who's sitting in the back seat of her Civic.

"You ready to get out of here?" I ask.

Bella smiles and says, "Of course. I've been waiting for this for a long time."

We only discussed moving months ago. _I've been waiting for this family for a long time too, Bella. I just hadn't known it._

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There's nothing like turning the key to open the door to your very first house. My heart's thumping in my chest as I open the front door. Bella's just as excited as I am, practically bouncing at my side as she holds onto our son. We give each other one last look, before crossing the threshold and entering our new home.

It's just as I remembered it, sans the furnishings. I gaze at the pristine hardwood floors, the ivory walls, high ceiling, and giant fireplace, and I honestly can't believe this place is ours. _I can't believe we could fucking afford this!_ I mean, it was in our budget, but as I look at it again, I can't believe we managed to get something so fucking nice. I can't wait to see what Bella does with the place. _I want it to feel like her._

"Should we give Charlie a tour of the house?"

Bella nods and we give our son a tour of our ranch style home. Although it's small, it has everything we need. A large kitchen, two bathrooms, three bedrooms, and room to expand if need be. Charlie's smile gets bigger with every room we show him. He's just as excited to have a house as we are. The last room we show him, is his room. It's bigger than his last room, with tons of space for bookshelves and toys. Right now, it's bare and desperately needs some carpet for Charlie. Although he's not related to Bella, he's just as clumsy as she is. He's going to bruise his ass if I don't put a few mats down.

Bella giggles at my side and I realize I must look like a worried parent. "What is it?" she asks.

"I was just thinking how we're going to have to baby proof this place," I say with a gruff chuckle.

"Well, of course," she giggles. "I'll ask Alice to help out if you want. She baby proofed every inch of her house when Cyndy was born. Alice was always so paranoid she would get hurt. I heard it's always like that with your first child."

"Well, I'm going to be like that with every child we have."

My entire body tenses as soon as the comment leaves my mouth. Even though I haven't been totally against having kids, I've never expressed any interest to do so. I know it bothered Bella, but she would never admit it because I know she _really_ wants more children. While I never imagined myself with a large family, I've also never imagined myself with a family at all and look at where I'm am. I'd do it for her. Fuck, I'd do anything for her. If she wants a baby or two I'll fucking give it to her. _At least my job when it comes to making babies is the enjoyable part._ There's a lot of positives when it comes to having a baby I suppose. For one, Bella's tits will get huge and filled with milk. _That alone is fucking distracting and fills my mind with dirty thoughts._ And there'll be a baby of course. That's nice too.

"You have the weirdest expression on your face," Bella says as she tries not to laugh.

I reach down and discreetly adjust myself as I try to think of a way to change the subject. _Stop thinking about her tits, Cullen!_

"So, you see us having more kids?" Bella presses.

Fuck. "Um…well, yes in the future, I guess I do. You know, way in the future…" I stutter and finally stop before I make more of an ass out of myself.

Bella smiles and replies, "Well, you're a wonderful daddy."

I fucking blush. "Thanks, babe. I try at least. Charlie's not dead, so I guess I've done a good job," I tease, unable to take the compliment.

"You're doing an amazing job," she says, before rising to her tiptoes to kiss me.

"No!" Charlie says with a little giggle as he tries to push our faces apart.

I pull away and give him an incredulous look. "You don't like it when mommy and daddy kiss?" I ask, bouncing him in my arms.

"No!" He announces with a grin.

"You better get used to it, buddy," I comment, before quickly kissing her again, pulling away before Charlie can attempt to stop us.

"So, do you want to get started bringing stuff in or do you want to wait for Paul and your dad?"

I shrug, "I can bring in a few chairs at least. I just don't like leaving Charlie unsupervised and I know I can't move half of that shit by myself."

"Shhh…" Charlie begins, staring up at me with wide eyes and a little smile.

My heart stops. _Don't fucking do it, kid!_

"Shit!" Charlie announces, before clapping his hands at his accomplishment.

 _Shit!_ He's too fucking young to be cursing. Bella laughs and reaches out to take him from my arms.

"Aw, that's the cutest curse word I've ever heard," Bella giggles as she rocks Charlie in her arms and kisses his cheek.

"You better stop with that," I say, right before she kisses him again. "He's going to say it all the time if he thinks he can get this type of reaction from you."

"Shhh—it," Charlie says again, perking up in Bella's arms as if he were awaiting his next kiss.

I roll my eyes, stifle a laugh, and walk away. "I'll go grab some of the furniture!" I yell over my shoulder.

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"Jesus, man. I didn't know you and Bella had so much stuff," Paul comments with a grunt as he helps me carry one of our couches inside.

"Well, this is all the stuff from mine and Bella's apartment," I comment, as I look over his shoulder at the rest of the stuff in the U-Haul.

"It's fine, I'm just messing with you, man. I can't believe you've got a house now, and a family! Seth would've freaked," Paul says with a sad laugh.

"I know, he wouldn't have believed it," I admit. "That's why I never understood him giving me Charlie. I mean, how he saw me with a child is beyond me."

"Hell, man. I was surprised too, but I was also really happy he chose you. You're great with Charlie."

"I'm surprised he didn't pick my parents," I chuckle. "Although, now I guess it's good he didn't. I even thought he'd pick you since you're his Godfather and all. Plus, your life wasn't a total mess."

We set the couch down as soon as we get it through the front door, taking a breather before we get it all the way to the living room.

"My life wasn't perfect," he admits, looking as if he feels ashamed of his past. _Looking a lot like me._ "I was a drunk for the past few years. I mean, I'm better now. Have been since your brother's death, but back then, I was really depressed and constantly drinking. I was in a really dark place…I'm still there."

"I'm sorry," I say, because that's what so many people have said to me. "You just always had your life so together growing up. Hell, you still seem to have your life together."

"Looks can be deceiving," he says with a mirthless chuckle. "You can have your life together and still abuse alcohol. I've been a highly functioning alcoholic since high school. These past few months have been just as rough for me as they've been for you."

I always forget about Paul's struggles. He's always seemed so fucking normal. I mentally fucking kick myself, just because people _seem_ normal doesn't mean they don't have shit going on behind closed doors. He was suffering, but none of us saw it behind his all-American smile and all the successes he had in his life. I knew he drank now and then, but I never realized it'd been such an issue for him until I saw him in AA. Even then, he never really talks about his drinking problems. He's heard me open up about my issues, but he's never opened up the door to his. _Fuck, he's just now cracking it._

"You should talk about it in AA. I feel so much better after doing that. Trust me, man. Opening up really helps."

I feel fucking weird giving him advice. I've never really been in the position to give anyone advice before and I'm not sure how I feel about doing it. I sound so fucking awkward and unconvincing. Paul gives me a weak smile and runs his hand nervously through his hair.

"Man, I don't know if I can do that. At least not right now. I'm just not ready."

His eyes look so haunted and his entire body is tense. I can't help but feel like there's something he's just not telling me. It doesn't seem like he just had a bit of a drinking problem in the past, it seems like something must have happened. I mean, no one just changes their ways for no reason. An alcoholic doesn't just wake up one day and say, 'I think I'm done with drinking. I just don't feel like it anymore', and cheerfully move on with their lives. Becoming sober is a fucking struggle and something has to fucking push you to do it. Whether it's a DUI and the promise of jail time if you don't go to rehab, ruining relationships because of your drinking, or having a baby dropped into your lap after your brother dies. It seems that life has to give you some sort of push. The fact that he would just do it for no reason was something I once thought was incredible. _I mean, how many people are that introspective and self-aware?_ However, now I just think it's fucking strange. Maybe he has more willpower than me…or maybe there's something he's just not saying.

"Take your time, man," I settle on saying. "You can't rush these things. Just talk about it when you're ready."

He gives me a small, uncomfortable smile and bends down to pick his side of the couch back up, indicating that he's done talking about this. I hear the sound of my dad's car pulling up as soon as we get the couch in the living room. Bella jumps up with Charlie in her arms to greet him, giving him a quick hug as soon as my dad walks through the door. He's in a pair of old jeans and a black t-shirt. I haven't seen him look this relaxed in a long time. He kisses Bella's cheek and says hello to his grandson before making his way to us.

"So, it seems you guys have really made some headway," my dad teases, as he glances at the few pieces of furniture we managed to get into the house.

"We've been talking," Paul explains as he gives my dad a firm pat on the back before we make our way back to the U-Haul.

As we work on getting the rest of the stuff inside, I can't take my eyes off Paul. Something just seems so off about him, like there's something brewing beneath the surface he isn't telling me about. I don't know why he'd feel like he had to keep secrets from me. Of course, it's his life and it's his business, he doesn't have to tell me everything that's going on with him. On the other hand, we'd been so close growing up, practically brothers, so I can't imagine why he feels like he can't talk to me. I've never hidden anything from him. Fuck, my life has always been an open book. He knows all about my whoring around, my drinking, and my drug use. I'm ashamed of the shit I've done, but nothing is ever going to change it. Since I can't rewrite history I don't see the point of not opening up about it. Paul used to be so open and carefree growing up. He would tell me all the shit that he had going on to the point where it was too much information.

I've been so busy with all the shit going on in my life, I haven't noticed the difference in the man I used to call my brother. Until recently, I haven't noticed how rigid he is around me, how quiet he's gotten, and how melancholy he seems. Maybe I've been fucking selfish lately. I've worried so much about my life, I haven't been supporting my friend like I should. I'm ashamed of myself. He probably needs me and I haven't been there.

I spend the day not saying much. Paul chats with my dad and I comment here or there, but mainly keep to myself. I'm too lost in my own thoughts and don't really feel like talking. The only thing to really keep me from getting too moody, is watching Charlie play on the floor with my girl. He's so animated with her, and it's obvious that he loves his new mom more than just about anything. How could he not? Bella's so affectionate and giving…she's the perfect mother. Watching them together eases all my stress.

Now that we've finished a day of moving heavy shit around, I feel like it's time I should be saying, _'Let's grab a beer to reward ourselves for a job well done.'._ Too bad our group is made up of two AA members and my dad. I settle for offering them a soda from the fridge. We make small-talk and drink our sodas, but as much as I love these two men, I really want to spend the night with my Bella and Charlie to celebrate our first night in our new home. My dad must've picked up on this, because he's the first to announce he needs to be getting back.

"Congratulations on your new home. I'm so proud of you, son."

I smile and quickly look at my feet, always feeling fucking embarrassed when someone compliments me. He wraps one arm around my shoulder and gives me a quick hug before walking off to say goodbye to Charlie and Bella, who are watching a movie on the TV we hooked up a few hours before.

"I guess I better get going too," Paul says, giving me a very awkward sort of hug before backing away. "I'm glad I could help, man. This house is perfect for you guys."

"I know," I smile, taking a quick look around. "I can't believe Bella and I are homeowners," I chuckle. "Thanks for helping out today, it really means a lot."

"It's cool." He smiles. "It's not like I had anything better to do. So, I'll see you at our AA meeting tomorrow?"

"Of course, man."

I've been getting so good about attending regularly. Those meetings combined with seeing Howell makes me feel like I've truly been making some progress in my life. I feel like a different person already. I see my change of attitude in the smallest situations. I'll stop for a moment and say to myself, 'The old you wouldn't have acted like that.'. It's crazy, but I really think I've come a long way in these few short months. I'm already so much more mature and driven. Half the shit I do, the old me would've never done. It's strange to think about how fucking different I used to be.

After Paul and my dad are gone, I finally feel like I can breathe. It's not that I hated their company, far from it, it's just the hardest part of the day is over and I can finally relax and enjoy my new home. I just want to order some food and sit back and relax with the two most important people in my life. I quickly order a large pizza before joining my little family on the couch, which I placed way too close to the TV. _Mental note: move this shit around tomorrow, it looks terrible._ Bella's too fucking sweet to say anything, or she sees that I'm worn out and chooses to save the topic for another day. I give her a quick kiss and kiss my son on the forehead, before I finally collapse on the couch.

"I ordered a pizza. Want to put a movie in and relax?"

Bella nods and gives me a sleepy smile. _Geez, she looks like a fucking angel when she's relaxed like this._ I grab a stack of movies I put aside during the move for Charlie because I knew if I wasn't proactive about not burying them in a random box, I would have quite a few tantrums to deal with. I walk back to the couch, with the stack of DVDs in hand, and show him each cover, letting the reaction on his face be the judge of what movie he wants to watch the most. As soon as he sees the title, _Oliver & Company, _he squeals, kicks his little feet, and claps his hands. _Okay buddy,_ Oliver & Company _it is then._ I put the disk in the DVD player and hit play, before sitting back on the couch and watching his face light up as the opening credits come on.

"Are you happy, baby?" I ask Bella, as I sink into the couch.

She turns to look at me, with an affectionate smile on her face. "Of course, I'm happy. You've given me everything I could've ever wanted, Edward. I love you and I love our life together."

Fuck, now she has me getting all teary-eyed. I hide my sappy expression with a cough and quickly recover by giving her a more controlled smile.

"I'm happy too. I can't believe we've got a home of our own."

An hour later, we're filled with pizza and dozing off as we watch the movie near its end. Charlie has fallen asleep in Bella's arms and I can't take my eyes off the pair of them. They both completely captivate me, the two people in the world who mean more to me than anything. _Could my heart feel any fuller?_ I'm sure it could. I'm sure if we had another child all the love in my life would fucking multiple. I watch as the light from the TV bounces off Bella's face, illuminating her beautiful features. Finally, as if feeling my stare, she turns her head to look into my eyes. Whenever she looks at me I feel so loved, so fucking cherished, as if I were the only person in the entire world. I realize this is what I was missing before. If I'd been loved, I probably would've been a different man…I would've believed in myself and strived to be better each day. Bella was just what I fucking needed. Basking in the glow of the television, I see her smile at me. Here we are sitting on the couch as a little family and I've never felt more incredible. I wrap my arm around her and quietly tell her how much I love her before bringing my mouth down to meet hers. I want to remember this first night in our home, the beginning of our future together.

 **A/N: Just another reminder…I'll be posting unedited chapter teasers in my Facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan). Feel free to join because things are about to get good** **.**

 **Song- "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service.**


	65. Chapter 65: Paul's Story

**Thanks Sherry and Paige! You've been wonderful every step of the way** **. Any mistakes are my own.**

" _Someway, baby, it's part of me, apart from me_

 _You're laying waste to Halloween_

 _You fucked it friend, it's on its head, it struck the street_

 _You're in Milwaukee, off your feet._

… _And at once I knew I was not magnificent_

 _Strayed above the highway aisle_

 _(Jagged vacance, thick with ice)_

 _And I could see for miles, miles, miles."_

 _-Bon Iver-_

 **EPOV:**

Our house is now a home. The past month has flown by, despite my effort to slow down time and appreciate every second of the beginning of our new life together. Bella has been working her ass off to get our house just the way she wants it. It's beautiful. She's done an incredible job and it's just right for our little family. Charlie's room is fucking breathtaking. Bella and her sister spent a few days painting it and decorating it for him. It's Disney inspired and absolutely fucking perfect. Every day I come home to my new house and my family, I have to stop for a moment, because I can hardly believe this life is mine.

I feel like I'm living in a dream and I'm fucking afraid to wake-up. Despite how wonderful this past month has been, I have this strange feeling in my gut, warning me another storm is approaching. Maybe I'm being too negative, but no matter what I do, I can't shake this feeling. It follows me everywhere and causes my paranoia to skyrocket. I keep my full attention on Bella and Charlie, worried that something terrible will happen to them. I don't know what I would do if something did happen, I would be fucking ruined. My fear has propelled me to cherish everyone in my life. In a way, it's almost a good thing. Fear has inspired me to get out of the house and see the people who are so meaningful to me.

I've spent so much time with my parents, getting to know my new mother and making up for lost time. My mom is an incredible woman, and I'm sad that I didn't get to grow up with her at my side. However, I understand why she left and I forgive her for leaving. She's my mother, but she's only human. She did the best she could. I only hope I can say that when all is said and done at the end of my life. That's all I fucking want, is to be able to be at peace with my actions and happy with my choices. My mom hadn't been happy for a long time, and hearing about her struggle is fucking devastating. I'm so fucking thankful she's home. She's getting the life she's always wanted; the life she's always deserved. She's no longer scared and she can finally live the way she wants.

Seeing her with my dad was incredibly awkward at first. I had grown-up with him and Elizabeth and I'd always thought he loved her. Dad told me that Elizabeth had been easy for him to love when they were younger, but he also explained that his love had been rather selfish. At first, he thought Elizabeth was like the woman he'd lost, but as time went on and the going got rough, he realized she was nothing like Esme. Then at some point, his love for Elizabeth became more like companionship and he respected her as the mother of his child. Despite what Elizabeth says, I know she loved my father too, even if those feelings are now gone completely. Sometimes, someone is right for you at a certain time in your life and you can love them as much as that version of yourself will allow, however, that doesn't mean that person is right for you forever. I believe you can love multiple people in your life, but you only experience true love once. For my dad, his true love was Esme, and for me it's my Bella. Now, when I see my parents embrace, all the awkwardness is gone, because I can see the love they have for each other. Even after all this time, their feelings are still the same.

As I'm discovering the people my parents truly are, I'm also working on developing the friendships in my life. Friendships have always been something I neglected in the past. I've always been a loner and neglected the friends I did have. I don't know why, but in the past, I only felt like I could truly be myself when I was alone. So, I saw no point in going out and pretending to be someone I'm not. However, so much shit has changed since I've returned. Sure, I'm still a bit of a loner, but I'm trying to not be as remiss as I once was. I've invited Emmett and Rosalie over for dinner several times, as well as Jasper and his family. I've worked on seeing Paul outside of our AA meetings together. He's become even closer to me than he was before. He's finally showing glimpses of his old self, and exhibits the man he was before alcohol consumed his life. Of course, there's still these sparks of depression in his eyes I don't miss. I want him to open up to me, but he refrains, stating that one day he will. I just wish I knew when his 'one day' would be.

While I've been so good about filling my life with people who matter, today I want nothing of it. Work was grueling and I want nothing more than to go home and take a hot shower and relax with my family before spending the night making love to my beautiful fiancée. However, I made a promise to Paul. I told him I wouldn't miss an AA meeting and I intend to keep that promise. So, I'll drag my sorry ass out of the house if I have to. It's just so important that we support each other in this. We've both come so far, and gotten so much better. I owe so fucking much to these meetings and Dr. Howell, I can't begin to wonder where I'd be without them.

As soon as I walk in the front door of my home, I almost stumble over my son, who is sitting in the foyer waiting for me. He's been doing this every day since I started working a consistent schedule. I know he's waited a long fucking time here today, because of heavy traffic and road construction I'm forty-five minutes late getting home.

"Da da!" Charlie squeals as soon as I drop my duffel bag to the ground and reach for him.

His laughter fills the quiet house as soon as I pick him up. I smile and kiss both of his cheeks before resting him on my shoulder.

"Let's go find mommy," I suggest as I carry him to the kitchen.

Bella's putting plates of food on our small, dining room table by the time I walk in. Her face lights up when she sees me, and as soon as she put the last plate on the table, she jogs over to me and throws her arms around my neck, careful to avoid hitting our son.

"I missed you so much," I whisper into her hair.

"You were just at work," she teases me.

"I always miss you when I'm away," I admit, before turning my head so my lips meet hers.

She gives me a peck on the cheek before ushering Charlie and me to the dinner table. Charlie sits in my lap as I help him eat our favorite meal, Bella's famous mac & cheese. We talk about my day and Bella talks about the new textbook she's editing. It seems like a grueling job, but she explains someone has to do it. I know she truly wants to be a writer, and I'll be her fucking cheerleader if need be, because I just want her to be happy. I know my beautiful, talented girl can do whatever she sets her mind to. We both have dreams for our future, but right now all we can do is enjoy the gift of the present.

After dinner, I help Bella wash the dishes. Despite my long day at work, I still find the energy to be fucking playful around her. I 'accidently' splash her with water a few times, which eventually turns into me taking the hose and spraying her down. Her face is glowing and radiant, as she throws her head back with laughter and tries to block my attempts to get her absolutely soaked.

"Edward, stop!" She giggles, trying to grab the hose out of my hand.

"Da da!" Charlie squeals from his highchair, laughing at the sight of his two parents acting like children.

Wanting to see my son laugh even more, I allow Bella to snag the hose from my hand and I scream as the cold tap water blasts against my chest. She gets me soaked and before I know it, we're both soaking wet, hysterical fucking mess. She drops the hose in the sink and I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close as I laugh my ass off. Charlie joins us, laughing louder than us both. I drag Bella toward his highchair, with her giggling the entire way, and pick Charlie up so he can join us in this moment. A moment that feels like the whole world has stopped around us and it's just us.

"Ma ma!" He says with a huge smile, as he grabs hold of a strand of her hair and curls it around his little finger. "Da da!"

He looks so happy, as if he could feel the love vibrating through the air. I close my eyes and soak up this moment. Enjoying the sound of my family's laughter and the feeling of their breath on my skin. I know I'll remember this forever. A simple, yet meaningful moment in time, with the family I never imagined being lucky enough to have.

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By the time I leave the house for my AA meeting, I'm already fucking late. The weather is shit, causing people to drive even slower than usual. Add the road construction on popular routes into the mix, and I end up being meeting forty-five minutes late. Which is new for me, because I'm never fucking late to these meetings. Of course, I'm not early either. I like to be right on time to keep small-talk and any awkward silences to a minimum. I'm sure Paul thinks I'm not even coming, although I promised not to ditch him at these meetings.

I park in the lot in front of the Protestant Church where the meeting is being held. It looks as if it's been around since the early 1960's, giving the building a sort of charm which is rare among the locations our AA meetings are usually held. This church is definitely a step up from the local YMCA, that's for damn sure. I hate listening to people talk about their problems while also hearing the sounds of kids loudly playing basketball on the court next door.

I quickly make my way through the halls of the old church, listening for the sounds of a meeting going on as I try to navigate around. I can't ignore the verses that are on the walls, surrounded by drawings that look like they were created by kids in Sunday school classes. I have to be fucking honest, churches make me really uncomfortable. The idea that there's a God watching our every movement and fucking judging us is daunting to say the least. Nonetheless, I can't help but stop every now and then to read one of the verses, just out of curiosity.

 _"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -John 16:33_

I roll my eyes and keep walking. I feel like I've overcome the world as well. I've dealt with all the horrors in my life and still managed to come out almost unscathed. I managed to get through it all because without even knowing it, I had faith in _myself._ I had faith in my brother's decision and rose to the challenge.

Finally, I see a light shining from the end of the dark hallway and follow the voices that are vibrating off the room's walls. Although I'm forty-five minutes late, I've finally fucking made it. I take a glimpse at the meeting before stepping inside and the sight before me stops me in my tracks. Paul's walking toward the front of the room with a frown on his face. With his sunken features, slouched shoulders, and weary eyes, he looks like a completely different person entirely. _I've never seen him like this._ He's finally sharing, and I can't help but wonder if it's a coincidence that he's choosing to do so on a day I'm not here. My curiosity gets the better of me, and I take a step back from the door and lean against the wall outside the small meeting room. I can see Paul, but I know he can't see me. I take one deep breath, as he begins to speak, with his hands in his pockets and his head down.

"Hello, everyone. I'm Paul and I've been attending these meetings for a couple of months now." He stutters through his first sentence, his voice filled with what sounds like pure shame. "I know I haven't said much while I've been here. I haven't reached out to a single one of you, and I can't say that will change after today. I've just wanted to sit back and listen…I honestly never thought I would be doing this. I never wanted to tell my story, because it's been too fucking painful."

He stops, gasping for air and bringing a hand up to cover his mouth. _What the fuck is this?_ Paul's always been so strong, and yet, he's crumbling in front of me.That familiar feeling of dread turns my stomach and I stand paralyzed as I wonder what he's going to say next. _Why do I feel so fucking ill?_ I cover my mouth with my hand. For some reason, I feel as though if Paul could so much as hear my breath, he'd stop talking.

"I've spent the last few years of my life abusing alcohol behind closed doors. No one knew about it, besides my best friend, Seth. He would always try to help me, even when I didn't want it. He refused to give up on me, even when things were terrible, even when he had a life of his own," Paul explains through gritted teeth.

My heart sinks as I hear him mention my brother's name. He's right, Seth would've done anything to help his friend. Hell, he did everything in his power to help me, even when everyone else had believed all hope was lost. That's who Seth was, he was the most genuine and kind person I've ever met. He was loyal to a degree you rarely see in a person, which is why I miss him every fucking day. My heart breaks, knowing such an incredible person was ripped away from this world.

"Before Seth died, I'd been sobering up. My vices no longer had the power over me they once did. This was all because of Seth. He knew the worst of me, the side of myself I hid from everyone else. I had a successful career, a steady income, and my life was on track…but despite all this, my life revolved around drinking. Seth had been my best friend since we were little, and out of all the people in my life, he was the only one to see a change in me. He loved me like a brother, when I didn't have anyone else…" Paul trails off with a sob.

It's then I notice the tears starting to trail down his face. He tries to hide it, by covering his face with one of his hands, but from my angle I can see every one. Part of me wants to go to him and tell him everything is going to be alright, but another part of me—the part of me that causes my heart to race as I feel something horrible coming—keeps me in my place. I watch him, completely paralyzed with a deep-rooted fear, as he gains control of himself and opens his mouth to continue.

"He made me part of his family…he made me the godfather of his son…and what I did to him…" his voice breaks as he gasps for air. "I tried to help them," he says, tears trailing down his cheeks and his entire body shaking. "I didn't know what to do. It was too late…I was too fucking late; the damage was already done. I was a fucking coward. I saw my best friend gasping for breath, and I saw his wife, who accepted all my flaws, lifeless in the seat next to him. I ran away and never told anyone…I never told anyone until now," he gasps.

A red haze descends over my vision and every muscle in my body wants to spring to action, attacking the thing that has caused me so much fucking pain and distress. I can't fucking think; I can't fucking breathe. All I can do is look at the fucker I called my friend through blurry eyes and try desperately to hold myself back. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_ This can't be fucking happening to me. This cannot be fucking happening to me! A bitter laugh escapes my lips, I knew things would go to shit. I knew it all along.

"I'm sorry," Paul whispers, before jumping down from the makeshift stage and heading out the door.

My entire body springs to life, every muscle tenses as my heart continues to fucking break. My thoughts are one giant blur, a string of expletives and violent thoughts, and I can't control my body as it reacts the only way it knows how. As soon as Paul walks past me, I grab him by the throat and throw him against the wall. I hear him gasp, but he doesn't stop me as I curl my other hand into a fist and crash it against his face.

 **A/N: So…thoughts? Please review! I seriously can't wait to hear what you guys have to say!**

 **Also, I'll be posting the teaser for the next chapter in my facebook group tomorrow! So make sure to go check it out!**

 **Song- "Holocene" by Bon Iver.**


	66. Chapter 66: Hurt

**Thanks to my betas, Sherry and Paige, because you know I couldn't do this without you! Any mistakes are my own.**

" _I wear this crown of shit_

 _Upon my liar's chair_

 _Full of broken thoughts_

 _I cannot repair._

 _Beneath the stains of time_

 _The feelings disappear_

 _You are someone else_

 _I am still right here._

 _What have I become?_

 _My sweetest friend_

 _Everyone I know_

 _Goes away in the end."_

 _-Nine Inch Nails-_

 **EPOV:**

My fists slam against his face in a rapid succession. I can't stop. I don't know if I _want_ to stop. Fuck, I can't even slow down. I feel him put his hands in front of his face, but nothing can help him during my violent, red haze. I'm fucking lost in the moment, waiting for the hate surging through me to release so I can feel better. _Will I ever feel better after this? Will I ever find peace again?_

Those questions are fleeting, disappearing in the chaos of my mind before I throw another punch. I hear a _crunch,_ as my fist makes contact with his nose. His head slams against the wall, before his body slides to the ground. I hear screams in the background, but everything is a giant blur. The only thing that's clear is Paul, who is slumped on the ground with his hands over his head crying uncontrollably, like the fucking coward he is. He didn't even have the nerve to fight back. I want to fucking spit on him, but before I get the chance, a pair of strong arms yanks me away from him and throws me on the floor.

My eyes shoot wide open and all my emotions come crashing down, and my heart begins to beat so rapidly I feel as though it could explode at any moment. I'm fucking dizzy, I'm fucking nauseous, and my mind feels so fucking numb it scares me. I stare at all the nameless faces in the crowd, too distressed to recognize a single one, as they stare down at me in absolute horror. _Fuck them, they don't know what this is about._

I don't wait for my panic attack to subside, I don't reach out to Paul to make sure he's alright, _because it's not like he did that shit with my brother_ , all I do is jump up, wipe the blood off my hands and onto my shirt and head for the door. I hear Paul crying out to me, but I don't turn around. Fuck him. Fuck that bastard who murdered my brother and sister-in-law and fucking drove away. _How the fuck could he drive away!? How could he watch my fucking brother gasp for air, and just fucking run?_

I can't decide if Paul is a fucking monster or a fucking coward. The man I once thought I knew is gone. I can't believe he fucking lied to my face all this time. He killed my fucking brother and he didn't have enough fucking courage to tell me about it. I allowed that sick fuck to be in my child's life. I asked him to be my best man in my wedding. He was my fucking friend.

 _He was my friend…_

Hot tears trail down my cheeks as I quickly get into my car. I can't see anything, and I don't fucking want to. This world is so ugly, I never knew how ugly it was until this very moment. I've tried to be good, I've tried to be optimistic, I've tried to tell myself that everything in this world isn't shit. _It looks like I was wrong._ It's just as fucked up as I once thought it was. I throw my car in reverse and back out of my parking space, before throwing it into drive and speeding down the empty street. I gun it down the road without a second thought. I don't know where I'm going, but I just don't want to fucking be here.

I drive aimlessly, not bothering to look at what I'm passing. Frankly, I'm too fucked up to even care. The world around me is a blur, a meaningless and unforgiving blur. The tears won't stop and my anger won't subside. Horrible thoughts fly through my head, but I'm too fucking numb to make any sense of them. They boil up inside, and I feel as though I'm going to burst at any moment. I punch the steering wheel, hoping the pain in my hand will distract me from the hurt in my heart. I want to fucking destroy something, I want to release my anger until my surroundings are just as wrecked as I am.

I pass by bars and liquor stores and I want more than anything to pull over and drown my sorrows. However, I'm too fucking agitated to turn off the main road, I don't want to get out of my car like this because I know I'll beat the shit out of the very first person I see. I press on the gas and speed down the road without giving the tempting surroundings any attention.

However, my strength doesn't last long. I pass a dive bar and I just can't fucking help myself. It's so dead and so fucking tempting. There's no more than a few cars in sight as I park outside the entrance. I saunter inside, not bothering to even lock my car, simply because I don't give a fuck anymore. The bar is dark and unwelcoming. I smile and walk to the bar top to order a drink.

Throwing a five on the table I say, "Bourbon, straight," before slouching on a barstool.

As soon as the bartender hands me the drink, I down it and ask for another before drifting off to a table in the bar's darkest corner. I just want to be fucking alone. I put the second drink down and stare at it. My body is shaking with anger, but now that anger is directed at myself. _You're fucking better than this, Cullen! How can you do this to your family?_ Fresh tears well up in my eyes and I violently wipe them away, as I continue to stare at the bourbon that seems to be fucking taunting me.

Before I can contain myself, I ball my hand up into a fist and slam it down on the drink. The excruciating pain feels incredible. It makes me feel fucking alive. I watch my blood as it pours out of my wounded palm and seems to seep into the wood of the old table, staining it with a beautiful color of dark red. The alcohol burns my open wounds and it feels so fucking cleansing. I hear shouts and look up to see a fuming bartender coming toward me. I'm too far gone to hear what he's saying to me, but by the looks of him it's nothing good.

With tears running down my emotionless face and my bloody hand clenched under my leather jacket, I leave the bar without an apology and head back to my car. I'm sobbing in my front seat and I don't know why. My hand is bleeding and I make no attempt to contain it. My mind is so mixed up with unwelcome emotions I don't know what to do.

I mindlessly reach for my phone and dial the number of the person I know will help. He picks up on the third ring.

"Hello?" He asks, in a tired but concerned voice.

I suppose house calls are never fucking good if you're a therapist.

"Dr. Howell, it's Edward," I stuttered out, "I need to see you."

I wonder if he can hear the pain in my voice, because even in my haze _I_ definitely can.

I hear fumbling around on his end, before he finally states, "Meet me at my office. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"Thank you," I say quietly before ending the call.

I find a rag from work in my backseat and wrap it around my hand, pulling the cloth tight to stop the flow of blood. I know it's dirty as fuck, but I can't seem to care. I cover up my wound before placing both hands on my dented steering wheel. _Everything in my life is fucked now._ Of course, the moment I thought things were going well, something comes along to mess it up. Just like it always does. I don't know why I hoped for anything different, I guess it was just wishful fucking thinking.

I turn the key in the ignition and listen as my car engine roars to life. I rub my hand roughly against my face to wake myself up, before quickly backing out of the parking lot and heading toward Howell's office. I drive over, still reeling with disbelief, almost driving through stop signs since my mind is somewhere else completely. As I drive, staring at the dark road ahead, my mind begins to wander. I try to stop it, not wanting it to travel to the dark places that it easily could, but I'm just too fucking tired to do so.

I think of my brother, just the way Paul described him. Sitting in the front seat of his car next to his dead wife, gasping for breath as he looks at the man who he called his friend for the very last time. Although I wasn't there, I can vividly imagine the look in my brother's eyes. The sad look of his disappointment fleets through my mind and I gasp for air as my chest tightens as I think of the many times he'd given me that look as we were growing up. I can imagine him looking at Paul that way, as if to say, _'What have you done, my friend?'._ The thought is sickening, but I can't dismiss it. I imagine the blood on his face and the shock in his eyes as he looks at his wife, the woman who was his everything. I can imagine Paul's face as well, as he stares into Seth's car and sees exactly what he's done. I hope what he saw has fucking stuck with him. I want him to carry the pain of my brother's death for the rest of his life. I want him to know exactly what he's done.

How could he just drive away and leave them there? How could he not fucking care enough to call for help? My brother could have fucking survived if Paul had called for help the second it happened! Seth would've had a fighting chance, but instead, by the time someone drove past their car and called the police, it was too late for my brother. He went to the hospital in critical condition, knowing that his wife was already dead. Charlie was at home with Elizabeth, waiting for his parents to return from their date, having no notion of what his godfather had done to them. A sob escapes my lips and I violently wipe away the tears that stream down my face. _Stop crying you fucking bastard!_

I know it's completely illogical, but I should've fucking been there. I should've been here to help my brother in some way. I would've done anything for him. Fuck, I'd gladly take his place right now. Like I've said to myself so many times, _if anyone deserved to die young, it was me._ My sadness slowly turns back into uncontrollable anger.

 _How the fuck could my friend rip my brother away from me?_ Didn't he think about anyone else as he drunkenly drove away? Didn't he even think of Charlie, the baby he made an orphan by taking his parents' lives? Didn't he think of me? I was his friend too, and he'd just destroyed everything in my life. How could he look me in the fucking eye after all of that shit? How dare he even try to talk to me again! Hadn't he done enough damage?

I'm fuming by the time I arrive at Howell's office. I see his car parked outside, the only car in the entire parking lot besides mine. I find him waiting for me at the office's entrance, bundled in a huge winter coat and a hat to protect his face from the freezing January night. It's then I realize how fucking absurd I look in my leather jacket in this weather. However, the anger and adrenaline that feels like it's coursing through my fucking veins warms me up. I walk to Howell and stand next to him, antsy as he fumbles with his keys as he tries to open the front door.

"Wait, Edward. Wait," He says in a commanding voice, and his tone ushers me back, so I'm not crowding him as he works on getting the key into the lock.

I give him space and try to calm myself. I don't know what the fuck I want to do, but I want to do _something._ I have to do something! The sting of betrayal is too much for me to fucking bear. I run my hands through my hair and yank on it until I feel my roots sting. Howell takes one look at me, sees my bloodied wrapped up hand, and frowns. He looks sad, but even in my distressed state I can tell his look is not judgmental. He ushers me inside and follows me as I barrel down the hallway toward his office. He quickly unlocks and opens his door and flips on the lights. I don't look at him, I merely walk straight to my usual seat and put my head in my hands.

"What happened?" He asks, pulling his chair close to mine before taking his seat.

I shake my head, unable to speak. I wipe my face with my good hand and try to keep the tears that are pricking my eyes from rolling down my cheeks.

"Something happened," I gasp, unable to meet his gaze. "Something bad happened. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to do," I say, on the verge of hysteria.

 _I'm so scared that I'll lose myself all over again. What if I do? What if I forget the man I've worked so hard to become?_

"Try to calm yourself and explain to me what happened," Howell firmly suggests, his voice is like a slap to the face and just what I needed.

"Paul…" I begin taking a shuddering breath. "Paul was the one."

"The one what?"

"The one who killed them," I gasp, finding it devastating to say the words aloud. "I heard him confess to the whole thing."

Howell's eyes widen for a moment and he sits back in his chair. I watch him as he runs a hand through his hair, and looks at me for a second, as if he were assessing my mental state or some shit like that. I'm sure whatever he sees isn't good.

"How did you feel once you heard this?"

I shrug my shoulders. How the fuck does he expect me to feel? Fucking peachy? My entire life has been fucking dragged through the mud in a few short hours. I thought I wanted to know the truth, I thought any truth would be better than not knowing, but I was fucking wrong. I wish I were still ignorant to the whole thing. How fucking blissful would that be? I could walk blindly through life and the truth could never harm me.

"I wish I didn't know," I answer honestly, jumping up from my seat. I began to pace around the room, clenching my fucked-up hand to my chest. "I don't know how that man could've lied to me. I don't know how he could've looked me in the eye, knowing he killed my brother and sister-in-law, and not said anything. How the fuck could he look at Charlie? Knowing he killed both of his parents and did nothing to help."

I stop pacing and sit back down, running my good hand through my hair before smacking myself in the face.

"Stop that," Howell immediately commanded. "So, your friend betrayed your trust. What do you plan to do about it?"

"I'm going to fucking kill him." The venom in my tone is muffled by the sob that escapes my mouth.

Before I know it, I'm sobbing and rocking in my seat. The image my mind has created of my brother gasping for breath is all I see. Suddenly, I hate everything. I hate Paul for murdering two members of my family, I hate Seth for not being strong enough to survive the crash, and I hate myself for being alive. Howell reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder. The comforting gesture only makes me fall to pieces further and when I finally do regain my self-control, I'm too fucking exhausted to speak. Howell gives me all the time I need. I sit in silence, watching the light from cars outside shin through the window's blinds and dance around the room. Finally, I relax just enough to continue.

"He said that he looked into my brother's car and could see that he was dying. He said Seth was gasping for breath. He looked at Kate in the passenger seat and saw that she wasn't moving. He didn't call anyone, he didn't try to help either of them, he simply drove away. How can he live with himself?"

"Will you be able to live with this?" Howell asks me, with his hand still on my shoulder.

I contemplate his question, finding that it's harder to answer than I thought. I'm so lost, but at the same time I realize I have so much to live for. I have Bella and Charlie. Fuck, I have two parents who love me as well. I can't just lay down and die now, not when I'm at the start of a new chapter in my life. I can't just throw everything away now. Paul has destroyed so much in my fucking life already, I can't allow that fucker to destroy my future as well.

"Yes," I say quietly, wiping the tears off my face with my unbandaged hand.

I'll be able to fucking live with this, but who knows when I'll be healed. This will be a scar I'll wear for the rest of my life. There's nothing left for me to do but move forward, but before I can do that, I need some fucking answers. I want to know why Paul acted the way he did, why he killed two amazing people without a second thought. I won't be able to move forward unless I can fucking understand. Paul needs to make me understand! Until then, I'll be fucking lost in limbo.

"I believe you," Howell says, pulling me from my frantic thoughts.

My eyes shoot up to meet his and I find nothing but sincerity. _He does believe I'll overcome this, and that alone gives me some peace of mind._ I need to find Paul, I need to find some answers. I close my eyes and try to remember what it felt like before I knew all this. I can't and that's fucking terrifying.

"You'll pull through this, Edward," Howell assures me, although it feels more like he's commanding me to do so. "I'm not only your therapist, but I'm also your friend, Edward. I'll always be here for you."

Before I know what I'm doing, I throw my good arm around Howell's shoulder and let the few tears I have left fall down my face. An emergency therapy session was just what I fucking needed. As much as I want to return home to Bella and Charlie, just to remember my two reasons for living, I know there's someplace else I have to go to first. I have to go to Paul's, I have to talk to him and figure out what the fuck he's done. Now that the truth has already poisoned my life, I want to know every detail.

I leave Howell's office with the promise of meeting as scheduled later in the week. He locks up and we walk to our cars in a comfortable silence. I thank Howell and try to pull myself together as I slide into the driver's seat of my car. I turn on the ignition of the car and blast the radio, wanting the sound of heavy metal to drown out my thoughts. Halfway to Paul's something inside of me beckons me to drive faster. As if there were a little voice in my head telling me if I don't get there soon, I'll arrive to an empty apartment. I step on the gas and zoom down the dark and empty street, with images of my dying brother plaguing my mind.

 **A/N: I know these are dark chapters, but stick with me! I'll have another teaser for the next chapter up tomorrow in my facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan). Hopefully I'll have it up for you guys to read in the afternoon!**

 **Thoughts? Please review! I seriously love reading what you guys have to say about all of this!**

 **Song- "Hurt" Nine Inch Nails. I know I've used this one before…but it's just so perfect for this story!**

 **Until next time! **Waves****


	67. Chapter 67: Redemption

**Thanks Sherry and Paige for being the such angels** **.**

" _Shakin' like the Devil when she lets me go_

 _Got a new place and how it's so much better_

 _Falling over myself, the televisions on_

 _I turn it off and smile_

 _Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried_

 _Before you say goodbye._

 _Leave the bourbon on the shelf_

 _And I'll drink it by myself_

 _And I love you endlessly_

 _Darling don't you see I'm not satisfied_

 _Until I hold you tight_

 _Give me one more chance tonight_

 _And I swear I'll make it right_

 _But you ain't got time for this_

 _And the wreckin' bell is ringin'_

 _And I'm not satisfied_

 _Until I hold you tight."_

 _-The Killers-_

 **EPOV:**

It's a quiet night, too quiet for my liking. With anger and disbelief raging inside of me, the pleasant evening feels fucking distressing. I want it to be loud and distracting enough to drown out my thoughts, but of course, tonight of all fucking nights there's barely a car on the street or a sound to be heard.

I park outside of Paul's apartment complex and I'm relieved to find that his car is here. For some reason, I was fucking fearing that he would skip town to avoid facing me. Giving me some sort of closure is the very least this fucker could do. I jump out of my car and head toward Paul's building. I receive a horrified look from an older woman as she quietly makes her way to her car.

"Mind your own fucking business," I mumble beneath my breath as I pass her by.

I know I look fucking terrible. I've been crying for the past few hours and my bloody hand is wrapped up with a dirty cloth from work. Hell, I think how I look is completely fucking acceptable considering the gravity of what I've learned. Thankfully, Paul's complex doesn't have any security, allowing me to easily get into his building and run up the steps to his third-floor apartment. His door is ajar and I let myself in without knocking. This is going to be fucking awkward to say the very least. I found out the truth and beat the shit out of him, and now I'm here to talk. Fuck, he brought this shit on himself.

"Paul!" I call out, slamming his front door behind me.

There's no answer and I have to roll my eyes. _What a fucking coward. I guess nothing's changed, has it?_ I make my way into his living room and take a quick look around before coming up short.

"Are you seriously going to fucking hide from me?" I call out, becoming more and more fucking enraged. "After all we've been through together, you're going to fucking hide from me!?"

I stare at his bedroom door and a mirthless laugh escapes my lips. He's really going to hide in his bedroom like a coward? How disgusting. He killed my brother, the very least he could do is look me in the eye and apologize. He doesn't make a sound, causing my anger to skyrocket as I cross the room and yank on the knob of his bedroom door. It's fucking locked, but I continue to yank on it anyway, hoping the rattling will shake him up enough to man-up and open the door to talk to me. It doesn't take long for me to realize that isn't going to fucking happen, so I let go of the knob and begin kicking the door. It feels fucking amazing. It's nice to release my rage on something and I kick until the dent in the door turns into a gaping hole.

I feel like Jack fucking Torrance as I quickly duck down to get a look inside the room. Paul's back is to me and he's sitting on his bed, staring out his window. He hasn't seemed to have reacted to my presence at all. His body is perfectly still and his mind seems to be elsewhere. Reaching through the gapping whole in the door, I unlock it before pulling my hand back out and pulling the door open. As I walk inside his bedroom, Paul doesn't even flinch. If he weren't sitting up straight, I'd think he was fucking dead.

"Paul?" I question. The anger in my voice fading to confusion.

He doesn't move. I walk around the bed so I can get a better look at him. His face is blank and his eyes are bloodshot. He looks like he's been crying as much as I have. Regardless of how much I fucking hate him in at the moment, I still look at him and see the face of the man who once was my friend. The face of the boy I grew up with, a boy who was like a second brother to me. The memories of the past few hours come rushing back and any warmth I feel toward him is gone. I wish I could think of him as a fucking stranger, then this wouldn't hurt so fucking badly.

I stare at him as he sits completely unresponsive before me. My anger turns to fear as soon as I see the gun sitting in his lap. Everything in my world comes to a halt. I stare at his blank face in disbelief. So many thoughts course through my head at once, they sound like an angry blur, but I'm too far gone to understand. The tension in the air quickly becomes palpable and when I finally reach my hand out to grab the gun, Paul shakes out of his catatonic state and beats me to it. Holding it in his hand like it's all he has left.

"Paul?" I question again, relaxing my stance so he knows I'm not a threat.

"Please," he says in a resigned voice, "just leave me alone, Edward."

"No," I state, growing fucking angry again.

I'm not going to let him fucking do this. I can't tell if he's acting out of cowardice or if he's been suffering for a long time. Regardless, I'm not going to let him fucking kill himself because of his bitter fucking regret. He's shaking before me, and he no longer seems like the monster I made him out to be hours before. He looks like a very sorrowful man who made a terrible mistake. I hate him for killing my brother, I hate him for killing my sister-in-law, and I hate him for taking Charlie's real parents away from him. I hate him for so many things, but as tears prick my eyes, I realize I don't really fucking hate him at all. _That's the hardest pill to swallow._

Despite my anger, my disbelief, disappointment, and rage… I still love Paul like my own brother. What he did was an accident, a devastating one at that, but as I look at the very pusillanimous man he's become I slowly begin to forgive him. Whatever it takes, no one's going to die tonight. I wasn't there to save my brother. I wasn't there to save Kate. However, I _will_ save Paul. I couldn't live with myself if he died right in front of me. Instead of reaching for the gun, I sit down on the floor beside his bed, my posture completely nonthreatening.

 _I don't know what to fucking do, but I know I can't give up on him._

"Talk to me, man," I say. I try to sound strong, but my voice fucking cracks.

With the gun held tightly in his right hand, he shakes his head, tears coming to his eyes and quickly trailing down his face. I just want him to be honest with me, I just want to know _why._

"Please, Paul. Fuck, just say something," I practically beg.

"It was an accident, Edward," he says with a sob.

"I know that," I say, wrapping my arms around my knees so I'm sitting in a fucking ball on the floor. "I know it was an accident."

Paul looks at me for a long time. His eyes are so red they look fucking cashed and his posture is so tense he looks like he's about to explode. I stare back, unable to look away in fear that once I do he'll do something drastic. His entire body begins to shake and he buries his face in his left hand while his other clenches the gun.

" _Do you know what you're going to do now that you guys are almost finished?" I ask before taking another swig of my beer._

 _Paul smiles and shrugs his shoulders before taking a drink of his IPA. "I got accepted to WSU with Seth."_

 _This is news. Paul's always wanted to leave Washington. "I thought you wanted to go to school out of state?"_

" _I don't think I could be away from Seth for that long," he admits. "I mean, he's my best friend and we know so many people going to WSU."_

 _Fuck, they must really be close if Paul's willing to stay in Washington, a place he always claimed to hate, just for him. Paul changes the subject and he transforms back into the perfect star athlete my mom's fucking obsessed with. Sometimes I want to be more like him. His life just seems so perfect and I'm a fucking mess. However, I know I could never be as straight-edge. I'll just admire his life while I live my own._

The memory is fleeting and the Paul in my thoughts is such a stark fucking contrast from the Paul that's sitting before me. The man sitting before me is fucking defeated. He's allowed life to fuck him over, and that has transformed him into someone I barely recognize. I want to look away, but I don't. I stay strong and focused because I hope that's what he needs.

"I just can't do this anymore," he explains with a sob. "I can't go on like this. I've tried and I'm not getting better, Edward. You don't know what it's like!"

I can see the hysteria in his eyes and all the sudden he looks so haunted that it takes my breath away. Seth was practically his brother too, and he had to look him in the eyes before he decided to drive off. He saw Seth struggling to survive and knew that he did that to him. I can't wrap my mind around the guilt that must be eating him up. I thought my inner demons were bad, but his must be indescribable.

"I killed him," Paul wails, with tears spilling down his contorted face. "I killed my best friend! It all happened so fast. I had been drinking and I wasn't fucking thinking when I got behind the wheel of that car. What were the fucking chances? It was late at night, on the roads of a dead-end town. I didn't even think, I just got into my car and began to drive home."

My stomach begins to drop because I know this is the part I don't want to hear, but I know that I needto know. Once he tells me this story, all of this will fucking be real and I'll never be able to forget the images he'll put in my head. Things always tend to stick to me, and I know that this will fucking stick with me forever.

"I was drinking a beer when I was driving home and I dropped it. It spilled all over my phone and dropped to the floor. I reached down to grab it, unable to see the contents of the can go to waste and it was then that I felt the impact of an oncoming car. Everything was a blur. The sounds of steel crunching, tires screeching, and the screams were all I registered. I could barely see what was happening, but I could hear it all. The crunch of the steel body panels is something that's stuck with me all this time. As well, as the sounds of Kate's screams as their car spun off the road and into a tree.

"I was fucking horrified. When I got out of my car to check out the damage… to see what I've done… I didn't recognize Seth's car at first. However, there was this sick feeling in my stomach, screaming at me that something was terribly wrong. I got to the car as fast as I could and when I looked inside, my world fell apart. You should've seen him, Edward. He was looking—" Paul stops for a moment, gasping for air "-right at me. He couldn't talk, but everything he wanted to say was in his eyes. He looked so fucking dejected. He was reaching out for Kate, who looked like she had already died."

Paul whips away his tears and shakes his head, as if he were trying to shake all the unwanted images out of his mind. I've never seen a person look so _broken_ and it's so fucking frightening. As he talks, I can't take my eyes off the way his finger plays with the trigger, as if any moment he'll raise the gun to his head and end his own life.

"It was so hard to look at him, but I didn't want to look away. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him it'll be okay. I wanted to be in his position more than anything. I loved him, Edward. I loved him so much and I couldn't watch him die. I was such a fucking coward. I got back in my car and drove away. The only thing I could say to him was 'I'm sorry'. I didn't even tell him that I loved him or anything else. I wish I fucking had, because 'I'm sorry' must have been the last thing he ever heard."

"I loved him too," I say, trying to connect with Paul and tell him that he isn't in this darkness alone. "You're not alone in this."

Paul's face looks so fucking pained and he quickly looks away. "No, Edward. I was in love with him," he admits with a sad smile. _I don't know what to fucking think._ "Seth never knew, but I would've followed him anywhere. I would've done anything for him. Or at least, that's what I thought. I thought I'd give up anything for him, but I couldn't even save his life. I was in love with my best friend and it fucking hurt so much to watch him fall in love with someone else. I'm the godfather to his son and I can barely fucking look at Charlie because he reminds me so much of his dad. I've always stood by him and I had to be the cause of his fucking death."

Tears are coursing down my face at his admission and I have no idea why. I've cried so much today, so I suppose it just feels fucking right. Part of me hates Paul for what he's done, but another part of me just fucking pities him. If I lost Bella… if I were the reason for her death I would want to end my sorry life too. I don't know how Paul's had the strength to stay alive for this long. I don't know how he's found it in himself to put on a brave face and lie to me every day.

"He's gone now, and I have nothing," Paul says, his shaky right hand, bringing the gun up toward his head.

Time seems to slow down as I watch him with wide, horrified eyes. The gun inches closer and closer, his finger shaking on the trigger as if preparing to pull it at any second. My body seems to react before my mind does. I launch myself at him, grabbing his shoulders and bringing him down to the floor with me as we scuffle. He cries out in anger, mad that I'm preventing him from his desired outcome, and he begins to wail on me with the stock of the gun. My head is vibrating with pain and I taste iron as blood fills my mouth, but I don't back down. I hit him back, just as hard, wanting to knock some fucking sense into him.

"Just let me die, Edward!" He screams in my face. "I just want to be with him!"

I can't let him do that. I can't watch him fucking kill himself before my very eyes. I shake my head, looking up at his broken face with tears in my eyes. I wrap my arm around his shoulder, as if I were giving him a hug and try to grab the gun with my other hand. He's sobbing now, his eyes are filled with pure shame as he stares down at my beaten face.

"Give me the gun, Paul," I say, trying not to beg.

"I can't." He violently shakes his head. "I need to pay for what I've done."

"You've been paying for it," I quickly reason with him. "Now, give me the gun."

He shoves his body away from mine, thrashing around above me before I manage to flip him over and throw myself on top of him. There's no reasoning with him. That much is fucking clear. So, I decide to rip the gun from his hands. _I'm not letting anyone fucking die today. There's been too much death in my life already._ My body is inches from his as I grab his hand and try to pry the gun away. His finger is on the trigger, but I don't let it fucking scare me. I can't let him die. I can't have his death on my conscious. I look Paul straight in the eye right before I hear the gun go off.

The pain is unbearable, but it quickly turns to nothing. My ears are ringing and my head is vibrating with the sound. The room begins to spin, before the colors begin to blur. I hear Paul scream my name before my world goes black.

 **A/N: So…what do you guys think? I'm dying to read the reviews for this chapter. Maybe since it's my birthday in two days everyone could review? Please?** **. Thanks for reading!**

 **I'll be posting a teaser of the next chapter in my facebook group and I'll also be posting that outtake for you guys on my blog soon! So keep an eye out** **.**


	68. Chapter 68: Waking Up

**Thank you so much, Sherry and Paige, my beautiful betas! Note for this chapter, I'm NOT a doctor but I've unfortunately had a few surgeries.**

" _She says, 'Wake up, it's no use pretending'_

 _I'll keep stealing, breathing her_

 _Birds are leaving over autumn's ending_

 _One of us will die inside these arms_

 _Eyes wide open, naked as we came_

 _One will spread our ashes around the yard._

 _She says, 'If I leave before you, darling_

 _Don't you waste me in the ground'_

 _I lay smiling like our sleeping children_

 _One of us will die inside these arms_

 _Eyes wide open, naked as we came_

 _One will spread our ashes around the yard."_

 _-Iron & Wine-_

 **EPOV:**

I open my eyes and gaze around a room I've never seen before. Everything's white and fucking befuddled. Beds appear to be lining the walls and bodies that look like blurs of blue dart around the circular room. The smell of iodoform and countless chemicals burns my nostrils, making me want to be anywhere but here. I try to sit up, but my head is fucking aching worse than any hangover I've ever had. My head falls back against the pillow and my brain feels like it's pulsing in my skull. I groan, noticing how dry my fucking mouth feels. I move my mouth around until some saliva manages to wet my tongue and cringe at the taste of disinfectant and medicine. My throat fucking aches and as my world becomes less of a blur, I realize my entire body aches as well. _What the hell happened?_

"Look who's awake," a strange woman says, before bending over my bed to get a better look at me.

Before I can register who the fuck she is, she helps me into a sitting position and hands me a cup of ice chips for my throat. My haze begins to lift as I suck on the ice, causing my vision to become clearer. I feel like I've woken up from a dream. _An extremely bad and disturbing nightmare._ I don't remember much, I sure as hell don't remember how I ended up here, but I remember finding Paul and trying my fucking hardest to save him. My eyes widen at the memory, and I sit further up in my bed, ignoring the pain that shoots from my head all the way down to my toes, and wildly look around the room for a glimpse of him.

"Sit back, Edward," the woman, who I assume is a nurse or something due to her bright blue scrubs. "Your surgery was successful, but now you've got to relax and take it easy."

 _My surgery?_ As if I'd finally woken up, I'm quickly brought back to reality and all the memories of the past few hours flood my mind. My eyes are finally open to all this shit and it's fucking horrifying. I quickly look down at my aching body, seeing that my right shoulder is wrapped up in bandages. Everything else seems to still be intact, but bruising and swelling covers large areas of my body, adding to the dull pain of my already aching muscles.

The nurse gives me a sympathetic look before quickly walking toward her desk and coming back with what looks to be a needle in her hand, and I fucking flinch. _I know I'm covered in tattoos-but I fucking hate needles. How fucking ironic._ Instead of poking me with it, she injects something into my IV and gives me a comforting smile.

"The fentanyl should make you feel better pretty soon," she simply says.

As soon as she finishes, I look up at her, waiting for an explanation. In terms I barely understand, she explains I'd been shot in the shoulder and shattered my clavicle. She says that I'm lucky the paramedics arrived when they did.

"You were shot in the shoulder and that severed your brachial artery. If you had arrived just minutes later you could have been in a lot of trouble. Someone must have been looking out for you," she says with a smile, I'm sure was intended to be comforting.

I snort at her words and a sharp pain shoots up my side.

"Are you ready to see your family? Once we get you settled in your room, you'll be able to see them."

I shake my head, quickly scanning the room to find Paul. Is he alive? I remember the look in his eyes before everything went black. It was so haunted, so filled with pain, that it would've taken my fucking breath away if the blood loss hadn't caused me to pass out. What if he ended his own life as soon as I wasn't there to protect him from himself?

"Paul?" I ask, not recognizing the sound of my voice. It's rough and sounds like I've smoked multiple packs of cigarettes a day for fucking decades.

The nurse's brows crease in confusion, and I know she doesn't understand who the fuck I'm referring to. I don't know if this is good news or bad. If he was in critical condition he would've been taken to this hospital as well, and the nurse would've most likely heard the name at some point during the night if he went in for surgery considering she works in the recovery room. If he hadn't been rushed to the ER for an emergency surgery there are two possibilities my drugged-up mind can come up with. The first being, he's alive and decided not to go through with it, and the second… Well, the second possibility isn't something I want to contemplate. Paul has to be fucking okay. If I did that all for nothing it'd be fucking devastating. Not because I ended up in a hospital bed because of him. _Hell, I would take a bullet for him multiple times if it meant he I would be saving his life_. It'd be fucking devastating because his death would mean that I've failed again. He'd be another person I couldn't fucking save. As illogical as I know that sounds, I can't deny the guilt that weighs on my heart every day. I can't ignore the voices in my head that tell me I could've done better.

"Let's get him to his room," my nurse says to another nurse.

She grabs my IV from the pole and hooks it onto my hospital bed before she wheels me out of the recovery room with the help of another nurse. The halls are fairly quiet for a trauma hospital, causing me to wonder how fucking late it is. How long was I out for? I feel like I'm going to go right back to sleep as soon as I get to my room. The nurse helps me to the bathroom, because my bladder feels like it's going to explode after all the IV fluid, before she gets me into the bed and turns on the TV mounted to the wall in front of me."

"Thanks—," I say, looking for her name badge.

"Debbie," she quickly answers, before giving me a kind smile. "I'll get your family and tell them it's finally time for them to come back. They've been out there for a while."

My heart drops at the thought of my family worrying for me. I can't imagine how hard this has been on Bella, she always worries about me enough as it is, now that she actually has something to worry about I can't imagine how heartbroken and worried she must be. Once I know they're here waiting for me, they're all I want to see. I just want to see Bella's face and hold Charlie in my arms. I just want to know that everyone is okay.

I don't have to wait long, before my whole family comes rushing into my room, with the nurse diligently following behind them. As soon as I see the look on Bella's face, I fucking breakdown in front of my family. I've got no idea what I look like, but judging by their faces, it must be horrible.

"Oh, Edward!" Bella cries, rushing toward me with our teary-eyed son in her arms.

As soon as she gets close enough to touch me, she stops and stares at my wounds with pity and disbelief burning in her eyes. _Don't cry for me, angel. Everything's okay now, and we're together._ I'd been so blindsided by rage and the painful burn of betrayal, that I hadn't put my family first like I needed to. I could've died tonight and Charlie would've lost another father. I can't take a risk like that again. The fucked-up part of it all is, I don't even know the outcome yet. I don't even know if my risk was worth it in the end.

I hold out my freshly bandaged hand, and urge Bella forward, wanting desperately to feel her warm body wrapped around mine. A sob escapes her lips before she sits carefully on the hospital bed at my side and wraps one of her arms around me, while the other arm holds our crying son safely in her lap.

"Da da?" Charlie sobs, uncontrollably. "Da da!"

I give Bella a kiss on the cheek, enjoying the way her soft skin feels under my busted lip, before asking for Charlie to be set onto my lap, and hugging him as tight as my bandages will allow. As I'm holding him, I look at my parents, who are quietly talking to the nurse. Mom's in tears and Dad has his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders, his entire body tense as he listens to the nurse. _What the fuck is she saying to them? Is it about Paul?_

"Da da!" Charlie whines again, begging for my attention.

"It's okay, buddy. Daddy's here. I got you, Charlie."

I carefully bounce him on my lap with the little strength I have left. He smiles for a moment, before he sees the bandage on my shoulder and curiously points, his eyes wide and filling with fresh tears. I kiss his forehead, wanting to assure him that I'm not leaving him, that I'm alright.

"Daddy got a boo boo, buddy," I try to explain to him.

He crawls across my lap until his face is right next to my bandages, and then he gives the bandage a quick kiss before looking up at me as if he were expecting a change. _He's trying to kiss it to make it better, like I've done with him so many times before. Fuck, that thought makes me feel really sappy. It's the cutest thing I've ever fucking seen._

"Boo boo, da da?" He asks, pointing toward my shoulder.

Honestly, my shoulder's so fucking numb, I forgot it was even hurt. It's tender when I move it, but as long as I stay perfectly still and let the drugs do their work, I don't feel any pain. However, Charlie's concern does make my heart feel a lot better at least. It's rotting in turmoil and my son is doing his best to pull me out of it.

"Thanks, buddy. Daddy feels a lot better."

"Boo boo, no! Da Da!"

I laugh at his babbling and instantly realize my mistake as a sharp pain shoots up my side.

"Want me to take him?" Bella softly asks, as she runs her hand through my hair.

Her touch feels so fucking good. With her at my side and Charlie in my arms, I feel like I'm slowly coming down from the rage fueled high I was on, and drifting back to where I was before I found out the life-altering news. Slowly, I remember the man I had worked so hard to become in these past few months.

"I got him, Bella. I love holding him," I say quietly, allowing Charlie to make himself comfortable in my lap.

The nurse gives me a small, comforting smile before leaving the room to give me some time alone with my family. My parents walk to my hospital bed and crowd around me. Their looks varying from sadness, anger and pity. My father is rigid and his face is tight and calculating. I wonder what he knows that I don't. I open my mouth to speak, but my father waves his hand dismissively, obviously not ready to talk, before taking a seat at my bedside. Mom gives me a watery smile, before sitting down next to him, placing her hand in his. I watch as my dad runs his hand roughly over his face, something I always do when I'm nervous. He leans back in his chair and gives me an evaluating once-over, before he sadly shakes his head and looks away.

"Is Paul—," I trail off, because the question sounds too horrible to utter out loud. "Is he okay?" I manage.

Agony washes over my dad's face, before anger takes over and he stares back at me. "He's fine," he says in a clipped tone. "Do you remember what happened?"

Where the fuck do I begin? How much does my dad already know? Do I tell him all about the horrible shit I saw? Should I tell him that Paul confessed everything to me before he attempted to shoot himself in the head? I sit in silence, trying to read my dad's face, hoping it will give me some hint as to what to do. However, his face is completely fucking blank, as if he were too afraid to show any emotion at the moment.

"What do you know?" I finally ask.

"I know he shot you," he answers quietly, his eyes blazing with anger.

"Is that it?" I press.

My dad's face tightens and his eyes fill with tears he tries desperately to reign in. _Fuck, he knows. I wonder how he found out._

"Where is he now?" I ask.

"He's in jail," my dad spits out, before he takes a deep breath to get control of himself. "He turned himself in after he called for an ambulance for you."

So, he's not a complete fucking coward after all. The nurse's words come back to me. If I'd gotten her mere minutes later, I could've been dead. With my shoulder shot and my artery severed, I would've bled out if Paul hadn't called for help. His guilt for the death of my brother must have been consuming him if he was okay with throwing everything in his life away to do the right thing and turn himself in. Apparently, he didn't want to be a fucking coward anymore. He didn't want to have another death on his conscious. Instead of running away from his problems, he gave me a fighting chance.

We both wanted to overcome our demons, we both wanted to leave the past behind us. I thought it'd be easier to leave the darkness behind. We both thought that some AA meetings and therapy sessions would fix us. However, we weren't completely consumed by the darkness then, it's like we were just walking on a fucking tightrope above it, taunting it and waiting for it to consume us. That's what made relapsing so fucking horrifying, because deep down we must have both knew it to be possible. We never truly overcame anything; therefore, our past wasn't as far as we had thought it to be.

We had to walk into the darkness together. Hand and hand, with blood, sweat, and tears, we faced our personal demons so they couldn't consume us. Those terrifying moments with a loaded gun between us had me seeing my entire life flash before my eyes. In my haze, I saw Seth's smiling face in the back of my mind, I saw the faces of Bella, Charlie, and our entire family. I saw the faces of my future children, I saw the images of my future life. In that darkest moment of my life, I realized I had everything to live for. I no longer fear myself, because after the horrors of tonight, I know there's no going back to my old life.

"Do you know about Seth and Kate?" I ask my dad, who is growing increasingly defeated at my side.

My heart goes out to him. He's spent his night in the hospital waiting for his only living son to get out of emergency surgery, and he's found out the details of Seth and Kate's death all in the same night. As I rock Charlie slowly in my arms, I watch my dad as his strong demeanor changes and he crumbles before my eyes.

"This is the same hospital your brother died in," he tells me with a shaky voice. His hand is shaking in front of his mouth, as if he was waiting to suppress the sobs that threatened to escape at any moment. "We were waiting for you to get out of surgery for such a long time and then when you were in the recovery room. It took you hours to wake up. We were all so afraid."

Mom wraps her arms around his shoulder and presses her cheek against his head, which is bowed down so I can't look at his face.

"Dad, I didn't mean to put you through this all over again," I say, having a hard time watching my dad, who's always been a role model to me, breakdown in front of me. "I wasn't thinking about anything. I got this horrible feeling and I knew I had to see Paul," I rasp out, my voice still hoarse from the tube that was shoved down my throat during surgery. "I thought he was going to skip town or something. When I got there, he had a gun on his lap and this terrible blank look on his face. Dad, I had to stop him. I wasn't here to save me brother"—I stop speaking for a moment to suppress my sob— "I wasn't there to save Seth, so I knew I had to save Paul. Or at least I knew I had to try, Dad. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he died too."

"You were in no way responsible for your brother's death, Edward." Dad shakes his head and gives me a look filled with pity. "You're always so hard on yourself. That's why I never hauled your ass growing up like I used to for Seth," he says with a sad, reminiscent chuckle.

"I've just felt so guilty," I say quietly.

"You used to wish it were you," my dad says, looking me dead in the eye.

I want to look away, but his gaze seems to lock with mine. "I could tell. As soon as you got back to Washington and began taking care of Charlie, I could tell."

I hear a quiet gasp at my side, and break eye contact with him long enough to look at Bella. She doesn't seem shocked, apparently my tendency for self-loathing isn't news to her, but she cries for me anyway. Seeing her like this causes my own eyes to fill with tears, even though I feel as if I've cried enough during the last 24 hours. I try to give her a look that shows how much I love her, silently telling her that I'd never think about offing myself, now that my past is finally behind me.

"I did feel really guilty for being alive," I admit, turning back toward my dad. "I used to think that Seth had everything to live for and it was fucking terrible that he had to be the one to go. I'd been worthless for so long, I'd could've disappeared and you and Seth would've been the only people who would've really miss me," I tell my dad, who looks fucking angry as he listens to my words.

"I'm sorry," I quietly state. "That's just the way I've always felt up until recently."

"What changed that?" He asks, his face tense as he's trying to contain himself.

"Charlie and Bella," I answer without hesitation. "I have a family of my own now. They've been such a fucking blessing, without their love I honestly don't know where I'd be in my life."

 **A/N: You like what I did there at the end** **. Quick note, I know when you wake up from surgery in the recovery room they give you a bedpan, but I really didn't want to write about Edward using a bedpan. I used one before and it was awkward. Although, after receiving a ton of IV fluid, I have to say it was not as embarrassing as I thought it would be, but still…**

 **Also, today is my birthday and since you guys have been so amazing when it comes to reviewing, I decided to go to sleep a little later just so I could publish this for you guys! So, feel free to review! Like usual, I'm dying to hear what you have to say!**

 **Only two chapters left! Until next time…**


	69. Chapter 69: A Beautiful Wedding

**This is the last chapter before the Epilogue!**

 **Thank you guys so much for the overwhelming amount of support for this story! Every favorite, follow, and comment has meant the world to me! Since this is the last chapter I just want to say a few thanks…**

 **First, of course, thanks to my two wonderful betas Sherry and Paige who completely kick my ass and correct all my mistakes! You both are so wonderful and I appreciate you more than you guys know!**

 **Thanks to the ROBATTACK blog for featuring my story when I was only two chapters in! That was so cool to see and I couldn't believe it then and still can't believe it now! So, if you're still reading my story, thank you very much!**

 **Also, thanks to The Lemonade Stand for featuring my fic as well! I've been reading that blog for a while, so I was so excited to see one of my stories actually on it!**

 **Thanks to the D JS White and The FicWhisperer Recommends for shouting out this story! That was awesome!**

 **Thanks to MyWindowIsOpen, CullensConquest, and MidNightSun45 for making such beautiful banners for this story!**

 **Thanks to SarcasticBimbo for helping me out with a few chapters, I really appreciate it!**

 **Thanks to Fran for always supporting me and my writing!**

 **Thanks to DataByteDL-FangirlinGranma and Ajfflady for always making me smile.**

" _I was a quick wet boy_

 _Diving too deep for coins_

 _All of your straight blind eyes_

 _Wide on my plastic toys._

 _Then when the cops closed the fair_

 _I cut my long baby hair_

 _Stole me a dog-eared map_

 _And called for you everyone._

 _Have I found you?_

 _Flightless bird, jealous, weeping_

 _Or lost you?_

 _American mouth_

 _Big bill looming."_

 _-Iron & Wine-_

 ***One Year Later***

Physical therapy had been a grueling process, and if I'd been the same man I was two years ago, I would've given up. I used to constantly ask myself what was the point in trying in life at all. I had this understanding that we were all going to be dead soon enough anyway, and never understood the point of focusing my energies on something that didn't make me feel good in that moment. Looking back on that time in my life, I barely recognize the man I once was. Sure, I can remember my thoughts, vividly, as if I were watching them on film right now. However, I don't remember the man who once had those thoughts. I don't remember how it felt when my mind worked that way.

Sometimes late at night, I'll reminisce about the man I was when I came back to Washington. I let my mind play over the past events like television reruns, seeing the same memories in my mind time and time again. My memories since high school are vague and cloudy. Drugs and alcohol had blurred those past events in my mind. Bright neon lights pulsing in dank, dreary rooms, the smell of sweaty bodies and smoke, and the shaking discomfort I experienced before finding another high is what sticks in my mind. Those days my mind felt like it was running a marathon and my body felt lethargic as I went from one bed to the next. I thought I was happy. Now, I realize I'd never understood what happiness truly felt like.

I take one last look on my old life before taking another step toward my future. Today, I'm getting married to the woman who saved me from myself. She's the mother to my son and everything I could ever want in a wife and partner. Even now, as I stand in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom of our new house adjusting my bowtie, I wonder how the fuck I managed to get this beautiful woman to marry me. It doesn't make sense because she could have anyone she wanted, and yet, she chose me. I haven't been able to wipe the smile off my face all morning.

"Do you need help, son?"

I smirk at my dad as I watch him approach in the mirror's reflection. I've been fumbling with the tie for the past ten minutes, and I've been way too nervous to get it right. I drop my hands and allow him to do the job for me. Dad smiles as he fixes my tie, and I smile back, enjoying the comfortable moment I have with him. This past year has been difficult for my dad; his life has changed completely, just like mine has. He was quiet for a long time after finding out about the truth behind Seth and Kate's death. Realizing the boy who grew up next to Seth and I, turned out to be the man who caused his son's demise was a lot for him to take in. I know dad still hurts because of it. He hasn't seen Paul since they both helped with my move. He couldn't even bring himself to go to his sentencing. I was there and I was rightly devastated. I felt for Paul, despite what he'd done to hurt the people I love. The fact that you can get behind the wheel of a car with no idea of the future consequences, is fucking chilling. Paul hadn't the faintest clue of what that one mistake would cause. He had no idea the man he loved was going to be torn violently away from him by his own doing.

I visited him in prison by myself last month. As devastated as I was, I realized that I missed him. Just knowing that he was all alone in there to dwell on what he'd done was enough to get me to go say a few words to him. I invited my dad, foregoing telling Elizabeth because I knew her reaction would be unpredictable at best. Despite my efforts to talk dad into joining me, he declined, stating he just wasn't ready to talk to him. I was surprised by this, because my dad has always been so forgiving and strong. That's one of the reasons I looked up to him as I was growing up; when I was younger I'd thought him to be the strongest man in the whole fucking world. However, maybe this doesn't have shit to do with strength. Sometimes it's hard to read my father, but during simple moments like this, I feel really connected to him.

As soon as dad's finished tying my tie, he pulls back and smiles at me as he looks at my reflection in the mirror. Then, out of nowhere, he starts to chuckle.

"What is it?" I ask, suddenly feeling insecure about my appearance.

Dad quickly shakes his head, but I give him a look that causes him to smirk and fess up. "It's just incredible how much you've changed, son. I still can't wrap my head around it."

I can't help the small smile that tugs at my lips. "Thanks," I say somewhat shyly, still not used to receiving praise. "It's pretty fucking crazy, isn't it?"

Dad rolls his eyes at my f-bomb and nods his head. "Bella's a lucky girl."

"No, I'm the lucky one."

Before dad can respond, there is an urgent tapping on my bathroom door. I smile, and cross the room to open the door for my impatient, excited little toddler. He scampers in, running straight between my legs, and stops right in front of the mirror to get a look at himself in his new tux. _I used to think tuxes looked fucking creepy on kids—giving them some serious_ The Omen _vibes—but my two year old just looks adorable._

"Are you ready to see mommy and daddy get married?" I ask, as I kneel down beside him.

"Yeah, Daddy!" He squeals, clapping his little hands together in excitement.

Since Paul won't be with us today, I've asked my dad and Charlie to be my best men, giving Charlie the important task of handing us our wedding bands. He's been excited about it all day, constantly patting his little pocket to make sure they're still there. He wanted to hold onto them all day, so I made sure dad kept a watchful eye on him because losing our wedding bands on our wedding day would be the last thing I need.

"I good man!" Charlie tells me, pulling the rings out of his pocket to show me he still has them.

"You're the best, best man," I tell him with a smile.

"Love you, daddy." Charlie throws his small arms around my shoulder and hugs my neck.

"I love you too, Charlie. So much."

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Alice and my mom have both really outdone themselves. This wedding is beyond anything I could've ever imagined. The small affair that we had planned in our backyard, has turned into an event fit for my princess. I notice the lights, the flowers, and the décor that could be taken directly off the pages of one of those wedding magazines my girl has been looking at, but what I notice the most are the people present. All of our friends and family have come to celebrate with us, and I couldn't be fucking happier.

My mom watches me as I walk up the aisle with Charlie holding my hand because he'd insisted on walking with his daddy. I suppose it's a good idea, since Bella is getting both of us out of this deal. With one thumb in his mouth, and the other clasped tightly in my hand, Charlie scurries beside me, gazing out at our little audience with wide, curious eyes.

As soon as I reach the end of the aisle and find my place, I look eagerly ahead, waiting to see Bella in her wedding dress for the first time. The small band my mom hired begins to play and the melody of the song and realization that Bella will be walking down the aisle any minute, has my heart beating rapidly in my chest. Charlie is eager as well, bouncing back and forth as he swings on my arm, waiting for his mommy to come.

The melody transforms into an intoxicating ballad and our bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle in pairs, smiling at Charlie and I the entire way. I look straight through them, wanting to see my beautiful bride. When Bella appears at the end of our makeshift aisle on her father's arm, it takes my fucking breath away. The entire world stops, and all I see is her. I don't memorize the details of her gorgeous dress, nor do I look at the way her hair has been styled, and I can't seem to truly appreciate the beauty of her long white veil. Instead, all I see is her glowing smile and the luscious look in her brown eyes. I've never felt more whole until this very moment.

"Mommy!" Charlie gasps at my side, his little eyes filled with wonder as he looks at Bella. "Princess!" He exclaims, pointing toward his mom.

All of our guests softly chuckle at him, and Bella's eyes fill with tears and her smile grows more stunning. The muscles in my face grow tense and my eyes grow misty as she takes the final steps to reach me at the altar. I didn't think I'd fucking cry on my wedding day, but Bella is just so goddamn beautiful. She's a fucking angel and I can't believe she's mine. I wipe away a few of my tears before her father hands her off to me. I shake his hand and smile in a way that says, _'Thank you for giving me your daughter, I'll love her every day for the rest of my life'._ I'd say it aloud, but I'm feeling too fucking sappy and I know if I opened my mouth to speak, I would just fucking cry at the sight of her. She completely overwhelms me, and I guess I should be used to it by now. However, I doubt I'll ever be used to her, I'll yearn for her every day as if we were meeting for the very first time.

The minister starts the ceremony, but I can barely register a word he's saying, because all I can focus on is Bella. She seems to feel the same way, because her eyes never leave mine. It's like we're all alone, as if we're in this bubble that no one other than our son can touch.

I'm tearing up like a fucking baby by the time we exchange our vows. With a shaky hand, I grab the folded-up piece of paper from the breast pocket of my tux. I spent hours writing my vows. I considered just finding something nice off the internet, but I decided that I wanted these vows to be personal. I wanted them to illustrate to Bella just how much I love and cherish her. She's so fucking special, and even after hours of trying to find the right words, I know they still don't do my love justice. I don't know the words to describe my love for her, I just fucking feel it in my heart.

"Bella, I fear there aren't words to describe how deeply I feel for you. From the moment I saw you pass me by in the local grocery store, I knew you were way too good for me. I don't think you noticed me, but I noticed you and I was completely in awe. Even today, almost two years later, I'm still in awe of you. You're beautiful, loving, and give everything you can, while expecting nothing in return. You have helped me triumph over every challenge life has presented me with. In the darkest of times, you were my light, and without you I wouldn't be the man I am today. I pledge to be your best friend, lover, and equal, every day for the rest of our lives."

Tears are trailing down my cheeks by the time I'm finished. I honestly didn't think I was going to fucking cry at my wedding, but here I am… sappy as fuck. Bella's crying too, with a bright, tender smile on her face. Alice hands her a tissue to wipe away her tears, before handing Bella a piece of paper containing her vows. She rewards me with a gorgeous smile before it's her time to speak. Charlie reaches out his free hand, as his other hand tightly grips mine, and grabs ahold of the skirt of his mom's dress. Bella giggles at this, and reaches down to give him her hand.

"Edward, I can't begin to thank you for this life you have given me. You always say that you don't deserve me, but so often I think that it is I who doesn't deserve you. You are the most caring, loving, and humble man I have met in my entire life. You've been my anchor, my guiding light, my everything. You love with a tenacity that I've never seen in anyone else. You're so courageous, intelligent, and stronger than you could ever imagine. You say you have faults, but I love you for everything that you are. I promise to be your rock, your best friend, and your lover for the rest of our lives."

Before I can stop myself or realize what I'm doing, I bring my lips down to meet hers. Kissing her as if we were the only two people in the room. Although, of course, we are not, and it doesn't take long for the room to fill with sighs from the women and chuckles from some of the men. I break away, even though I'm still not sated. I consider casting our guests an apologetic smile, but after that wonderful kiss I feel anything but sorry.

The minister announces that it is time to exchange rings, causing Charlie to perk up at my side. I've never seen my toddler more fucking excited to do anything before. With a giant, toothy grin on his face, Charlie carefully pulls each ring out of his jacket pocket under our watchful eyes.

"Good job, buddy," I whisper to him, giving him a satisfied smile.

"Dank daddy," he loudly says, interrupting the minister as soon as he began to move ahead with the ceremony. "Did it, daddy! I do right?"

All of our guests chuckle at this and I can't seem to stop smiling at my son. With a proud smile, Charlie hands me the rings and I hold onto Bella's and give her mine. Charlie wraps his arms around my leg and watches Bella and I with curious eyes. I know he doesn't completely understand what's happening between us, but he's excited to be a part of it nonetheless.

I slide the wedding band on Bella's finger and repeat after the minister. "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. This circle of this ring represents my never-ending love for you. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am."

Bella gives me a teary-eyed smile before staring at the ring on her finger. I stare at it as well, completely captivated by the fact that she's now mine. _My beautiful wife._ Bella gently takes hold of my left hand, while holding my wedding band in the other.

With a loving smile, she repeats the vow. "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. The circle of this ring represents my never-ending love for you. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am." She slides the ring in place and whispers, "I love you."

"I love you too, beautiful."

"Edward and Bella, you have heard the words about love and marriage, have exchanged your vows and made your promises, and celebrate your union with the giving and receiving of rings. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride!"

I barely let him finish before my lips cover hers. I intend to keep it short and sweet, since all of our friends and family are watching, but that idea flies out the window as soon as her soft lips meet mine. This kiss is different from the rest. This kiss is the first I share with her as husband and wife. _Bella's my wife._ That thought overwhelms my senses and I have to break away from her, knowing that if I don't, I'll have her on the floor in her birthday suit before I could stop myself. I take a step back so I can look at her lovely face, which is flushed with excitement and glowing with happiness. I'm sure I look exactly the same. We must look like a pair of lovesick fools.

I feel my son tugging on my pant leg, and look down to see Charlie holding his arms up, indicating he wants me to carry him.

"My turn, daddy!"

 _He's so fucking jumpy._ Everything I've heard about two year olds was seriously no joke. I pick my eager son up and kiss him on the forehead before holding him toward my wife so she can kiss him as well.

"Kisses mommy!" Charlie giggles before Bella smiles and kisses his cheek.

My heart feels so full at this moment. I have everything I never knew I wanted. The rest of the night feels like a dream. With Bella and Charlie in my life, heaven is truly on Earth. Throughout the reception, I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience. It's like I'm watching the luckiest guy on Earth as he experiences the first few hours of married life, and I can't fathom that man is truly me. The smiling, carefree, whole man I've become is so different than the man I once was. This is a life I would've never imagined for myself, and I love living it.

In the backyard of our home, dancing under the stars with my new wife, I enjoy the first moments of our forever together.

 **A/N: So, I'm a little teary-eyed. How about you guys? It feels like this has all gone by way too fast! I have an epilogue for you guys as well as a special surprise for you on my facebook group (The Highlander Princess's Clan). That surprise will be posted right after I post the epilogue!**

 **Also, I'll be posting all of my outtakes at the end of this story. So, if you couldn't get to my blog for whatever reason, you'll still get the chance to read them!**

 **Song- (Like I need to tell you) "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine. **


	70. Chapter 70: A Beautiful Future

**A final thank you to my two wonderful betas Sherry and Paige. I couldn't have done this without you. This chapter is dedicated to both of you!**

 **Thank you to all of my readers! I'm so glad you connected with this story the way you did! Your support means the world to me.**

" _It might be over soon, soon, soon_

 _Where you gonna look for confirmation?_

 _And if it's ever gonna happen_

 _So as I'm standing at the station_

 _It might be over soon_

 _(All these years)_

 _There I find you marked in constellation (two, two)_

 _There isn't ceiling in our garden_

 _And then I draw an ear on you_

 _So I can speak into the silence_

 _It might be over soon (two, do, two, do, two)_

 _Oh and I have carried consecration_

 _And then you expelled all decision_

 _As I may stand up with a vision_

 _Caught daylight, goddamn right_

 _Within our eyes there lies a scission_

 _(It might be over soon)_

 _-Bon Iver-_

 **Epilogue:**

My nerves would be debilitating if it weren't for my excited son bouncing around the hospital waiting room in front of my seat. I shouldn't have given him so much vending machine candy, but I was on edge too much to think of a better alternative when it came to distracting my enthusiastic son. He's been waiting for this day for months, and hopefully in only a few hours he'll be a big brother.

Charlie's been involved with every part of the process, which has been amazing for us. We had only been married for seven months when Bella found out she was pregnant. We'd been on vacation and Charlie got really sick. We were both so scattered-brain that birth control seemed to be the last thing on our fucking minds. A surprise pregnancy had never sounded like a good thing in the past, but as soon as Bella told me she was pregnant, all I could do was fucking smile. It wasn't the reaction I'd expected to have, but I hadn't known how badly I wanted another baby until I heard the news.

 _"What is it, Bella? You've been quiet all night," I ask, as I run my fingers through her soft hair._

 _I love the moments we share together like this, curled up on our bed together after making love all night without interruption. Something that is very rare with our toddler. Bella's usually lethargic in my arms, but tonight I can feel her tension and my mind jumps to the worst possible scenarios. She's silent, so I kiss her forehead to urge her to speak._

" _You can tell me anything," I say as calmly as I can._

" _Don't freak out," she starts, barely able to meet my gaze._

 _I gently grab her chin and tilt her head up so she's forced to meet my gaze. She looks happy, yet nervous at the same time. I frown and nod, urging her to continue._

" _I don't know how to tell you this…" she trails off, looking around the room as if she's never seen it before._

" _Bella, just give it to me straight."_

 _She gives me a look that says 'You asked for it.', before a small smile tugs at her lips and she says, "I'm pregnant."_

 _My eyes widen in shock and my heart feels like it's racing so fast I fear I'll fucking die. I can't breathe!_

" _Edward?" Bella's eyes widen this time. "Edward! Are you having a panic attack?"_

 _I take a few deep breaths and calm myself down. I'm going to have two kids. I test the thought out a few times and I'm surprised to find that each time I say it to myself, I begin to slowly calm down. I'm going to have another kid! A huge grin breaks out on my face and I throw my arms around Bella, pulling her naked body tightly against mine. I can't believe this beautiful woman is giving me a kid! What the fuck have I done right in my life to deserve something this wonderful?_

" _Are you happy?" She giggles, as I rock her back and forth in my arms._

 _I laugh too, because I've never been happier. I have a beautiful wife, I have a wonderful son, and I'm about to be blessed with another kid. What more could a man ask for?_

" _I'm so fucking happy," I laugh, kissing every inch of her beautiful face. "Thank you, Bella. I can never thank you enough."_

" _Just love me, Edward. That's enough."_

"Me brotha here?" Charlie asks impatiently as he crawls onto my lap with a package of M&M's in his little hand.

"He's not here yet, buddy. Mommy just needed a little alone time with Auntie Alice."

I stare at my watch. It's been thirty fucking minutes since she requested some time alone with her sister. How much agony is my girl going to fucking go through? If I'm this much of a wreck, I can't imagine how terrible it must be for her. _Fuck, she's pushing a little human out of her pussy!_ I shudder at the thought.

"Mommy 'kay?" Charlie asks, staring at the automatic hospital doors that lead to Bella's room.

"Mommy's okay. I promise, buddy. She's just getting ready to see your brother."

"I teach him!"

"You're going to teach him everything?" I say, before tickling his belly.

"Teach him be like me!"

"He'll be your best friend. Do you know that, buddy? He's going to look up to you for everything."

"I know daddy," Charlie says with a huge grin.

I know I looked up to Seth. Every day I would try to be just like him. With Elizabeth as my 'mom' growing up, I was constantly in Seth's shadows, yearning to be more like him so Elizabeth would love me too. It was more than that though, I also wanted to be like Seth just because I loved my big brother more than anything. He always watched out for me, played with me when no one else wanted to, and made sure I was always happy growing up. He was my hero. It's been over two years since his death, and I still tear up like it was just yesterday. I miss him more than I could ever describe, but I know he'll always be with me in my heart. A day won't go by when I don't think about him. Remembering him had once been painful, but now I can look back and smile because he lived so courageously in the years he had. He left a mark on this world, and that's the most any of us can ask for.

"Daddy sad?" Charlie asks as soon as he notices my change of demeanor.

I want to tell him all about his biological father, and someday I will, but I'm scared he's too young to understand. I want him to know how amazing my brother was… how amazing my sister-in-law, Kate, was. I wish he remembered them. I know he was six months old when they died, but sometimes it breaks my fucking heart that he has no idea who Seth is. I've gathered all the pictures, videos, and everything relating to Seth that I could get my hands on and have them in a box in my closet. I look through the photographs at least once a week. I just love seeing the pictures of us growing up together. It's something that I'd forgotten with all the shit that's happened in my life, so, it's nice to remember the past through countless photos Elizabeth took. I'll show Charlie one day. I don't know what Seth and Kate would've wanted, but I want them to be remembered.

"Daddy's fine, buddy. I was just thinking," I say with a reassuring smile.

"'Bout what daddy?" He asks with a curious look, like he always gets when he wants to know about something.

I run my hands through his messy hair in an effort to tame it. "I was just thinking about how great you're going to be as an older brother."

He beams at this before his attention returns to his M&M's. I rock him in my arms as I open the Kindle app on my phone so I can read him one of his favorite stories while we wait for Bella. We're halfway through _Where the Wild Things Are_ when Alice comes into the waiting room with a tired smile on her face. She hasn't been here long, because Bella went into labor so late last night, shocking us all. _Should I really be surprised that she went into labor early? You think with all the surprises I've had, I'd be used to it by now._ Jasper stayed home with his two daughters, Cyndy and Ella, while Alice rushed to the hospital to help Bella.

"She wants you guys to go back," Alice says with a smile. "It should be anytime now."

My heart fucking skips a beat. _Anytime now! I'm going to have my second son anytime now!_ I jump to my feet, with Charlie comfortably in my arms, and follow Alice to Bella's room.

"Me brotha!" Charlie exclaims.

"Yes, buddy. You're going to be a brother soon!"

"Me toy?"

Charlie brought along a special toy that he picked out for his new brother. He insisted that I take him to _Toys 'R Us_ to select the perfect gift. It was really fucking cute, but it also really wore Bella out, being eight months pregnant at the time. We walked around the store for well over an hour, letting Charlie inspect each one. He wanted to be a good big brother before his little brother was even born, and it was so fucking touching to watch.

 _"What about this one, buddy?" I ask, pointing to a selection of Disney stuffed animals._

 _"He no like, daddy," Charlie comments with authority, shaking his head at my suggestion._

 _I suppress a laugh, because I've never seen my three year old so serious before. He runs a hand through his messy hair, just like I do when I'm stressed, and resembles Bella as he taps his finger thoughtfully on his chin as he considers his choices._

 _Finally, he spots an Eeyore stuffed animal and smiles, eagerly running to grab it off the shelf. It's almost as big as he is, but he doesn't seem to mind as he nearly trips over it as he brings it to me._

" _He like dis, daddy," he tells me with a very serious expression._

" _Your brother is going to love this one! Good job, buddy."_

 _Charlie smiles and I'm so fucking proud of him. What a smart kid. I can't believe I raised him._

"Your toy is in the room with mommy, remember? You gave it to her to keep her company," I tell him as I bounce him in my arms as we follow Alice through the hallways leading to Bella's room.

"Oh…" Charlie trials off with a goofy smile. "Me get," he giggles.

"You forgot!" I tease him. "I know mommy really appreciated that, Charlie. Her pain is going to be over soon, don't you worry."

"Mommy need hug," he tells me with a very serious look.

"Well, you can hug her as soon as we make it to her room."

When we finally reach her, she's covered in a sheen of sweat, and has a glowing, but tense smile on her face as soon as she sees us. Charlie immediately reaches for her, and with her approval, I set him down carefully at her side. Charlie's instantly fussy, not happy with how pained his mom looks. He puts his head on her belly and babbles to his little brother, as he's done countless times over the past few months. Bella laughs as she watches Charlie attempt to calm his brother down in her belly. I smile at her, enjoying the carefree and silly moment as a family, before her laughter stops and she gasps in agony.

"Mommy!" Charlie cries in alarm.

"It's okay, buddy," I say, scooping him up in my arms before sitting on the bed next to Bella with him on my lap.

Bella breathes through the pain and grabs hold of my hand for support. "I'm fine, Charlie. Don't you worry, baby," she assures him as soon as she gets control of her breathing.

"I'll go tell your nurse we need your doctor," Alice says, giving us one last smile before leaving the hospital room.

We sit in a comfortable silence for a moment as I rub circles on Bella's hand with my thumb. I listen to her breathing as it slows back down and take a moment to appreciate how fucking beautiful she is. Her hair is wet with sweat and pushed back from her pretty face, a face which is currently scrunched with discomfort, but absolutely stunning nonetheless. As strange as it fucking sounds, she looks like some sort of warrior-fucking-goddess. This beautiful woman is about to bring my son into this world.

"Are you nervous?" I ask, as I rock Charlie on my lap.

She lets out a small laugh before putting on a brave face. _There's my beautiful girl._

"Not a chance," she says with a look of confidence. However, as soon as another contraction hits, her confidence wavers. "A little," she changes her mind.

"Don't be, you're going to be amazing. Bella, you're the strongest woman I know. If anyone can get through this, it's you."

She smiles at me, the first genuine smile I've seen since we've arrived at the hospital. She squeezes my hand, as I squeeze back, and in that moment, I know everything is going to be okay.

Four grueling hours later, we welcome our son to the world. Charlie's eyes are wide in shock, as if he just watched the most insane magic trick performed right in front of his eyes, which of course must seem that way to him. Our son is 6lbs 11ozx, 19 inches, has ten fingers and ten toes, and is absolutely perfect. He's so fucking handsome and I can't stop staring at him. Before I know it, I'm fucking crying because I've never witnessed anything so beautiful in all of my life. I watch Bella as she tries to feed our son for the first time, kissing her forehead and whispering to her just how much I love her.

Charlie sits on my lap, allowing his little brother to hold onto his finger. "Daddy, my brotha," he tells me with a huge smile.

"Yeah, Charlie. That's your little brother." I smile at him. "What should we name him?"

Charlie thinks for a moment, tapping his finger against his chin, before he finally perks up and exclaims, "Pooh!"

Bella and I both laugh and I bend down to give my son a quick kiss on the forehead. Bella stares at me for a long moment, with a thoughtful smile on her face as she nurses my son for the very first time.

"Seth," she says with a confident smile. "Let's name him Seth."

My world stops for a moment and nothing has ever felt so perfect, so _right._ Bella is truly the most beautiful woman I've ever met, inside and out. A grin breaks out on my face and tears fill my eyes as I consider the wonderful tribute to my brother. This way, he'll be with me always. I'll have another piece of him to love now that he's gone. A tear slips down my cheek and I don't have it in me to wipe it away. Each time I think I can't possibly be any happier, Bella finds a way to make me happier each day that she's with me. Every day is better than the last with my family at my side.

"That's the perfect name," I say quietly, as fresh tears fill my eyes.

 _I miss my brother._ I'll always miss my brother. He loved me more than I'd ever known. He loved me enough to give me a life I could never have imagined. He gave me the most important thing in his world, he gave me his son, and by doing so he changed my life in the best possible way. I wish there was a way to thank him, to tell him how much his gift has meant to me. I suppose I _can_ thank him by living the life he'd always hoped for me. If he could only see me now.

 _I love you, brother._

Charlie is the biggest blessing in my life and every day he reminds me more and more of my big brother. I can see it in his carefree smiles, his love for others, and his giving nature. So, in a way, my brother will always be here with me. _Maybe Seth knew that._ My big brother, always knew what was best for me. I wrap my arm around my wife and our two sons and relish in the feeling of being so fucking whole and perfectly happy.

"Do you like the name Seth, buddy?"

Charlie nods and leans down to give his little brother a kiss on his forehead. "Hi, Seff."

Seth stares up at his big brother for the first time, his eyes filled with wonder as he takes everything in for the first time. This little baby has captured my heart completely. Charlie smiles at him, and introduces himself and Bella and I laugh. I stare at her as she lies relaxed against the pillows on her hospital bed. She gives me a watery smile, and I know she feels the overwhelming love in this hospital room as well. Her cheeks are flushed and she is glowing as she rests with our baby in her arms.

"I love you," I mouth to her over Charlie's head, causing his wild brown hair to tickle my chin.

She smiles at me, looking like a fucking angel as she mouths back, "I love you. So much."

We stare into each other's eyes, still completely captivated by each other after our few years together, as if we'd just met yesterday. Listening to our son to talk his little brother, still looking into each other's eyes, we enjoy the feeling of the first few moments of the rest of our lives. At this moment, as we smile at each other, like a pair of lovesick fools, I know whatever life throws at us, we'll always be alright.

Come what may, we'll always be happy together.

 **A/N: Guys….thank you so much for reading this story! I still can't believe the reception this story has received! This one is really close to my heart because I can relate to Edward so much! That's why finishing this story is so bittersweet. Thank you so much to each and every one of you that has favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. I can't say how much that means to me! I'm so happy to have finished this story. This is my 9** **th** **month on fanfiction so it really feels like my baby! I hope this story meant as much to you as it does to me.**

 **I have a very special surprise in my facebook group for you guys tonight! If you ever want to reach out to me, I'm Lizzie Lee on facebook, so feel free to send me a friend request!**

 **Also, I'll be posting all the outtakes over the next few weeks!**

 **Song- 22 (Over S∞∞N) by Bon Iver.**


	71. Chapter 71: Outtake 1

**Bella Outtake: Chapter 9- Dinner With the Girl Next-Door**

 **Thanks Sherry and Paige!**

 _God, have I ever been this nervous?_ Something about Edward makes my pulse race and makes me incredibly tense. Perhaps, it is just the attraction I feel for him. I usually have to get to know a man before I can decide how I feel, but with Edward, I felt a need for him from the moment I saw him. It's embarrassing, since I doubt I am his type, but that doesn't mean I can't be friendly. Though I'm an introvert, I'm not the shy type, and even if Edward is not interested in me the way I am so obviously interested in him, I can still be a friend to him. I know that he needs that now.

It's obvious he knows absolutely nothing about kids. When I first saw him, he looked like a bad boy wrapped in a very delicious package. My shock was uncontained when I saw him move in across the hall, and I was even more shocked when I saw the bundle of joy in his arms. I considered initially that he could be married, although I hadn't seen a ring, because I thought there was no way he was taking care of that baby on his own. But when I found he wasn't, I just knew I had to invite him over for dinner. I reasoned that it was the least I can do for the new and struggling father, but deep down, I knew it was because I was attracted to him and wanted to stare at him all night.

I love to cook, but I seldom do it since I've been on my own. When I had dad and Alice to cook for, I would go all out every night and would try countless recipes from my mom's many cookbooks. Now that Alice is married and has a little girl, and I have finally decided to move out of my dad's house, I don't have anyone to entertain. If tonight goes well, then hopefully that will change. It will be nice to have a man to cook for again. Especially, an extremely attractive and mysterious man.

I spent a few hours editing in the morning, which is incredibly boring when you have so many other things on your mind. I find that I have to look at each paragraph multiple times since my mind just wanders, thinking of more pleasant diversions. Diversions that are covered in tattoos…

When it finally comes time to prepare dinner, I pull out my signature recipe, remembering my mother's words, _"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."_ Now that I have accepted the past, I can finally look back on times I shared with her and not feel pain. I smile at her words and feel as if she is here with me in the kitchen as I cook her signature dish.

Lost in my own thoughts, I barely acknowledge the knock on the door. When it finally registers that my handsome neighbor is on the other side of it, I jump and am suddenly frazzled. Looking down at my cotton dress, which is now covered in flour and stains, I groan, making a mental note to get an apron that actually covers me instead of buying one solely on cuteness. I quickly check the mirror and wipe the food particles off of my face, before running to answer the door. I'm sure I will look like a mess, but this is the best I can manage. I wasn't nervous this morning, going to his apartment in a robe before I even managed to take a shower, but that was before I talked to him.

I open the door to find the incarnation of every fantasy I've ever had. I've always had a thing for men with tattoos, although all my past boyfriends have been a blank canvas. I stand and gawk at him, before finally coming to my senses and realizing how rude I am being.

"Sorry, I'm finishing up right now," I assure him with a nervous smile.

"Don't apologize," he laughs.

I gasp as he reaches toward me and wipes the tiniest bit of flour from my face that I had missed in my rush. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel sparks when he touches me. _You have read one too many romance novels Bella!_

"Thanks for cooking dinner tonight."

"It was no trouble. I love to cook, and now that I've moved out of my dad's house I don't have anyone to cook for," I ramble, before moving aside and gesturing for Edward and Charlie to come in. I've been tidying up all day, knowing that I always feel more comfortable when things are in order. I let them get comfortable as I run back to the kitchen to finish up. Caesar salad, homemade garlic bread, pasta with my signature sauce, and a Devil's Food Cake with whipped cream icing.. I return to the living room to find Edward looking at my old photographs with Charlie in his arms. When he comes across one, I still and feel my throat constrict. It's painful to know she is gone, and though I have come to terms with her passing, I loathe talking about it. I'm always afraid I'll fall to pieces.

"Are you ready for dinner?" I awkwardly ask, trying to keep my composure.

Edward gives me a sheepish smile, as if he knows he has overstepped one of my invisible boundaries. He begins to speak, but I quickly interrupt him, wanting to avoid any question he may have. "I made pasta and homemade garlic bread."

He doesn't press me about the subject, and joins me at the kitchen table, sitting with Charlie comfortably in his lap. I'm ecstatic to find that Edward loves my cooking and eats not one helping, but two. Our conversation is sparse at first, but soon we move onto the topic of our interests and I find that I have a lot in common with this man. More than I would have ever guessed. I feel a connection to him already, just after conversing with him twice, and the feeling is incredible. If nothing else, I have found a friend in Edward.

Dinner ends and I don't want him to leave. I'm thankful I took extra time out of my day to make dessert for tonight. I made my absolute favorite and from the look on Edward's face, I know that he is extremely impressed.

"It's just a modest little cake, but I thought you would like it," I tell him as I place a plate with a large slice on his place mat.

"It looks wonderful Bella," he smiles at me before quickly digging in.

 _Bella..._ I love the sound of my name falling from his lips. I watch him eat, well, I watch his lips and wonder if they feel as soft as they look. Charlie falls asleep in his strong arms, and I know that our night is nearing its end.

"I better get going, It's past Charlie's bedtime." He sounds regretful, and it gives me hope knowing that he enjoys my company as well.

"I understand. It was nice hanging out with you, Edward."

"I loved it," he says with a beautiful grin. "I'm right across the hall, so come over anytime you like."

He winks at me and my knees feel weak. _Jesus...what this man does to me._ I giggle, embarrassed by the effect he has on my body.

"Don't be a stranger Edward."


	72. Special Announcement

**Hey, everyone! I have a super extra special announcement for you guys! After a ton of hard work and some major blood, sweat, and tears... The Blessing is now a novel! I loved this story so much and thought it had so much potential, so I had to rewrite it. The book is longer than the fanfic with a ton of added scenes, and I really think you all will love it. I am so happy with the way it turned out. When I couldn't afford to go to college the past few semesters, I was really depressed and needed something to focus my energy on, and then inspiration for this book just hit me. This story is so close to my heart because I really feel like I can relate to the characters. I've had my struggles, like we all have, and writing this was an almost cathartic experience for me. Honestly, writing saved me in a lot of ways and I'm so happy I've been able to share that experience with all of you.**

 **Because the story was inspired by the love between Edward and Bella, I will NOT be removing it from fanficition. I know some of you like to have it easily accessible and I really don't want to bum you guys out by taking it down. If you're interested in purchasing the EBook or paperback, it's available through Amazon for $2.99 (for the ebook) under the author name Lizzie Lee. I have links for it on my personal facebook, as well as my group "The Highlander Princess's Clan."**

 **Also, My Blessing is now live on fanfic! It's this story, but in Bella's POV. I really hope you guys love it. It's really fun to write in another character's head! So please check that fic out and leave a review :).**

 **Thank you so much for all of your love and support! This fandom is incredible and I'm so glad my friend talked me into reading the Twilight books in middle school!**


	73. Vote for an Outtake :)

Hey, everyone! Just wanted to let everyone know that the published version of The Blessing is now live on amazon! If you're interested, just look up "The Blessing Lizzie Lee" in the search bar and it should take you right to the book! The Ebook is $2.99. Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey. With my college student/book seller budget, I'm so thrilled I was able to self-publish my very first book!

To celebrate its release, I wanted to do a special outtake from this story! Which chapter the outtake is, is up to you guys! I will create a post in my group (The Highlander Princess's Clan) about it and you guys can tell me your thoughts. Then I'll create a poll and write whichever one gets the most votes! I'm going to be removing this announcement and replacing it with the outtake as soon as it's finished. If you don't have facebook, please leave a review on this story letting me know which outtake you would like to see :).


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